Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fruffy Pants

Why do men become douches? To impress and acquire the female.

Why do females respond to douches? Because douches display the signifiers determined by a society to mark one’s body as containing valuable cultural capital.

Who determines what these signifiers are? Products, brand names and the endless cacophonous consumption cycle that requires a perpetually unsatisfied hyper-stimulated media engine.

And this is the larger point.

When the male pursuit of the female through the exhibition of spectacle crosses over from the merely silly into the entirely ludicrous, it ruptures any semblance of dignity. It perpetuates endless sexual dissatisfaction and body image crisis. It makes money for corporations selling overpriced corporeal validation by the yard.

And it ends in a world of fruffy pants.

# posted by douchebag1
11:29 am May, 4 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

It is Beavis!!!!!

11:39 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

Larry was so excited to meet his mail order bride, he literally shat his tuxedo pants. Luckily, his Aunt Gladys was incontinent and always had a spare pair of pants in her purse, so Larry was able to make a quick switch before Kim-Lee deplaned.

11:41 am May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Lord Francis Seymour Hoffman, second son of the 18th Duke of Somerset , lounges on the set of the BBC’s Royal Prick Bachelor with contestant #13, Samoan Princess Tui Yasmine Coe in the gift pants she brought him.

She received no rose but was deflowered by a camera grip

11:45 am May, 4 Mr. White said...

Marcus was deeply ashamed of his rare medical condition, which left his legs mottled with red and pink bruises and bright yellow, pus-filled sores. The only time he felt comfortable relaxing without pants was in front of his beloved housekeeper, Sunni Jhong-Tai.

11:48 am May, 4 Jimmy said...

DB1—This should be your manifesto and required reading in high schools and high school equivalents throughout the world. Only by educating the masses to the emptiness of crass capitalism can we stop men from looking like jackasses to get vagina.

11:48 am May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m glad he went with the boots. It would have looked just plain silly if had he went with Chuck’s or moccasins.

11:51 am May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Alright, who raid Mrs. Havisham’s sitting room? Oh, that’s right, it was this asshole.

12:05 pm May, 4 Mr. White said...

His grandfather once fucked my grandmother’s favorite church-goin’ dress, unleashing a line of hideous mutants on the world.

12:25 pm May, 4 Deltus said...

This is one of the things that Paul had visions about on the road to Damascus. And when relaying it, although he admitted he didn’t fully understand what it is that he saw, he wept.

12:40 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Somewhere, David Lee Roth is running around in tuxedo pants and over a spandex onesie

12:41 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Take out * “and” ^

I’m an eediot

12:57 pm May, 4 mr.reeve said...

Yeah, I am not sure what to think of this picture. Vin Douchal’s DLR reference pretty much sums it up.

1:17 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Ed Hardy’s 2010 Summer Fashion Show .

.

Complete with sheep.

1:21 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

She’s got arms like a gibbon. I bet if she ever dropped an earring down the toilet just as she flushed she’d have the damn thing back before all the water’d reached the main sewer line.

.

I’ll bet she gives viscious reach-arounds.

1:26 pm May, 4 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

The cowboy boots are what really complete the ensemble. Maybe it was one of those weird parties that starts between 3-6 where tuxes are considered overkill, but Fruffy Pants alone are a total faux pas.

Cassandra from Wayne’s World just caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror across the room and realized what she’s doing. Don’t worry, I’ll comfort you.

1:38 pm May, 4 scrotum pole said...

Dude’s thinking, “I’m so f*@kin’ cool, I can pull this off.”

Sabrina’s not so sure.

1:41 pm May, 4 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

Fashion faux pas, just look at this guy

Mixing boots and fruffy pants with a classy bow tie?

His hair is retreating, what a hideous beast

For crimes against style, call the fashion police

1:48 pm May, 4 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

That motherfucker stole my grandmother’s table cloth to make some pants! What did my Nana ever do to you, dickwad? Now take your hands of Lao Zhee Lei and get your ass to Walmart to buy her a new table cloth.

2:00 pm May, 4 Douchble Helix said...

The gentleman in question is an noted optometrist and encironmentalist. He very cleverly linked a large number of out-of-date color blindness test pages into some totally rad trousers.

Good call on ‘Beavis’.

2:00 pm May, 4 Douchble Helix said...

enVironmentalist

Goddammit. Didn’t there used to be a preview?

2:33 pm May, 4 Claude Douchenburg said...

But damn look what it gets him. She is a hot hall of famer if there was one.

2:41 pm May, 4 ehcuodouche said...

Major league coke snorting going on just out of frame.

3:14 pm May, 4 Blind Squirrel said...

The pinky ring alone justifies a mercy killing. No jury could touch you.

3:14 pm May, 4 DarkSock said...

I like this guy.

.

There, I said it.

3:35 pm May, 4 DarkSock said...

