Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Swagger Sucks

But on the bright side, my face isn’t melting like sagging cookie dough.

# posted by douchebag1
7:06 am April, 27 Claude Douchenburg said...

Is she visiting him in is padded cell?

7:07 am April, 27 Tony Ventresca said...

I hope he’s not playing in her league, ’cause that would make me very angry indeed.

7:07 am April, 27 Claude Douchenburg said...

His swishing sucks

7:21 am April, 27 bigphatnotadouche said...

I give the dude a pass as a Notadouche. He’s one drink away from puking on the Hott. I guess the roofies worked on him and not her.

7:23 am April, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

I give him a stop letting your mother buy your clothes. Followed up by a you are no Kevin Arnold and she is so Winnie Cooper. But your wonder years ended some time ago you half-douche.

7:24 am April, 27 End the Haberdouchery said...

Wow kid. Just wow.

7:26 am April, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

And on a happy side note on Fred Savage. Mole-Mole-Mole-Mole-Mole.

7:35 am April, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If he tries any harder to look like a badass he’s going to pop a third chin. Dude, being a stage-1 rocking the full-on douchebag attitude is going to earn you a serious beatdown from those who’ve come before you and paid their douchebag dues.

.

That and your rage filled pleadings to Winnie at 1:00 am sounding something like this… “come on, come on! Noooo. No. No. NO. F*ck, you wanna help me out here?! Do someth-, use your hand or something! F*********CK!” will make for a night you will desperately want to forget.

.

Too bad you’ll go out next week and do the same shit all over again.

    7:57 am April, 27 DarkSock said...

    Why is everything clean and white?
    .
    Wait…THIS IS THE FUTURE! MOCK HARDER YOU FUCCERS!!!

7:53 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He looks like he’s regretting giving his ass hamster that hit of meth before he inserted it in the bathroom. She kinda looks like a hobgoblin.

7:56 am April, 27 Claude Douchenburg said...

He is more of a doof than a dousche. I am betting that the hot won her sorrorities contest that night by being photographed with the doofiest dork.

8:00 am April, 27 jonezy said...

she looked better on Fridays thoughts and Links when her face was half covered with glasses and her boobs were perked.

I just hope they don’t breed- there’s no telling what that chin would turn out like…

8:03 am April, 27 DarkSock said...

Todd sulked for the rest of the evening as Tina gloated from stealing his thunder in the annual bare-backed vinyl thunderclap couch-farting contest.

8:07 am April, 27 Claude Douchenburg said...

and in the future only the mocked will inheirate the hots

8:10 am April, 27 Euripidouche said...

he is trying to hard to be a douche, which i think makes him more of a choad….she thinks he is a nice guy who is trying hard to not be the kind of douche she is used to. he of course thinks the only way to keep her(lets face it, this is the best ass he is ever going to get, even if her thighs have started curding like the cottage cheese they will be) is to be more like the douches she is used to…

but she will figure it out, or sort of figure it out…if she hasn’t already…i wonder has she fucked his friends, or are they still pre her fucking his friends, because its the only way this one plays out…guys who act like douches to impress chicks who are dating them because they aren’t douches, become douches, when the girl, and his friends see what a douche he is becoming.

8:12 am April, 27 Euripidouche said...

they fuck to spite him

8:41 am April, 27 boatbutter said...

I’m sure his swagger is terrifying when he puts his lifts in. From the look of his humerus, I’d say he’s about 5′ 4″.

8:46 am April, 27 DarkSock said...

He smells hot bacon when he poops and it scares him a little.

9:04 am April, 27 Deltus said...

db1, it’s in poor taste to mock the mentally retarded. Of course, to ensure that people don’t pick on them, retarded people shouldn’t wear shirts with douchebag sayings on them. So, maybe he has it coming to him, retardation or not.

9:24 am April, 27 doucheywallnuts said...

The back of the shirt reads;

And I Rock

The Double Chin

9:25 am April, 27 Baleen said...

UTE off to the right. Otherwise known as Ubiquitous Tatted Elbow.

9:39 am April, 27 scrotum pole said...

^ Baleen, I think we all know who that arm belongs to, don’t we?

