Wednesday, May 12, 2010

HCwDB: Jenga Style

I always wondered what was going on inside that Jenga tower.

# posted by douchebag1
3:52 pm May, 12 massengill said...

_______ a fat _______. Not the _______.

3:55 pm May, 12 Steve L. said...

the good news is that it’s a Jenga tower. you wouldn’t need more than one airliners to take it down.

the bad news is, somebody has to ensure that Scotty is tied up and immobilized on the table and rescue Jenny in the middle and Linda on the right at the same time as the tower crumbles to the ground. oh and maybe rescue Amy on the left too. but she looks kinda bleethy.

i’m sure there will be plenty of volunteers though.

3:58 pm May, 12 Vagina Slim said...

Fat boy’s cigarette purse is very gay.

4:04 pm May, 12 mr.reeve said...

Billy Bob is sporting his cleanest mandana trying to impress the rainbow girls. He forgot to wear his “SlimT” and ruined his whole night.

4:04 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and a blood clot

4:06 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and a crab they caught

4:07 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and the student the short bus forgot

4:07 pm May, 12 Chad Kroeger said...

I was going out to buy popsicle sticks for a school project for Miss Kroeger. Now I must kill my neighbours.

4:10 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and a case of Sheep Rot

4:13 pm May, 12 Fatness said...

Hott Hott Rot Hott.

4:14 pm May, 12 Fatness said...

(eh, sorry about the joke dupe. must quit gawking so long before posting)

4:16 pm May, 12 Soy Bomb said...

L to R:

.

BLEEEEETH!!!, tasty ‘Ginger’-Snap, Fat F*ck, and cutie brunette who’s unkempt, post-coital hair says: “I just got rammed in the bathroom.”

4:28 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and a moon shot

4:36 pm May, 12 mr.reeve said...

Allow me,

Three hots and a fat TWAT

4:36 pm May, 12 mr.reeve said...

correction….twot not twat

4:43 pm May, 12 The Logical End said...

@ Vagina Slim

That is a camera case, probably for the camera in the right hand of the tasty brunette to his left.

4:54 pm May, 12 Vagina Slim said...

I’m dissapointed, and will now build myself a unabomber-style shack and live out the rest of my days in a tightly fisted ball of human hatred.

4:57 pm May, 12 Anonymous said...

Pugsley is at least wearing a very stylish art deco shirt which hasn’t an Ed Hardy tag.

5:12 pm May, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Spot the rot they tell the tot while beating him some say.

.

It’s just money, OK?

.

OK? OK OK OK OK OK?

.

To exist to show or to be shown is a question never, ever known, not even by many. To exist to show or to be shown…

.

Edweena made me eat boysenberries, but lambs sakes they ate me first.

.

5:19 pm May, 12 Baron Von Goolo said...

Weekend at Louie Anderson’s.

5:28 pm May, 12 Chevy Doucherado said...

I like these ladies. I wanna taste their holes.

6:09 pm May, 12 darnell j'landry said...

I just found this website today. I get the premise and it seems kind of funny, then I read the comments threads and realized this blog followed by a bunch of narcissistic douchebags who have an inflated sense of their own comedic abilities. The comments threads are like reading first draft stand-up routines from comics trying to catch a break in Norman Oklahoma. Not that there’s anything wrong with white boys trying to be funny, because I love Bill Hicks (part of how I found this site when Googling). Ya’ll keep on with your bad selves now.

7:11 pm May, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Three Hotts and a dude named Darnell that doesn’t get it

7:42 pm May, 12 Soy Bomb said...

So Darnell, because we’re a “bunch of narcissistic douchebags [with] an inflated sense of [our] own comedic abilities”; that somehow makes us all “white boys”?

.

.

Wow. Just wow.

7:50 pm May, 12 mr.reeve said...

I guess so. I am sure we are all “haters” too.

7:56 pm May, 12 DarkSock said...

I will not stand idly by while some cock mandible named Darnell shits on the glory that is Narman, Oklahoma.

.

Darnell, I am coming to kill you, then everyone in your family. With a truncated hørse cöckk. If you had any sense at all you’d poison them now before I steal my Momma’s keys to her Cadillac Catera.

.

Wow. Just wow. I never knew Branson Missouri comedy scouts were trolling the site…

8:04 pm May, 12 darnell j'landry said...

Ha. I thought someone would take my comment the wrong way. I wasn’t trying to be mean. Just keeping it real. Like a reality check. Your comedy careers aren’t going anywhere if I judge the comments here yet it’s painfully obvious that most are trying super hard. Using big words to sound funny didn’t work for Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football and it’s not working here.

That’s all I’m saying.

Take a chill pill and don’t take yourselves so seriously.