“The name’s Bond….Austin Bond, International Man of Mystery”.

3:47 pm May, 4 DarkSock said...

Jerome learned the hard way that one should never give a horse liquid ass-grief after changing into evening wear.

3:52 pm May, 4 Horace Dangleballs said...

Damn, DarkSock beat me to the Bond/Powers joke.

I have nothing against tuxes.

I have nothing against cowboy boots.

I even have nothing against jammie pants.

But all three in the same ensemble? It’s like a gay, colorblind, wrangler wedding.

3:56 pm May, 4 massengill said...

“The name’s Bond…George bond, Interior Designer.”

4:06 pm May, 4 Skunch said...

What’s not wrong with this picture?

4:41 pm May, 4 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

He looks like a skinny, douchey version of Julian Sands. And WT effin F! is up with the pants??!!? Did he lose a bet? Burn them! Removing them first is optional. But definitely remove her. And bring her to me. Yowza!

6:33 pm May, 4 Reg at Work said...

I disagree with your point DB1. We see ourselves as having lost tradition, that is, that our behavior patterns, our rituals, etc., are all new and innovative, that we are not repeating the past. But in fact, the experience of modernity is, in fact, to live in traditional ways and to repeat tradition in unrecognizable forms.

Modern cultures still perform traditional rituals, such as sports (which are originally religious rituals) or shaming rituals, yet the origin and original meaning of these rituals have passed out of the culture. This is no different with the modern “douchebag” phenomenon. Past cultures have always preened and strutted for choice sexual selection, and merchants, for as long as they have existed, have catered to this market in some form or another.

Modern cultures still repeat ways of thinking in the past—in fact, the bulk of modern culture is based on traditional ways of thinking repeated relatively unchanged—yet modern cultures tend to view these ways of thinking as innovations. Although we base our social groups on abstract categories, the structure and content of these social groups repeat the structure and content of kinship groups, in other words, we base our abstract social groups on principles derived from real, biological relationships; we do not, however, experience these social groups as real, biological relationships.

So, in sum, modernity—the sense that the present is discontinuous with the past, is an illusion—and this illusion creates modernity itself. What has changed is social memory; we have disconnected most of our practices and ideas from our collective memory of their origins and meaning.

But those pants are pretty fucking gay.

8:17 pm May, 4 Whoop-di-douche said...

Good Lord in heaven and Satan in hell, senior cords just ain’t what they used to be.

8:19 pm May, 4 Whoop-di-douche said...

Doesn’t Lily Pulitzer have a line of dresses made of this tropical print?

Thought so.

8:22 pm May, 4 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’ve seen fruffier Scotsmen in kilts and tux-tops at formal occasions in back rooms, teabagging and blowing bagpipes.

This fella just needs to be deflowered.

9:44 pm May, 4 Wedgie said...

There’s nothing wrong with those pants. I have a wetsuit that looks just like them.

True story. I wear them to the beach all the time, and I only got the shit beat out of me once.

Once for each time I wore them, that is.

9:48 pm May, 4 TrixieBlack said...

Whoop-di-douche you are so right about the Lilly Pulitzer. Give your sister back her pants, dickwad! She needs them for the Hamptons this weekend!

And I’m sorry but Tan and Luscious Lolani is making me wonder if she’s a life sized Barbie doll with that strange elbow thing she has going on. Not that I have anything against life sized Barbie dolls…

10:21 pm May, 4 lupus john st wort said...

when she pukes in his lap, no one will notice–genius!!!

12:23 am May, 5 G said...

I guess wearing pants like that makes your dick look bigger or something…the only explanation I can think of.

12:35 am May, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

He’s not a douche. But he is a dipshit.

5:01 am May, 5 Tony Ventresca said...

Definitely Lily Pulitzer pants, available for men, and fairly popular among WASP/preppy douches. For raging heterosexuals only. This one is wearing them with a dinner jacket and cowboy boots(!!!!!!!!) which suggests to me he picked them in a thift store, ’cause that’s not how they’re supposed to be worn. If no one believes me, check out the “gallery” section of the Lily Pulitzer website for the customer submitted photos.

5:56 am May, 5 Steve L. said...

if he’s a comedian, i don’t want to know what form of comedy he specializes in.

6:52 am May, 5 Clydes Adult World said...

It’s got to be money. Someone who wears pants like that can’t have anything else going for him.

8:23 am May, 5 Chris said...

I bet that guy wheels art chicks every weekend and takes them back to his loft and does nasty things to them. CRUSHIN PUSSY ON THE REG!!!

8:53 am May, 5 Doo Schnozzle said...

Just when you thought you had seen it all.

Back to the bong.

10:58 am May, 5 Baron Von Goolo said...

Actually, this cat I like.

11:53 am May, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

And a generation gap, apparently.

5:40 am May, 18 Clydes Adult World said...

He’s got to be asshole deep in cash.

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