Monday, May 10, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

An interesting shmorgasboard of smoked ‘bag on the menu for this week, along with three quality hott pockets. But whom shall pass and whom shall be mock?

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Groin Shave Reveal Greg and Kimberly

Bringing beboobsification to the table in large twin helpings of flesh manifest, GSRG and Kim are real-world HCwDB toxicity. Not megabag. But the kind you went to summer camp with and watched make out during s’mores time and before lights out with the hottest girl from Senior Bunk.

But is Greg truly douchey enough to hold up his side of the boobosity?

Shirtless, blingy, with groin reveal and hat tilt are all douchey traits.

But Greg’s non-threatening. Harmless. Just a wanksta pud. Hardly an uberdouche. Can we call him a Weekly winner?

We can if we consider Kimberly.

Boobsy boobsouous sonorous fondle fondle.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Buddy Holla and Peggy

Buddy Holla brings a strange mix of tattfreak and nerd to the Weekly.

Peggy Sue brings potential librarian zombie spank gameplay to the H.C. side of the ledger.

And no, I have no idea what a “librarian zombie spank” would consist of. But I know it’d be naughty. And involve radishes.

A Buddy Holla and Peggy vote for HCwDB would mark a continuation of the 2010 veering of spectacle into the age of what we call the “Carny ‘Bag.”

A “geek” in both senses of the term.

And Peggy Sure is naughty laundry girl. Her shirt smells of Febreze and that top shelf premium Woolite detergent.

Like a Seals and Croft summer breeze, she makes you feel fine. Rolling through the canyons of your something something.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Lint Diesel

Curves + Drunkeness plus Orange Groin Shave Reveal = Weekly Finalist. But enough to emerge as Weekly winner (loser)?

While Jon Favreau pimps Iron Man 2 in the retro Batman t-shirt, Lint Diesel busts his game. He is so not money and he does not even know it. He’s like the douche in the rated R movie.

But I am not here to make gratuitous Swingers references.

No, not even in the Age of Enlightenment.

I am here to give you three Weekly HCwDBs to vote for.

Now you must make your choice. Which of these three deserves a slot in the HCwDB of the Month?

(Dis)honorable mention to Fruffy Pants, and the perfection of gnaw that is Party Girl Helene, who both just missed the cut.

And, of course, we all hailed the ubersquat that is Pumpito. Who even without Hot Chick deserves HCwDB appreciation for filling both roles with his giant man boobs.

If you haven’t created a profile yet, move it beyoch, and then vote for your candidate in the threads. Or you can still vote anonymously if you must

Lots of votes makes your humble narrator happy.

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:08 am May, 10 saulgoode42 said...

Lint. Because he wants to lick his own naughty bits.

7:26 am May, 10 mr.reeve said...

Kimberly and her perfect boobies get the vote. Greg’s obvious manscaping shows he is in love with himself so much he probably has no true appreciation of the hottness Kimberly radiates. Greg’s near junk reveal shows that Greg loves him some him.

7:32 am May, 10 The Blessed Scrotini said...

Lint Diesel. The hott is all hott this week but the douche is on completely different levels and Lint wins/loses them all.

7:42 am May, 10 RAPETIME said...

Lint seems to have lost all neural control over his bodily functions, as evinced by his dangling tongue, closed eyes and tilted head, so he gets my vote right there. This is the Special Olympics, right? It’s hard to be a winner when you’ve blown out your brain stem, kids. Ask Bret Michaels.

As a plus, we also get White Dress, who has more delicious curves than the old Nürburgring.

I had considers GSRG and Kimberly, but couples where the chick is far more douchey than the guy make me really uncomfortable.

7:47 am May, 10 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Lint because the son of a bitch just brought back my hangover. He should be strung up by his nethers. Which are almost in plain view. What a gayrod.

.

And the beautiful baby Belinda’s curves are more than adequate.

7:51 am May, 10 Mr. White said...

I’m going with Buddy Holla and Peggy. Buddy based his whole look on Henry Rollins after his first cousin played part the first two tracks off of “Damaged” for him that one time. He doesn’t actually own the album, though.

Also, he always smells like b.o., even right after he gets out of the shower.

I would like to make hot, monkey love to Peggy on a pile of freshly laundered towels while a horrified Snuggle Bear is forced to watch.

7:54 am May, 10 bigphatnotadouche said...

Limp Diesel for the weekly – He’s got a Hott rubbing up on him and he’s trying to lick his own nipples. Plus his mom wrote his name on his underwear.

What a douche.

7:54 am May, 10 the douche is alright said...

i gotta vote for Kimberly and her massive boobies

8:02 am May, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Lint Diesel ftw, he is all that is douchebaggery (GSR, pants unbuckeled, multiple earings in one lobe, etc) If you look at the pic he seems more intent on staring at his ab’s then at the Hott’s curvaceousness. This is a no brainer and I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t win by a landslide

8:03 am May, 10 Bagnonymous said...

A hard one this week. And by “hard” I mean difficult. And by “difficult” I mean challenging for my boner to decide between Kimberly’s breasts and Curvy Carrie’s bangin’ body. But GSR Greg is somewhat non-threatening, in a way that makes me think he’s dressed more for attracting other men rather than ladies. So I’ll go with Lint Diesel and Carrie’s fabulous bumper.

8:05 am May, 10 Troy Tempest said...

