Sunday, April 4, 2010

"No Way"

If you run the lyrics through the Douche-to-English translator, they read:

I bring shame to my ancestors,

I’m the cause of grease fires at fast food restaurants,

Why does my peepee burn?

Noooo wayyyyyy

# posted by douchebag1
8:24 am April, 4 El Caganer said...

Testing gravatar

8:28 am April, 4 El Caganer said...

Oh yeah! The pooping Obama is looking good. Thanks for the help Steve L.

By the way, are the user names just for this site? Someone grabbed el caganer at the Gravatar site. I also see Wheezer got screwed.

8:30 am April, 4 clam fist said...

I hate to admit it, but I like the vid.

8:34 am April, 4 Chixdiggit said...

Proof of street-cred at 3:40

8:38 am April, 4 wheezer04041966 said...

I couldn’t get through it. I just couldn’t.

Just…..no. No.

8:38 am April, 4 El Caganer said...

I need a new pair of sun glasses. Wtf

8:50 am April, 4 clam fist said...

I meant to add to my previous post

NO F*CKING WAY!

8:54 am April, 4 Greg said...

I just don’t know where to begin. Hardly worth mocking since it sucks sooo badly!!

9:44 am April, 4 creature said...

could II watch the whole thing… nooo wayyyy!

9:48 am April, 4 Euripidouche said...

i see a central scrotoma, a dark area in the visual field, one of the symptoms of solar retinopathy.

its an interesting metaphor in the video, staring into the sun which causes macular damage, or staring at the douche alternatively which is far more unpleasant.

10:04 am April, 4 Colossus of Choads said...

Good lord.

10:23 am April, 4 Chad Kroeger said...

If I see anyone with an I Pad today I am going to kick them in the sack.

10:31 am April, 4 G said...

That vid is worse than bad. I would get more enjoyment if I got kicked in the nuts.

10:41 am April, 4 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

That was…disturbing.

10:42 am April, 4 Sorta Damocles said...

Lest we all forget during our mockery…..today is a reason to rejoice! The Lord is resurrected and has emerged from his cave.

Then he saw his shadow and now we’re gonna have six more weeks of winter…

11:18 am April, 4 Douche-in said...

I didn’t realize it was in English, initially. Thanks for the douche translation, but…

she wasn’t begging him to come back, as you are led to believe, the footage of the begging girl in this video is her begging him not to put this on youtube with her in it.

No, no Ricky, itsso bad, don’t show this to anyone…no way.

11:20 am April, 4 Douche-in said...

What is with the bobbing like a chicken head in the sun? At least it obscured his face for the most part.

11:25 am April, 4 Ariscrotle said...

I’d hate to hear what this douche sounds like without Auto-Tune.

11:27 am April, 4 MG said...

my question is how did this go decide when it was time for the song to end?

i mean, it accomplished nothing so it could’ve been 30 seconds or another 15 minutes on a loop and would still be arguably the same…

Army of Douche-ness

11:31 am April, 4 MG said...

i just watched another of his videos that i believe DB1 posted a whole back- and this MUST be a new genre of rap called “epilepsy-core” or something.

11:31 am April, 4 wankyboy said...

Did he spit during this vid?

11:32 am April, 4 Scooby Douche said...

Who needs waterboarding? Two minutes of this and the terrorists confess everything and then slash their own throats.

11:33 am April, 4 Scooby Douche said...

Exposure to microscopic amounts of “No Way” has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals.

11:34 am April, 4 Scooby Douche said...

Now we know what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. Someone played this to him and he exploded.

11:35 am April, 4 Scooby Douche said...

Can we get Stackhouse a copy of this?

11:45 am April, 4 wowsers said...

wow…that garbage hurt my brain

1:18 pm April, 4 melvil duchi said...

i cry

1:30 pm April, 4 Douche-in said...

Okay, one more, and then I cry too:

I want to strap this guy to a metal folding chair and apply a cattle prod to his genitals before I get serious and go for the car battery with alligator clip jumper cables attached

2:01 pm April, 4 Doop said...

My brain hurts

2:07 pm April, 4 Soy Bomb said...

There is literally no rhyme or reason in this song.

2:09 pm April, 4 keasterbunny said...

I helped him write the song.

3:02 pm April, 4 g0dluvsugly said...

being that a good majority of the lyrics dont in any way syncopate with the rhythm its really hard for me to understand how the songs lyrics can be memorized or duplicated. i love the typos in the credits at the end. dude must seriously be dyslexic. as far as the quality of the tune is concerned i neednt bother with any form of critical commentary. although i am perplexed as to how something so bad falls on deaf ears for the people responsible for its creation. at no point while listening to the songs production did anyone stop and say to themselves, “yeah, this is good. let’s run with that.”

3:08 pm April, 4 RAPETIME said...

