Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

Another solid week of ‘bag mocking and hott lusting on the site, and thanks to all who checked out my appearance on the Adam Carolla podcast. I should do more of those things.

This Friday finds your humble narrator vaguely confused, overstuffed on New York pizza, and wandering the lower east side like a confused Coney Island whitefish.

It’s not official yet, but it looks like my show might be getting another season, so I’m happy and festive and looking forward to future douche mocking in a variety of vertically integrated media formats.

But until then, we mock on on HCwDB.

Here’s your links:

HCwDB in the News: There’s a shout-out to HCwDB on page 9 of this month’s Harper’s Magazine in the article on Sarah Palin (subscriber link only).

The Tecktonik Kid. I can’t tell if he’s a future douche or kind of awesome.

There are Woo Hotties, there are State School Woo Hotties, and then there are Arizona State School Woo Hotties.

Reader DooShnozzle catches ‘bag ads during a Florida baseball game.

And speaking of baseball tags, longtime HCwDB ‘bag hunter MC 900 Foot Douchebag goes to a Yankee game, tags an uber Jerzey Guid. And again.

The inventor of the Chipwich, perhaps the most important invention of the 20th Century other than the Flowbee, has died.

Welcome Back Kotter’s Carvelli was all kinds of awesome. Even if a bit retro-douchey. I’ll have to meditate on this contradiction.

Speaking of proto-douches: Hefty Smurf.

If she wanted Donkey Douche’s name tattooed on her arm, she should’ve been prepared for the PAIN. (warning: annoying female tattoo freakout sounds in that clip)

When the sum total of all of the advancements of 20th and 21st Century technological innovation are tallied, there will be only one justification above all else: The ability for people all over the world to watch Deer Versus Fat Guy.

Okay. I know why you’re here. You want your payoff for another week of quality mock. Well, you’ve earned it. Here ya go:

Car Pear

Not enough?

Okay. Have some fur pear too.

Because I care about you. Now go. Drink. Be merry. Mock a choad. And fondle a thigh.

# posted by douchebag1
12:49 pm May, 21 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

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I Love Car and Fur Pear

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**clicks off**

12:50 pm May, 21 Wheezer said...

Thanks for getting this (and me) up early, Boss! I love both pears, though I really have to go to work now…..

12:51 pm May, 21 Crucial Head said...

I have to say, there was a smidgen of trepidation on my part when I clicked the link to “Fur Pear.”

.

Thankfully, DB1 is not BCS.

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Or, is he????

1:05 pm May, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I enjoy any pear where the pic loads, and then that wonderful little magnifying glass with the plus sign in it appears. It’s like,”pear; and then the same pear again, but bigger!”.

.

Oh joy of joys!

1:14 pm May, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The picture above say 10 million things. And they are rapidly multiplying viral organisms.

1:21 pm May, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I did a similar to car pear many years ago. Blondes bore me. Fur pear could break my faith and my marriage. If it wasnt for my pesky 19 daughters I could have fun again. And by fun I mean hope that a chick under 30 could still fuuck me without barfing or costing $200 bucks.

1:33 pm May, 21 Vin Douchal said...

That dancing kid is a parking lot frolic away from scoring with a 7th grade girl in an Ed Hardy t-shirt wearing a padded bra

However he pales in comparison to Chamanlal in this video:

Hindu Donny and the Indian Osmond Bros

$17 for Harpers? Sheeit , you can get all 29 Bang Bros websites for $7.50 / month

1:45 pm May, 21 the motley douche said...

He hath scaled the mountain and witnessed the pear…and the pear is good.

modo 5:21

2:04 pm May, 21 Euripidouche said...

fat guys are funny

2:06 pm May, 21 Scroteophobic said...

The Arizona state girls? You do know that the underwear they were wearing was douche branded? Yup, they had AXE written across their asses.

..

Kind of took the shine off them for me…

2:10 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Though NSFW it would have been, I would’ve loved to have seen some fur pear fur.

2:12 pm May, 21 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Car Pear makes my engine go vroom vroom.

This picture looks like a still from a rejected teen-drama. “Dawson’s Bleeth”? “Beverly Smells 90210”?

No matter the title, it all smells like Axe and regret.

2:15 pm May, 21 chaserofthehott said...

I will fondle a thigh DB1… Oh yes I will…

2:24 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ V.D., 1:33, 5/21

I now expect nightmares of bespectacled dancing Indian midgets having group sex in a van.