So, Buddy Holla is a doofus who wants a permanent Ed Hardy Shirt. He will work as a barback until he’s 30, when he’ll get a job with the sanitation dept. Douchie? Yes. Scroteworthy? Yes? Weekly dick king? No. Of the three, his girl is the nicest, but hardly the hottest. So, Buddy Holla is out of the running.

That brings it down between Lint and Greg. Frankly, Kimberly could have empty pussfilled sockets for eyes, and she would still be wildly smokin hott. Linty’s girl (I’ll call her Mimi) is also uberhott. She has a wee gunt, and that may be because she is spawning. Which creates horrible images of a foetus giving blowjobs until it is aborted due to the fact that she drinks like a fish.

So, I count Kimberly and Mimi a tie. So, then it’s between Lint and Greg, and Frankly, Lint is the bigger douchebag.

Lint is such a massive douchebag his bellybutton begs for death. “pweeeeeze – kiw me now mister! My mommy said this is a baaaad deal!” And the rare ass white cup nods in agreement – “Yes little button. It is a bad deal. I am full of poison, murdering the unborn. You are but a widder biddy button. Don’t worry child – it will be over soon…”

Lint FTW

8:09 am May, 10 DarkSock said...

Lint Diesel; why? Because he’s a ball-gazer; a sac shearing shrimp; because his hott’s harder than unlubed knee sex, and mostly because Jon Favreau should just know better.

8:09 am May, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Gotta go with Lint. The boy sure is douche, thru-and-thru. But that’s not why I’m voting for him. Nor is it because he has the hottest chick. Greg the Groin’s girl is pure salad-tossing goodness.

The reason is, I knew this chick who was a dead-ringer for Lint’s girl. She was in her early 20s, and was dating my business partner at the time, a true degenerate, six-times divorced and in his mid-sixties. This bitch was other-level sick. My friend was a touch on the deviant side, as I may have mentioned, but I believe she took him places even he had never been before.

Forget about fisting. She wanted him to jerk of inside her. I mean, wrist and all. He bought a little camera to videotape their escapades, she made him put that inside her. Along with the battery pack and all the attachments. Anything was fair game…bats, bottles, magazines, bowling pins- I mean it got to the point where the dude ran out of things to shove inside her. I was throwing out a pair of computer speakers that kept shorting out. JBL. I had them in the back of my car- I saw him and said “here, try this,” he did!!! All of this, by the way was common knowledge as she worked in the office for him- she was a real tart and didn’t care if everyone knew. He was loaded and she was a kept whore.

I cannot even recall all of the foreign objects he rammed up there, NOR do I see the sexual value in such, but, those memories conjure emough sentiment for me to say..

Lint and the BatCave ftw.

8:28 am May, 10 Justin said...

Linty D has far more douchey attributes than the rest of the field. His pants are undone (which I assume he did himself), and he seems more inclined to lick himself than the drunken babe next to him.

Although his hott doesn’t really hold a candle to the other hotts, I would still gladly let her hold my candle.

Linty D FTW

8:29 am May, 10 Justin said...

….I have a feeling we will be seeing KImberly again…a golden globes douchie perhaps?

8:30 am May, 10 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Kimberly for several nominations in the yearly, but Lint Diesel for the weekly – he is all that is uberdouche.

8:35 am May, 10 Douchey Like Sunday Morning said...

Lint Diesel, just to see Curvy Carrie’s curves again.

8:36 am May, 10 End the Haberdouchery said...

GSR Greg and Kimberly. Two star-crossed lovers with sculpted chests and abs, standing on beer cans. I bet three people got herpes in those woods that weekend.

Boobs.

8:46 am May, 10 scrotum pole said...

Of course, Lint Diesel gets the win.

He’s directing his imbecelic tongue-lick at his own junk, while ignoring the near-perfection of The Unnamed Hott, ( who is so liquored and stoned she probably doesn’t remember much of that night.)

Jon-Favreau-Batman-shirt is the picture of absolute irrelevance, and I’m sorry I even had to mentioned him.

8:48 am May, 10 Elwood Blues said...

The Lint Licker for FTW.

8:48 am May, 10 Merle Baggard said...

Lint Diesel, proof there is no God.

8:49 am May, 10 Douchelips said...

I’m very tempted to vote for GSR Greg and Kimberly. Him – disgustingly douchey GSR and idiot grin. Her – Mt. Everest Boobies. But the crushed beer cans on the ground and his innocence, they just aren’t toxic enough.

.

Buddy Holla is only a dweeb with too many tatts and not enough hott.

.

Now Lint has the hated GSR, pants unbuttoned, Diesel underwear showing, bling, and spiky hair. Plus his hott looks like she’s on roofies. And lint is more toxic than a Nevada nuclear waste dump…Lint Diesel FTW!

8:50 am May, 10 Father Guido Sardouchey said...

Lint Diesel for the win (loss) over ambiguously gay Greg and post-plane-crash Buddy H. Not only does Lint appear to be more interested in autofellatio than in smokin’ hot Carrie, but his scrotal aura is so strong that it violates FCC regualtions for radio interference.

9:00 am May, 10 Douche Dastardly said...

I was hoping to see Fruffy Pants on this list the combination of James Bond tux pose with bad acid trip bell bottoms deserved more mock.

But the DB1 has spoken so….I’m throwing out Greg and putting in my vote now for Kim and her funbags at the 2010 Douchies.

.

Which leaves us with Lint and Buddy and by leave I mean a fat fucking floater in the only toilet of house party where you had one too many jell-o shots. Because hey there’s always room for jell-o.