This vile piece of shit makes Chuggo look like Mozart.

3:18 pm April, 4 g0dluvsugly said...

i cant look away. i’m watching it for the third time. its fucking amazing.

3:18 pm April, 4 fantagor said...

Ipecac for the soul, courtesy of a major hunk of crotch cheese.

3:23 pm April, 4 g0dluvsugly said...

holy shit. he has a catalog on youtube. RAE2THEMUTHERFUCKEND. i am going through all of it now. curse you db1.

3:25 pm April, 4 Crucial Head said...

The noise being played behind this stunted warbling reminds me of a large and portable air-conditioning unit that’s wheezing away in the corner – like an old man’s interminable death rattle in a neighboring bed as the air drafts through the room chilled and dead… a putrid wet brew of bacteria and rebreathed air.

So no, I am not a fan.

3:48 pm April, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sweet merciful crap. Isn’t this one of the apparitions in the sky, heralding the apocalypse? I’m terrified, hold me, somebody. No, not you, Stackhouse!

@ 1:55 check out the sign–“We bake our baguette”. Huh huh huh.

Holy crap, there’s 4 minutes and 10 seconds left of this spastic, Autotuned queefing left to watch? I think I might have to shove a few toothpicks under my toenails, Viet Cong style, before I continue.

3:49 pm April, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ El Caganer–

Epic avatar. Where can I get one of those things? Not the avatar, I mean the poopin’ Obama.

3:50 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

Hah wat the fuck? and where the fuck does he even come from to be singin so badly in broken english? x] it says melbourne station at 2:05 so i assume melbourne,victoria in australia but hes blatantly some blockhead brain dead lebo hah quite ironic that someone that obviously puts such effort and cares about their self image can make themselves look so ridiculously stupid, an unbelievable douche

3:55 pm April, 4 Crucial Head said...

Dammit.

I had to come into the office today. That earthquake just made me seasick. Something about being thirty plus floors over the ground and the low guttural groans of a highrise on rollers during an earthquake makes me queasy.

Feels like being in a cruise ship that being sideswiped by heavy swell.

That’ll teach my ass to not try and get caught up at work on the weekend.

4:11 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

lmao if you go on his youtube theres a haven of his melodic retarded ramblings seriously i think this guy is so stupid he doesnt even realise how stupid he is making himself look like grade A self delusion the kind youd get going on those reality t.v shows thinkin they’re the shit but making fools of themselves lol

http://www.youtube.com/user/RAE2THEMOTHERFUCKEND#p/a/u/1/doL5rl_0Zvo

4:15 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

lmfao in one vid he pays for a gun with poker chips xD

4:37 pm April, 4 Ed Hardouche said...

I watched this video, well, the first 30 seconds of it, about 3 hours ago. It has taken me that long to wipe up the blood that leaked out of my ears, and to recover from the tequila eyewash I gave myself.

4:48 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

LOL! these videos have made my day! all i can conclude is he must have fell head first out of his mums fanny

http://www.youtube.com/user/RAE2THEMOTHERFUCKEND#p/u/9/SmoKVHOD-wc

4:54 pm April, 4 Ed Hardouche said...

LOL, thanks for the links mills, I just watched 30 secs of a couple others, and man, the laughter coming from my house has disturbed the neighbors.

This guy has about as much rhythm as a geo metro operating with a bad cylinder. Seriously, this is the worst rapper i have ever seen.

Going to cleanse with another tequila eyewash!

4:59 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

@ edhardouche hha yeh i know man same here! lol he wouldnt know rhythm if he had it tatood on his forehead! although the funny thing is he actually has rhythm tatood on the back of his neck! lol i cant get enough its so hilariously awful! like on american idol the idiots who think they can sing but cant just priceless stuff!

5:11 pm April, 4 MoeDouche said...

Did someone pay this clown to record this crap?!? On second thought, that cutie was worth enduring this idiot’s insufferable antics.

5:16 pm April, 4 g0dluvsugly said...

HALL OF SCROTE. But first, we must name him.

5:21 pm April, 4 Ed Hardouche said...

The Crown Casino is a casino inside of the Crown Hotel. Although the Crown Hotel was tired of having customers and decided to place a bomb threat on the Crown Casino, R.A.E.D. somehow got caught in the mix. R.A.E.D. was blamed for the bomb threat, and attacked by a special forces team. He did not resist arrest because he knew he would immediately be found innocent after freestyling while on trial.

R.A.E.D. was quoted saying this in the documentary, STILL FLOWIN:

“I had too much energy. I ended up doing a freestyle, on the phone, at Crown Casino… for three hours. And I’m sitting talking to a bomb hoax dude negotiator, actually spitting lyrics at him. They were locking up the whole city. Three hours later I actually had a gun to my head.'”

