Saturday, April 24, 2010

Your Saturday "What Would Douchey Party Guy Do?"

When Douchey Party Guy Meets Orange Trampy Hott at the raginest kegger since Kevin’s grandma died and he got that inheritance, what will Douchey Party Guy do?

1. Inquire as to the status of her evening.

2. Offer to acquire her a glass of quality Shiraz from the nearby kitchen/cooler/keg area.

3. Begin to discuss Marcel Proust and the shift in literature during late modernity.

4. Ask her to turn around so he can touch her ass.

Answer here.

# posted by douchebag1
11:18 am April, 24 Wheezer said...

I dub her “Ass Pearange.”

.

She is pretty. Too bad she’ll be shoe leather by 2015.

11:19 am April, 24 Chad Kroeger said...

He wins.

11:21 am April, 24 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Neaaarrrrg! Me like!

11:32 am April, 24 Chad Kroeger said...

Proust would cause his big dumb head to explode as in the fine Canadian movie Videodrome (featuring a young James Woods and fabulous 1983 Sonya Smits) or the genius inspired Arnold S. movie Total Recall.

Does anybody have vintage drums or late 70’s skateboard shit for sale? Preferably Gretsch and Sims. My daughter is too cool for douchebags. As long as she doesn’t tan too much or go to gyms and plays drums and skates.

11:35 am April, 24 Troy Tempest said...

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETH!

11:35 am April, 24 Anonymous said...

I KNEW IT!!!

11:39 am April, 24 jojo said...

you should do more quiz! great! LMAO!

11:53 am April, 24 Fatness said...

Last time I saw one of those it was hustling at Rush and Bellevue.

12:11 pm April, 24 JoeDO said...

she should have a forced hysterectomy.

12:39 pm April, 24 doucheblaster said...

Never again please Mr DB1! Questions like this make me question my reason to live…

the least you could do is show some more, some more maureen=)

12:51 pm April, 24 The Blessed Scrotini said...

And now we have to watch the progression of this douchebag for we have just witnessed the first encounter of the “orange hott” and there is a more than fair chance he may try the orange out for himself. Jersey save us all.

1:01 pm April, 24 Anonymous said...

what ever happened 2 he who is without sin, cast the first stone?

these people look like they’re just having fun. why must u make fun of them?

maybe u r all just jelous?

1:14 pm April, 24 Düsseldouche said...

loooooong arm

monkey arm

1:32 pm April, 24 Horace Dangleballs said...

@ Anon 1:01 PM

“what ever happened 2 he who is without sin, cast the first stone?”

Simple… I CAST that mother!

1:32 pm April, 24 Devon Wheatcakes said...

The look on this dude’s face in the “Answer here” pic shows his mouth contorted and his simple mind in deepest concentration.

His shirt is so fekkin’ awsome.

I believe it depicts snakes and skulls.

How interesting.

1:34 pm April, 24 Wedgie said...

Anon is right, I am jealous. Or is that jelly-ous.

I think he is not a douchebag, just some lucky fucker who happened to walk in right after she told her girlfriend “I’m gonna fuck the next asshole that walks through that door”.

You go, boy. It’s gonna be the best three minutes of your life.

1:44 pm April, 24 El Queso said...

@Anon: Jesus was talking about unfair judgment only applied toward others, NOT perfection in the accuser or observer.

I am reasonably confident that most of the regs here could get at least a C+ on the exams they typically throw at all douchebags.

Remember, Jesus’ response to taking confession from douchebags [Pumpy 8: v1-11, iirc] always had 2 parts: 1)You’ve acted like a real douchebag, but you’re forgiven. 2)Now GTFO you monkey taint, and stop being a douchebag from this moment forward.

1:46 pm April, 24 Anonymous said...

maybe u should get a hobby or help the needy instead of ripping on people who look like they r just having fun?

1:47 pm April, 24 Douchble Helix said...

That’s my boy!!!

NATTADOUCHE!!!!

1:50 pm April, 24 Douchble Helix said...

That’s my boy!!!

NOTTADOUCHE!!!!

2:05 pm April, 24 Wheezer said...

@Anon 1:01/1:46 p.m. –

.

All right, ‘fess up. Which one of you is trolling? Come on now…..I call shenanigans. ; )

2:29 pm April, 24 Mr. Biggs said...