Between these two turds I have to go Lint while Mr. White nailed it with the Rollins Bag, I think Buddy could actually formulate a sentence that was thoughtful and even perhaps relevant.

As for Lint the only thought I can get from his pic is “Penis grow!” Yes Linty it does.

But 3 inches is more impressive with rain. Now go shave your groin some more to maximize, you dimwitted mule blowing douche.

Mimi as Troy has named her is delicious girl next door porn hot. I would rest my delicious Singapore Sling on her rump tray while I finished reading the Sunday times poolside. I would of course also reach down for I quality boobie fondle somewhere between the Metro Section and Arts and Leisure.

.

Lint FTW

9:04 am May, 10 Douchble Helix said...

On the one hand, DB1 blew it by not including Helene and whatever piece of shit she was with.

However, all those Swingers/Voltare (?) references were money. I went to a land grant college, so I don’t even get most of them.

So, whichever couple had the Swingers lines gets my vote.

But it should have gone to my sweet, sweet, sweet, Helene. And her naughty, naughty, naughty, peek-a-boobies.

9:07 am May, 10 Douchble Helix said...

Hey, Baron! Could you link to that ‘no sun-glasses’ photo you found of big-boobs girl #1?

That was so money.

9:10 am May, 10 Toolio said...

Lint Diesal

9:11 am May, 10 MoeDouche said...

Lint Diesel FTW! No questions about it this time. He has the complete package. By package I mean that hottie is now burning a silhouette AssPear on my LCD monitor. Grrrrrrr!

9:12 am May, 10 Bilbo Douchebaggins said...

I was leaning towards Groin Shave Reveal Greg, but when I saw Lint Diesel trying to lick the tanning lotion off of his stomach, he definitely deserves douchie of the week.

9:14 am May, 10 Southern Scrotic said...

Lint diesel is another name for toxic sludge.

9:21 am May, 10 Steve L. said...

Lint Diesel gets bonus points for trying to fellate himself and Carrie gets bonus points just for being a lookalike of Anthony LaBaglia’s slut from hell, but as i suggested last week, i would vote for Buddy Holla if he makes the weekly. so i am contract bound to do just that. i’m sure the bastard tatted the contract in question somewhere on his body.

if i keep thinking it’s a contract with Peggy Sue (why did i call her Carrie the first time around?) and not a contract with the devil, it makes me feel better. ever so slightly.

9:23 am May, 10 Just Sayin said...

Kimberly’s boobies, and whatever went with them.

9:28 am May, 10 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Too often on this forum I have concentrated my observations on the multifaceted manifestations of the ‘Bag, to the neglect of the HC. I rectify that herewith: sure Greg is a goofy faced clueless ‘Bag, but the intercontinental ballistic missiles Kimberly is sporting could save the world…or destroy it. Kimberly with her happy ass ‘Bagling wins.

9:33 am May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

I’m sick up and fed with GSR. I almost want to recuse myself from voting. Fuck all these people, but leave Kimberly to me. I’l handle the fucking of Kimberly.

Because you have to vote for someone, I vote for Lint Diesel FTW because it rhymes with Vin Douchal a little

9:40 am May, 10 Crucial Head said...

As with most weeks, the hottest hott and the biggest douchebag are not coupled conveniently together. Kimberly and Lint together would be Monthly caliber material for sure. Since they are not, I must act as Solomon did in the ancient tymes.

.

.

In keeping with the time-honored tradition of “keeping it real” at HCwDB, I actually went separately to the parents of Kimberly and Lint to pose this simple question:

.

If I halved your offspring with a scythe and drained the bloody waste through a lamprey filter and into a leech field on the face Eyjafjallajokull – how would that make you feel?

.

Kimberly’s parents wept much before calling the police to have me removed from the premises. Nevertheless, I understood the pain in imagining a world left with only memories of those precious mammaries.

.

Conversely, Lint’s parents looked at me after I posited the same profound question, paused, and then added, “could you be sure to use a rusty scythe… I think we have one in the barn out back.” I responded with a hearty grin.

.

.

So, the oracles have spoken. And I weep with great joy as I render the just verdict of Lint Diesel and his curvaceous hott FTW.

9:41 am May, 10 dbBen said...

GSRG

I don’t have to explain myself to you. Stop looking at me.

Kim won’t return my calls.

9:44 am May, 10 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

Aaah, Kimberly. Your deliciously cantilevered breasts give me a rigid structural member. Frankly, when gazing upon them, I have a sense of awe that I can only compare to that of the Suebi gazing upon Ceasar’s bridge across the Rhine. Those breasts are so impossibly gravity-defying as to render my previous means of understanding the world moot. Alas, for you, however, at dispute is the HCwDB of the Week, and you have a douchebag whoi does not carry his douchely weight on your squad. GSR greg is irritating, but he is a mere workmanlike douche when set aside the scrote that is Lint Diesel.

Lint Diesel is a douche wrecking ball so odious he has to show off his brand name underwear. Check out the signifiers: ridiculously orange skin, no sign of extraneous body hair, the prominently displayed tongue, the groin shave reveal that is the alpha and omega of the proof we have of GSR Greg’s douchiness, and a navel stud. Seriously. A navel stud. Let that particular commitment to scroteosity sink in for a moment.

OK, so LD doesn’t rock the mandana or an abundance of bad tattoos, but that just means that he has untapped reserves of scrote within him. And whilst the curvaceous (and likely roofied) Sarah does not have the pneumatic rack you bring to the table, Kimberly, she still has a first class bumper and is hot enough to make me change my religion.

