Saturday, May 1, 2010

Bernie Schwartz Refuses to Get Old

Bernie tried to impress Kendra by dropping references to all the shizz “Vampire Weekend” phat tunes on his ipod.

Kendra smiled and nodded politely.

# posted by douchebag1
12:31 pm May, 1 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I am now seriously soliciting the best onomatopoeia for the sound of vomiting. A simple “Blech” doesn’t do it.

12:41 pm May, 1 Thus Spake Zaradouchestra said...

Manscaped chin jizz and a bottle of” Just For Men” somehow lands this tantilizing, turquoise hott.

All da people in da house say shalom!!!!!

12:45 pm May, 1 Chad Kroeger said...

I thought Tony Curtis was dead. This guy reminds me of another dead guy who starred in a movie about a dead guy on Long Island with a few dudes hanging around his summer house. Is this really the decomposed version of Bernie.

12:46 pm May, 1 Baleen said...

Nice raincoat, putz. It’s convenient for washing off the circular firing squad of jizz.

12:48 pm May, 1 Justin said...

Dudes upper lip looks like a baseball mitt

12:53 pm May, 1 Chad Kroeger said...

I am not an anti-semite on most days since I live with tribal ladies, but this guy has got to be called JewBag. He oozes Gafilta fish, latkes, and Manescheivitz. He is not kosher for the shabass on which I will cook tasty steak, Kosher sauerkraut, pork sausages, blintzes, and abstain from dairy. Because I rock and roll like that.

1:12 pm May, 1 lupus john wilcox said...

hey! a “members only” jacket!!! i never thought i’d see the day those would come back into style. time to dust off the mothballs.

1:18 pm May, 1 Steve L. said...

so we’re doing rebar next week in our apprenticeship class. and yesterday i went to the rebar yard in our school and tried lifted a 270lb piece of rebar to my shoulder. by the time i put the rebar down i suddenly found myself going “OW OW OW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY HIPS?!”

yep. already getting old. but not quite as miserable as Bernie.

1:21 pm May, 1 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Michael Jackson’s accountant continues to milk it for all it’s worth.

1:24 pm May, 1 Steve L. said...

@ myself 1:18 PM,

do not “tried” this at home people. ugh.

1:46 pm May, 1 doucheywallnuts said...

Something’s not Kosher with this picture. What’s a nice shiksa/shegetz doing with a dirty jewshcbag like BS? Surely Bernie’s mother would commit suicide if he brought this blonde, blue-eyed Arian specimen home.

In the temple of B’nai Douche the Manischewitz-danna – aka Mannydanna – replaces the yarmulke. This is not to be confused with the run-of-the-mill Mandanna that most goyim wear.

1:49 pm May, 1 mr.reeve said...

80s-bag in over his head with blonde. Mandana is so tight it turned his skin orange and greasey. Blondie needs a napkin to wipe off her arms now. “Beat it!” she tells 80s-bag.

1:58 pm May, 1 Douches Wild said...

minus the mandana, chin pubes and tool-o-rama raincoat, this bozo is the hapless putz of his youth- the recipient of serial wedgies to and from school, and a deserving target for the towel snapping gauntlet in gym.

2:00 pm May, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

I dunno, I think Bob Dylan looks better in black.

2:06 pm May, 1 The Dude said...

He’s a Jewshi Chef. She belongs in a pic with me, gettin’ mocked.

2:07 pm May, 1 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Maybe he’s Samurai Scrote’s matzobling cousin. She’s really pretty!

2:33 pm May, 1 creature said...

not to mention all the ‘shizz’ he gobbled in the locker room of his West Hollywood spa

2:38 pm May, 1 creature said...

arms looking a tad thick, Caroline needs to tone up doing many push-ups… above my prostrate frame!

2:47 pm May, 1 Chad Kroeger said...

DB1 I need another scrote today for mock. Spike is boring me with tasty Senator Amidala. I cannot take the marathon and the tribe must stop watching tv at sundown. Save me Obiwon Douchebagi.

3:15 pm May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

She looks like a poor man’s combo of Christie Brinkley and Carol Grow.

Which makes him a poor man, yidle deedle deedle yidle diddle deedle deedle dee

3:43 pm May, 1 douchevilla said...

holy shit

4:34 pm May, 1 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

This old douche’s a joke, his mandana is jive

Growing a goatee is so ’95

If he thinks he’s so phat, my question is this

Why he rockin’ a raincoat if he think he tha shiz?

4:41 pm May, 1 Bagnonymous said...

Kendra looks like Katie Couric’s hot niece.

.

Bernie looks like Katie Couric’s Hot Carl.

5:06 pm May, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Not going to make a Robert Downey Jr. reference,

not going to make a Robert Downey Jr. reference,

not going to make a Robert Downey Jr. reference,

not going to make a Robert Downey Jr. reference…

5:08 pm May, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

This is the week-old, dried out turd that remains after Saumurai Scrote eats a crock pot full of Robert Downey Jr. gumbo. Dammit!

5:29 pm May, 1 scrotum pole said...

It was nice of Kendra to pose with the head busboy at Benihana.

6:19 pm May, 1 Just Sayin said...

Super-cutie, meet super-creepy.

7:07 pm May, 1 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

David Schwimmer looks terrible.

I do appreciate his directorial efforts in “Run, Fatboy, run”, though.

7:39 pm May, 1 Troy Tempest said...

His rectal polyps own their own anal beads and gave each one its own special name. Unicorns chant her name as they jump from a cliff.

8:19 pm May, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

I dunno…that long nose of his and the chin hair shaved to resemble two li’l bags makesa nice taint reference. Or perhaps in the case of such a douchebag, maybe it’s just congenital.

(PS…if his upper lip looks like a baseball glove, maybe he had the unfortunate luck to be born with a cleft. Repaired, it’s out of our realm to mock that aspect. All the other features, totally mockable.)

10:14 pm May, 1 DarkSock said...

Wait a minute…when did Mr. Whipple become

a Backs treet Boy?

12:10 am May, 2 lupus john wilcox said...

i swear to god she is posing with a wax figurine. i just can’t believe that he is real. maybe it is the unnatural color? the pose? the clothes? i think i am losing my mind on this one.

12:48 am May, 2 Vin Douchal said...

It’s late, beer’s gone, I’m ripped. Y’all need to see this guy:

The Purple Unicorn of the Apocalypse

4:54 am May, 2 Chad Kroeger said...

@Vin

I’m beginning to question your gender orientation. But my laptop keyboard had to be smashed while still under warranty. And funny a hell. I hear there is no water in Boston.

8:53 am May, 2 Anonymous said...

She’s hot, he’s snot.

5:35 pm May, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Vin 12:48

AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

7:38 pm May, 2 Stephanie said...

He can’t even be bothered to put his drink down,notice the arm around her? What a classy putz!

10:31 pm May, 2 Douchble Helix said...

Dustin Hoffman in that hit comedy ‘Putzy’.

8:56 am May, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You know how he got her. With his best line: “Yeah, I was an extra in Scarface. They even let me keep the jacket.”

10:10 am May, 3 Deltus said...

Worst. Mandana. Ever.

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