Thursday, April 8, 2010

Trollbag 5: Back in Crust

You sighed with relief when HCwDB legend The Trollbag was killed by lesbian sniper fire in the Charles Band classic Trollbag 3: Revenge of Trollbag.

You shook with terror when he returned from the undead in outer New Jersey to unleash his silly hair on the hotties in Trollbag 4: Hairgel of the Fallen.

Now, Full Moon Pictures presents the latest straight-to-DVD release to purchase a small table at Comicon…

Trollbag 5: Back in Crust!!!!

Coming soon, to a bittorrent download near you!!

Yup. The DB1 is already drunk. I blame the tasty sugary goodness of a Hostess Fruit Pie. It goes so yummy with screw-top wine.

# posted by douchebag1
1:27 pm April, 8 JoeDO said...

How does Trollbag do it, time and time again?

1:39 pm April, 8 Horace Dangleballs said...

Good Lord. He looks like the constipated love child of Nancy Pelosi and Ed Begley, Jr.

1:40 pm April, 8 John McenDouche said...

Nice. You said “screw top.” Is that some kind of douchian slip, or just drunkeness.

Although it makes that burgundy delicious.

1:44 pm April, 8 Mr, Bagoo said...

A buttoned vest with an untucked shirt?

Autodouche.

Not that there was any question in the sad, sick case of the Trollbag.

Does he have to crap every time he “smiles?” That is the most awkward grimace I have ever seen.

1:45 pm April, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Trollbag single handedly determined that the vest industry was in fact, too big to fail.

1:47 pm April, 8 Anthony LaBaglia said...

A dummy…AND a ventriloquist’s puppet. (Rim shot)

Thanks, I’ll be here all week- don’t forget to tip your server!!

1:48 pm April, 8 Bagnonymous said...

Speaking of “fruit pie”…

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Cutie-pie brunette here looks OM NOM NOM NOM!!!

1:49 pm April, 8 Vin Douchal said...

I think I sighed more in relief when I farted after eating a 5, 5, 5 dollar foot long meatball marinara with extra pepperoncinis from Subway for lunch.

Oddly, that emmision smelled exactly like my breath

1:51 pm April, 8 End the Haberdouchery said...

I’d like to put my gametes between those gams.

1:53 pm April, 8 soy bomb said...

Oh, just because Trollbag has appeared on this site before and has shown up once again, that makes him some sort of “douchebag’? Wow. Just wow.

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I’ve never seen a more awkward groping of a hott.

1:56 pm April, 8 Chad Kroeger said...

Is it neurologically challenged face day with the bags. This guy couldn’t change that stupid smile with rib speaders. He may have been tazed to look this dazed.

1:58 pm April, 8 Sorta Damocles said...

Oh sweet Lauren! The wrist tattoo was a questionable choice. Letting this greasy felcher anywhere near you shows a definite trend. I blame your Daddy.

2:08 pm April, 8 Scroberto Baggio said...

“Snow White and the Trollbag” – Disney goes douche.

2:12 pm April, 8 scrotum pole said...

Wasn’t Golda Meir killed by lesbian sniper fire?

2:31 pm April, 8 fantagor said...

Tanning bed facial burns must be a big turn on for hotts in prison togs.

2:39 pm April, 8 jonezy said...

Trollololo bag

2:41 pm April, 8 Claude Douchenburg said...

I think this guy’s jaw is permanently wired shut cuz one just wants to bitch slap him every time one sees him.

2:52 pm April, 8 Crucial Head said...

I imagine this:

Her and I on a high balcony, open, not latticed. The mountain air, like wine. In the inner courtyard below us, apricots are drying in the sun in great orange piles. She is standing by the great stone vase on the balcony, watering the holy toothwort plant. She wears a long skirt of a deep, rich red, and a green shawl over the delicately embroidered tunic. Her slender fingers shake; her gaze, when it lifts to me, is full of anguish. Her serving maids hover around her, unable to relieve her of her pain. At last she sits, drawing the edge of her fine silken veil about her face. A slight gesture of the hand. My cue to begin the poem that will, for a moment, smooth that troubled brow.

I expel and expound:

“Roses are red

Violets are blue

Show me your boobies.”

And all is well.

The end.

2:56 pm April, 8 Steve L. said...

Comicon is fucked, i tell you. FUCKED so deep and so hard in the ass that it will bankrupt itself by just trying to pay off the medical bills for the grotesque wound in its asshole.

3:15 pm April, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

DB1, I am soooooo tired of seeing Trollbag’s weird mouthy face that I am PLEADING with you to not show it again. HE is not near the entertainment value of XENU or Fishslap, or of Donkey Douche, nor especially of Crimson Ted.

Send him to an oral surgeon and be done with it.

3:48 pm April, 8 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Nothing a Death Star can’t cure.

4:41 pm April, 8 Euripidouche said...

you would think they would at least hid the strapon for the picture….polyurethane, interesting choice, i bet she has a bowling ball to match.

does a beaver have a flat dick?

in his case, its not a problem he can take them three across.

5:24 pm April, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

Avast, little Sailor Girl. Let me shiver yer timbers! And let me carve that awful growth off your shoulder with me cutlass arrrrrrr……

6:20 pm April, 8 G said...

Yet another face I just want to slap.

7:07 pm April, 8 Crucial Head said...

Buffalo Beast calmly and stealthily strolled through the crowd in the background, silently mocking all that he saw… and careful not to let anyone see or hear his ghostly insults.

7:24 pm April, 8 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Hey, “Heat Miser Bag” is back!

8:09 pm April, 8 Maxim Kovalenko said...

He looks like Gary Busey crossed with Mortimer Snerd.

10:53 pm April, 8 Baleen said...

Black pants with white stitching…

Auto-ass kick and a bag of wrenches to the grill.

12:22 am April, 9 Baron Von Goolo said...

…….

…………

………….

…….sweet titty-fucking jeebus on a cracker. I can’t come up with a Charles Band joke. What time is it? Where are my meds? Whose pants are these? Why are they wet? NURSE!!

12:45 am April, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Whew! I was afraid that Lloyd Kaufman might finance the fifth installment, Trollbag 5: The Trollbag Twins.

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That’s right. What the fuck is wrong with you people? It took this long for someone to follow up with an easyTroma reference? And a fucking Toxic Avenger shout-out as well! I’m ashamed.

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Ashamed I tell you.

12:47 am April, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I mean, come on. “Full Moon Pictures”? It should’ve taken you less than four gawd damn seconds to come back with a fucking Troma follow up! What the fuck?!

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Hey, pay attention to me bitches!

12:49 am April, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

You’re all still pissed about the nigger jokes, huh?

.

It’s not my fault! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!

1:20 am April, 9 DarkSock said...

Gary Busey, bourbon, Ambien and a potato peeler: Recipe For Disaster.

1:55 pm April, 9 Euripidouche said...

gary busey, bourbon, ambien, peaches geldof and a potato peeler.

the way the next internet billionaire got sooooo rich.

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