Lint Diesel, his manservant Jon Favreau, and the lovely Sarah for the win. And by win, I mean, “For the love of all that is holy and righteous, will somebody put these two douchebags in moose costumes and turn them loose in an Alaskan forest on the first day of hunting season, and while they’re at it, give Sarah my hotel room key?”

9:44 am May, 10 doucheywallnuts said...

Lint Diesel FTW. One of the forgotten traits of a douchebags is narcissism, and as you can see from Lint’s attempt of auto-fellatio, narcissism is strong in this one. He also brings to the table the other douchebag requirements – the outfit, the hair, the groinshave, the abs, etc – even though Jon Favreau-douche is moving in on his hott.

Buddy Holly is a scumbag not a douchebag and Groin Shave Greg is a Diet Coke Douchebag, just one calorie, not douchie enough.

9:49 am May, 10 Condouchious say... said...

lint ftw b/c he has reached the apex of narcissism…he chose self-love in the prescence of hott. add a dash of gsr, some bling, a dollop of gelled/spiked hair, and finish it off with ab-reveal and you’ve got a recipe for world-class scrote. on another note: kimberly = boobies. that is all.

9:52 am May, 10 Condouchious say... said...

@ doucheywallnuts – as soon as i submitted my comment i saw yours…well said my friend, well said

9:56 am May, 10 Wheezer said...

GSR Greg is sporting a number of signifiers: white belt, hat tilt, Jebus bling, and GSR (obvi), but is too damned happy with gazing ‘pon Kimberly’s melons to win a Weekly. I guess the boner he’s sportin’ rules him out…..in more ways than one.

.

Buddy the Hollasac Hurl is a step up in douche from GSR Greg. Normally, that level of danderlust tattooing is a strong indicator of future HoS material, and bad tattooing will not fade away soon enough. While I would like to see what Peggy Sue is hiding under that white t-shirt, I’m going to have to listen to the crickets chirping, for…..

I’m casting a vote for Lint Diesel and Curvy Carrie. Her white dress symbolizes what I hope is truly an unspoiled nature, though I doubt the Shout is going to remove the orange grease stains mucking it up from Lint’s dry humping. The Favreau sidekick is too drunk to realize that Happy Hogan isn’t the goddamn Batman, but that “extra” sock that’s missing its partner…..how apropos. Leave him on the dryer.

I say we give Lint the “Brunette Cheeto Man” award as well. He may not be a gaybag, but he smells like poo and is seen here at that point where he’d rather look at and lick himself rather than Curvy Carrie’s ass pear. For that, he is choad.

9:56 am May, 10 Wheezer said...

GSR Greg is sporting a number of signifiers: white belt, hat tilt, Jebus bling, and GSR (obvi), but is too damned happy with gazing ‘pon Kimberly’s melons to win a Weekly. I guess the boner he’s sportin’ rules him out…..in more ways than one.

.

Buddy the Hollasac Hurl is a step up in douche from GSR Greg. Normally, that level of danderlust tattooing is a strong indicator of future HoS material, and bad tattooing will not fade away soon enough. While I would like to see what Peggy Sue is hiding under that white t-shirt, I’m going to have to listen to the crickets chirping, for…..

.

I’m casting a vote for Lint Diesel and Curvy Carrie. Her white dress symbolizes what I hope is truly an unspoiled nature, though I doubt the Shout is going to remove the orange grease stains mucking it up from Lint’s dry humping. The Favreau sidekick is too drunk to realize that Happy Hogan isn’t the goddamn Batman, but that “extra” sock that’s missing its partner…..how apropos. Leave him on the dryer.

.

I say we give Lint the “Brunette Cheeto Man” award as well. He may not be a gaybag, but he smells like poo and is seen here at that point where he’d rather look at and lick himself rather than Curvy Carrie’s ass pear. For that, he is choad.

9:57 am May, 10 Wheezer said...

I need a trash can or some other way to remove my first post. UGH.

9:58 am May, 10 Douchble Helix said...

DB1 didn’t mention the curvaceous hott’s name in photo #3. Hardly even acknowledges her existence.

I have no other proof, but that probably means he’s gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Still, I’m just sayin’.

10:15 am May, 10 massengill said...

@ Douchble Helix

Relax.

10:24 am May, 10 massengill said...

As BVG pointed out, the lovely lady with Lint Diesel is none other than Ana Usategui, a fitness model. This may not be a PTP situation, she may not be that famous, but I still feel the need to DQ her.

.

I actually find Peggy to be the hottest hott, but Buddy to be the least offensive douche. I don’t belong to the “tattoos a douche doth make” camp. And, as evidenced by the Punisher logo, he is a comic-book geek on some level, which, to me, is a pretty redeemable quality.

.

GSRG has more than a few signifiers:

1. GSR (duh)

2. Hat tilt

3. White belt

4. Jesus Bling

Kimberly has a couple of things going for her as well.

.

GSRG + Kim FTW

10:28 am May, 10 the motley douche said...

I vote Buddy and Peggy get a pass. Sure, he’s overly tatted, but what other scrote indicators are there? No hand gestures or facial expressions to denote a descent into poo. Plus, I admire any woman who can knock back a few bullets. If that’s bleethdom then sign me up.

I wanted to give Greg a pass as well. He seems like a happy go lucky type of guy. Then I remembered that backward hat tilt + gsr + jesus bling – shirt = Douche, regardless of any good intentions that may exist. It was a momentary lapse in judgment, fellow bag hunters. I apologize and will not let it happen again.

