Monday, April 19, 2010

The Crowdbag

Eagle-eyed ‘bag tagger Ben sends us this screencap pic he recently caught while watching a Kings/Vancouver hockey game.

Doughy middled aged white boys who think they’re “gangsta” at hockey games while out with their fading beauty soccer mom wife pretty much encapsulate the HCwDB phenomenon. Nice tag, Ben. And bonus points for the digital capture.

Like aging gouda, they sag.

# posted by douchebag1
4:40 pm April, 19 Anonymous said...

i would hardly call her beauty fading, she looks pretty prime,

but dude is uberdouche from my city and for that i apologize.

4:45 pm April, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Dude looks like a refugee from the Ukraine bob sled team that asked for asylum while in town for the olympics.

4:48 pm April, 19 Nuke LaDouche said...

I’d like to bean that dopey smirk off his face with a little 103 mph heater.

4:52 pm April, 19 End the Haberdouchery said...

She has an orca on her shirt and in the seat next to her. Zing…

4:57 pm April, 19 Anonymous said...

and who the fuck goes to a hockey game in a jersey LOL????

5:01 pm April, 19 Just Sayin said...

She’s definitely still gettin’ it done – hotter than 99.9% of women her age. I suspect he’s her retarded brother Lumpy.

5:02 pm April, 19 Flounder said...

Despite constant urging from his handler in witness protection to get his tattoos removed, Uri thought his tattoos would make his new identity blend in better. But little did he know that even his fellow Russian Mobsters thought they made him look like a douche when he was “Rolling It Hardcore” day in the day.

Thankfully, or unfortunately, Uri was found dead face down in his bowl of borscht this morning.

I Guess I’m not the only one who still watches hockey

5:08 pm April, 19 Fatness said...

I dunno. She’s definitely starting to go Michelin Man in the middle. Probably should cut down on the Slurpees.

He looks like some kind of blow-up doll nightmare.

5:13 pm April, 19 Anonymous said...

This looks like the same guy that was photoshopped with a porn star sometime last year.

5:19 pm April, 19 DarkSock said...

Damned Harkkonens…

5:20 pm April, 19 Flounder said...

You can really see the shame radiating off the crowd around him.

Old Guy on the left looks like he wants to kill himself for appearing on the same screen as this bloated choad.

Beard guy is praying that the choad doesn’t do something to warrant keeping this screen shot from going on any longer.

Young Jason Lee on the left is realizing that his date is looking a lot hotter sitting in front of Jabba the Choad.

Front Row Chick is just happy that she made it on the Jumbo Tron, but is unhappy that this is the only way her date finally noticed her.

Soccer Mom just keeps on sucking on her triple shot Vodka and Sprite ignoring the going ons around her and readies the “You’ll Never Guess How Drunk I was Last Night” excuses she will tell the other Soccer Moms in there daily prepick-up oil rub down ritual.

5:50 pm April, 19 Chest Meatsteak said...

I have no mouth and I must Douche. AM you bastard

5:53 pm April, 19 Chest Meatsteak said...

Nice to see Bjorn cashed in his Wall-E extras check to buy some hockey tickets

6:08 pm April, 19 scrotum pole said...

Either the Nyquil , Wild Turkey and weed is affecting my vision, or the font and avatars are bigger tonight.

Whatever , I like it.

But, like Croosh pointed out once before, DarkSock’s avatar could cause nightmares for small children.

6:12 pm April, 19 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ DarkSock, 5:19, 4/19/2010:

Memory Refreshed

6:14 pm April, 19 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Ack.

6:32 pm April, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The estate of Rodney Dangerfield demand the immediate return of his corpse, all chinfolds intact.

6:42 pm April, 19 soy bomb said...

Ahh, rippin’ on fatties. It don’t get any better than this, right Jesus? **cracks open a Silver Bullet**

6:47 pm April, 19 Oucheday Agbay said...

Speaking of douchebags at sporting events, the “Philly spewer” needs to get an honorary douche award or something.

6:59 pm April, 19 Anonymous said...

I see a jelly roll from one too many sugar-loaded slurpies.

7:02 pm April, 19 DarkSock said...

The sad middle age of The Gerber Baby.

7:50 pm April, 19 Dicy said...