God Bless You.

2:43 pm May, 21 Carpet 'Bagger said...

Wowee wowsers! Such good times of fun and amazing abilities for the mock this time of the weeks. So many bountiful huge and wonderful disgusting douchebags that make my heart tremble and quake for thinking such thoughts as bad and awful thinking things. You know huh! Yea, me too. Sometimes mostly this site is super cool and amazing. The ultimate happy thing that coagulates my thinking is the boobies. So super and duper they are.

I love almost always the mostly amazing comments here to. Lols.

Toodles.

3:27 pm May, 21 Vin Douchal said...

@ Douchie Howser

Yeah, huh? That second video stars Jake and Amir from College Humor.com. Those guys fucking crack me up. I just found out about them a few weeks ago and sat in front of the computer watching all 367 episodes in a row.

On a related note , if an incredible freak biting her lip or mussing up her hair turns your screws, then Katie, the Cute College Girl Of The Day over there from yesterday is worth a look.

She’s kind of young, though …..

3:31 pm May, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Darksock?

3:42 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ V.D., 3:27 pm, 5/21

The Cute College Girl of the Day, I see, is in Syracuse where, coincidentally, I am currently applying for a job.

Though her study of biology at first gave me hope, her label of “Pre-Law” deflated said hope. I could have given her some special “tutoring.”

Mrs. Howser can know nothing of this.

4:05 pm May, 21 Bagnonymous said...

SWEET MOSES today’s ass pear is delicious. I would try with all my might to give Fur Pear some rugburns.

4:51 pm May, 21 scrotum pole said...

Was that whiny bitch getting a tatoo, or passing a kidney stone?

I passed a kidney stone on the interstate once.

Or maybe it was a school bus.

6:15 pm May, 21 Douchble Helix said...

I’m no expert on the animal kingdom, but that might not have been a a deer attack on the fat guy. It may have been amore’.

6:15 pm May, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Speaking of the deer and the fat guy,

Hey! One man to a pair of shorts out there!

6:27 pm May, 21 clam fist said...

I volunteer to wash car pear’s car with my tongue.

6:49 pm May, 21 Horace Dangleballs said...

Just curious if the fat guy told the deer he wanted to “Get Some.”

Where can one hide after getting buttfucked by Bambi? Do the gene pool a favor, chubbo.

7:21 pm May, 21 scrotum pole said...

That deer made the fat boy his bitch.

Sometimes the deer punks the man, and sometimes

the man punks the deer.

8:27 pm May, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr. Bunsen

Prepare for your Justin Bieberage. And weren’t t hose some nice asses.

8:57 pm May, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Carvelli was great. He had a buddy, and for some reason in one episode he gets in some guy’s face and says, ‘Obtuse, Hypotenuse.’

Maybe you had to be there.

9:06 pm May, 21 Whoop-di-douche said...

No, why did I imagine fur Pear to be a peekaboo merkin under the ass-pear?

Or perhaps fur shorties on a mostly -exposed ass?

A fake-fur blanket just didn’t seem the obvious choice.

11:02 pm May, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Annoying tattoo freakout girl? I think I have a new ringtone. 😛

11:13 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I’ve imbibed enough now to admit my most impure of thoughts:

Fur Pear appears prepared to disrobe in preparation for me to position myself behind her, and engage in coitus.

I apologize for my filthy language and imagery.

11:22 pm May, 21 Wheezer said...

Our war is never going to be over, fellow hunters and huntresses! The fuccen Grieco virus has invaded comic strips…..

11:32 pm May, 21 Crucial Head said...

Re: The Tatt Girl

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*flash forward 40 years into the future*

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Caption:

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Her mind long ago succumbing to dementia, UV 2000 tanning beds, and an insatiable appetite, Medusa Oblangata prepares to tattoo her last dying wallaby.

.

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(You know I love you Ms. O.)

11:35 pm May, 21 Crucial Head said...

Not to get too gay or anything, but I believe I would put my penis in Gabe Kaplan’s asshole multiple times until fruition was achieved through massive amounts of friction.

.

What?

.

It’s not like we’d cuddle afterwards.

11:38 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

^

The heretofore censored 4th panel shows our fellow orange-striped, lasagna-eating ‘baghunter buddy kicking Jon squarely in the nuts.

