Sunday, April 11, 2010

Vulva Cologne

For when a man wants to smell like a woman’s hooha.

# posted by douchebag1
5:40 am April, 11 Horace Dangleballs said...

Good thing that video wasn’t in high-def. I would likely have sprained my wrist.

5:54 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Her PoonSong stays on his mind.

5:55 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

The matching scent for ladies is “BallPeen”. Basically the same smell with jock itch added.

5:56 am April, 11 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Creepy commercial for a creepy product.

I’ve gotta get some of that.

6:04 am April, 11 Chad Kroeger said...

Easy, Breezy, Beaitiful, Smelly Crotch !

go

P

H

I

L

!

6:05 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Bicycle Seat….GET SOME

Yeah, when I stare at a woman like that and then sniff her bike seat there’s no Enigma Euro-trash sexy soundtrack. Just another restraining order and/or mace to my ocular region.

6:07 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

We do not discuss the gay male version of this product.

.

.

Okay, we will. It comes in MeFist-O!, PinkSock, and Mocha Froth.

6:08 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Vulva Cologne also comes in “Plinky’s Mom” – in the convenient 3-liter size.

dammit DB1 I’m gonna be here all day.

6:11 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

There’s the Amy Winehouse limited edition soiled hairy scab in a plastic packet version as well.

6:20 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Vulva Cologne Corporation’s dark secret at the production facility…

6:21 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

And for Mr. White there’s “Inner Urethra” cologne, and Bladder Buds Bath Beads.

6:23 am April, 11 Horace Dangleballs said...

Vulva Cologne…

Because nothing says “sexy” like a Euro stalker-bag stealing and sniffing a bicycle seat.

6:24 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Ironically the inventor of this product was just killed in a freak accident; he was struck by a Vinegar truck and then drug underneath it while crossing a busy intersection in Punjab. No one actually saw it happen, but one bystander said he heard a loud “PAP!–SMEAR!”.

6:25 am April, 11 Horace Dangleballs said...

Vulva Cologne…

Now in “chunky style” from girls with the VD of your choice!

6:25 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

If this scent takes off my stock purchase in “Dildonic Screed Industries” is going to skyrocket.

6:27 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

Choose your favorite style: Rhesus Monkey Lips, Pouting Chewed Gum, Dying Turkey Wattle, Bacon Flap Valance and many more.

8:04 am April, 11 Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock

Bacon Flap Valance has just deducted two tablets of clonazepam and 7 shitty beers from my Master’s Sunday afternoon.

That will counter-balance the increase that Mrs. Kroeger will cause when the World Curling Championship starts.

8:11 am April, 11 clam fist said...

I hope DB1 bought stock in this company. This is the perfect site to market that fragrance.

8:18 am April, 11 clam fist said...

When you steal the seat, the odor eventually disapates. This way you can refresh the scent without adding to the already cumbersome collection of seats. My current collection consists of 37 bike seats, 3 bar stools, 2 pool cues, and a wiffle ball bat. They came with 3 restraint orders, multiple blisters, and a few black eyes. Good times. Good times.

10:36 am April, 11 creature said...

I’m a famous knicker snatcher & thong thief…. hang em from the ceiling of my creature cave… works better than fly paper

10:37 am April, 11 creature said...

favorite flavour, Yeast Cheese, the aroma rises

10:38 am April, 11 creature said...

the scent is very vagrant

10:39 am April, 11 creature said...

er… make that fragrant

10:41 am April, 11 creature said...

did they test it on ‘lab’ rats?

10:44 am April, 11 creature said...

damn, I was working on my own con-cockk-tion… “Discharge” for when you want to clear a room!

11:04 am April, 11 doucheywallnuts said...

I think they could have come up with a better name…

Pink Canoe

Hai Ka-Pussy

Cunt by Faberge

Old Smeg

Clambake

‘Lectric-Snatch

LaBeeYa

Bay Twat

11:09 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

“Vulva Cologne: Smells kinda like Tulips”

.

.

.

sorry…I must apologize for that pun. It’s the yeast I could do.

11:16 am April, 11 Doo Schnozzle said...

Quoting the Sock: “The matching scent for ladies is “BallPeen”.”

Obv. the endorser will be Hammer. :p

For mass production, we will have to order a bunch of those Caligula “bicycles”…

Did I really watch that video?

11:22 am April, 11 DarkSock said...

I can’t wait for the imposter fragrances to come out. “Blushing Clam: Smells Like Ass!”

11:41 am April, 11 Steve L. said...

so http://www.smellmeand.com also comes in CHINESE.

i blame myself for having to find out about this.

11:46 am April, 11 creature said...

gives new meaning to the phrase, “having the smell of pussy on you”

11:57 am April, 11 Steve L. said...

vulva cologne: redefining “rape [her] in [her] thigh” since 2009.

time to start drinking.

2:10 pm April, 11 G said...

If your friends don’t know that you are pussy whipped, you can prove it by smelling like one…nice

4:01 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

This company also makes “Belching Colon” scent for people who are total assholes and want to smell that way.

4:04 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Vulva Cologne also comes in an orange citrus scent called “Poon-Tang”.

cues rim shot

I’ll be here all week; please try the veal.

4:08 pm April, 11 Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock peed in Phil Mickleson’s wife Amy once. It cured her cancer and led Phil to beat the stripes off Tigger.