Well, duh, 4 … except he probably wouldn’t ask. And she wouldn’t mind. ‘Cause only wimps ask.

2:34 pm April, 24 Mr. Biggs said...

Um as far as for “cast the first stone” the parable is that Jesus can cure sin, not that we shouldn’t be offended by it. And Doucheyness is quite a grievous sin.

2:57 pm April, 24 massengill said...

Be honest: how many of you elder child cockks really knew it was four?

3:17 pm April, 24 Anonymous said...

i wonder if it’s a sin to belittle people u dont even know.

3:17 pm April, 24 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Alright, enough of the what-Jesus-meant arguments. We covered the religious parables yesterday if you happen to recall.

And to answer your question Anon, “why must u make fun of them?” You seem to be unfamiliar with the site and its entire purpose for being. Click on the “About HCwDB” tab, buy the book, watch the show, stop trying to convince yourself that Ed Hardy makes “high quality jeans”, then come back when your ready to join in on the collective mocking.

.

And we are helping the needy BTW. Those in need of the bitch slapping they so dutifully deserve.

3:19 pm April, 24 Jacques Doucheteau said...

^^Sometimes it’s a sin not to.

3:22 pm April, 24 Jacques Doucheteau said...

*you’re.

.

I deserve some belittling myself for that.

4:24 pm April, 24 Euripidouche said...

well, in his defense, he sought to reference proust as madellines as a metaphor for spray tanning, but she cut him off and said proust was unduly verbose, needlessily detailed, and over analytical, he asked her to prove it, she turned around.

4:29 pm April, 24 Army of DOuche-ness said...

and granted we’ve covered the topic of Ed Hardy and Affliction ad nauseum but today this guys shirt really struck a nerve with me.

like 10 years ago i wore shirts with skulls on them all the time, shirts fdrom black or power metal bands plus hardcore bands like “Blood for Blood” and “A Death for every sin” and ya know what? hotts didn’t think it was “badass” or “alpha” in any way and they certainly didn’t swoon, they were scared i’d kill them and eat them and wouldnt come close to me. a part of that period was at a mid-western catholic university and a decision i really had no choice to make was to continue to do so and increasingly be a lonely out-cast or to like stop ad fit in socially…

how i nthe fuck did skulls with snakes going through the eye-socket become rebranded as fashionable wear that women love when most women i’ve met are deathly afraid of snakes….

4:30 pm April, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She’s an all-time hott. He’s an all-time tool.

5:00 pm April, 24 Whoop-di-douche said...

Let’s face it, she has quality bumpers. and in the second picture one can clearly see the Mark of the Douche on his forehead.

Just let it be. We mock, they be.

5:17 pm April, 24 Mr. Biggs said...

Army of Doucheness: hear hear. What torture it is to hear women who pine for a “bad-boy.” Lady, you just spat on me and hid in your douchey boyfriend’s smirk. That’s where they went.

5:56 pm April, 24 LMAO said...

i know them! missboobular’s fake ass tan/hair/tits and her douche bf’s fat ed harty covering gut!

6:09 pm April, 24 Wheezer said...

Here’s hoping everything’s OK down DarkSock’s way.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100425/ap_on_re_us/us_severe_weather

6:19 pm April, 24 Hahaha said...

Someone took this post and posted them on thedirty. LOL

That girl Amanda is gonna get fukking irate

6:50 pm April, 24 Hahaha said...

LMAO she’s fuming in her status http://www.myspace.com/missboobular although she claims she doesn’t care ha ha

6:50 pm April, 24 birder said...

i would have gone straight for date rape.

7:49 pm April, 24 Mr. Bagoo said...

Orange Boobular!

8:57 pm April, 24 Brian | i-Blogger said...

WOW!!!

9:11 pm April, 24 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Whither have gone Mses. Oblongata and (“Dicy”) Saylor?

Tamp the testosterone, I beg of you!

..Not that I have issues with the plurality of guys here, only that I dream of you

“packing me down tightly by a succession of blows or taps.”,

{If you know what I mean).

Ethanol’s obscured my prose, so excuse me.

10:02 pm April, 24 Troy Tempest said...

@Mr Howser:

Medusa is in Italy w/ boyfriend.

