Friday, May 14, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

A humid and sunny Friday for your humble narrator in the City of Angels.

The podcast I recorded with Adam Carolla last week will go live on Tuesday, so be sure to check it out. We riff on all things Grieco and douchey.

This weekend, your drunken babblefish will fly to New York, where I will consume tasty Hostess products and wander the streets of the lower east side. As I await my show’s third season pickup from MTV, I am pensive. And unshaven.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years wandering this earth, it is this: Plants are just mammals with roots.

Here’s your links:

MSN’s “The Surf Report” reads HCwDB, discovers Pumpito. But doesn’t give credit where credit is due.

Prankster ‘bag hunters cleverly mock a tanning salon using Oompa Loompa iconography. Nicely done, street-art satirists!

In redundant news, Dallas Mavericks owner and internet lottery winner Mark Cuban is a douche.

Reader Angie tags us a depressing license plate in New York. On a Ford Mustang, natch.

A day in the life of Suzie McCoppin’s boobs.

Baskin & Robbins comes up with Jerz Cream.

Douchebags in the News: Don’t forget to get vaccinated!

Okay, after another week of enduring a Pumpito clip, you deserve a real reward. And reward you, I shall.

What’s more glorious than the glories of Tub Pear?

Bubble Pear.

Or, if you prefer your pear of the Asian varietal, there’s the glories of Kimchi Pear.

And for that, you’ve been suitably rewarded for another quality week of mock.

Go forth kids. Go forth and sing the harmonies of life’s maddening illogic. And grab a grabby butt while you’re at it.

# posted by douchebag1
1:14 pm May, 14 Bag Margera said...

Cheers to the Oompa Loompa prank. Inspiring.

1:17 pm May, 14 Justin said...

Tub Pear makes me wet!

Uh…What?

1:20 pm May, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

dis g ith we todd did.

1:27 pm May, 14 massengill said...

A Pumpito video also made it to the front page of reddit just a day or two after being posted here.

1:34 pm May, 14 mr.reeve said...

I love pear, hate fist pumping Jerz bags, find Pumpito disturbing as fuck and the Surf Report is lame and the red headed dude loves doing the bell head boogy for sure.

1:40 pm May, 14 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Triple Pear – a fine treat from DB1 espically Kimchi Pear.

I’ll go back to the links in 45 seconds when I’m done.

1:44 pm May, 14 Bag Margera said...

If Pumpita goes mainstream, maybe the standard Jerz Guidos out there will stop and realize how ridiculous they look. One could hope right? I mean, surely even they’d be disgusted by those massive moobs. Anybody would… wouldn’t they?

Hey if Pauly D. Is going to sell Basken Robbins, we need Pumpita out there, making people puke it up. Jersey Shore is only making things worse.

1:51 pm May, 14 mr.reeve said...

Pear is good

Pear is great

Pear needs to sit right on my face

1:56 pm May, 14 Jaan Kanellis said...

Asian pears make me so happy.

2:03 pm May, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

O sweet Christmas-shopping jeebus!! When you said “Tub Pear” I thought for a second that maybe you were… I mean I thought you were going to show…I mean, there’s kinda sorta a pear involved in that other tub and I thought……..never mind.

2:04 pm May, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

The thing about the PUMPFIST license that bothers me most is that FISTPUMP was already taken.

2:06 pm May, 14 mr.reeve said...

It was already taken by a gay porn star named “Fisto Mi Azz”

2:47 pm May, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

Holy sweet vodka and the mother of George Costanza. Those are some tidy pears that I will be thinking of as I stab Mrs. Kroeger’s increasingly flabby ass that used to be tight like that. I yearn for ye sweet youth.

2:54 pm May, 14 Ashamed said...

You know, I would happily turn douche if it meant I could get next to Tub Pear. I would give my left testicle for her…

So, I’m at a loss. How does one attain the ultra hott without being a f#@!-face?

3:24 pm May, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Pardon me while I go take a bath.

