Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Aussie Rules Footbag

Robin writes in from Queensland, Australia, to tag a former employee:

—-

DB1,

My one time apprentice Sean posted this photo up tonight.

He always had the potential for douche while working with me but we kept in under control, it seems since he has been left to his own devices the douche has blossomed!

Love from Queensland, Australia,

– Robin

—-

Mmmm… I see you, cute little lithe blonde Oz Bird trapped in a scrum of Axe Bodyspray wearing dingo turds. I would listen to you talk about “taking the piss” out of your annoying brother, without making fun of your accent. Then, while you were busy buying a microbrew at Cochella, I would briefly erotically fondle your leather purse you bought at a yard sale in Brunswick by massaging it with my right palm.

# posted by douchebag1
3:07 pm April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

I think the writing on her teeth says “SEND HELP.”

3:12 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Having descended from convicts, Australians should be graded on a curve.

They still fail.

3:16 pm April, 27 Deltus said...

Proof that the Virus is a truly global phenomena: Australia is separated from all other continents, yet the dbags there are as douchey choadstains as anywhere else.

Oz Bird looks positively frightened to be there. I would offer her safe refuge. And by that, I mean in my pants.

3:17 pm April, 27 douchevilla said...

convict bags

3:26 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Douching out in a knock-off Hardy /

On a scroatie trail, head full of no-brains /

They met a hott girlie; she made them nervous /

So they ditched her and played “Soggy Biscuit

3:40 pm April, 27 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

The finest of scrote from the land down under

While five other Oztards try to steal this choad’s thunder

I feel for his mother, of that there’s no maybe

I just wish a dingo had eaten her baby

3:50 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Tatted-up posing douchebags are gay /

Only one eyes the lovely lady /

Though they’re on an island, they’ve got the virus /

Could the Grieco strain be a pandemic?

4:21 pm April, 27 Bagnonymous said...

I’m with BvG on this one–I think she’s blinking “S O S — get me the fukk out of here!” with her eyelids.

.

(BTW, I don’t think you can take the piss “out of” somebody. I think you would actually take the piss “with” somebody–if I remember my international slang correctly–as in, “I was taking the piss with my buddies last night.” But I could be wrong, I’m just a lily-white suburban dickead grammar nazi, so what do I know.)

4:22 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

The blonde looks about as comfortable in this picture as George Michael would in a room lined with naked pictures of Olivia Munn.

4:30 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Dinky-di Douchers are so tin-arsed /

Bonza Sheila has put up with their farce /

It then occurs to her: “These lairs are grommets ” /

She bids them “Hooroo” and rubs my knob off

4:36 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Grommets, to the douche they are.

4:37 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

“Cockk?

.

That’s not a cockk, mate… that’s a toothpick.”

4:46 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

“Nauseating-display-of-‘Baggish-self-absorption?”

That’s not a Nauseating-display-of-‘Baggish-self-absorption…

This is a Nauseating-display-of-‘Baggish-self-absorption…

4:50 pm April, 27 Josh said...

The correct slang is taking the piss, it means to tease someone. Its sad to see my country going the way of the douche, though it they seem to be more prevalent with each passing day.

Sad days../

5:12 pm April, 27 mr.reeve said...

That looks like the 909 White Trash-bags to me. A Concert at Glenen Hellen on a Saturday with all the Young Bags running around with their Dickies falling off. If this is Australia I sure am sorry that Southern California 909 White Trash-bags has made its way to you.

The blonde needs to be bent over my knee and gently spanked with a feather. YYYYAAAAASSSSAAAAA!!!!!

5:49 pm April, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Geez Louise, Australia was douche before douche was even invented, which makes them douchier than the USA.

That’s God’s truth.

5:52 pm April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

They all look like descendants of Curly Stooge

5:55 pm April, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

This could have been a limerick. All Oz’s are fun for two days. Then they must go back and kill rabbits or surf. Anyone who has had a friend go on a walkabout knows they are fucked with the aussie douche tag for at least two years and therefore get beat about like Mick Dundee for a while. And INXS sucked Bra cocck.’

I want my weekly winner FLEX.

6:08 pm April, 27 Douche Down Under said...

Fuck’n oath. As a sidenote though, in Australia, Axe bodyspray is called Lynx, which almost seems like a douchier name.

6:25 pm April, 27 Kevin said...

