Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Carmela's Parents Regret Their Decision to Move to Calabassas

Carmela’s father, Enrique, made it clear on their first drive through the neighborhood when Carmela was eight.

“What’s with all these wigger douches on the street corners with their skateboards?” Enrique asked his wife Pam, as they drove through the streets of their new home.

“Oh, honey. It’ll be fine. The school systems are good, and it’s very safe here.”

Twelve years later, Enrique likes to drink a lot.

# posted by douchebag1
3:47 pm May, 19 Turdacious said...

skeletors hand is creeping

3:49 pm May, 19 Turdacious said...

The night of the unfinished tatoos

3:52 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Hey boss, I thought I told you not to post my life story on here, complete with my real name!?

.

.

Now DarkSock will never hire me.

3:56 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Sheldon was encouraged when his repeated backhanded slaps against the glory-holed toilet partition in the transexual-friendly restroom yielded only minor bruising.

4:00 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Thurman could never figure out how his mother always caught him elbow-deep in the Skittle’s jar.

4:01 pm May, 19 scrotum pole said...

Well, this just proves what Corolla said:

Women are stupid, and if Carmella is indeed hispanic, it’s little wonder that she’s attracted to shiny, gaudy things.

Even if it smells like poo.

4:03 pm May, 19 let it bleeth said...

carmela’s ear rings are smaller than douchebird’s. something is rotten in the city of tempe.

4:16 pm May, 19 mr.reeve said...

This is a picture that is painted too many times in my Valley. This was once the place where Daniel Russo learned karate and the Bad News Bears played little league baseball. Oh how the times they are a changing. I blame this all on Incubus and their shitty music. Thanks for ruining my Valley you rich assholes! I am sure these two youngster’s parents are happy with their jobs at Pink Berry.

4:29 pm May, 19 Douchble Helix said...

I think Dad should be working out the details of a triple murder/suicide.

4:30 pm May, 19 MoeDouche said...

HOW CUTE! They got matching earrings!

Pretty soon they will get matching hypodermic needles too.

4:48 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

While he is clearly a circus freak d-bag, she is about as hot as the remanants in my cup of coffee from this morning. Which is to say, not.

Clearly not spank worthy. Unless you live in Tustin.

4:49 pm May, 19 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Not to be cruel to the one portion of the picture that doesn’t make me want want scream like Zach Braff in Garden State, but… does she have a tattoo of the Mad Hatter? Lame, Carmela. Lamer than Garden State, even.

5:07 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

If their eyes were closed, this could be one of those funny photos of drunks passed out after their friends went off with magic markers.

Of course there’d be a cock drawn on his face and a target that said “Jizz Here” on her chest.

Heh heh.. funny intrawebs photos are funny … heh heh

5:11 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

^ cocck

5:11 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

^ cockk

5:16 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Sirs,

I am in love with this chick, Katherine L Rose

Thankfully, no douchbags in her photos.

Fwap,

VD

5:22 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Vin may be right – they’re drunk from eating beer-bread

And someone laid a real horse-cockk on his head

Then drilled holes in their ears

Filled them with jizz from a deer

And verily mop handles into their colons were fed.

6:48 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mutant Lance Armstrong douche and Chaz Bono. Has anybody seen Chaz? It is an an abomination against all that is Holy. Sonny getting creamed by a tree was kind of funny though.

6:53 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Vin

Thanks for that. I may sleep with the bitch instead of the dog tonight. And that is an old picture of Lance and Chaz.

6:59 pm May, 19 orangabag said...

I say not a douche..the guy has some tats and a mohawk. Nothing to see here

7:31 pm May, 19 Troy Tempest said...

She will work at Payless Shoes until Funnelface here gets her impreggerated. He’s looking forward to moving up in life selling used cars at Ralph Spoilsport Motors over in West Gommorah – just off the old Antelope….

They will name the sprog Carmelita. Because they’re really creative that way.

7:32 pm May, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Yeah – Funnelface!

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I don’t.

8:33 pm May, 19 doucheywallnuts said...

Travis Barker-douche can do better than a mail order Thai bride who most likely smells like scallions.

8:46 pm May, 19 Stephanie said...

they’ll move out of the house,into a trailer park,matching earplugs and all. Anyone with a neck tattoo has little chance of a job. Does anyone over 40 take a guy like that seriously enough to hire? Funnelface is perfect.

9:07 pm May, 19 lucious lupus john bijahnn the southern skidds socal don said...

hey look! they doodled on each others arms with ball point pens. what a cute thing to do. and they made neat pen holders out of their ear lobes! very clever! i’ll get one done for the office as i never know where to keep my pen handy without losing it.

9:24 pm May, 19 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

meh…beginners…I prefer to stretch all four of my ear holes by shoving plinky’s mom’s cankles and her meaty pinkys into them.

10:20 pm May, 19 Euripidouche said...

this bag looks like “village idiot with a huge cock to be named later” type casting in a russ meyer movie.

11:00 pm May, 19 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Katherine L Rose‘s (thanks, VD) resemblance to my wife bores me.

Don’t hatt on me.

Trust me: I’m a doctor.

11:17 pm May, 19 Steve L. said...

so what happened to Enrique’s wife?

Plinky’s mom got her didn’t she?

you go Mama Plinky!

11:29 pm May, 19 tall guy said...

Neck tattoo=ex-juvie hall.

2:25 am May, 20 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I. hate. you. Vin.

6:23 am May, 20 soy bomb said...

It looks as if his head was welded onto his neck by some stoner in trade school.

7:00 am May, 20 Deltus said...

He has the tatts right on his neck and hands. The first sign, and frankly the only sign needed, that you’re unemployable.

7:33 am May, 20 Bagnonymous said...

@ Vin, 5:16pm yesterday:

.

Dude, either she’s got no vag, or it’s been airbrushed out. She’s a looker, for sure–and I dig the freckles–but it creeps me out when she’s got that many photos with the panties pulled down and yet there’s no slot in sight. I say “hott” but also “photoshop fail.”

7:37 am May, 20 Bagnonymous said...

Regarding Enrique’s situation, I might persuade him to give Carmela’s boyfriend a “pass” on account of being physically deformed. Apparently Carmela has devoted her life to helping those less fortunate individuals who were born with necks three times too long. (If left untreated, this condition can lead to excessive tattoos, as well as drumming for popular alt-punk bands.) Good for you, Carmela, for you are more selfless than we.

8:44 am May, 20 End the Haberdouchery said...

Has arm tattoos look like he passed out last night and his buddie drew on him.

9:16 am May, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Enrique just needs one of these. It appears that he may already have and just needs better aim on the headshots.

9:18 am May, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

When she’s 62, and she shuffles across the trailer in her ratty gray slippers, cigarette hanging from her crinkled lips, to take a look at herself in the mirror, she’ll see the half finished tattoo on her arm, now stretched and twisted by four decades of twinkies and all-night pork fat binges, smile to herself and say, “Next check I’m gonna get that baby filled in. Yeah, next check.”

9:37 am May, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

Arm tatts, they must have started sometime in junior high where , instead of diddling notes onto paper, the pen made its marks on human flesh. Drivem, of course, by a douchebag and/or Bleethette.

The hair, it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame. Whiffleball.

1:49 pm May, 20 Just Sayin said...

Back in the day, we boomers called them Biafra babies. All she’s missing is the flies crawling on her eyeballs. Look it up.

2:58 pm May, 20 Dylan said...

how is this guy a “wigger”???

11:47 am May, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Took me a while to figure this pic out. But this guy represents everything I hate about gentrification.

Bomb Hermosa Pier.

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