If the ice doesn’t melt off my igloo soon I will have to drink all summer for lack of golf.

4:09 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Vulva Cologne Corporation’s decision to build their production facility in an old warehouse situated between the Fleischman’s Yeast Warehouse and the Oscar Mayer Weiner Distribution Hub would prove to be regrettable.

4:16 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

In 2008 fish oil magnate Björñ Øłęfśönn, faced with a bankrupting overstock, suddenly had a company-saving epiphany while Christmas shopping in the Macy’s fragrance department…

4:21 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Ironically Vulva Cologne’s first order was a 55-gallon drum sent to RealDoll Inc. along with a turkey baster and a pack of BBQ mops.

4:24 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Darlene Johnson, Detroit street hooker, was the first to offer amlow-cost organic local alternative for $20 or an EBT card.

4:28 pm April, 11 creature said...

now available with chewable cap dispenser… dab it on

4:30 pm April, 11 creature said...

popular accessory with the ‘I told you I hit it’ sniff my dick crew

4:32 pm April, 11 creature said...

also available the therapeutic Flaming Lotus Balm

4:34 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Sean Payton’s coaching secret? He marinated all of the Saint’s game balls in a vat o’ Vulva Cologne. Which was much more effective tha the previous season’s football suppositories housed in Plinky’s Mom.

4:37 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

A fortune in fat teenage boys allowance money is heading towards these people as we speak.

4:39 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Also coming: “Cleveland Steam”, marketed towards constipated senior ciizens who can’t remember the tantalizing aromatics of a sputtering hot fresh bowl-clogging dump.

4:48 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

I am offering for sale a French Quarter kit: a gallon of Pat O’Brian’s Hurricane mix, a liter of Bacardi 151, a dozen Ambien and an areosol can of Vulva:

so you can wake up hungover, reeking of sex with no idea of what the FUCK happened.

Interested parties can send me paper sacks full of sweaty 20’s in care of DB1.

4:50 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Also: Golden Horse Cave fragrance.

5:00 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

They should join forces with Poly-Grip and cross-market to dirty old men.

5:19 pm April, 11 End the Haberdouchery said...

Sock really is going to be here all day. Wonderful.

5:34 pm April, 11 notadouche said...

It’s a sad sad sad sad sad sad world.

5:52 pm April, 11 creature said...

knock off from Ronco, ‘Funk-O-Vag’

5:55 pm April, 11 creature said...

for oldtimers, “Joan Crawfords Musty Closet”

6:04 pm April, 11 El Caganer said...

Don’t most people try to wash this “fragrance” off after a work out? Oh well, can’t be worse than the Polo cologne everyone seemed to bathe in back in the day.

6:10 pm April, 11 massengill said...

I don’t know if I have shared this one with you all before, but I think, now more than ever, it is wholly appropriate.

6:18 pm April, 11 Red Dwarfer said...

Space Corps Directive 196156:

“Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women’s gym will be discharged without trial.”

6:21 pm April, 11 creature said...

a big hit with cat owners

6:37 pm April, 11 Mr. White said...

That poor woman they show on the website must be really tired. And dehydrated.

6:43 pm April, 11 End the Haberdouchery said...

Darksock,

I hope you didn’t take that as sarcasm.

7:43 pm April, 11 Mr. White said...

Travel to Erotic Middle Earth with our latest fragrance: Hobbit Wizard’s Sleeve.

7:51 pm April, 11 wonderdouche twin said...

Damn! Tramp Cologne was already taken.

I can hear the employee’s at Cheetah’s now……..

The guys love my new cologne……PoonSong.

Darksock my eye’s are still tearing up from laughing at Poonsong. Classic!

8:04 pm April, 11 DarkSock said...

Coming soon to Germany: ScatMaster Nugget-Huff Eww Da Toilet

8:40 pm April, 11 El Caganer said...

I guess you have to enter your email for your avatar to appear

11:23 pm April, 11 Euripidouche said...

i wonder when they come out with

smells like teen schwinn…

channel no 5 speed

tour de fragrance.

fixed gear by dkbrooklyn

eau de do da day….

aqua di gio de huffy

11:24 pm April, 11 Euripidouche said...

and what about the old van with no windows body wash?

6:51 am April, 12 Deltus said...

The Tina Fey naming of that cologne: “Lady Business”.

What a convenient product! Now rich creepos don’t need to hire young hotts to jog for 15 minutes and then rub their crotches all over him before he goes to work. I’m not saying it’s unpleasant, just very cost prohibitive.

8:22 am April, 12 El Caganer said...

Testing avatar

9:54 am April, 12 DarkSock said...

@ End the Haberdouchery

.

What is this “sarcasm” of which you speak?

9:59 am April, 12 Army of Douche-ness said...

I’m, hoping if this takes off so they dcan come out with Vulva Chewing Gum

12:53 pm April, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Fucking gross. Having one of those (vagina, not the cologne), I can’t imagine leisurely sniffing the damn thing all the time. I dunno. Out of context, I would think Vagina smell is kinda icky. But when you’re all about to go face-first into a little musky masterpiece, sure. After a power lunch? Not so much.

5:57 pm April, 12 Douchus O'Callahan said...

well that took an intersting turn…….

and was that Kevin Federline?

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