3:44 pm May, 14 Euripidouche said...

to be fair, pumpfist could be the vanity tag of a proud out of the closet masturbator. i mean what else could shake off years of derision from catholic school chums, because “you” were the masturbator, and thus must be scorned…

that shit could leave a scar, sometimes you have to embrace your stigma….

the bleeth in the pic has those eyes that say cosmetology school, and he is the weed dealer of the soccer kids. he knows hardasses, who naturally will take up for him in any petty squabble over seeds in a dime bag, so you better leave him alone…..

3:44 pm May, 14 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

I would drink an entire bottle of sulfuric acid while standing naked in the middle of a field during a hailstorm with a lightning rod shoved up my ass so by a freak event of nature that I might morph into a lump of metal that an illegal alien from Arizona would stumble upon, shape me into a faucet that he would sell at a flea market to his cousin Pepe who would install it in Tub Pear’s bathroom for the opportunity to spew on her like I just did on my keyboard.

4:22 pm May, 14 douchesquire said...

Please pass the pear salad, I’m hungry.

4:42 pm May, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

Thanks for the pear DB1. The Kroeger’s got it done in record time while the kids were in the sandbox. And I was drunk as fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[=================Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesxsss

5:01 pm May, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

Lately, I’ve been enjoying the deelish pear-infused vinegar we use on salads around here. But when I saw the various tub pear incarnations today, I was quick to flash back to TUB GIRL, whose link I would never put on any site. Oh, and I am sure the Kohler salespeople would like that white porcelain beauty with its fruity, fleshy bubbalicious pears. For their sample books. Not displayed on the showroom floors. But in back-office closets.

5:06 pm May, 14 scrotum pole said...

DB1 has been more than generous with the ass pear as of late, and for that, I am grateful.

I recall a time, in the not so distant past, when we’d get one piece of ass pear on a Friday night, and be damn glad we got it.

Never take it for granted friends, and always be kind to your neighbors.

Never tell a lie, don’t park in the handicap space, and brush your teeth every night.

And, most important, don’t ever marry a mean-spirited, bitter, compulsive woman, nice ass or not.

If you do, you will rue the day.

5:37 pm May, 14 Horace Dangleballs said...

When I clicked on the link for Suzie McCoppin’s boobs, the Playboy’s party girl site had an ad for Smirnoff 100 with the tag line “It’s NOT okay to get a spray-on tan.”

Maybe there is hope after all. But I won’t give up Ketel or Tito’s for Smirnoff.

6:44 pm May, 14 Douche Vader said...

Aaaaaaand Kimchi for HOP.

6:55 pm May, 14 tall guy said...

Kimchi can visit me anytime, anyplace and for what it’s/I’m worth, at any price.

7:28 pm May, 14 Troy Tempest said...

When I saw “Tubpair” I had visions of Tubgirl, and felt kinda queasy.

don’t know tubgirl?

Click on the link below. I take no responsibility for you instantly vomiting all over your computer and having to scrub your retinas out with a wirebrush and comet.

tubgirl

7:29 pm May, 14 Troy Tempest said...

My favourite part about tubgirl is how they pixelated out her pussy, because, well, that would be gross…

9:32 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

@ BVG 2:04 PM,

i guess since FISTPUMP and PUMPFIST are now both taken, a committed douchebag would have to look to FISTHUMP or HUMPFIST as the next best thing.

9:33 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

i cannot remember the last time i ate ice cream. take that, ice cream makers around the world.

9:35 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

if that’s the vaccine, i’d hate to see the disease.

9:51 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

what would a hot tub wrestling match between Tub Pear and Kimchi Pear look like?

actually, i can figure that out in my head and make myself jizz in my pants as many times as i want to.

i wish i can do this more often.

10:39 pm May, 14 Wheezer said...

.: THUMP :.

.

That was my wood crashing upon my computer desk. Pear…..pear…..and more pear.

.

Wheezer loves Miss Kimchi Pear. : )

.

(drool)

12:22 am May, 15 Soy Bomb said...