I won’t say, but his initials might be B.B.

9:51 am April, 27 Baleen said...

As if the great Leviathan were spotted by the lookouts on the main mast under moonlight in calming seas. Avast! for tis the White Whale!

9:55 am April, 27 cmak said...

Someone help me… Is that Bucky?

10:27 am April, 27 Fatness said...

“only the mocked will inheirate the hots”

.

I tried to inheriate a hott once. All it got me was a nasty rash and a lecture at the free clinic.

.

(sorry Claude…it was too good to pass it by unmolested)

10:27 am April, 27 Bagnonymous said...

Definitely the same guy that was in last Friday’s Thoughts & Links. (Look at the weird shape of his right ear in both pics.) I also thought that it was Bucky–but I’m still not sure on that. BUT if it is, then this is surely the hottest we’ve ever seen Kathy, too.

.

Kathy: “Yes, I’m frickin’ hott now. And stop calling me Shirley!”

10:52 am April, 27 massengill said...

If you only read the black letters, the shirt also says “You suck.”

How fuckin clever.

11:10 am April, 27 Just Sayin said...

Apparently, it doesn’t occur to these girls that they go to the trouble of wearing dresses, but the douchebags show up in t-shirts. What’s wrong with this picture?

1:35 pm April, 27 FreakPatriot said...

This is, most certainly, the same bag from last “Friday’s thoughts and links” and “Reader mail: one day we will be as popular with the girls and as sexi as him.”

The obscure Latin chest tatt from “Friday’s thoughts” links him to Monday’s “Reader mail” and the pud studs on his wrist link him from Monday’s “Reader mail” to Tuesday’s “Swagger.”

This bag’ hath appeared thrice in a week and he has not a name?

I propose ‘Pudbury,’ a derivative of Pillsbury and an double entendre being that it is an Irish township on the outskirts Portmarnock where Pudbury was reared (no pun intended) by devout Irish Orthodox parents and one Father Jim who was “more” than a mentor to him.

Pudbury, an ex-altar boy, is quite the rebel. His rosary beads and Latin chest inscriptions are the manifestations of his strict religious upbringing while the pud studs on his wrist connect him to the “dark side.” Both character manifestations (his light and dark side) are being expressed through his bag’ within.

Pudbury, after having his individuality repressed for all those years as an altar boy and “mentor” to Father Jim, blindly dove into the douchal waters of liberated American culture a year and a half ago.

His lack of self-esteem, as a result of his many years of repression, is apparent in that he must detract attention away from his own lack of swagger by attacking others’ swagger.

He shouts this fact to the world: “Your swagger sucks! You suck! HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME! I FINALLY HAVE SWAGGER AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF HAVING NO INDIVIDUALITY OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH BEING AN ALTAR BOY AND A “DISCIPLE” OF FATHER JIM.”

Pudbury is an altar boy gone wild! Pudbury, I will pray for you. But, first, I really, really want to bitch slap you and watch that neck fat ripple.

2:17 pm April, 27 Rob said...

Someone help me… Is that Bucky?

3:15 pm April, 27 Soy Bomb said...

I know my swagger won’t compete with the swagger of this choad’s secondary chin. I can visualize it now, with zero difficulty, as he chomps down on his 3rd KFC Double Down of the day (with a Diet Coke, of course). Hey fatty, mix in a pull-up every now and then.

3:44 pm April, 27 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

With a face like melting cookie dough

I find it surprising that he bagged this ho

My swagger may suck, but so does his face

He’ll swagger no more once she busts out the mace

6:16 pm April, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

I think he must be referring to Sen Levin of Michigan, who uttered so many “shitty”s today that Capitol Hill is swaggering from the suck-up to the younger potty-mouth generation.

7:57 pm April, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

I don’t swagger, I stomp. Now get your balls out from under my shoe, Puddin’ Chin.

2:49 am April, 28 Steve L. said...

i wouldn’t want to see what this idiot’s swagger looks like.

but that’s not the point. anybody who thinks swaggers and handshakes are important need to be subjected to the Senbongiri. fuck you corporate handshakes.

7:57 pm May, 6 Anus McGillicuddy said...

Oh, Frank Black…what have you done?

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