Living in Australia I see first hand the epic viral contamination of douche. Ed hardy shirts aplenty, ed hardy stores opening. We’ve always had a unique strand of the douche virus in Australia, with the young male doing whatever it takes to pick up the hotts (of which there are endless numbers of). Its only going to get worse. Summer, at the beach and at outdoor music festival is when they come out, those long winters theyve spent at the gym and hitting the creotene and steroids were worth it so that they can show off how masculine they truly are. Sigh.

7:30 pm April, 27 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

My earlier posts notwithstanding, I must say that I’ve never met an Aussie I didn’t like.

Drunk bastards, the lot of ’em..but, hey: Who isn’t?!?

(..Well…who among those who post here?)

I propose granting an honorary ‘Notta to all Aussies.

No…that’s too much…

How ’bout a default downgrade of one degree? It’s the least we can do for those who live with creatures so large, continuously loom so near, and which could violently bite off vital parts we hold dearly in a millisecond.

7:31 pm April, 27 doucheywallnuts said...

Because they are in the southern hemisphere the upright peace sign is actually the sideways peace sign that northern hemispherian douchebags shoot. Formerly known to be rugged individualists, Australians will now be known as douchebags.

Nobody ever said the decline of civilization would be pretty.

7:45 pm April, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

I want to crack them all upside the head with a Didjeriedoo.

And then I will throw Sheila on the barbie, and by barbie, I mean my face.

7:45 pm April, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

@doucheywallnuts

Who do you know? What do you say? I will 2nd the motion. One American, One Canadian, Iron Douche.

Australians are now known as douchebags Bra! Can we have a third to declare a quorum and make it official? And drink on a Tuesday afternoon. Or early Tuesday night.

7:53 pm April, 27 scrotum pole said...

I lived for several years among the aborigines. I gained their respect by introducing them to potato salad and from that time forward, we got along famously.

I was once forced to fight off an entire herd of swamp wallabies with nothing more than a stick of celery and a roll of aluminum foil.

-Marsupials can be some mean mother f*@kers.

8:58 pm April, 27 DarkSock said...

The blonde girl looks so familiar…

I know I’ve seen her somewhere before…

9:01 pm April, 27 massengill said...

Sheila looks like she lost big time at the meat raffle. I was in Oz about 2.5 years ago and saw their youth: and they were douchey. They idolize the rugby blokes and, like their athlete heroes, style their hair in mullet fashion.

This settles it. Before the Virus gets totally out of control, I’m moving to Madagascar.

9:18 pm April, 27 DarkSock said...

I can actually speak Australian: “Chaize Froyz, Plaize…wivva bee-yihh”.

10:37 pm April, 27 Baleen said...

They’re throwing up more hand gestures than Helen Keller on a meth binge.

10:40 pm April, 27 Baleen said...

They’re throwing up enough hand gestures to give a deaf person a grand mal seizure.

10:48 pm April, 27 Baleen said...

Im thinking, “lazer guided white phosphorous munitions and a pack of ravenous hyenas to clean up the mess.’

11:53 pm April, 27 Mario Speedwagon said...

Here in Oz, Axe is called Lynx, and if you don’t like Brut it’s about the only choice you have. I hate to admit it, but I do really like the new chocolate scented Lynx.

2:25 am April, 28 Steve L. said...

what apprenticeship was Sean enrolled in? automotive technician? moar liek autodouche technician, amirite? hur hur hur.

is Oz Bird hott a relative of Trollbag? even if she is, i’d still do her. because she probably has soft and silky lips. or something.

2:26 am April, 28 tall guy said...

While conversely I’ll love pointing out to our American friends that chocolate scented Lynx has in common with every other style of Lynx in the known universe a highly rated douche factor.

6:28 am April, 28 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Jagermeister. Douche cordial.

7:13 am April, 28 Wheezer said...

She looks mortified to have just squeezed out a loaf.

.

Oh wait, that would have been less embarrassing.

8:33 am April, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

You know all those post apocolypctic-world-comes-to-an-end movies where the hordes of evil cannibals wander the waste land bringing with them their harem of female sex slaves who pray every day that God will put them in the stew pot and in doing so release them from the horrific cycle of sodomy, perversion and pregnancy?

.

I really don’t have to say anything else do I?

6:22 am May, 4 WA Boy said...

They are all members of the West Coast Eagles Football team. All you non-australians should google Ben Cousins for an interesting read on Douchebags. By the way, if you do, the “such is life” tattoo relates to our most famous bushranger’s last dying words. Total douche.

A watered down version of the story is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Cousins

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