Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Notes From the Front

Your humble narrator is still in New York. On a reconnaissance mission. Wandering the streets like Paul Hackett trying to find Marcy to acquire that plaster of paris bagel and cream cheese paperweight.

Being this close to the Axis of Weevils (New Jersey, Long Island, Staten Island) means I can closer track the latest permutations of the Grieco Virus.

The Jerz Guid has definitely become more muted. But the signs are still there.

Irony and comedy have become incorporated into the performative peacocking meant to dazzle the hottie, but the markers are otherwise the same.

No more collar pop and much less Jesus Bling, but Ed Hardy, hair spike and hat tilt continue.

We must be ever vigilant. The war on ‘bag is not remotely over.

# posted by douchebag1
1:41 pm May, 25 creature said...

these two don’t need a map to hell… they are it

Buffalo Beast needs a kneck adjustment

1:42 pm May, 25 Bag Margera said...

Too high on ecstasy, to walk away from the police car. The probably want to give the cops a sweaty shirtless hug. I bet that will go over well.

1:59 pm May, 25 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Buffalo Beast’s thorax exudes fecal flavored micturition when it senses danger.

2:09 pm May, 25 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast was dispatched to the scene, and arrived in the form of a holographic law enforcement official.

-spooky

2:11 pm May, 25 scrotum pole said...

That dude can probably frolic like DJ Bello on crack.

Oh wait, that was redundant.

2:16 pm May, 25 Anonymous said...

Car 54, this is dispatch, proceed to the 7-11 parking lot at 131st and Nassau Blvd. We have a possible 10-434 (frolicing in a handicapped spot) in progress…over.

2:22 pm May, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

Best Crisis Of Modernity, or Guggenheim 2010? I say both.

2:24 pm May, 25 Justin said...

Wow…raver ‘bags! Rare, elusive, and fascinating!

2:32 pm May, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Buffalo Beast could no longer hold the rage he had inside. His desire to attack with his disabled T-Rex like arm was the only way he could satiate his appetite for destruction. At his approach most fled in terror and the police were summoned but D-Dime and Kimmi stood their ground for the last photo they would ever have together.

2:37 pm May, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ DB1

.

Boss, make sure you walk around in one of these. It will save your life.

3:49 pm May, 25 doucheywallnuts said...

With Memorial Day weekend looming on the horizon I would just like to point out that the official Jerz Guid Douchebag season is nigh….The smell of Axe Body Spray is in the air, especially once one ventures over the Driscoll Bridge, which spans the Guido River Styx and allows passage to the Jersey shore via the Garden State Parkway. Have your cameras and cell phones at the ready!

3:50 pm May, 25 DarkSock said...

The war on ‘bag is not remotely over.

.

And after looking at this kid I’d say the war on hunger isn’t over either.

.

With that knit cap he looks like a burnt match stick.

4:45 pm May, 25 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Appreciate the post, dB1. You are the Ernie Pyle of the douche-pocalypse.

4:45 pm May, 25 Turdacious said...

Big Fauss and Little Halsy

nobody will catch this, but F it, i’m throwing it out there anyways

10:42 pm May, 25 Baleen said...

test

10:45 pm May, 25 Baleen said...

Ah, the classic “scissors” gang sign. What it means is that back in elementary school, he cut things like paper with scissors. Fucking genius…

11:30 pm May, 25 Crucial Head said...

“Axis of Weevils…”

.

I could have sworn that Flea played bass for them back in 1978.

2:58 am May, 26 Euripidouche said...

bystander bag is by far the more heinous attraction…

some years later, when working as a church secretary who never gets along with the pastor’s wife, though both share an almost operatic level of passive-agressive drama. marti the bleeth here will credit the bystander bag for turning her back towards the lord.(more or less, depending on who you talk to, and whether or not you believe god grades on a curve, bless her heart) when bystander bag said, after this snap was taken, “if you don’t fuck him, i will”.

3:58 am May, 26 my friends call me @$$hole said...

nothing has changed in Jersey, these are just the young, broke, baglings that can’t afford the ed hardy shirts, when they get old enough to work a t-shirt booth on the boardwalk, they’ll be right there…

10:48 am May, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

I love how the summer heat makes douchebags and hotts expose more of themselves to their adoring public.

And their puking protesters.

11:44 am May, 26 Douche B4 Dishonor said...

Nice reference to “After Hours”

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