I enjoy boobs and I enjoy ass. Life is wonderful.

12:36 am May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ JeanClaudeVanDouche ,

That shit’s deep. I’m speechless.

@ Soy Bomb

I’d leap deep in that shit.

@ Steve L

I’m speep chit deesh. Let’s thass.

Wait, what?

12:48 am May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And my gift to all of you this fine Friday night: Tennis is fucking awesome.

12:49 am May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

*awesome

2:09 am May, 15 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

Kimchi pear… ouch.

3:03 am May, 15 lucious lupus with a d said...

that’s funny.

first, kimchi looks japanese and as if she may have eaten a banana on youtube once or twice. i think the kimchi remark is a bit slanted in that respect.

second, why should surf report give props–someone else uploaded the video, and someone else thought it was worth showing, and all images on this website are not giving props to the original uploaders

third, i think i just choked on virtual choad as jock high schoolers are most likely going to be db’s, so where is the challenge? show me some fabios, 30-50yr old hollywood db’s–it can’t be that difficult.

just troll runyon canyon. there are tons of shirtless, tatpoo’d wonders there. it almost looks like a friday midnight at the atlas in san francisco.

3:11 am May, 15 lucious lupus with a d said...

and 4th

everyone in los angeles is a douchebag

it is the vortex summoning all db’s from

far and wide

and in turn

raising the young to be future db’s

it is hell on earth

5:42 am May, 15 Euripidouche said...

@jaques doucheteau 12:49

it is with great saddness that i regret to inform you of the passing of the 34 DD breasts of simona halep. in order to further her tennis career, she has made a decision against the advice of most of the internets, and elected to have a strange surgery referred to as “breast reduction”, among those who still embrace this barbaric custom.

i would link to news as confirmation, or pictures of her mangled torso, but i am too distraught with the dredged up mammaries of boobies who died surely long before their time. from what i hear the lecherous fiends who took simona’s hogans away from us were not even considerate enough to have an open casket at their memorial service.

i hope this news finds you in otherwise good stead, and you can properly grieve not just for the passing of those 34DD’s but they might have becummed.

10:42 am May, 15 Douchble Helix said...

I loved the boobs video, with the sound off.

I looked at tubgirl. I feel sorry for the guy who pixelated her crotch.

Pixelated sound kinda dirty, too.

Following these links, I found a photo gallery of 2 porn gals frolicking in way-too-small bikinis at the beach . Anybody else check them out?

11:04 am May, 15 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I have scraped poo from countless resected colons.

I have pulled out the innards of the recently deceased.

I have carved into bits many cancerous organs.

All while eating sandwiches.

Tubgirl triggered my gag reflex.

11:10 am May, 15 Wheezer said...

Beach Creeps” – also sort of borrowing from HCwDB a little…..

.

But if my comment survives the moderation process, they’ll all compare post dates. Then again, that particular ass pear needs to be shared the world over, so who can blame them?

12:53 pm May, 15 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Wheezer, 11:10 (look right above, in the event that numbers confuse you):

Woo-ee-oo, that looks just like recent Ass-Pear.

Oh-oh, and you’re right that it’s ripped-off.

I don’t care where my eye-candy comes from anyway.

I don’t care ’bout that.

In summary, I concur.

5:25 pm May, 15 Elwood Blues said...

I gots me a Kimchi Jones!

10:43 pm May, 15 shannon said...

Is that Rufio from the classic 90s movie Hook?!?!?

9:48 am May, 16 DarkSock said...

ah yes; I remember the first time I got duped into clicking on a tubgirl link.

.

And by “first time” I mean “last time”.

3:20 pm May, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

Holy flaming cow

.

Tell me…is it wrong, if Mr. Biscotti is givin’ it to me good, that I’m thinking about giving it to Tub Pear really good? ‘Cause that’s what happened.

10:49 am May, 20 Jessica` said...

That girl looks so cute. It’s so sad to see her with that douchenozzle.

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