Taken from http://raed.wikia.com/wiki/R.A.E.D._Wiki

5:24 pm April, 4 Ed Hardouche said...

Rhythmless Ass Exudes Douchiness = RAED

5:33 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

lol this guys is like a british version of this guy x]

5:35 pm April, 4 MILLS said...

@ed hardouche lol u actually got the pic of his tat! xD

5:46 pm April, 4 Crucial Head said...

Weird.

Version 2.0 evidently comes with comments in adolescent Twitter and Mobile Texting formats.

I thought we installed a douche-speak filter?

6:11 pm April, 4 Anonymous said...

I dyed my eggs earlier, but now that I’ve looked at ’em, I guess I should’ve shaved ’em first.

Happy Easter you faggots.

6:12 pm April, 4 Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, Crushable Head, you suck!

6:56 pm April, 4 Douchius Caesar said...

I know the girl, Nichelle. we were on a television show together, she is a bit bleethy

7:38 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Holy crap. Is that even English? I wanna get a restraining order just after watching this video.

8:35 pm April, 4 primate said...

An Australian douchebag! How f*cking embarrassing. As a Melbournian (that abomination of a video was recorded in the city of Melbourne) I cringed all the way through. The “singer” (and I am using that term very loosely) looks to be of Lebanese descent. Lebanese-Australians are a primary source of douchiness in Australia, with many believing they have some sort of “spiritual” connection to African-Americans, consequently adopting hip-hop fashion, mannerisms and slang.

The girl in the video is a desperately aspiring model/actress named Nichelle Clair that hasn’t yet gauged her potential. Aesthetically she is at most a 7 that thinks she is a 10. As an actress she is at high school drama class level and believes she is due to be the next big thing to hit Australia. Her CV is pitiful, appearing on a god-awful public access TV channel and resorting to even going on a dating show (“Taken Out”) on the pretence of finding a partner, to try to be “discovered”.

8:44 pm April, 4 Baron Von Goolo said...

If there’s a Special Grammys, we have a winner.

9:05 pm April, 4 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

goodness gracious that is just fal-awful.

–VS

9:09 pm April, 4 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

In fact, i would propose that as a moniker for this specimen: DJ Fal-Awful.

Or, DJ Phal-Awful, if that is not mixing metaphors overmuch and by mixing metaphors I mean no amount of autotune is going to fix this track.

–VS

9:42 pm April, 4 Ed Hardouche said...

I like DJ Fal-Awful. How about MC Hamdouche?

@mills … Yes, I took a screen shot of the RHYTHM tattoo on this Bag’s neck and made it my avatar. It will be a constant reminder of the day I sat in the corner, rocking like a crazy person, while cherishing the soothing burn of using tequila to wash my eyes and soul clean MC Hamdouche’s melodic scrotbeats

9:52 pm April, 4 Dave said...

Please don’t just Melbourne by this fucking idiot.

Man what an embarrassment.

10:16 pm April, 4 Baleen said...

Let’s point the camera directly at the fucking sun.

10:17 pm April, 4 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I was able to handle about 22 seconds of this video before, without any forethought, I ripped my own testicles off and shoved one in each ear.

I want to tear his larynx out with my bare hands and use it as a Fleshlight on myself while wearing the penis contraption from Se7en.

10:46 pm April, 4 Toe Knee said...

That was the fucking most horrible song I have ever heard. I seriously think part of my brain died.

11:22 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

Ahhh Chuggo… We hardly knew.

This swinehump has a random staccato flow like the quivering backpressured grey sphincter of a gravely botulism-intoxicated 378 pound sweaty trucker shrimp-hunched in spasmodic agony, white knuckles feverishly clamped to a pee-stink ancient Crane commercial grade commode that is itself ensconced like a dusky amber and alabaster jewel beset in its rusting shit-flecked toIlet stall of a crown as the hoarse baying man-bear, crying face screwed tightly shut beneath his NASCAR hat’s frayed bill, let’s out another Wookie bawl as a fresh burnt sienna torrent of whiskey, gravy skins, half-bitten Vienna sausages, elderly prostitute’s pubic hair, Slim Jim casings and nicotine sputta-chutt out of his ragged colon like angry bees belching forth from a hot shit/polyp hive, spelunking into the Yoo-Hoo colored water like bursts of 50 cal fire, utterly disjointed with the victim’s syncopated percussion-like thrashings against the gloryholed walls of his fecal prison.

That’s what it sounded like to me anyway.

That, or someone rolling Jar-Jar Binks down a cliff in a dumpster full of cheap cookware.

11:26 pm April, 4 Baleen said...

^ AMBIEN’s a helluva drug.

11:33 pm April, 4 Baleen said...

12:35 am April, 5 Ed Hardouche said...

@DarkSock = the man is a Shakespeare. TY for that. I laughed, I cried, I barfed just a little, but in the end, I laughed a lot more.