Cast my vote on the weekly for Lint Diesel. The hair, the shirt raise (which, btw, I submit should be grouped with gsr as an automatic sign of the scrote virus) and the MJ tongue…it’s all there. This guy is a poster boy for douche. He is even beyond the help of his notadouche Favreau buddy over there.

LD ftw…

10:50 am May, 10 mr.reeve said...

I totally agree with massengill, Greg is very douchey. Don’t forget the very subtal boxer reveal as well. That makes at least 5 douche offenses by my count.

11:00 am May, 10 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Lint Diesel FTW. As I’ve said before, you’ve gotta give the higher douche quotient to the guy tasting his own Axe body spray.

11:02 am May, 10 Bagnonymous said...

I’m afraid BvG and massengill are onto something–here’s another pic in what appears to be the same dress(?).

.

Holy hell, she looks nicely toned & hott in the “Lint” pic but downright scary in others. My penis turtled when I google’d her pics!

11:05 am May, 10 Snoop Douchey Douche said...

Oh, Lint. Your shorts say “Diesel,” and yet your facial expression says “get this chick off me because I can’t get ‘interested’ unless I stare longingly at my own body. No, bro, she alright, but I make myself soooo hot!” The epitome of douche is to believe that the only thing worthy of your love is your clone.

Lint for the win. That hand-me-down girlie for me.

11:14 am May, 10 lupus john bijjahnn said...

i would say buddy holla, because you can’t fix tattoo mistakes with more tattoo mistakes; but this groin reveal trend is really gnawing at me in a bad way. i had the same response as amerigo vesdouchey, but it is the white belt of greg that made me heave; don’t let his dopey grin deceive you, greg is a 7th degree douche.

11:16 am May, 10 Bag Margera said...

I expect it to go to Lint Diesel. Kimberly’s boobs are almost an unstoppable force, however Linty’s girl is no pushover. She’s a knockout. And Lintbag himself puts Gregs attempts at baggery to shame. Also lets not forget to mention the carnal enjoyment they are having. Orange, bald-chested, diamond-ear spiky-hair party troll + curvy impressionable miniskirt + sticking tongue out ambigously at shirt, hottie, and chest, while having a grope-a-thon with bat-broheim, = an unholy trinity of disgusting.

11:17 am May, 10 Bob Mcadouche said...

Lint Diesel FTW. Why are his pants unbuttoned?

11:31 am May, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Greg and Kimberly FTW. You know why douchebags are no good at Karate? Because they can never get past the white belt. I would pay a 400 lb Samoan my entire salary to tear my testicles off with his bare hands and feed the to a starving wombat for the opportunity to go back in time to 1978 and beat to death some random 12 year-old on a banana board wearing a similar shirt as Kimberly. I would lie to her that there’s a 2-for-1 sale for body mists at Victoria’s Secret just to see that excitable look on her face, and then gnaw quietly on the corner of her pink Liz Claiborne handbag whilst she was briefly distracted. F’ing boobies!

11:33 am May, 10 Tony Ventresca said...

Tough choice this week, because all three douches are more or less equally douche (too much body shaving) and the three hotts are also of roughly equal hotness. But Kimberley’s incredible bouncers grabbed my eye and held it, so she gets my vote.

11:35 am May, 10 Architeuthis Dux said...

Greg is the dude in biology who mildly irritated you with his occasional dumb comments and ability to sit next to the hot chick, but whom you couldn’t really hate. Buddy is your childhood friend who moved out of state and just moved back and clearly made some bad life decisions, but you used to trade Animorph books, so whatever. Lint is the dingleberry with barbs that will never fully exit the hairs of the ass crack, no matter how many times one wipes. Although Kimberly and Peggy release my kraken way more than generic drunk skank.

11:37 am May, 10 Tony Ventresca said...

….oh, and I vote for Paul Muad’douche for the most Ancient reference (for Caesar’s “Commentaries on the Gallic War”). Nicely done, and a good book.

11:42 am May, 10 Douches Wild said...

Groin/Greg and the succulent Kimberly FTW, not for who they are, but for who they will be. All the candidates this week are under ripe dormant Douchlings, all will mature in different ways and a very few will not wither in the shade of mighty oaks like the Donkster and Smoot. The other candidates reek of early flameout, Greg and Kimberly have LEGS.

11:52 am May, 10 Douchey the Great said...

Lint Diesel FTW. As John McLaughlin would say, this is metaphysical doucheitude. the look, the clothes, the attitude, it’s all there.

All that’s missing is my steel-toe boot in his Diesel.

12:13 pm May, 10 Baleen said...

Lint because his navel is crying out for help. And by “help”, I mean an aluminum little league bat to the gut.

12:24 pm May, 10 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Hotness abounds in this weekly, which is both a delight to my undersized man meat and a pounding migraine to my cebral cortex. So young, so supple, and so misguided, it pains anyone who has ever listed after the hott, and by my accounts, that’s just about everyone. But there can be only one… weekly turd piñata, and that hanging target of fecal matter is none other than Lint Diesel. He brings what the others do not and that is the narcissictic impulse to strangle attention away from his curvaceous companion. Death tongue, ab reveal, groin exposure, and a nauseating orange hue beg for notice. His pathetic longing for recognition drives me to kitty-cide, which is both messy and culturally frowned upon. Lint for the win and society for a STD test.

