Monday, May 10, 2010

HCwDB Self Portrait in a Dirty Bathroom Mirror #277

It’s official. Camera phone + bathroom mirror = HCwDB Self Portrait Time.

But wait, there’s more! Get ready!

Pop Quiz:

Shane’s tattoo is:

1. Rock penis

2. Goiter swole

3. A map of Kurdistan

4. A bruise from where the 7-11 Security Guard threw him on his ass when he tried to shoplift some corn nuts.

# posted by douchebag1
2:32 pm May, 10 Crucial Head said...

There is a female in this picture?

2:44 pm May, 10 creature said...

he tried to shop lift some nuts alright… but the short bus kid kicked him cuz it tickled

2:50 pm May, 10 RAPETIME said...

An MRI scan of a retard’s brain, which sadly he did not recognize as his own.

2:50 pm May, 10 Anonymous said...

Looks like brother & sister to me, one of them should clean the mirror,

2:55 pm May, 10 DarkSock said...

And with one mighty shart from Shawn’s spastic belching colon the bathroom became a galaxy of aerosolized fecal spew and the mirror became a scat constellation.

2:56 pm May, 10 DarkSock said...

As Shawn gazed down at the upright salmon-colored butt plug on the counter he suddenly realized exactly what had been getting hung up on his rectal polyps.

2:57 pm May, 10 DarkSock said...

With a sudden slam of the door and an audible gasp Shawn realized that the doorknob and string idea was far better suited for loose baby teeth than bleeding anal warts.

2:58 pm May, 10 Austin Danger Powers said...

You know what would really class up this picture? A baby in a stroller in the background.

His tattoo? First buttplug would be my guess.

2:58 pm May, 10 DarkSock said...

That’s no tattoo; thats the donor skin graft they’re making Sis’s new penis out of.

2:59 pm May, 10 Austin Danger Powers said...

The tattoo is a finger pointing at “all you haterzzzz.”

Y’know, I’d bang her silly if she were 18.

3:00 pm May, 10 Horace Dangleballs said...

What tattoo? I thought it was a creepy, crawly outbreak of MRSA on his abdomen.

Hey, I can hope, right?

3:04 pm May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

“Still Life Through Jizz Stained Mirror”

3:05 pm May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ D Sock 2:57

Classic. Spit take did not go over well w/ secretary

3:10 pm May, 10 Army of DOuche-ness said...

not Kurdistan, DB1, Azerbaijan.

http://ltwis.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/azerbaijan_map.jpg

3:18 pm May, 10 End the Haberdouchery said...

I think it’s a map of Africa. Shane got really into Marcus Garvey during his ethnic studies course.

3:30 pm May, 10 dbBen said...

Angry cat head glaring at his navel. Ears are back.

3:33 pm May, 10 Deltus said...

It’d probably be too much to ask if it was some quick acting form of flesh eating bacteria that only attacks douchebags, wouldn’t it…

3:40 pm May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT

There’s a FUCKING GREAT place to ogle tremendous hotts. The Miss America Pagent website has four photos of each contestant including bathing suit, close up and one B&W shot in various sexy poses wearing various sexy lingerie and the like:

Main Photo Page

ex: The banging Miss Oregon , Kate Paul

We now return you to your regular fwapping

3:46 pm May, 10 scrotum pole said...

Shane wisely decided he’d leave his pants on, knowing he could never compete with the enormous Greg Oden bathroom mirror self-portrait.

3:51 pm May, 10 Justin said...

It’s the Juggernaut fist-pumping at The Eagle in NYC.

4:03 pm May, 10 mr.reeve said...

#1 That shit looks fake

#2 That chick isn’t hot

#3 Having the build of an Ethiopian makes the shirtless photo even douchier Shane. Keep your shirt on Spud.

My vote is for “baby fist yo!”

4:19 pm May, 10 Zotz said...

Sid and Nancy…

4:26 pm May, 10 Just Sayin said...

I think we should all chip in and buy her a set – she’s not much to look at without a rack.

4:53 pm May, 10 Steve L. said...

@ Vin Douchbal 3:40 PM,

wow the judges be HARSH. only FOUR out of 50 states qualified for 3 out of 5 stars.

i propose that, while Miss Oregon may be the hottest blonde, Miss Idaho is perhaps the hottest brunette. wow that smile.

so anyway, is any of this year’s contestants gonna pass a complete set of all-position stick welding & coupon bending tests as part of the talent show? as opposed to, say, tractor driving?

i just wanted an excuse to say “all-position”. that is all.

5:04 pm May, 10 Wedgie said...

This photo just reminded me…..I need to pick up some Windex.

5:08 pm May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Heh. I forgot to close the “bold” so that entire post looked like I was shouting …

5:11 pm May, 10 scrotum pole said...

@ Vin

You’re busted

5:18 pm May, 10 Steve L. said...

