Thursday, May 13, 2010

King Douchuous the IV Spikes Onward

It is clear as we move through 2010 that while many douches might rise up for a brief time while pursuing the hotts, only to burn out in an implosion of Axe Bodyspray and L.A. Looks hair gel, the true legends of mock are marked not only by douchosity, but by longevity.

And by longevity, I mean a lifelong commitment to being total assclowns.

Even as they get more and more leathery.

We’ve seen HCwDB legends the Donk, Xenu, Joey Porsche and Smoot carry their “game” into 2010, and now here’s Hall of Scrote legend King Douchuous the IV, proving his kingdom of pudwack continues to reign over the party blonde suckle thighs.

Average ‘bags drop by the wayside. Get jobs. Wash out the gel.

But not the legends. They scrote onward evermore. And so we are there. To to laugh at the silly hair.

# posted by douchebag1
3:29 pm May, 13 mr.reeve said...

Maybe “To to” is a typo?

Mmmmmmm, MILK!

3:33 pm May, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

Good lord, there is nothing about this picture that does not deserve Napalm.

3:35 pm May, 13 Bangladouche said...

Freddy Fags

3:57 pm May, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

A number of questions come to mind from viewing this picture:

1) Why did he get two Real Dolls that were the same?

2) Did he style the hair differently on them to make sure he could keep track of how many times he jizzed in each one?

3) How is he going to pay the rent on his cardboard box if he spent almost all of his yearly salary on these two dolls?

4) Why hasn’t Darwinism taken care of this fool by now?

5) Why isn’t Buffalo Beast smacking him in his “crown” with that drink and then lighting him on fire?

6) Is he warning all MILFs and Hos to stay away from him because he contains a multitude of flammable substances (see question 5 above)?

I need answers damnit!

4:04 pm May, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

If boobs were brains, Mandi and Kandi would be MENSA members.

4:06 pm May, 13 massengill said...

http://supersexycpr.com/cpr.html

4:14 pm May, 13 massengill said...

@ Dr. Bunsen

Funny thing about MENSA: a friend and I had a gentleman’s bet between us about who could score higher on the MENSA admission test. The loser had to pay the winner’s testing fee, and the winner earned (in addition to the cost of the test) the sense of smugness afforded by proving one’s intellectual superiority over another.

.

So I went to the local MENSA chapter website and gave them my contact info and requested more information from them.

.

The invited me to a meet and greet: a cheese and wine reception at the DoubleTree Suites…

.

Room 362.

.

That’s right. It was just in a regular old hotel room. I badly wanted to go, but I didn’t. I am sure none of the ladies there looked like these chicks with the King.

4:32 pm May, 13 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Oddly enough, the name of the club where this atrocity occurred: “Room 362”

4:33 pm May, 13 curbyourendouchiasm said...

King Douchous could teach Jughead of “Archie” fame a thing or two about crowns, if you know what I mean.

A crown of thorns.

A crown of ivy.

A crown of gold and…

hair.

“In all the land, no man could shape his hair into a crown black, shiny or stiff as King Douchuous IV.”

5:28 pm May, 13 Scooby Douche said...

“Now available from Ronco, only through this special TV offer, the amazing new Infalate-a-Boobs! Just insert under the skin, head down to your local gas station, add approximately 80 PSI, and you too can look just as silly as Pamela Anderson! Just $19.95 plus shipping and handling. (Some minimal assembly required)”

6:14 pm May, 13 Douchble Helix said...

I love those dames. It’s what I dream a night at Hef’s pad would be like.

6:18 pm May, 13 Douchble Helix said...

And might I add, having just reviewed the KDT4 gallery in the HoS, this guy earned it.

6:23 pm May, 13 doucheywallnuts said...

A true HOF douchebag like “The 9th” illustrates what a low-level chode-douche Stackhouse is.

I’d rub razor blade on my most intimate of males areas for the chance to get blown off by the bleeth on the left.

7:46 pm May, 13 Bag A said...

Donk rules.

Donk.

Get some.

9:46 pm May, 13 massengill said...

@ doucheywallnuts

that’s what we like to call a Roman numeral “4.”

11:27 pm May, 13 Fatness said...

@ massengil (4:06), thank you. I’ve taken many CPR courses and now I finally get it. In fact, I think I’ll be reviewing that video often to keep on top.

11:55 pm May, 13 Wheezer said...

@massengill, 4:06 p.m. –

.

I think I know how to provide CPR now…..though I need someone to perform it on me.

.

Any of the ladies from the Hall of Hott or Hall of Pear would suffice.