12:25 pm May, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hands down, Lint Diesel FTW. And by win, I mean poo. Stinky, stinky poo.

Coming in second poo is GSR Greg. The GSR, white belt, ball cap at a jaunty angle, and possibly shaved/waxed chest speel douche. Losing points for lack of a leer, pouty lips, or gang signs. You could have gone far, specifically to the waste treatment plant.

Coming in third poo is Tatty Holla. Sadly, other than the vast quantity of ink and the fact that he’s being photographed in his fruit-of-the-loom boxer-briefs, not a lot of douche going on here.

12:28 pm May, 10 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

And that’s right beothes, gots me avatar up! I’ll try to make a little more effort to get thems posts in. Damn job has me running around like a retard on red bull. How I long for my underpaid position at UC Santa Barbara. But hey, can’t be a 30k millionaire forever…

unless you’re The Donk.

And there is, and will only ever be, one Donk.

12:29 pm May, 10 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^^^ SSS

That would be “lusted after”

You big stupid.

12:53 pm May, 10 Ultra Bagnus said...

Lint Diesel, for he combines the worst of all worlds. GSR, open fly, gay fake tan, stupid blowout hair, dumb face (w/ the presence of toungebaggery), and the ever-present douche bling. It doesn’t get much worse than Lint… except maybe for Donkey Douche.

12:54 pm May, 10 Scrotediddilyumptious said...

Can I still vote for “Jed the Creepy Wankscrote”, the HCDB of the Month for April? I am still not over it. The scars are still fresh as is the bile taste in my mouth.

1:00 pm May, 10 g0dluvsugly said...

LINT DIESEL FTW.

Look how hard the poor kid is trying? Shirt lift with groin shave reveal, meanwhile none of this is accomplished but for his actually UNBUTTONING his pants! The tertiary elements of douchebaggery elements of are also clearly present. Fake Tan: Check, Hair Gel Faux Hawk Sculpture: Check, Multiple Ear Piercings plus assorted Jewelry Adouchrement: Check. The other bags are retain qualities of douche, but lack significant aural requisites, as none of them are clearly posturing with an intent to peacock. As we have seen before, muscles or tattoos do not automatically relegate one to the status of scrote without other, more qualifying embodiments of the choad, namely, douche aura. I might even give a not a douche pass to BUDDY HOLLA. But perhaps this is my failing as borderline hipsterbag personally. Choad on, LINT.

1:07 pm May, 10 Deltus said...

Lint is douche (dumb hair w/product, lifted shirt, overdeveloped abs, orange as fuck, GSR w/opened pants), and certainly punch-face-worthy. Curvy McHottscrew there certainly has nice bumps, not sure if she’s hott enough though.

Buddy Holla is a lot less douche. He’s more “idiot with tragically bad choice in tatts” than “taintstain”. Peggy, although she reminds me of Kate Ground, doesn’t quite make the hott scale though. A lesser coupling than Lint Diesel.

Which brings us to GSR Greg and Kimberly of the uberhottness. Greg is no more douche than Lint, but not much less so. Dumb hat tilt, overdeveloped abs, GSR, white belt (props for not being orange as fuck, though). It’s Kimberly, though, that brings this coupling over the top. Holy gazongas! I’d scrub clean the cabins at that camp with my own toothbrush for the change to sniff the cot she slept in three weeks ago for 2 minutes. This idiot stick is completely undeserving of such a goddess, and he’s too dumb to realize it.

GSR Greg and Kimberly OMNOMNOMNOM FTW.

1:08 pm May, 10 Deltus said...

That should read “for the chance to sniff…”

1:13 pm May, 10 E-blo's Last Thought said...

Since I can’t vote for Anthony LaBaglia’s story for the win, I will have to choose Lint Diesel and his crew.

.

I wouldn’t quite say Buddy and Greg fall into the Notta category, but most definitely this duo is harmless.

.

Lint Diesel reminds me of a guy who repeatedly crashed on my couch in the first couple years of living on my own. I hated this guy with a fury I hadn’t experienced before and LITERALLY wanted him to die.

.

The chick most likely undid Lint’s pants for him and has been handling his junk all night. She’s a skank and deserved whatever she got at the end of this night – which was most likely The Clap.

.

Background Bob NEVER hooks up and wishes Lint would just once go to the neighborhood bar like a normal person.

1:21 pm May, 10 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Buddy Holla FTW.

While Peggy is not nearly as hot as Kimberly, the justaposition of hot chick and raging douche is exponentially greater bewteen Buddy and Peggy. A skull on one moob and rose on the other? This guy thinks Poison is the greatest band of the century. And nothing says douche like Bret Michaels.

1:23 pm May, 10 Bangladouche said...

Lint, nuff said….

1:25 pm May, 10 Douchesquire said...

I’m goin with Lint Diesel for the win.

GSR Greg is clearly a douche, what with all those signifiers. His happy grin belies his inner douche, as he may be a decent dude caught up in the fashion shit. Which makes him a douche all the more. Kimmy’s boobs are straight from my dreams, but the lack of an upper lip makes her horse teeth all the more distracting.

I dont have a problem with Buddy Holla cept for the underwear reveal. He gets a pass from me.

Lint Diesel is classic Douche, and all that is wrong with the youth of today. His hott brings a coquettish grin to the mix, and a little belly I want to eat M&M’s off of whilst I recharge.

1:29 pm May, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Lint Diesel ftw, He just makes me mad.

1:34 pm May, 10 Dicy said...

