Thursday, May 13, 2010

Honorary Douchebag of the Month: The Times Square Wannabomber

Well, yeah, Faisal Shahzad is a douche for trying to set off a bomb. But he’s really a douche for what the A.P. uncovered in the subsequent investigation:

—-

The adjoining hobby room was empty – but landlord Stanislaw Chomika said it was once dominated by Shahzad’s pet project: A scale wooden replica of a mosque, now seized by federal officials.

The terror suspect’s most obvious nods to Western culture were a well-worn Mets cap and a can of Axe body spray – a favorite of teenage boys.

He had no TV or radio but owned a DVD of the hit George Clooney movie “Up In The Air.”

—–

Axe Bodyspray and “Up In the Air.” We missed the warning signs.

# posted by douchebag1
1:40 pm May, 13 doucheywallnuts said...

I’d like to take an axe to his body…

1:45 pm May, 13 Vin Douchal said...

His fake ID said “Darnell J’Landry”

1:45 pm May, 13 Kokomo Slim said...

Douchal profiling could have prevented this.

1:47 pm May, 13 One for the Choad said...

“Up in the Air” was fucking awesome.

1:58 pm May, 13 Chevy Doucherado said...

I think the signs were very clear. Check the ear piece in this pic: http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2010/05/04/image6459353g.jpg

And “Up in the Air” was a fucking good movie

2:00 pm May, 13 massengill said...

When I heard about this guy’s bomb, I LOL’d.

He just took a bunch of shit he heard blew up and threw it together with some firecrackers. Bravo!

Apparently, the fertilizer he used wasn’t even the potassium nitrate kind that, you know, explodes.

2:01 pm May, 13 massengill said...

He totally went to the Darnell J’Landry school of bombmaking:

Step 1: Google “Bill Hicks”

Step 2: Make bomb

Step 3: ????????

Step 4: Arrested

2:04 pm May, 13 mr.reeve said...

Axe body spray smells worse than the petrulli oil – nut butter combo that the hippie dudes walking around Venice Beach smell like. I guess that was an upgrade for Faisal.

2:18 pm May, 13 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

I must respectfully disagree with DB1. He was a douche before he tried to blow up New York. He is a terrorist, criminal evil, pathetic religioius zealot when he tried to blow up New York.

He banished himself from the world of Douchebags. While we pray for the day that Doucheville’s population hits zero, it is unfair to the men of scorn who live there to place this vile excuse for humanity within their borders.

He is not douche. HE IS SHIT!!

2:21 pm May, 13 Steve L. said...

why make a bomb when you have Axe body spray?

*shudder*

2:26 pm May, 13 Steve L. said...

also, hooking up with (what appears to be) a hott through an arranged marriage is old school. old school douchebaggery, that is.

2:31 pm May, 13 End the Haberdouchery said...

“A scale wooden replica of a mosque, now seized by federal officials.” I imagine the federal government is putting their best men on it. Their best men.

.

Two internet points to whoever gets that Family Guy/Indiana Jones reference.

2:35 pm May, 13 Truth Monger said...

Thank the CIA for this poofter

2:37 pm May, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This guy is as much of a terrorist as Chevy Chase and Dan Ackroyd were spies in “Spies Like Us”. If this is the best that Al Qaeda or the Taliban can get, we’re not even remotely in trouble. Spazwit could have Googled “Anarchist’s Cookbook” and found about 784932605782346757328465029347856304785634708 different ways to build a bomb. Well, at least one that WOULD explode. Hell, my 8 year old neighbors know moe about bombs and explosives that this fucknut.

2:39 pm May, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

WTF is “know moe”? How about “know more”? That’s better ya moron.

2:39 pm May, 13 Deltus said...

End the Haberdouchery: you’re misquoting. It’s “top men”.

Indy: “Who?!”

FBI flunkie: “Top. Men.”

2:43 pm May, 13 Soy Bomb said...

His world turned upside-down due to lagging sales of his latest album, Depeche Mode’s lead singer David Gahan has resorted to a life of poorly-conceived domestic terrorism.

2:59 pm May, 13 End the Haberdouchery said...

My apologies.

3:14 pm May, 13 Jimmy said...

Mets fans are pretty douchey. He should have tried to blow up Shiti Field

3:17 pm May, 13 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I would have bet on a Yankees cap myself.

