Tuesday, April 20, 2010

KFC's New "Scrotal Melt Sandwich"

Loaded with grease, fried chicken and limited job prospects, the new KFC Scrotal Melt Sandwich sure is generating a lot of buzz.

Five slices of fried Vegas choad surrounding a tasty filling of munchable state school boobie burger, the SMS clocks in at 4,300 calories, a two year technical school degree, four cases of hating fathers, and a prescription for Nasonex.

That’s a spicy meatball.

And by meatball, I mean Karen shouldn’t have let them use her credit card for incidentals. U.C. Santa Cruz is a long drive home without gas money.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

Shortie McStout on the right practices for his new job with the state Dept. of Transportation shoveling ditches out. Meanwhile Buffalo Beast creeps stealthily up from behind, still unnoticed in his Chinaman Railroad Worker disguise…

7:21 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

The Scottsdale Chapter of the National Scoliosis Sufferers Foundation, dubbed “The Lean-To’s”, kicks off its annual Summer Bunch-O-Hunch Fest with musical guest Joe Cocker.

7:22 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

Ohhh…and: THIRD!!!!

7:30 am April, 20 Dicy said...

Maybe one day when I’m older I’ll learn to hate myself and my father and my crappy job and lack of education and turn that hate into some hella SWOLE muscles and git me some!

Or maybe I’ll just finish getting my degree and spend all my days laughing at these idiots and the poor unfortunate girls who tolerate them.

7:33 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

Every year the surviving children of Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F’tang-F’tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel gather to honor their late father.

7:37 am April, 20 Chad Kroeger said...

Three douches, the omnipresent retarded brother bag, an oldbag, and five whores. Where is the goose? Not too offensive for a Tuesday.

Fuck off Jed.

7:51 am April, 20 Deltus said...

Bulgy ‘bag on the right seems to have a Quatto growing from his left shoulder blade. Questions:

– does have a Quatto invoke enough sympathy to get you a notta?

– are all Quattos psychic?

– does the Quatto share in the ‘bag’s douche level, or does he have his own?

– how is it that the Quatto seems to be older than Bulgy?

8:01 am April, 20 waXee said...

Kudos db1, for that was a magical passage my brotha.

8:01 am April, 20 Bagnonymous said...

Apparently you don’t even need to buy & eat this new KFC delicacy in order to get explosive diarrhea. My ass is squirting from just looking at this bacterial mess.

8:08 am April, 20 RAPETIME said...

Not a one of these girls is from my alma mater, UCSC. I can tell because they have all shaved their legs, and that’s just not done there.

8:18 am April, 20 Justin said...

This is a hilarious piece of writing. Well done.

I wonder if the SMS burns as much on the way out as it does on the way in…ya know what I’m sayin’?

8:20 am April, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’m not all that offended by this photo, meaning either my douche tolerance level has gone up…or more like the obvious, there aren’t any tatts to mock and the most I see is a lot of overmuscled guys with a few broads verging on Bleethette.

But what the heck, who doesn’t like a sunny day?

8:20 am April, 20 Justin said...

Is the stubby guy on the right holding a twinkie?

8:21 am April, 20 Evil_Redheaded_Stepchild said...

Honestly–what is with the crouching? I mean, other than being able to add the words ‘INVISIBLE STOOL’ to this picture (as well as ‘VISIBLE STOOL’, for the other parts), I just don’t get it. “I have joints that work”? “I am not inflatable, but I can act like it”? WHAT?

8:25 am April, 20 Deltus said...

Everyone else can see the Quatto, right? Keeps telling Bulgy to “free Mars” or some shit, but Bulgy is too busy fist pumping the shit out of that food and getting some.

8:29 am April, 20 jonezy said...

I actually did get stuck in Vegas with no gas money once, on New Years Day no less. We just loitered around a gas station until 2 girls volunteered to let us hitchhike with them back to LA.

.

.

9 hour drive that day.

.

.

But that’s how you should leave Vegas…

8:32 am April, 20 Jaan Kanellis said...

and you thought the Double Down was bad? Not as bad as the wendy’s triple baconator

http://guyism.com/2010/04/stat-man-nate-silver-ranks-the-kfc-double-down-and-the-unhealthiest-fast-food.html

8:33 am April, 20 Crucial Head said...

An answer to Evil Redheaded Stepchild’s question could be:

.

.

We are looking at a passel of palsied up septic wound patients.

8:44 am April, 20 Bagnonymous said...

Dude on the left is about to pass out, on account of the Coke bottle stuck in his skull. Props to whomever chucked the empty bottle at hm…

8:45 am April, 20 Bagnonymous said...

^ “him”

.

Focking lack of preview…

9:03 am April, 20 red said...

imagine the stink of this fart cloud.

9:26 am April, 20 doucheywallnuts said...

C’mon people, don’t you have faith that members of this generation will help to pull us out of the trouble we’re in and get America back to its position as THE global superpower?

9:41 am April, 20 Dubliner said...