For me its gotta be Buddy Holla and Peggy Sue FTW. Buddy really pisses me off with his pseudo intellegnce hipster tattfreak get up. I love tattoos but some people just look really douchey in them, put on a shirt Buddy! Plus Peggy Sue has the sweetest face. I would ask her to my apartment to bake cookies and giggle over girly movies all night then stay up late talking about cute boys and how to best dump that loser Buddy Holla.

1:59 pm May, 10 Douche Springsteen said...

Even with all the ink on Buddy Holla, Lint Diesel is easily the most toxic ‘bag of the week. And to make matters worse, that luscious ass pear is rubbing against his abs (no doubt turning that lovely white dress orange) while her boobs are brushing up against pseudo Jon Favreau. Gutter is a tool. Lint Diesel is a douch. For the weekly.

P.S. – I would also like to nominate Kimberly for this year’s Golden Globes. There’s not even any cleavage reveal and we’re all gnashing our teeth and pulling our hair over them.

2:55 pm May, 10 Voulez-vous doucher avec moi? said...

GSRG and Kimberly FTW. GSRG may have some of you fooled, but the white belt, the hat tilt, the Jesus bling, and the GSR are all demerit-worthy. Plus the shit-eating simpleton grin. Ugh.

Although I really vote for Pumpino, because he is one unholy creation.

2:58 pm May, 10 creature said...

meh, douche lite in this weekly… greg is just a good natured pud, tatt boy an inked up geek squad, & linty is the kid you snapped with a wet rattail in jr. high gym class. however battle of the hots betwixt Kimberly & Lint’s hott… I vote Kimberly for the mobile Norad missile silos she sports… gimme a blast of milk jet baby!

2:58 pm May, 10 Horace Dangleballs said...

Lint Diesel. While the stuck-out tongue is one of the marks of the douche, they’re usually NOT staring down at their own micropenis while doing so. Congrats, nimrod. That woefully sad yet egocentric move put you over the top.

3:22 pm May, 10 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

Pumpito FTW!

Until I saw him, I never new I had the capacity to commit murder-suicide.

I mean the guy has Toy R Us muscles, no gym membership, no chicks. Just some upbeat music, sunglasses, and a video camera. That’s…that’s magical is what that is.

Pump.i.to.for.the.win.

3:38 pm May, 10 The Big LeBagski said...

I’ve got to go with Groin Shave Greg and Kimberly’s boobies FTW. Because Boobies. Greg is not the biggest douche of the three but white pleather belt to accentuate the groin shave reveal is enough, especially when coupled with Boobies. Kimberly boobies is boobies enough boobies to carry the boobies for the win boobies. This is boobies, hotchicks with boobies douchebags and the hotchick carries the day. And boobies.

4:34 pm May, 10 Baron Von Goolo said...

Substance over style, bien gente.

.

Buddy and Greg have some signifiers, but so what? They’re smiling. Their arms are in casual repose and/or in respectful proximity to their dates.. Their tongues are in their mouths.

.

And then there’s Lint. Tongue out, nips out, abs out and. He’s. Taking. Off. His. Pants. And by doing so, he’s also showing us that the curvy, USDA Grade A pulchritude of his sturdy gal pal is either doing nothing for him, or that he’s hung like a cocktail corn.

.

You can’t spell DIESEL without DIE. This week’s winner is in like Lint.

4:49 pm May, 10 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

Groin Shave Greg and Kimberly. Why? She is the only hott I can see. Oh and b00bies.

4:52 pm May, 10 Scooby Douche said...

I just can’t vote for Lint. I don’t think he’s trying to auto-fellate. He seems to be gazing down at her wondrous ass and fantasizing about earthly delights he will never sample. Yeah, a douche, and yeah she’s incredible. But i slept with her last week and she wasn’t that good. (OK, my fantasies kicking in now. Take the blue pill… All better now.)

As a tit man, gotta go with Kim’s twin peaks of pleasure. Yeah, yeah, I know they’re store-bought, but because she had a coupon she got to step up one size. So what, god damn, they fill out that shirt.

5:33 pm May, 10 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Lint is such an obnoxious piece of shit he should be sewn onto the end of a 10,000-douche Human Centipede.

Lint FTW

5:50 pm May, 10 G said...

Tough week…but I have to vote for GSR Greg and Kimberly – for the boobies only. They are all douches, but not even Kimberly’s exotic figure can offset the douche that is Greg.

5:54 pm May, 10 notadouche said...

I was tempted to vote for Kimberley’s boobies, but then I remembered Buddy Holla and Peggy. Peggy, with her wholesome hotness is the source of the confusion at the bottom of this site. Why does she possibly have sex with the level 5 choadbag muckling on to her like a trout on a fat grub? I blame ska music.

6:04 pm May, 10 One for the Choad said...

Buddy Holla is the bigger douche, but my vote goes to GSR Greg because Kimberly’s breasts are heavenly enough to start their own religion.

7:26 pm May, 10 so confused said...

Lind Diesel is the biggest douche, but I’m hypnotized by Kimberly and her painted-on jersey top.

But because of Kim’s amazing rack and the fact that they trashed the rainforest – Greg and Kimber the win…

7:54 pm May, 10 ehcuodouche said...

While GSRG brings good scrote to the table, Lint Diesel just does it so much better, accessorizing the groinal shave with a full chest waxing, brand name scrotewear, abs, and a fuglyface wingman to hold up drunken women for him. Unnamed girl brings no horseface nor gunt, and plenty more tightly packed boobage.

