Thursday, April 15, 2010

Xenu: Lord of Scrotentology

Often, ‘bag hunters will email me and ask me about our hallowed Hall of Scrote legends.

“Surely these people can’t maintain their intensity of scrotological burn as they chase hotties?” they ask me. “Don’t Hall of Scrote legends burn out?”

Were that it were so, imaginary conversation person.

Earlier this week we checked in with Joey Porsche, just as douchey as ever. Today, it’s Hall of Scrote legend Xenu. Classing it up with the barely legal hotties by puttin’ on a matching tie and coat.

You go with your formal self, Xenu, Warlord of Scrotentology. Your people look up to you from their clarity tests and know you are level-8 poo.

And I see each of you, powdered bottom girls from Dusseldorf. You knew not what Americans were like until you visited on your summer exchange program. And now you curse Western hegemony. But it’s too late.

# posted by douchebag1
8:35 am April, 15 Deltus said...

It ain’t right, I tell ya. Xenu spreading his poo not only to hotts, but the visiting hotts from other countries! Think of all the cultural exchange that could have happened, were the Dusseldorf wonderhotts to have sat down with me. The different ideas, the different foods, things we’d seen. That thing they do with their tongue that I was utterly powerless to resist.

But instead, we have Xenu, douching them up. And the stench will travel back to Dusseldorf on them. And they’ll be shunned, because it won’t be the local douche’s smell on them, but some high-test US douche stank.

It… just ain’t right.

8:50 am April, 15 Wheezer said...

I can smell his stench all the way from 2009.

9:02 am April, 15 Crucial Head said...

His nostrils always seem to be inhaling some sort of whiskery mass – all glued together with an opaque greasy substance, perhaps donkey jizz, which would be food enough for the dozen or so clusterflies that hover about him like scrummaging scabs.

.

.

But maybe that’s just me.

9:15 am April, 15 Bag A said...

Donk! Donk! Donk!

9:28 am April, 15 Douche of Hazard said...

Every time we see this douche there is a different maze on his chin.

9:31 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Douchebag, please

10:18 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Unsolicited photo of a buxom college cheerleader from VA Commonweatlh during the recent NCAA tourney.

Why? Because, shaddup that’s why.

.

.

CLICK

10:20 am April, 15 Bagnonymous said...

One ponders whether Lord Xenu’s image is reflected by that mirror, or if he’s immune to mere “mortal” shit like that…

10:28 am April, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Aren’t those Liz Taylor’s glasses?

http://www.freakingnews.com/Elizabeth-Taylor-Pics-2462.asp

10:38 am April, 15 Dave said...

I’d like to cast an eary vote Lord of Scrotentology as douche of the week, hell douche of the year!!!

10:39 am April, 15 Evil_Redheaded_Stepchild said...

Of course they don’t burn out. They consume hott (fist pump the shit out of crushed pussies, is what I mean to say), and excrete… well, everything, and evolve new limbs and limbic tentacles that grow out of their chins.

Circle of douche, Chirren.

11:08 am April, 15 Xenu said...

That’s right, wee bitches.

.

Feel the gravitational pull of my cock. And my watch.

1:53 pm April, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The girls pose for a picture after making the new YouTube hit video: Two girls, one cup, and Xenu. We can see Xenu swallowing the last of the poo as it runs in streaks down his chin.

2:15 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

Old douchebags never die. They just itch, scratch and swell.

2:47 pm April, 15 Düsseldouche said...

I always wondered what happened to my cute neighbour girls Birgitt and Annette, they just disappered last year.

Well, now i know. They left with Xenu´s spaceship.

I drop a tear for them…

4:25 pm April, 15 mr.reeve said...

This cat makes no sense to me. I guess when you are fat and weird looking with bad facial hair you can dress like a wanna be Mr. T going to the Music Awards.

5:54 pm April, 15 Douches Wild said...

Turdalert, Turdalert

8:51 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu can perfectly BBQ ribs and chicken…..in his armpits.

8:52 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu can rip a phonebook in half….with his armpits.

8:53 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu can paint an entire section section of bleachers….with his armpits.

8:55 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu can calculate the probability of transmiting an STD to a monkey with his tongue…with his armpits.

8:58 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu can watch every episode of Little House on the Prairie without masturbating…with his armpits.

8:59 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu once re-upholstered my 78 Ranchero for free…with his armpits.

9:02 pm April, 15 Anonymous said...

Xenu once fought off a pack of viscious raccoons, saving an entire pack of Kools in the process…with his armpits.

9:08 pm April, 15 Baron Von Goolo said...

The Isrealites were led out of the desert by Xenu’s flaming chin pubes.

9:12 pm April, 15 Baron Von Goolo said...

Xenu is Shiva in His Incarnation as Elvis.

9:13 pm April, 15 Baron Von Goolo said...

Xenu needs to wear sunglasses indoors so that his mutant optic blasts won’t kill all the men and impregnate all the women in the room.

11:24 pm April, 15 Steve L. said...

so Buffalo Beast’s mentor is none other than Imaginary Conversation Person.

now i understand the extent of Buffalo Beast’s clandestine bag hunting finesse.

there is hope yet for the league of bag hunters, no matter how Xenu ups his douche.

2:46 pm April, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Xenu took revenge on L Ron Hubbard by graciously donating his time on this website.

2:47 pm April, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Xenu lets little children color in his tatts with markers when rotating his other job as a wait-server at Bob Evans restaurants.

2:48 pm April, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Xenu uses Mary Kay Cosmetics’ Satin Hands technique to go with his satin suits.

2:51 pm April, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Xenu came in with the Wayward Wind and has haunted Gogi Grant ever since.

8:01 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu once rode an exercise bike across the English Channel…with his armpits.

8:02 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu became an architect….after he flunked out of dental school.

8:03 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu’s beard can shave itself…and so can his armpits.

8:05 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu’s recipie for a GOOOD-TIIIIMMMME!!!!!

One part Xenu….One part YOU BABY!

…and his armpits.

8:06 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu uses deoderant behind his knee caps.

8:08 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu takes his armpits to the movies at least once a week…sometimes he takes his mother too. That’s just the kind of sensitive guy he is.

8:09 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu would NEVER drag an alpaca into this.

8:10 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu would, however, shear a sheep…with his armpits.

8:12 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu is a registered independent…but always votes for his armpits.

8:16 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu has a great record collection. All vintage vinyl with no scratches at all. He likes to play them sometimes on his old-school turntable with a diamond tipped needle and a 100 watt pre-amp.

No joke, that shit’s hella cool.

8:18 pm April, 16 Anonymous said...

Xenu didn’t drink Budweiser until it was bought out by InBev. Now it’s an imported beer, bitches.

Leave a Reply

What is 12 + 3 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)