Friday, April 9, 2010

The Cast of "One Tree Hill" Looks for Employment

Times are tight in Hollywood. Working actors gotta make ends meet, know what I’m sayin?

But I see the black sheep of the Chan family managed to convince one of the shots girls to lick off the residual glitter from tonight’s performance.

Good for you, Kevin. So sorry to hear your angry parents have now put their faith in your younger brother Patrick, currently at M.I.T., to carry on the family name. But that’s the price you pay for livin’ the dream.

# posted by douchebag1
8:56 am April, 9 Wheezer said...

‘Tard girl on the right is still managing to mock hoodie choad.

9:10 am April, 9 Bagnonymous said...

I’d like to remove the quartasian-Douchebag from this setup, and place my cock’n’balls where his head currently is. That would be.. that would.. that…

.

.

SPLLUUUURRRT!!!

.

.

My knees are weak.

9:21 am April, 9 Chad Kroeger said...

What is One Tree Hill? I’m Canadian so I am drunk and don’t have a clue about this. I know it was one of Bono’s (douche) songs but at my age I am missing some things that I see are meant to be mocked

9:22 am April, 9 clam fist said...

She can put that tongue to use on the one tree hill in my pants. In my dreams I call it more of a mountain than a hill.

9:23 am April, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Mock if you must but One Tree HIll gave us the MILFiliciously tasty Barbara Alyn Woods and the sexy voiced lamb chop and former Rose Parade Queen Sophia Bush.

Although Sophia married douche nozzle Chad MIchael Murray , she quickly saw the errors of her way as she divorced him and called me up for some rough sex

I politely declined

True story

9:32 am April, 9 Deltus said...

Licking blonde hott has everything going on! Not just the face (what you can see of it), even though it’s awesome. Not just the hair, even though I’d like to splooge in it. Not just the boobies of amazing suckability, even though, well, yeah. Check out the arm. Check out the shoulder of ubergnaw honeysuckle amazingness. Just, DAMN!

9:33 am April, 9 Deltus said...

@Vin Douchal: you, sir, are a gentleman!

9:35 am April, 9 El Caganer said...

Prom pics.

9:35 am April, 9 Chad Kroeger said...

Eeks. Found in on IMDB. I am old. We didn’t get that up here. Last teen show I remember was Beverly Hills something with that delicious thing from some other kids show with a bunch of goofs who were douchebags and a real goof named Screech. And the chick from the stripper movie with the nice big arse and a lesbian scene.

9:38 am April, 9 El Caganer said...

She thought this is how she was supposed to give head. He spurted in his pants, thus confirming in her mind that this is the proper technique.

You don’t even want to know what she thinks is the way to give a blow job.

9:41 am April, 9 El Caganer said...

I almost forgot. Booobies. Wow, just wow.

9:50 am April, 9 Crucial Head said...

In the rear, Buffalo Beast quietly turn his back on the charade, and continued silently mocking the douches and scrotes.

9:50 am April, 9 Crucial Head said...

In the blonde’s rear, I would pee.

10:00 am April, 9 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Speaking of butt peeing, Croosh, are you and Darksock doing some unholy things to the brunette to make her face pucker so?

10:21 am April, 9 Crucial Head said...

Since I am but a figment of DarkSock’s imagination, I can safely speak for both of us when I say that we are siphoning out the brunette’s innards through her butthole.

With our mouth.

That totally sounded gay.

Like, totally.

10:21 am April, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

I think it’s the vortex of doucheosity/bleethitude that is causing brunette’s head to actually implode. Nice shutter action, photog-dude. Too bad you couldn’t have time-lapsed it.

10:23 am April, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

HOLY FUCK MY GRAVATAR WORKS

So apparently there was some sort of waiting period, as in the purchase of a firearm? Good to know. I guess the Decency Police had to do a background check on me. I’m either relieved that I’m clear, or disappointed and need to try harder.