8:04 pm May, 10 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

eh…lint diesel is the doucheiest of the three. I thought he was checking out the ass, but I think he was checking out his own abs. what a tool.

greg and kim are pretty douchey too. Buddy Holla…eh notsomuch.

oh but Pumpito… (I’m sorry) that guys just sucks so much c*ck!!! I can’t get over it. I think it really traumatized me.

Hey–you should make all HCwDB award trophies sculpted after that guy. What do you think? I think that would be a worthy gesture of “fist-pumpitude” in his (dis)honor–as well as being what all douchebags should aspire to be.

8:25 pm May, 10 Count Douche-a-La said...

I must vote for Groin Shave Reveal Greg and Kimberly. And for two very good reasons.

I rest my case.

9:58 pm May, 10 Catchadoucheinabeartrap said...

Ha you gotta love this shit! Lint Diesel is such a fucking douchebag it almost seems impossible for him not to be aware of it! Gotta give a shout out to Kim and her fantastic set of mammaries. Nice…very nice.

12:17 am May, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

LINT DIESEL is an A-Train of douchebaggery at the station of mockery with that white-hott Carrie showin’ us her curvaceoius caboose., while a resounding whistle screams from the engine, “WHoo-ooo-WHOOOOO!!!!!

12:21 am May, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

(…and the spelling police issue a ticket for the misspelled “curvaceous.” Too many “i’s” will get you spotted, er, um, dotted, er, uh, , poxed.)

5:26 am May, 11 Genital Electric said...

Jon Favreau as Gutter in PCU, a roll of Bounty Super-Absorbent Quilted (with Cushiony Hearts!!), and a buffalo wing with extra bleu cheese on its celery stick.

Maybe it’s an Arby’s staff Halloween party, but I’m gonna reserve further judgment for now and give it to LINT DIESEL, on the basis of pure YECCCCH.

6:11 am May, 11 Alex said...

GSRG and Kim I give a nottadouche. Two points: 1) Are we even sure that he is GSR? No, you can’t see his groinal areas. Sorry JL… nottadouche. He’s just a bro w/ a smoking hot lady friend that I would do despicable things to. Buddy Holla is a tatt-freak. But, other than his ink-obsession, he looks like a decent enough guy. I think Peggy is pretty cute, despite not being dressed up.

And this brings us to Lint Diesel. This pic combines ethereal hott shining past orange douchosity in an intriguing display of moral goodness triumphing over evil. I want to share French cheeses and Belgian beers with her–explaining how the beer compliments and contrasts the salty, funky, creamy elements of the cheese. She is all that is good in the world. LD is everything that is wrong with modern society. As Obama said yesterday at Hampton University “[Lint Diesel] is a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment.” Yes Mr. President, LD is a distraction, because the unnamed hott in this picture is all that is holy.

6:29 am May, 11 Istandouche said...

Kimberly is all kinds of healthy, boobilicious hott but Lint is the clear winner among the douches. The rage factor compels me to vote for Lint.

7:23 am May, 11 Wheezer said...

Yo, where “DAT MOFO”?

100

8:14 am May, 11 yabbadabba douche said...

lint diesel for the win/ loss

9:03 am May, 11 SauceOfTheDouche said...

While Kimberly’s orbs fascinate me with their perfect form and shading, I’ve got to go with the Lint Diesel and his almost equally hot Hott for the win (loss). LD’s lame attempt at auto-fellatio is just sad. His lovely Hott seems to think the shaven nubbin is warming up for her, poor thing. I dearly hope Batman rescues the lovely Hott before it gets too sticky…

11:26 am May, 11 The Dude said...

Tough one, but then I membered, it’s not Douchebags With Hot Chicks, it’s the other way around, so I cast my for for Kimberly’s Hills and GSR Greg.

Those knockers make me thirsty.

Stay thirsty my friends.

11:46 am May, 11 curbyourendouchiasm said...

GSRG and Kimberly because, in true bag form, GSRG should be giving us the thumbs up like some ultradouche Fonz. Supporting evidence:

He already looks like he’s saying “aaaaaaayyyyyyy”.

He’s got the Fonz’s eyebrows.

Finally, like the Fonz, we are all wondering how he got her…

12:28 pm May, 11 you said...

Lint

2:29 pm May, 11 BPo2 said...

Lint, with groin reveal and faux hawk

2:29 pm May, 11 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Kimberly is surely Hall of Hott material, but GSRG strikes me as a mere douche in training compared to the other ones here. Buddy’s only prominent Douche Signifier is excessive tattoo action, plus he’s smiling. A true-blue Scrote is generally scowling with Hott Disdain or makin’ with the Kissy Lips atrocity. Mr. Holla’s Hott finishes in third place too, keeping the Hott/Douche Ratio from going their way. My vote goes to Lint for being an epic douche & acting like as ass with a very lovely Hott.

8:18 pm May, 11 Lauren said...

Just wanted to say that I know Kimberly (boobies) pretty well and she is one of the smartest girls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. She is a doctoral candidate and that makes Greg douchie for even standing next to her. The end. See you tomorrow Kim!

9:54 pm May, 11 Lithi said...

Lint. If that fucker could suck himself off he would.

I can just picture him late at night, jerking off while fantasizing about auto fellatio.

Okay, I also made myself throw up. Carry on.

5:54 am May, 12 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Greg- only because Lou Ferigno is peering over Kimberly’s shoulder

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