Her slurpie contains a love potion that keeps her around despite the douchey appearance…

8:43 pm April, 19 Charles said...

Soccer mom wife is going downhill fast. Today, extra tire around the waist. Tomorrow, shopping for XXXL sweatpants at Walmart. And to think, she probably looked like one of the bleethed out bikini hotties in her 20s we see on this site.

8:48 pm April, 19 abdouchah the butcher said...

This just makes me sad. Very sad indeed. And I wish he would get that skid-marked toilet paper off of his left shoulder. Its tacky.

9:14 pm April, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

If there is such a thing as a male middle-aged Kewpie doll, this choadwank is that such a thing.

9:20 pm April, 19 Euripidouche said...

thank you canada, for a while there, i thought you had lost your capacity to make us feel better about ourselves.

9:51 pm April, 19 massengill said...

Smile, you’re on the Jumbotron with a hooker!

10:54 pm April, 19 Crucial Head said...

With work kicking my ass like a parquet floor under LeBron James’ sneakers, I haven’t been able to contribute the funny like I normally would these last few months. My lack of inspiration has been painfully lacking (like Bobby Batz testicles), but I just want to thank all of you who have remained steady with the mock.

.

I opened this pic, then scrolled through the comments and guffawed through “Harkkonen’s,” “Ukrainian Bob-Sled Team,” and the rest like a famished toddler being tickled on a bed made of Angelina Jolie’s breasts.

.

.

The LOL’s and the OMG’s are why I keep coming back.

.

.

Douche on!

11:12 pm April, 19 Steve L. said...

i HAVE to start carrying cameras when i’m hanging around town.

keep making Vancouver proud Ben!

if there IS such a thing as demonstrating a city’s pride by showcasing its douchebags.

6:00 am April, 20 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

@Crucial: Thanks for stopping by, fellow Mocksman. Wave your Boobies Flag high!!

6:01 am April, 20 Tony Ventresca said...

Even though I am a Canadian and my grandfather used to religiously watch the Original Six, I still really hate hockey. Every year it becomes a more violent, less elegant, and increasingly douchebag sport. These guys sitting in the audience typify the standard suburban hockey fan who seems to misplace his razor every few days and thinks Marks Work Warehouse is a style leader. Bah.

6:13 am April, 20 Claude Douchenburg said...

I can’t tell if the dude is having an epithamy or just pooped his pants.

6:37 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

Tip O’Neal Jr. never did escape the long shadow cast by his father.

7:45 am April, 20 Deltus said...

CrowdBag looks like he just shit himself.

Mrs. CrowdBag is starting to pouch in the middle a bit, but she’s still hott enough to attract men, and actually her growing self-consciousness about her tummy means she’ll really fuck you hard to prove to herself that she’s still got it.

7:48 am April, 20 Chad Kroeger said...

This is Bill Parcell’s younger cousin Eddie. Eddie had a bright future ahead of him at the Heart Attack Grill until the stroke. His lawsuit again the cheese and horse fat manufacturer afforded him the opportunity to marry Jennie when she was fired for being to old for her job as a hamburger nurse and her drunken frolic which led to bearing Eddie’s son who has autism and an enlarged heart.

Eddie has a large insurance policy and she is biding her time.

7:49 am April, 20 smackdouche said...

If that is a fading beauty soccer mom, then sign me up immediately.

He’s looking up at the jumbotron, realizes it’s the “kiss-cam”. Hot neighbor who is a HUGE hockey fan decides, “time for a sip of slurpee”.

8:37 am April, 20 boatbutter said...

He looks like something you catch on a trot line.

10:27 am April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I didn’t know that Jimmy Hoffa was a Canuks fan. Who knew?

10:27 am April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She reminds me a little of Jenna Jameson back when she was hoooooottttt.

10:55 am April, 20 Jimmy said...

IF Guy Fieri mated with Bill Paxton after he was turned into a freak in Weird Science this guy would be the result

7:04 pm April, 20 Troy Tempest said...

She laughs like a hyena.

10:25 pm April, 23 ben said...

dont know if anyone will see this but i am not from vancouver,. this pic was capped by SloMo26 over at letsgokings.com

go kings go.

11:59 am April, 26 jonezy said...

he looks like Chet

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