8:12 pm May, 12 Soy Bomb said...

Darnell, thanx for the creative criticism bro…Ahem…who ever said we’re on here trying to break into comedy? My agent doesn’t even know that I’m a Soy Bomb. We’re simply a gathering of like-minded souls who try to make each other laugh whilst ripping on strangers on the internet; and if you’d spend a little more time on this site and read many of the self-depreciating comments that are made, it’s painfully clear the last thing that any of us take seriously are ourselves.

8:52 pm May, 12 jodiju said...

Darnell sort of has a point, 98% of comments left on this board are either ridiculously unhumourous or a commenter doing a db1 impression. And by impression I mean grave injustice. See? Still, there are the 2%, who shall remain nameless. that make the comment threads worth wading thru.

All that said, I never understood why an appropriate response to someone so obsessed with superficiality was to mock the way they look. It seems that our superiority complexes and particular brand of douchosity is to be celebrated while theirs is ridiculed. Funnily enough, they do the same thing to us (we’re ‘hatters’ obviously) but at least they get to rub on hotts while they do it.

He’s wrong about Dennis Miller though – Dennis Miller is fuck funny.

8:54 pm May, 12 Steve L. said...

since Darnell only laid down the gauntlet on white boys, normally i should let you white folks figure it out amongst yourselves.

but… if i may… when you guys are done with Darnell, i would like to turn his face into a puddle red with this thing and then tell him gently that i wasn’t trying to be mean. just keeping it real. and then i will punch myself in the face for uttering the damnable phrase “keeping it real.”

so where do bliss ninnies like this come from? Memphis? (no offense to Memphis Doucheworkers Local 421, if he’s from Memphis)

9:08 pm May, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Darnell – I have zero interest in doing stand up. I have zero interest in doing comedy – professional or amateur. I just write what comes into my head and hope someone finds it amusing. If you don’t fine – STFU and go gag on your swollen down’s syndrome tongue. And Dennis miller stopped being funny over a decade ago – right around the time he drank the neocon Kool aid. If you don’t think this is fun or funny, then go do something else with your life and leave us in peace to mock the douchebags and lust after the hotties and make fun of the bleeths.

It’s not rocket science, ya moron. It’s just a website.

9:10 pm May, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Where was I? Oh that’s right –

Strangers have left on longer trains before!

Bach is DEAD!

You know I never really did like people

Especially when they started walkin around

on their hind legs

and talking on the telephone

rolling wards and sinking bards are just the way to be!

9:29 pm May, 12 darnell j'landry said...

Again, I am not trying to be rude. The only reason I used the term “white boys” is because that’s the sense of humor that I detect when I read the comments for the last few posts. Supressed ninnies trying to sound like wannabe Dennis Miller during his failure at Monday Night Football. Troy Tempest is right, I fucking hate Republicans. No self respecting brother would vote Republican.

And no self-respecting brother could read the shit here without laying down some truth for ya’ll.

I don’t mind you all trying out your game and amusing your bad selves here, but I see this shit all over the webs and shit gets old.

Keep living the dream chillun. Old, fat, bald, and white. Damn. I almost feel sorry for ya’ll.

9:29 pm May, 12 Steve L. said...

@ Jodiju 8:52 PM,

HCwDB is founded by someone who calls himself DB1, because, at the end of the day, guys who don’t get chicks aren’t necessarily so much different than guys who do, at least not in their sex drives. i think that, back in 2006 and such, we were more comfortable with that position.

but as HCwDB began digging deeper and deeper into the dregs of shallowness, the desire for moralizing the whole douchebag phenomenon became a lot more intense, so many more questions come up. for example if “we” are criticizing douchebags for being wastes of skin to women and society, then do “we” know how to not be wastes of skin to women and society? these are questions that i don’t necessarily think that this primarily humor-based website is designed to address. but we can talk about it, if you really want to.

if your impression of the site today is one where people explicitly or implicitly pontificate all day about how they’re not a waste of skin to women and society compared to all the douchebags who are, let me tell you right now that i’m not one of them (can’t speak for everyone here…). i just give douchebags shit. much as DB1 speaks of enlightenment and such on HCwDB, i’m not really here to expect or offer that. as to (your implicit) question of whether people will lose their values and ideals simply because of commenting too much on HCwDB, i can’t really tell you. i will just tell you that i have no idea on how to not be a waste of skin to women and society, but i fucking hate them douchebags. judge me if you must.

9:30 pm May, 12 Steve L. said...

fuckwhysoserious

9:43 pm May, 12 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’m almost positive that Jenga Tower occurred at my college, Northern Michigan. It’s as bad as it looks.