Hey now, let’s leave UCSC out of this. UCs, as we all know, are inhabited by yeti-chicks. State Schools are where the brainless hotts are.

10:02 am April, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Great narrative, DB1 !

10:25 am April, 20 mr.reeve said...

All I know is the white bikini chick is all I really noticed. My new glasses block out douche, scrotes and tools all together.

10:25 am April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

There’s a Sham Wow joke in here somewhere (munchkin douche of left has one in his hand) but I’m too fuccen busy to think of it. Somebody please?

10:39 am April, 20 El Queso said...

Micro-scrote on the right will be working as a human cannonball by the time he’s 43.

10:49 am April, 20 End the Haberdouchery said...

Darksock @ 7:21:

You made my morning, thank you.

10:52 am April, 20 Chad Kroeger said...

@baleen

That avatar looks delicious. What is it? Looks like fois gras or pancetta in puff pastry.

11:17 am April, 20 El Caganer said...

Really bad boy to girl ratio.

12:29 pm April, 20 DarkSock said...

@ Baleen 10:01

Damn. The comments below the article were hilarious. If I weren’t too damn lazy to sign up I’d have slipped my “peed in a horse once” trademark in there.

3:16 pm April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chad proudly displays the Sham Wow that was able to mop up all the jizz and “lady squirts” that covered his entire body at the after-party on the set of “Glazed and Confused”.

4:19 pm April, 20 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

DAY -umm! Brunette white bikini Hott is quite a dish. Pardon me – I have to ‘take care’ of something.

8:02 pm April, 20 Count Douche-a-La said...

Lay off U.C. Santa Cruz. It’s a great school and you have to have brains and the proper attitude to go there. Not much of either displayed in this picture.

1:07 am April, 21 Steve L. said...

part of me wants to rob a bank to cover Karen’s gas money, even though i know that i probably shouldn’t.

yeah. probably.

12:54 pm April, 21 hahahaha said...

you fools… im deff in this picture and i can bet i make more money then you ever willll : ) , have a much more expensive car, and have a high education then you have achieved in life lol … kind of sad…..

give me ur e mail ill send u my w2’s looolol fkn tool bags hahahha…. dont hate bec we look better : )

one day you guys will be as popular with the girls and as sexi as us…. ONE DAY… so keep hiding behind the computer orrrr blast out a pix of you to shut us down so we can stop this nonsense lol but i doubt you will ; ) bu byeee

1:14 pm April, 21 Anonymous said...

Why waste your time making fun of people that look good? Really, do you not have anything else to do? I HIGHLY doubt that one person in this photo has taken offense to anything you have written. Get a life and make fun of each fat and disgusting person on here chiming in. The jealousy is just embarassing for you.

3:00 pm April, 21 DarkSock said...

@ anon 1:14….um yeah…

.

Hey hahahaha @12:54pm

.

Wow; just Wow! That’s a GREAT idea; please do send me your W2 form (as well as any old scanned credit card bills) to I_cant_believe_anyone_is_actually_THIS_dumb@gmail.com and, erm, I’ll “look” it over. Yeah. If you could send that before Christmas season’s here that’d be peachy.

.

Thanks in advance!

3:44 pm April, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ hahahahahahahahahaha

“…have a high education then you have achieved”

Um, I didn’t know you could get a degree in smoking weed. Or does that mean that your mom put you GED up really high on the fridge?

I’ll bet my Ph.D. against your GED any day. And yes, I’m trying to be an asshole.

8:30 pm April, 21 WTF said...

@ HoneyDouche

How do you determine the fact that someone smokes weed by a picture? Obviously these guys don’t smoke weed because it’ll slow down time from the gym. & I’m pretty sure if they only had a GED to show for their education, they would not be partying it up in Vegas.. or where they might be.

@DarkSock

Bro, your comebacks are wack & you should seriously worry about yourself instead of some people you clearly don’t know.

1:59 pm April, 26 DarkSock said...

@ WTF:

Ironically saying “wack” is wack. As is the term “Bro”.

Now go in the back and check on my order.

10:06 am April, 27 Wanker-B-Gone said...

WTF – Vegas is not expensive AT ALL unless you stay at one of the really expensive resorts. Thanks to the joys of credit cards you can pay off your week of living it up in Vegas all year.

hahahaha – You sound like an idiot and given that all of you are tanned and muscular, you spend a s**t load of time in the gym creating an image. It isn’t real. Its like wearing clothing. It doesn’t make you, it just sends out signals to girls who have little going on but to look for simple little symbols such as big arms and tanned exterior to direct them. Those girls might thing you’re hot, but its only for superficial reasons. If you fell of the planet the world would not mourn your departure. You’re just one more dude pounding protein and getting a hard on looking in the mirror.

Anyone who has to try to prove they have money DOESN’T HAVE IT. If you want to prove that you’re so superior, try using grammar. I come to this side because I think its hilarious that guys spend as much time as women trying to look hot.

Leave a Reply

What is 15 + 10 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)