12:37 am May, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

As of now, Mr. Biscotti is flying over the Atlantic and I’ll be on my way to get him in a few hours. Needless to say, you won’t see much of me for a couple of days. I’ll be looking like this by Sunday morning. Huh huh. See what I did there?

.

Ahem.

.

Either way, I was getting some last-minute cleaning done around Casa Oblongata earlier, listening to a litItle Glen Campbell (DO NOT JUDGE ME) and I got an idea. So, here ya go, bag boys and bag girls. See you when my Creampie gives way to more ladylike behavior.

.

I’ve been hitting these clubs so long

hearing the techno songs

I know every crack in this dirty boardwalk of Jersey

Where muscle’s the name of the game

and tans get applied in a spray of fake orange rain

There’s been a load of gel in my hair

and it seems I’m going nowhere

but I’m gonna be where the Bleeths are hanging on me

.

Like a Rhinestone Douchebag

wearing bedazzled jeans in an Ed Hardy rodeo

Like a Rhinestone Douchebag

getting drinks and high-fives from bros that I don’t even know

the whobags wanna follow me home

.

Well, really I fly with the Goose

and my pants are hangin’ so loose

and I’m down with pulling a train on Snooki’s va-jay-jay

And I dream about bumpin’ rails

implants for my pecs so I can chase tails

There’ll be a load of jizz on her face

if I could get her back to my place

with sheets on the bed from December of ’93

.

Like a Rhinestone Douchebag

flexing hard while I dance in my internet video

Like a Rhinestone Douchebag

can barely breathe in my shirt, it wouldn’t even fit a ten-year-old

and I wonder why I’m always alone….

12:38 am May, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

Like hell we are there to laugh at the silly hair.

I’ve come to the conclusion that mocking the douchebags is just a ruse. We are there to check out the BOOBIES. And the ASS PEAR. And the SUCKLE THIGH.

Like that sign in the Mall: YOU ARE HERE. to do oly one thing: SHOP.

12:41 am May, 14 Wheezer said...

@Medusa, 12:37 a.m. –

.

Someone’s balls runneth over.

.

.

.

.

.

No no, LEMME GUESS WHO!

12:43 am May, 14 Wheezer said...

Have fun paddling Mr. B’s gondola through your Venetian waterway. ; )

12:58 am May, 14 Wheezer said...

An early Friday Ass Pear courtesy of HyperSexualGirl’s “tumblr” page:

“Underwater”

2:13 am May, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

Blonde Bimbo Boobs. Me likey.

6:09 am May, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

Me really likey naturals on the left. Is it just me or are all giving the shocker.

6:13 am May, 14 scrotum pole said...

@ Medusa,

Nice rendition.

Reminds me of his other hits, “Wichita Douchebag”, and “By the Time I Get To Vegas.”

6:24 am May, 14 Bagnonymous said...

Looks like King Douchuous, IV is hangin’ with last year’s “leftover” Playboy bunnies. My only solace is that, even if he does get lucky, King D. is taking sloppy seconds from Hefner’s old, shriveled-up, liver-spotted raisin dick.

7:33 am May, 14 Trollbait said...

I know I will be mocked for this, but I just can’t hate King Douchous, IV. He has always just looked like he is having too much fun, like he nows how ridiculous the whole game is but still enjoys himself.

8:43 am May, 14 Deltus said...

I wonder how big-game ‘bags like the King and Donk manage to survive. And I mean sustainance-wise, shelter-wise. How the hell is he still living? Between what I must imagine is zero marketable job skills, and exposure to so much VD it would make Lindsay Lohan think twice, I marvel that they are still douching it up.

8:46 am May, 14 DarkSock said...

He has seen more boobs than a…..um…a…titty farmer! yeah.

.

.

*titty*

9:10 am May, 14 End the Haberdouchery said...

All hail the king. Always pulling quality tail. By quality I mean, well, you know what I mean.

9:10 am May, 14 anon and on and on said...

Trollbait – I was going to say the same thing. He’s ridiculous, yes, but at least he’s always smiling!

10:27 am May, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d like to spend some quality time with the princesses…

10:30 am May, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Massengill

I’m sure as soon as you opened the dorr you would have heard…

“Do you go the screen name ‘Massengill’ on HCwDB? What are you here for? Have a seat over here. I’m Chris Hansen with DateLine.”

10:40 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

if you can mock the legends, you can mock them all.

2:55 am May, 15 lucious lupus with a d said...

no smoking near the hair

repeat

no smoking near the hair

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