10:31 am April, 9 jonezy said...

Medusa’s last sentence sounds like every sexual encounter I’ve ever had…

11:22 am April, 9 bigphatnotadouche said...

Ditto to what Jonezy said about Medusa…

I would like to say peeing in someone’s butt while waiting for Friday Ass Pear.

11:26 am April, 9 scrotum pole said...

@ Croosh 9:50

Right, just because he has a leather jacket thrown casually over his shoulder, he’s Buffalo Beast.

Thanks in part to you, Buffalo Beast has been thrown out of the Hall of Mock. Wow. Just , wow.

11:36 am April, 9 scrotum pole said...

Somewhere, in a dark and dreary tavern, Buffalo Beast and Pete Rose are drinking beer and crying on each other’s shoulders.

11:37 am April, 9 Deltus said...

I have to make due with licking blonde hott until Friday Ass Pear gets here. Fortunately, she’ll do nicely. I’m not normally a butt-pee-er, but if I were to become one, I’d certainly pee in her butt.

11:37 am April, 9 Crucial Head said...

@Scrotum Pole,

I am making it my mission to get Buffalo Beast, and his brilliant form of silent mocking, back into the Hall of Mock.

I am also doing it for the children.

11:40 am April, 9 scrotum pole said...

Pete’s saying, “Yeah, but Beast, at least you were in for a couple of weeks!”

11:56 am April, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

“This one likes to skin his humps.”

1:12 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

I heard Buffalo beasts were endangered.

1:20 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast’s mocking maybe silent, but you sure can feel it.

1:24 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast got a 10% discount at Home Depot without uttering a single word.

1:26 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast’s stare alone, caused the manager at Walmart to open another check out lane.

1:29 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast’s silence got him in and out of the Hall of Mock.

1:34 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast was once trapped in a well for 37 hours. He was rescued when someone noticed the water tasted funky and they called a plumber.

1:46 pm April, 9 Crucial Head said...

Buffalo Beast’s home contains a main killing hall, which is a vast high ceilinged room, littered with large stainless steel containers containing limb-less thoraxes and stripped heads, dozens of chain-hung humans not ten minutes dead, and wall-eyed carcasses killed and skinned and whose muscles still twitched and rippled under their cooling and marbled flesh.

1:53 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast was once confused for a statue and displayed on the front lawn of the Sevier County Courthouse. He didn’t complain, because he felt it was quite an honor.

1:56 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast was hired as a stage prop in the Broadway play “Annie Get Your Gun”.

2:02 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Crimson Ted once confused Buffalo Beast for a sofa. Crimson Ted made a nearly fatal mistake.

2:04 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast once spent a winter in a bear’s den without waking them.

2:14 pm April, 9 DoucheWeasel said...

pear?……

2:19 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

Buffalo Beast can’t go near meat loaf buffets without fear of being cut.

2:20 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

It was bad enough being a disembodied brunette vestigal twin sprouting out of a blonde sibling’s scalp, but to make things worse Janet didn’t have a hand to hold her nose when Jennie nuzzled her poo boyfriends.

2:32 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

Medusa, you’re (gr)avatar’s been up for days…either that or another piece of acid has shaken loose in my bloodstream from the unkind 80’s…

2:33 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

The cast of “One Pee Hill”

2:37 pm April, 9 Bag A said...

wonder why Fri thoughts/links is running so late

2:37 pm April, 9 Crucial Head said...

Ass Pear is currently trapped in the Boss’s laptop thousands of feet in the air somewhere over Middle-America.

Wait.

Technically, this means DB1 just became a member of the mile-high club. Right?

2:37 pm April, 9 Crucial Head said...

@Bag A

I blame Buffalo Beast.

2:49 pm April, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

@ clam fist:

Buffalo Beast once spent an entire week on the porch as porch beef and not one person ate him.

2:56 pm April, 9 massengill said...