Christine is busy showing Shane the adverse effects of attempting to cultivate marijuana on human skin to save costs.

5:39 pm May, 10 G said...

@Vin

The perfect PSA…I could hear the high pitched emergency whistle the whole time I was oogling the northwest

PSA made up for that mess in the picture. One time you want a couple to play french fry, but use real hot oil…

5:58 pm May, 10 George Doucherson said...

4. Map of Kurdistan… that bitch though he was gettin a funny borat tat but forgot where borat is from

6:50 pm May, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ Scrotum Pole

Actually I found out about it at the daily caller.com, Tucker Carlson’s webpage.

7:21 pm May, 10 Douches Wild said...

These are fuggin’ CHILDREN!! Who is running this site?? ROMAN POLANSKI?? These twirps need to complete puberty before they can merit serious consideration!

7:36 pm May, 10 Fatness said...

re Steve L. at 4:53 pm May, 10: I suspect a batshit conservative voting campaign is in progress because none of them are above a 3 right now.

The two in the picture above, however, are both zeros.

7:40 pm May, 10 Diplomatic Douche said...

That’s Admiral Ackbar in profile.

http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/admiralackbar/

8:04 pm May, 10 doucheywallnuts said...

The amber colored pattern on the mirror is the spray from the anal fisting pullout this sister just performed on her brother.

8:58 pm May, 10 Wedgie said...

I think it’s the water tentacle from The Abyss. The other end is coming out of his a(by)ss.

Vin, thanks for the linkage. I think the contestants would be better served if they all had to blow me, one by one, for the duration of the contest. It would be the best fifty seconds, errr, minutes of my life.

9:48 pm May, 10 08ArmyDoc said...

5. Stool exploding out of his right colon – he’s so constipated from frequent fist packing that stool can no longer exit from it’s rightful place anatomical location, but must find the avenue of least resistance. “Gruuuuunt. Damn, today’s turd comes out my right flank.”

9:51 pm May, 10 Bag That Ass Up said...

It’s a tattoo of the bone that the ape throws up in the air in 2001 A Space Odyssey. Obviously.

10:45 pm May, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

It’s a portrait of the parasitic twin that inhabits that very same spot in his abdomen. Awww, brotherly love.

11:58 pm May, 10 Whoop-di-douche said...

Love how those vibrators today come in organic shades such as rust, and have slots on top so they can be hung on the wall instead of left by the sink where they might be contaminated with jizz, e-coli splashed from handwashing, hairspray, and room deodorizer sprays.

12:03 am May, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

That tatt indicates he’s southern Indiana Hoosier whose dick design is a drawing of a carving made of oolitic limestone from near Bedford.

This can only mean one thing: he didn’t make the cut into IU, but is still a stonecutter..

And she lost her tits swimming in an abandoned limestone quarry contaminated with PCB’s.

True story.

2:30 am May, 11 lupus john baton said...

5. a mistake

3:22 am May, 11 Euripidouche said...

cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away….

his tat is the one hundred times magnified anal fissure he got the weekend he lost his virginity to the travelling ice show version of “300”

6:34 am May, 11 Claude Douchenburg said...

You guys are so rude. She is cute. She will have boobies someday.

6:35 am May, 11 E-blo's Last Thought said...

I’m pretty sure neither one of these genetic disasters are over the age of 18.

6:46 am May, 11 Bagnonymous said...

@ Vin Douchal, 3:40pm:

.

I shall go forth in search of attractive hotts with large foreheads. I figure this should be the place to find ’em.

.

PS. Funny how last year’s Miss Airhead (hey, I’m not defending her and her miniscule brain) got fired over racy photos, and then they go and use racy photos to hype this year’s contest. Heh…

7:12 am May, 11 Bagnonymous said...

…browses the Miss USA photos…

.

Holy cow, you can hide a lot of crazy-eyed fugly with gobs of eyeliner and high-contrast B&W photography.

11:39 am May, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Vin et. al:

FYI, Miss USA is different than Miss America; Miss USA is the sluttier of the two pageants and will allow stuff like posing nude and whatnot. Miss America is much more stringent and would probably not allow this sort of stuff on their site. For fwapapbility and loose snappers, it’s all about Miss USA.

9:17 pm May, 11 Morgan said...

I vote that is a tat of the biggest turd he ever left in one sitting. Also… I guess cleaning the spittle off the mirror wasnt an option before taking this and sending it out for us to bag on.

10:48 am May, 12 Fuckyou... said...

So basically this jack ass is ugly ass fuck, as we can all agree on, and obviously has a rock penis on his side, or some kind of ugly tattoo.

but that girl is actually beautiful. why would this pic be on this site if she wasnt a “hot chick”

and ive seen here titties, they are fuckin large dude.

10:48 am May, 12 pretty lil thang said...

shes hot

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