3:30 am April, 5 Steve L. said...

if somebody harasses me all day along about watching this video, i would be forced to say “no way” all day long.

and then i’d be arrested the next day for unspecified charges.

4:04 am April, 5 Albert Eindouche said...

I often wonder if I am in some sort of psychotic episode when viewing the content of this site (an entertaining psychotic episode though)…As I watched this supremely well thought out and crafted video I came to the realization that there is no other explanation for the tragedy of 0’s and 1’s that constitute it’s makeup . My break with reality is now complete. Does he really exist? I hope, nay, I beg not…

6:52 am April, 5 Boodie said...

That was… painful.

7:28 am April, 5 scumbag619 said...

that guy is poop

7:29 am April, 5 Deltus said...

Honestly, I listened for 30 seconds. I could not understand more than a few words. Autotune didn’t help, it actually made it more incomprehensible. It’s a bad song when it makes you long for the skill of Chuggo.

7:45 am April, 5 John McenDouche said...

Why? Okay, so now I need to got hit myself in the face with a frying pan.

9:12 am April, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I now have proof that all the clucks and squeaks my ferrets make are actually the “lyrics” to this song. Couldn’t understand a fuccen word until about 0:30 seconds into this masterpiece. At first I thought it was in aboriginal, then I caught the “NOOOOOWAAAAAY” bullshit. I’ll be hooking the ferrets up to the auto-tuner just for confirmation. I’ll have them write a few more for this fuckstick. What would be a fair price to charge ass-face here for royalties?

11:22 am April, 5 Big said...

Holy crap, I didn’t realize this was in English til the chorus. 0.o

I guess auto-tune has its limitations. It can account for that severe a lack of rhythm or melody or… talent.

4:25 pm April, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Dark Sock’s comment — seemingly made last night under the effects of crushed-for-snorting Tylox mixed with some Barstow crank (whilst obviously fighting the constipatory side effects of same) — made me laugh as hard as anything on this site in weeks.

Thanks Dark Sock,

CTDS

6:04 pm April, 5 MsMon said...

WTF?? This idiot is from my wonderful town of Melbourne. Shame he has NO talent. How embarassing…

8:30 pm April, 5 Mad Douchigan said...

How is it possible that this ultimate douche-wank only has positive comments on YouTube? I didn’t think you could delete comments people post on your submissions.

6:13 am April, 6 justspeechless said...

I was feeling bad about hatter’in because i figured english wasn’t his 1st language. Then i watched some of his other vids and discovered he is a full blown aussie accent and all. Wow, just wow. It takes real talent to suck this bad, you sir are a pioneer.

9:30 am April, 6 LaughinAtYa said...

This is not “hating” this is only pure observation.

Looks like someone discovered autotune…..autotune is supposed to help artists who are having trouble with certain notes and not be used through an entire unsaveable song ( with exception to douchie artists like Kanye ” gay fish” West and T-Pain ( otherwise known as T-Douche) !! Who directed this ? Who produced this foolery ! And don’t even get me started on the king turd himself ! My god, people have wayyyyy too much time on their hands. And this choad probably brags to his “bros” in a thick accent ” Hey bro, I was in a video and I have an album coming out ” Go jump off a bridge !!

1:14 pm April, 6 Baggybuster said...

Another good example as to why we should close our borders with the rest of the world…This major douche should be tied to a tree and beaten to death with a hammer.

1:22 pm April, 6 Gitmo Tourguide said...

I nominate this douchevid to replace waterboarding as an extreme form of torture. After one viewing we could get Osama Bin Laden’s cave address.

1:24 pm April, 6 Aussiedownunder said...

There isn’t a hole deep enough to toss this wog.

1:32 pm April, 6 IzzyanOzzy said...

I’m glad he kept the shirt on. Hairy backs and smelly armpits are the trademark of this variety of wog we

imported into our wonderful country. We keep them around to keep all the flies of the rest of us.

1:35 pm April, 6 larry the bodgie said...

I agree 100% with what baggybuster said. Show me the tree and I’ll bring the hammer.

1:39 pm April, 6 milly-vanilly said...

I would rather rip out my eyes with a piece of broken glass and be found face down in a pool of someone elses vomit than be subjected to this video again.

1:47 pm April, 6 Made ya think said...

We need to change all the parameters of scale for the ulitmate example of tasteless scroto-douche. If I hadn’t witnessed it myself I would never have believed this level of scroto-douchery could ever be possible. I hope the Australians will not run to their bathrooms and slash their wrists without first doing it to him.

11:55 pm April, 6 BR said...

This is the most beautiful, poignant song I have ever heard and it has spoken to me in ways I cannot begin to describe.. Surely, it will be at the top of everyone’s list of favorite breakup songs for many generations to come.

Leave a Reply

What is 5 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)