Friday, April 2, 2010

The Real Housewives of Choadklahoma


And the milfs ask, “Is that a banana on your shirt or are you just a heaping pile of smelly douchepoo?”

Oh Sarah Jessica mom on the right.

How your zebra boobies refuse to stay concealed with the firmest of resistances.

How I applaud those resiliant boobies in this, the time of your 30s. With two annoying kids in the back of your SUV.

Your life suggests vacuous middle class suburban malaise. Endless Red Lobster dinners and CostCo shopping cards. But your boobies refuse to give in to the mediocrity of culture sprawl.

And for that, I touch them awkwardly with my pinky.

# posted by admin
4:25 pm April, 2 El Queso said...

So, erm following the metaphor of his shirt, this guy's a …

-dickhead?

4:27 pm April, 2 El Caganer said...

I prefer the barely legal giggle hotts, but those zebra boobies could pass for a 23yr olds.

4:39 pm April, 2 Bagnonymous said...

He looks like he just ate the tip off that "banana", and was pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

As for Zebra-boob mommy, I dunno.. I fear what my lurk beneath those gigantic black shades, and behind the black curtain hanging from her admittedly nice rack. I wouldn't complain if today's ass pear belonged to her–just so we could get a better look.

4:44 pm April, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

There's no way zebra hott is in her 30s. She is 23, but she's tanned herself into her 30s. When she dies reach her 40s, she'll look about 80. See you there, Blondie *slathering myself with SPF 45*

Actually, the hair is the tip-off, pun intended. You never see that on a woman over 27. EVER. I'm astounded, actually. Usually you see the 30-34 set co-opting the 20-somethings' style in a desperate attempt to get back there. However, I think the 30-34 set unanimously agrees that it's a stupid fucking look and they'd be better off with the one-color bleach jobs they were familiar with in their heyday. Which is how I can tell middle hott is about 33. And I'd wreck that shit and leave zebra hott untouched.

And that shirt would only be funny if a chick was wearing it. I assume on him it's a Want Ad.

4:50 pm April, 2 Anonymous said...

We don't have CostCo in Oklahoma. Walmarts, yes.

5:07 pm April, 2 Douchble Helix said...

What are those two 'bumps' below middle-milf's breasteses?

5:09 pm April, 2 Douchble Helix said...

I'm sure Medusa Oblongata's analysis is correct…

Unless, this photo was not taken in the U.S.

5:11 pm April, 2 clam fist said...

Middle hott would be up for some crazy sh*t. She wants to prove she still has it, because after 5 years of marriage her hubby can't stand her.

5:15 pm April, 2 clam fist said...

Middle hott is the type of chickie I try to pick up in da club. Usually with some success, best part is they want you to get the hell out of there before their kid wakes up.

5:17 pm April, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Disco balls and a banana? I don't get it. Wouldn't a couple of coconuts made more sense?

Who is the idiot that designed that T? Of course he's an idiot but look who's wearing it.

5:20 pm April, 2 clam fist said...

The other reason they want me out of there, is when they realize what a total loser they allowed in their home. I love drunk chicks!

5:24 pm April, 2 El Caganer said...

I still like the zebra hott, even if she just lays there. It would be like that real doll I am saving up for. Maybe my mom will up the old allowance. Real dolls don't complain about living in your parent's basement.

5:29 pm April, 2 Mr. White said...

No love for left brunette? I enjoy her peek-a-boob blue bra and her juxtaposition of a faux-peasant-type blouse with the largest, ugliest, "designer" sunglasses I've ever seen on a human.

Or maybe it's not a juxtaposition of it's all just designer crap. I don't even know anymore. Everybody and their brother took the day off, and I'm at work, sleep-deprived and feeling stupid.

5:44 pm April, 2 shit-stained underpants said...

I too am feeling the "what the fuck am i still doing at work, oh well guess i'll go stroke it in the second floor men's room after i spend an hour laughing at douche bags on HCwDBs" blues, on this most glorious Friday afternoon. Why am i not home with beer and poon in hand?

5:57 pm April, 2 MG said...

I'm not going to lie, I think roughly 50% of the women i sleep with are cougars/milfs. I think it's my baby face that makes them want to try and take advantage of me while those my age and younger look for "manlier" men.

Army of DOuche-ness

6:28 pm April, 2 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Right Hott looks like a chipmunk.

I'd still do her, just saying.

6:34 pm April, 2 Steve L. said...

as soon as middle blonde finalizes her divorce, i'm going after her.

i just know that she's getting a divorce. don't ask me.

6:37 pm April, 2 The Know said...

It looks like middle hotts boobs have boobs. I'd still tickle them with my earlobes.

6:55 pm April, 2 Anonymous said...

haha that dbag is me! i think is page is hilarious and i could careless what anyone thinks thanks 🙂 keep on blogging about me… that would be the douche bag thing to say right. lmao!

7:17 pm April, 2 creature said...

he can drag around a banana bunch without using hands or feet

7:40 pm April, 2 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Married chicks are most assuredly the wildest. Over the past 10 years, the only women I've had sex with were married. They're always in a loveless relationship with some little dicked loser that doesn't sexually satisfy them, and that makes them that much more crazy in the sack.

Those girls have sex that's drenched in resentment and frustration, which gets outta control! Every man should try nailing my wif- er, a married chick once in his life. It's soooooo worth it.

8:27 pm April, 2 DarkSock said...

Thing is, he didn't get the visual pun. He bought the shirt because it spoke to him somehow.

Then he rolled it up in a paper towel tube and twist-pushed it into his anus.

1:39 am April, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ El Queso 10:08

Oh effin EPIC!!! I want to start a Plasmatics tribute band like nothin' doin. I have about 5 more years before I'll be too embarrassed to dress like that on stage.

Wendy's last shit was found to contain chunks of Avril Lavigne.

3:24 am April, 3 Anonymous said...

Can you still be considered a douchepoo if you are wicked gay? Curious as to how that works. He's wicked gay. We don't have Red lobsters in new england either.

6:49 am April, 3 tgistar69 said...

yes anonymous we have plenty red lobsters in new england. yeah he's wicked trouser pirate.

8:48 pm April, 5 Anonymous said...

id bang all 3 of those girls, and prob the guy to if I was a fudgepacker….this site crack me up, cause 99% of the guys who are making comments prob could not sleep with a dead dog let along a living and breathing female…I wish aids and ass cancer on all of you and the parents who spawned you – now all the keyboard heros will spit venom at me, but truth is known to all of them sitting in their parents basement, fat, smelly and fiending for their loser friends to get home from their jobs at burger king so they can play call of duty all night or even worse World of losers aka warcraft while the guys pictured in this site, party with hot girls and bang them too…… kill yourselves,

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