9:46 pm May, 12 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I will not address Darnell’s comments for four reasons:

.

1) I am a white boy.

.

2) I’m not funny. And I understand about twelve percent of the vernacular used here on a regular basis (see posts from Jacques and Troy)

.

3) I came here to laugh at the ridiculously dressed turd and his twatesque mandana. Concurrently, I also long to fornicate with the women pictured in the afformentioned photo. Poo and poonanny, a delightfully entertaining platter, the very platter for which I frequent the site.

.

4) Darnell is Darksock in disguise. As usual. You meddling bastard Darsock.

.

Done and done, with enough time to rub one out. People, we call that “efficiency.”

9:50 pm May, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Three Hotts to Trot and One Choadwank With a Wheelie.

9:50 pm May, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Jenga, Jango, Jinga-Jong Jangle.

9:55 pm May, 12 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Los Angeles Herald Special Examiner, Wednesday, March 12, 2010.

It’s Mandana Man. Story of 7-foot wide Mandana.

Man’ puts the creeps into town BROWNTOWN, OK.

The sheriff has been hearing a lot about the ‘Mandana Man’, 7 feet wide with a windshield for eyes, but a state biologist says everybody would be better off looking for a red fox or a muddy drunk, or a drunk muddy red fox that like to pee in horses.Sandy Hotpants, 23, told Sheriff Clydesdale that she had been attacked several weeks ago by the creature in Okeedokee Swamp while she was busy changing her taint sweat rag in the bathroom of the Jenga Motel. Clydesdale said he has been getting other calls from people who said they saw the giant Mandana, ‘and they are reputable people.’ – Gary C. Fung journalistbag at large.

10:58 pm May, 12 massengill said...

@ Darnell

Yo, I feel the knowledge you are dropping, homeboy. I hope you can look beyond some of the comments a few of the hatters here were spittin at you and consider joining us: we could use a little street cred in or Internet ‘hood.

By the way, where did you pick up the “chill pill” line? Been watching old Olsen twin movies lately? If you’re black, you’re Urkel. But methinks you’re a trolling reg.

11:35 pm May, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was thinking Croosh, myself, but DarkSock was definitely next in line.

.

And by next in line, I mean at the door of The Playpen. Mr. White has had asparagus. Bottoms, up, you trolling smart-arses 😉

.

11:37 pm May, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

RE this pic: I’m already angry at wood after stripping and sanding about 200 out of 1,000 feet of the stuff. Now I’m even angrier at wood. Burn it. Burn it all, I say!! And on it roast the flesh of the unworthy!!! Let’s start with that guy in the middle, he looks well-marbled.

11:41 pm May, 12 darnell j'landry said...

The responses I have seen so far do nothing to distance yourselves from my allegations. Urkel. Waste of Skin. Dark sock. Muddy Red Fox. Hmmm. Can you type any more cliched racial comments in a vain attempt to validate your own waning relevance?

Probably not.

I wish I had never read the comments here. And I’ve obviously stepped on your personal shitpile of amateurish clowns auditioning their Thanksgiving table, family-approved D-grade crap.

Don’t worry, if you keep trying hardest, you may get a laugh from Ellen Degeneress.

12:09 am May, 13 Steve L. said...

don’t assume that what i said to Jodiju was motivated by you in some flattering way, Darnell. i said what i said to Jodiju, because he said what he tried to say in a way that was sincere enough that i thought it might be appropriate for me to get serious (i may be wrong though). which is something that you are not capable of, despite your persistent penchant for not being mean or nor being rude.

beyond that, though, if you have an image to keep up, you’re entitled to do just that. it’s just an image though, mind you. and a douchey one at that.

12:11 am May, 13 Steve L. said...

also, i’m gonna have to see how DarkSock handles the first person ever to take issue with the racial overtone of DarkSock.

reg-in-disguise or not, this will be one to watch!

12:13 am May, 13 darnell j'landry said...

SteveL: I am glad you think Jodiju and I are different people.

12:13 am May, 13 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ Soy Bomb 8:12 pm

Actually, I wouldn’t mind breaking into comedy. Of sorts.

12:26 am May, 13 Baleen said...

Darnell, please look again at the fat piece of shit in the photo. If that was your kid, wouldn’t you be a wee bit alarmed? And no, he’s not landing the hotts tonight, except maybe the wallet lifting skanazoid on the left.

12:28 am May, 13 Baleen said...

skankazoid ^

1:47 am May, 13 DarkSock said...

@ Darnell:

You stepped in what?

.

C’mon, Guys; give me/Croosh a break. When we troll it’s at least creative.

1:55 am May, 13 DarkSock said...

Back to the picture at hand:

.