3:38 pm May, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

And he was a 30K millionaire–really nice house in a really nice suburb that was in foreclosure. Yeah, that’s right. Come here, take a job, marry a cute citizen and live in a house that is worth more than the entire stinking sandpit that spawned you. And then when things go sour, try to kill a bunch of strangers.

.

I suspected the government was behind this as another way to institute another fascist security measure on us. In the event that they’re not, fuck you, you turd-worshiping, medieval fuckstick.

3:39 pm May, 13 Euripidouche said...

the fertilizer and the firecrackers moved the this from the realm of terrorism firmly into the realm of performance art.

fertilizer purchased at home and garden big box and fire crackers sold as 50mg commercial grade, seriously ..i don’t care what the m88 m38444, they have nothing and never will be equivalent to any ratio of a stick of dynamite, despite what many of us heard when we were 10 years old…

seriously, i think this guys friends are all pre-pubescent tough guys from connecticut..the corey’s kicked more ass than this guy’s bomb making instructors.

4:19 pm May, 13 Just Sayin said...

send his sorry ass back to P-stan in shrink-wrapped pieces, like a Perdue chicken,. The others will think twice.

7:39 pm May, 13 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Frightening signs left behind. Perhaps his next bombing targets were to be douchebags, or maybe douchebags on airplanes? Good thing the T shirt vendors were right there to get the clues!

10:38 pm May, 13 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Though not synonymous (bin Laden is not known to have tats, though tats have bin Laden), Douche and Shit are not mutually exclusive.

It would be nice if they were, as together they cause nasty urinary tract infections.

12:31 am May, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

My 80 year old father-in-law just bought himself some AXE deodorant because he said “the price was low.”

I rest my case, and DB1’s of course.

8:50 am May, 14 DarkSock said...

Oh, I see; if someone comes from the middle east, and is Muslim, and constructs a bomb and tries to detonate it in New York, then that somehow makes them a “terrorist”?

.

Wow. Just, wow.

.

If the terrorists must strike, might I suggest Branson Missouri. Unless Merle’s there. I like Merle. He’s a bad ass.

12:46 pm May, 14 Troy Tempest said...

The wannabomber was a fucking idiot. The interweb thingie is filed to the gunnels with exquisite and detailed plans on how to make explosives that work. It’s not that hard, really, and if you have ANY sense at all, you build small ones first and test them. Once you know they work, you scale it up. And test it in the middle of nowhere to make sure it works. THEN you find a bunch of innocent civilians to immolate and satisfy your idiotic notion of whatever passes for a Deity in your fucked up ignorant delusional string of hysterical bullshit you call a religion.

This doofus was the least competent bomber I’ve ever read about. Calling him a terrorist is an insult to all the hardworking, detail oriented, creatively minded Murderous Psychopathic Asshats in the world.

yeeesh.

2:36 pm May, 14 doucheblaster said...

dont forget to give MSNBC’s Contessa Brewer honarable douchebaguette

however i vote nay on bringing such sad world events as islamic terrorism onto our holy site of HCwDB…I visit your site to get away from the realism of the world and ofcourse i stay for the BOOBIES:)

also i would like to see more pics with just hot chicks…i dont need the douchebags, this just contributes to my anger management problems

4:32 pm May, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

I hate to think of any terrorist’s plot to blow something up as “performance art” as Euripidouche blabbers about. If that is the case, successful or failed (destruction, that is), then it’s sayin’ 9-11 was also “performance art.” I can tell you of many millions who do not agree with that tasteless notion.

7:05 pm May, 14 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Last!

7:48 am May, 15 Euripidouche said...

whoop-di-douche

yes because forever grave and solumn fear that over rides our ability to form a rational and porportional response is really showing those terrorists who’s boss.

them.

when you can’t come to grips with the fact that you may die, it is a problem. when you can’t or as a nation, as a public, can’t come to grips with the fact that terrorism always has and always will be part of our way of life. so yes fuck me for seeing a long history of terrorism in this country, you don’t, and seeing that this is just the latest of a long line of existential threats that have brought out the worst part of our national character, and resulted in the most shameful episodes in our nation’s history.

you may die in a terrorist attack. i’m sorry if this realization shocks you, i am more sorry that that it apparently shocks you into such a reactionary response. i have to wonder how the hell you get of ever feeling that secure in the first place, its surely a luxury we can no longer afford. the good news, your chances of dying in a terror attack are fairly minimal, 1 in 18000000 or so, the bad news all the scanners in all the airports you can imagine won’t raise your survivability all that much.

so my question, how much are you willing to cede to that fear?

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 11 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)