11:56 pm May, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I’ve been meaning to ask, with absolutely no disrespect intended, and with apologies if I’m covering old ground (being relatively new here):

Is the name “Crucial Head” a reference to one who is the “Head,” i.e., the chair, headship, helm, rein, etcetera, and is understandably, therefore, “Crucial?”

Or is it (more likely and more understandably) the fellatio, or “Head,” that is “Crucial” that one obtain? (On special occasions, anyway, according to Mrs. Howser.)

12:04 am May, 22 Crucial Head said...

@DH M.D.

.

The latter would be correct. Just don’t mention anything to that fat fuccen pussy Vinnie Favale.

12:05 am May, 22 Crucial Head said...

…not the hott.

12:06 am May, 22 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Before one considers non-gay anal intercourse with Mr. Kotter (though very cool and luscious in his day…in a non-gay way, of course) one must ponder this:

Mr. Kotter, In His Present State

12:19 am May, 22 Dicy said...

I’m shall fondle thigh all night!

And by fondle thigh all night I mean sleep alone on my brothers floor… *sigh*

12:23 am May, 22 Crucial Head said...

Agreed… but who said anything about seeing his face as I deliver my porch beef into his quivering col…

.

… “What?… gaddamit honey, I told you to knock before you come in my office… oh… I see, yes honey… This? Oh this is just some internet blog that I was commenting on – you don’t need to read it. Just harmless fun. Good ol’ fashioned hetero fun… heh heh.”

“Heterosexual sex in our nuptual bed you’re offering? Why… certainly.”

.

See you all later.

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*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

12:27 am May, 22 Wheezer said...

Did Dicy say “Superthighs me?”

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My brothers, my broheims, my partners in mock, we must not let this lovely young baghuntress sleep alone. No, I say, we must lend her our thighs to fondle.

.

Oh yes, yes we must…..as long as her brother isn’t a ninja nor wielding shotguns or anything, of course…..

12:35 am May, 22 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Dicy’s derivatives and vector notations excite me, though my engineering degree’s been long neglected, and my math skills have almost entirely atrophied.

Her avatar doesn’t hurt, either.

1:09 am May, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Thanks for the Cute College Girl of the Day link Vin. I just spent the last hour perusing though the last 47 entries, waiting for my new 2 TB external HD to format to NTFS, as my collection of Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes play in the background.

.

You read that right, all you jealous hatters. I am f’ing awesome.

5:13 am May, 22 Kevin said...

fur pear is pretty cute. Seen her before. Anyone got a name?

6:33 am May, 22 doucheywallnuts said...

Cute College Girl of the Day is a time killer and yet very instructive, and rather than go into a dissertation, i’ll just leave it at that.

Also, for as much as I love to mock all things douche, I cannot mock a cute little kid for dancing regardless…perhaps in a few more years when puberty strips away the cuteness.

And the tattoo video serves as a teachable moment for all women. The pain and ignominy of the tattoo is forever and is evident to all, where as the pain from anal sex is fleeting and can in many cases can be pleasurable. So girls, do your men a favor and say “No” to tattoos and “Yes” to regular anal sex.

8:31 am May, 22 Dicy said...

@Wheezer

Don’t tease me with the hopes of thigh fondle! The brother isn’t a ninja I don’t think… But if he were he’d keep it a secret wouldn’t he, so there’s no way to know.

10:35 am May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I dreamed about fur pear and woke to a growling dog and a mouthful of hair. And by hair I don’t mean the Mrs. Reverend Chad Kroeger’s.

3:44 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

is that the new class of 2013 high school photos?

10:44 pm May, 22 Euripidouche said...

@ rev chad, biting the dog she didn’t mind, she never liked that mutt, but in your sleep you bit the pussy, your wife loves that cat, its all over facebook, even stackhouse is laughing.

3:42 am May, 23 lucious lupus john does it with a bong said...

why do i get the feeling that margaret cho is somewhere on all fours in this picture?

5:49 am May, 23 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

As the tagger of the Uber Jerzey Guid I have to let you all know that when he got close enough to hear his conversation he didn’t disappoint. I know, I know, you’re all figuring he was talking about how he was working on a cure for cancer and getting very close, but no, that wasn’t it. He was talking about a friend of his getting into a fistfight. Ahhhhh, the guidos.

6:50 pm May, 23 Hapich said...

Mommy!!

7:38 pm May, 23 Steve L. said...

wow. lots of douche tagging this week. DB1 only saves the good pears for the douche-heavy weeks. hmph.

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