Hey Tubs, I just lost my Jenga Jam!

2:55 am May, 13 jodiju said...

@ Steve L.

I wasn’t suggesting that we’re somehow losing ourselves because of this website, nor do I really want to start a debate in such an inconvenient and inappropriate forum. It just puzzles me to think that we are basically in a non-stop circle of mock. We laugh at and deride the choad, they laugh at us and call us ‘hatters’. Their crime is orange skin and Ed Hardy, ours is smugness and superiority. Both sides are douchebags really. It’s a puzzling situation.

@ Darnell

We are very much separate people, if your claim to be a ‘brother’ is to be credited. Like Mr. Hicks himself I also have white skin and tan teeth.

4:50 am May, 13 Troy Tempest said...

Christ on a bike – you people, you PEOPLE!!!

Darnell seems to posit himself as a person of African descent and derides many of the people here as sad examples of European descent.

But me?

I’m a PUPPET. And Darnell lumps me – ME – in with the rest of you. Damn. Just because the factory painted me a light pinkish tan. somehow I’m of european descent. LOOK AT THE PICTURE! I’M MADE OF WOOD!

Man, now I feel all weepy and stuff. *sniff* Mean old meanie – makin’ a poor little puppet like me cry…

Darnell – you have a lot to learn. Still, I don’t think you’re evil, by any stretch. You just don’t get the style here, or understand the purpose of social web systems. We amuse each other. I don’t always find everything here super funny. But I usually do find it amusing. And sometimes I laugh so hard, I cough up splinters.

So, if you think the material here is weak, then do us all a favour – write something funny. Come mock with us. Otherwise, you’re just trolling.

Now excuse me, but Aqua’s on the phone. What does she want at 7.45 in the morning?

6:40 am May, 13 bigphatnotadouche said...

Kill, Marry, Bang is what I’d do to the Hotts.

Give the fatty a break, he got two Hotts rubbing on him.

Speaking of rubbing…..

7:13 am May, 13 Bag Margera said...

To be fair to Darnell,

I think if your going to mock douchebags, you have to be funny or at least be witty. If the comments sound desperate and jealous, then the douchebags will never go away. If you mock a bag, and can’t do it with thought and meaning, then what makes you any better.

7:23 am May, 13 Kokomo Slim said...

How can anyone doubt the legitimacy of darnell j’landry?

He’s just an average American negroe, surfing the net for information on Bill Hicks, when he stumbles upon this site. (All Bill Hicks sites link directly to HCwDB)

He gets the premise, but is understandably dissapointed with the comments thread. Well, he’s not trying to start any trouble, but he has to lament the fact that some of us just aren’t ready for Comedy Central.

I apologize Darnell for the harsh treatment you’ve received here, and wish you all the best in any of your future endeavors.

7:34 am May, 13 mr.reeve said...

I think Darnell is really Jay Mohr. He’s here to get back at DB1 for last Fridays call out of douche and a failing career. As you can tell by his un-funny postings, Darnell is truly Jay. Way to go Gary.

7:49 am May, 13 Deltus said...

You take a douche from the bottom and you put it on top, you take a choad from the middle and you put it on top…

8:07 am May, 13 DarkSock said...

Wow. Just….wow.

8:09 am May, 13 DarkSock said...

@ jodiju 2:55 am

.

Ahhhh Young AssHoppa….Now you understand the yin and yang of Scrotacracy. You may now ascend to the next Ass-Troll plane of mockage.

.

Bring some Cheez Whiz when you come. We out of Cheez Whiz.

8:37 am May, 13 Kurt said...

I thought it was a pudgy lesbian. Until I saw the meaty hands.

10:08 am May, 13 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

I weep for these ladies if this is all they have to select from. We all have needs, but I pray that they need not fill them with this. Please God in Heaven spare these ladies vaginas the horror that is Rotundouche

11:05 am May, 13 Anon said...

In all seriousness black men named Darnell do not really exist except in stereotypical brotha roles in movies.

I call shenanigans.

2:37 pm May, 13 scrotum pole said...

Yo, Darnell,

White folks can bring it, Yo.

click

2:51 pm May, 13 Douches Wild said...

Three Hotts being kind to a sack full of golf balls

3:01 pm May, 13 Scroteophobic said...

@Darksock 0756

If you cannot find your Mom’s car keys you could always borrow her boat … oh, wait a minute …

8:39 am May, 14 DarkSock said...

If nautical nonsense be something you wish

Fly off the boat and flop like a fish

2:13 pm May, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

Oh good. Now I’ve got that theme song stuck in my head instead of “Pokerface.” Thanks, fucko.

9:54 pm May, 14 Stephanie said...

three bump-its and a bump schlump

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