Dicy is probably geared up for finals.

My computer broke, so my access is limited.

So, now you know.

10:40 pm April, 24 Madeira said...

@ Hahaha. actually she doesn’t care. she’s enjoying the attn actually. haters up in hereee

11:24 pm April, 24 Army of Douche-ness said...

wow, same day and everything: http://thedirty.com/2010/04/24/this-tool-pulls-tail/

11:39 pm April, 24 lol said...

TheDirty stealing posts off HCWDB again. LMAO that site sucks.

11:45 pm April, 24 tall guy said...

That guy looks like a simpleton with a stupid look on his face. She looks alright for now though.

5:02 am April, 25 Dicy said...

Hey guys, sorry I wasn’t here to mock this sooner… I was busy being broken up with.

But yeah… uhm I’m really surprised the answer was 4. I seriously thought he would inquire as to how her night was going and THEN touch her ass. Maybe society is so lost now that we skip even the most basic of preliminaries and just go straight for whatever will get us laid.

In other news, now that I’m single I dont have to feel bad for using my Asspear Gravatar. So really, you guys should thank him.

Also, drunk at 8am!

5:02 am April, 25 Dicy said...

Damn you gravatar!

5:06 am April, 25 Dicy said...

Testing….?

5:06 am April, 25 Dicy said...

I give up!

7:49 am April, 25 TommyHoss said...

Haha Miss Boobular! I know Mandy. Hung out with her a few times around Las Olas. She’s pretty chill, so all this hate about her is offbase. My 2 cents.

8:06 am April, 25 El Caganer said...

Asspear gravatars rule.

Thanks Dicy.

9:12 am April, 25 Deltus said...

Anon, if we don’t mock, how will they realize they’re choad? A moron isn’t self-aware of his moronic nature.

Also, she’s Bleethy hottness.

11:25 am April, 25 DarkSock said...

@ Wheezer

I thought I heard something yesterday…strangely enough although mid-and-north Mississippi get raked by tornadoes like Jenna Haze gets raked by man-gravy we really don’t see them much down here. Just the occasional 1,000 year hurricane every 30 years or so.

11:26 am April, 25 DarkSock said...

I can’t explain why but I believe her poop has hair on it. That knocks a few points off for me. Can’t explain really.

11:54 am April, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow. TheDirty ripping off HCwDB again. DIdn’t he make fun of DB1 a while back? By his own douchey logic doesn’t he owe DB a blowjob or something?

12:34 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

so Mandy, is this fucker a douchebag or not?

and are you the kinda skank that would only let a douchebag touch your ass?

hey i’m not gonna register an account on fucking MySpace just to ask her that.

12:38 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

this Saturday is no walk in the park for any bag hunter. first we bear witness to Mandy’s bleethdom head on. THEN we learn that Nik Ritchie finally got out of jail.

damn.

2:46 pm April, 25 douchebag1 said...

Hmm… maybe I should tell the tale about how Nik Ritchie keeps calling every agency in Hollywood begging them to sign him, including mine. The agents just laugh at him and hang up. 100% bloggerbag.

3:09 pm April, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Dr. Howser 9:11

Glad to know I was missed. I hope my piss and vinegar sensibility brings a little something to the ambience in here. Yes, as Mr. Tempest noted, I was off for some R&R in beautiful Venice, Italy with Mr. Biscotti, seeing his home turf and meeting his family for the first time. It was lovely, I’m still so full I can barely stand up, and I’m a wee bowlegged.

.

And now, the Douche Report:

Regrettably, I have no pics to submit, despite seeing some astonishing examples of extreme baggery. Seems that the problem I had before was that I was only ever in the South of Italy, this time I went north. So this time I was treated to the northern fashionbag, and let me tell you, it is spectacular and ubiquitous. They have overshot the emobag and gaybag by lightyears, combining both with Eurobag flair that waters the eye and churns the stomach.

The bad news is, I never saw them with women. And if I did, they were ugly women. And if they were a shade this side of attractive, they were so bleethed out it caused the paint to peel off the walls as they walked by. Holy shit, I cannot even begin to describe it, If there is a stage-5 Bleeth, it is the ItaloBleeth. They make Snooki look like Doris Day.