I have been busier than usual at work for a while, so haven’t been able to spend as much time on the sight as I’d like, but who in the name of Judas Rockin’ Priest is Buffalo Beast?

3:03 pm April, 9 scrotum pole said...

Bufalo Beast left us, much as he entered into our lives. With quiet dignified grace.

Reinstate Buffalo Beast into the Hall of Mock!!

3:09 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

Massengill: Buffalo Beast rules us ALL!!!

That is why we call him:

B.B. King

.

Medical fact. Want further proof? Here’s an X-wing fighter:

.

8====8

.

and in closing, a T.I.E. fighter:

.

[-O-]

3:10 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

Buffalo Beast eats hair and shits vagina.

3:23 pm April, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast hung his mighty head and walked to his waiting limo upon hearing the news. His quick rise to fame, coupled with his even faster fall from grace was too much, even for him to bear.

He was last seen silently sobbing into a plate of pork bar-b-que and green beans in a Denny’s outside of Cody Wyoming.

3:36 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

I awoke with a start one night in my dark room; as my eyes adjusted to the light I could see the vague outline of Buffalo Beast slowly chewing all of my Mississippi State Edam Cheese whilst perched on my dresser like a large be-sneakered bat, just watching me like cows sometimes do. I broke eye contact, pissed myself a dime spot, and feigned death much like one is supposed to do with a bear.

That was the night beloved ABC News Washington Correspondent Irving R. Levine, great-grandfather to Avril and Adam, died; it was also the same night a careless waiter set Dan (T.V.’s Grizzly Adams) Haggarty’s beard afire with spilled beverage*. Chance? Pfah!

.

.

.

*Dan Haggerty was injured while attempting to consume an alcoholic drink drink called a “Flaming Eddy” during his 34th birthday party. Mr. Haggerty received facial burns and filming on the second season of his series “Grizzly Adams” had to be shutdown while he recuperated from plastic surgery. He was reportedly drunk when the accident happened.

3:36 pm April, 9 massengill said...

Thread or threads where I can learn more about Buffalo Beast? Was that just a name that was in the “Hall of Mock” but now isnt?

3:36 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

@ Massengill:

I’ve probably already said too much.

3:36 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

About Dan Haggerty at least.

4:14 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast was last seen at the local petting zoo. This was in violation of court order.

4:16 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast refuses to use conditioner on his pelt.

4:50 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast refuses to answer yes or no questions. He’s afraid people will think he is too wordy.

4:52 pm April, 9 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast considers Lady GaGa a close personal friend. They have never met.

10:47 pm April, 9 DarkSock said...

Buffalo Bill jogged up to the peak of the Trappists Monks just to tell them their vows of silence ceremony was too fuccen loud.

12:36 am April, 10 Steve L. said...

@ Massengill 3:36 PM,

you know as much about Buffalo Beast as anyone else.

12:45 am April, 10 Steve L. said...

Buffalo Beast lurks in the unseen corners, but he will lunge out of nowhere at Kevin any time now. because he knows that Kevin will end up living in Patrick’s basement and bring herpes into said basement on a regular basis.

2:02 am April, 10 green said...

i count 6 db’s, where are the hot chicks you guys keep mentioning.

8:33 am April, 10 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast started a letter writing campaign to make the Silent Game an Olympic Event. Teacher’s unions are getting behind the idea.

8:36 am April, 10 clam fist said...

When you go out of town, Buffalo Beast will come over and water your plants for you, even though you didn’t ask him to.

8:56 am April, 10 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast has never used a public restroom.

9:45 am April, 10 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast mows his lawn with a reel push mower twice a week.

12:54 pm April, 10 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast has three sets of noise cancelling headphones. He is known to wear them all at the same time.

1:44 pm April, 10 clam fist said...

Buffalo Beast has never owned a pair of sandels.

4:00 pm April, 10 clam fist said...

69!

Ok, I’ll quit. Hatters.

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