And as if that weren’t grounds enough to declare northern Italy Ground Zero for gaybaggery, every single one we passed would give Mr. B the up-and-down as we passed. The southern Italians will actually elbow your guy out of the way to talk to you. In the north, they were all checking him out. I was really confused by this at first. But then it dawned on me that the metal-dude look is really pretty freaky in Italy. There really are very few visible tattoos on anyone, all the men’s clothes are ultra-fitted and fruity, and they wear very little jewelry save for small gold chains, in the north, that is. So here comes Mr. B., looking like a tattooed, anemic version of Serj Tankian, and he sticks out a lot more than I do. Then again, it was 55 and rainy the whole time, so I was dressed like a vagrant.

.

Anyway, glad to see the mock is in full swing, i actually missed you guys. And to prove it, I’ll share a special little something with all of you. Mr. B’s cousin is the spittin’ image of Tina Fey, right down to the glasses and the hair, but pleasingly tanned. So there I am, with Tina Fey cooing to me in heavily accented, broken English and encouraging me to eat more of the tasty meal she prepared in my honor. It was all I could do to not throw her on the table and eat her ass right there in front of everyone.

.

And speaking of ass, God damnit Dicy, get yours off teh interwebs!!!!!

3:50 pm April, 25 lupus john wilcox said...

you mean they say more than just grunts and groans?

7:55 pm April, 25 DarkSock said...

It was all I could do to not throw her on the table and eat her ass right there in front of everyone.

.

Waiter! More Vitamin E please.

8:45 pm April, 25 Sam said...

Wow. TheDirty ripping off HCwDB again. DIdn’t he make fun of DB1 a while back? By his own douchey logic doesn’t he owe DB a blowjob or something?

10:49 pm April, 25 Hot damn said...

Someone get Miss Boobularrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to send in more sexy pics for us to fap to. Without the douche of course.

12:24 am April, 26 Steve L. said...

thanks for killing all my sex fantasies about northern Italian nude beaches, Medusa.

but now i have a new sex fantasy. namely, Mr. B’s Tina Fey cousin.

i did NOT just say that out loud. i just typed it out loud, you see.

12:30 am April, 26 Steve L. said...

but yeah welcome back Medusa. as if i needed to say that.

7:18 am April, 26 Bagnonymous said...

The best thing about everybody having Gravatar issues is that we just saw Dicy’s ass 4 times in a row. Score!

.

Dicy for HoHH (hall of hott huntresses)

8:39 am April, 26 Scroteophobic said...

Well if no one else is going to say it (I was betting on a deluge of such posts): Sorry to hear about the break-up, Dicy. Hope that the heady mix of astrophysics and bag-mockery takes your mind off it. And that it wasn’t too acrimonious. If it was then take comfort in the fact that you have probably increased the daily hit rate of the site a lot as he fearfully checks to see if you have photoshopped his head onto Jed the creepy scrotewank’s body and sent the picture in.

9:10 am April, 26 smackdouche said...

For the record, and I’m not proud of it, I answered #4 also.

10:50 am April, 26 T T said...

@ Mr. Magoo: Lmfao, “Orange Boobular”. When I see this fine tangerine ass next time in Las Olas, I’ll holler at her with this new name. YO ORANGE BOOBULAA

10:56 am April, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Dicy

Screw the stupid shit if he didn’t know what he had. Now you can go for the nice and quite nerdy type. Nerds need love too.

I envisage the two “people” in this picture having the following conversation:

Her: Ungh

Him: uhhhhh

Her: WOOOOOO!

Him: uhhhh

Her: Weeeeee

Him: uhhhh

Her (with booboo lip): uhhhhh

Him: duhhhhhhhh

Her (sticking ass out): mmmmmm?

Him: oohhhhhhhhhh

Tonight’s play was sponsored by Simians for a Larger Vocabulary

3:16 am April, 28 TommyHoss said...

douchebag1, maybe you should start tagging HCWDB’s pics so NikDouchefag can’t copy your posts and whittle off and die.

1:49 am May, 4 lol said...

It’d be awesome is Amanda somehow lands on the show

11:22 pm May, 5 miss boobular said...

is a fraud real girl only has fb

11:10 am May, 7 Yowza said...

MMM MMM MMM. Love me some baked Italian

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