Thursday, May 6, 2010

Prom Night in the Flyover States

Because in Mobile, Alabama, they may not have the resources or the natural talent to HCwDB it up like the city kids.

But, dammit, they’re gonna try.

EDIT: As Choad Harolde’s Pilgrimmage wonders in the comments thread, are these two the same as those featured in one of the greatest works of art to appear on HCwDB, Still Life With Coors Light?

# posted by douchebag1
7:20 am May, 6 bigphatnotadouche said...

Must be windy in Mobile Alabama. The poor dudes comb over got away from him.

Nice naturals on the Hott.

7:23 am May, 6 scrotum pole said...

You could park a dump truck between those two milk wagons.

7:27 am May, 6 the motley douche said...

I just wish someone would explain to me how a guy can comb his hair like that, check the mirror, and still go out in public of his own free will. I simply don’t get that. Nevertheless….boobies.

7:28 am May, 6 Troy Tempest said...

With all this Southern Country feeling, this reminds me of a ditty a buddy of mine in HS cooked up:

Well, life on the farm is kinda laid back

Nuthin for a boy to do but hack

Gonna git it now gonna git it in the sack

Thank God I’m a horse’s ass.

My wife, she’s young, but my grandma’s old

Gonna cook her now, gonna throw her on the stove

Better eat her now cuz she’s getting cold

Thank God I’m a horse’s ass.

Well I got me a hammer and I got me a nail

Gonna fix my head to the side of a pail

Train’s coming now gonna lay on the rail!

Thank GOD I’m a horse’s ass.

7:28 am May, 6 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I used to like Luke Wilson. Then he started doing those lame wireless commercials.

.

And now this.

7:31 am May, 6 Troy Tempest said...

She: I may work the night shifts at Dairy Queen, but he’s ma May-un!

He: Wow – picture taking thing…

7:35 am May, 6 RAPETIME said...

Sorry, I can’t hear you over the fat chick’s flappy tits.

7:35 am May, 6 Claude Douchenburg said...

One thing about the south they know to drink thier mint julips out of heavy platic glasses and not those yucky, thin, cheap red thing.

7:36 am May, 6 Claude Douchenburg said...

With those hangers I bet she is packing a grunt. Yippie I got to use my new word in a sentence!!!!

7:39 am May, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Love the naturals, I bet she shags like a minx

8:04 am May, 6 Choad Harolde's Pilgrimmage said...

These two were in “still Life With Coors Light” I think.

8:14 am May, 6 Baleen said...

Her nipples are the size of beer coasters. In fact, they do a good job of just that.

8:16 am May, 6 mr.reeve said...

No! The girl in “still Life” didn’t have saggy utters. She’s much tighter.

Jimmy Troutdale looks like he just saw Jethro’s brown eye and said “OOOOOOoooooooo!”

8:18 am May, 6 Baleen said...

When she lactates, the Earth’s axis shifts .5 degrees.

8:26 am May, 6 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

based on his faggy look, my prediction is that ole Jethro here will go off to university and explore his curiosities and be working a bathroom glory hole in the basement of the science building by mid-semester. and poor Darlene will think it was her fault. such a shame.

8:31 am May, 6 Chad Kroeger said...

Emmie had to hurry to get to the prom. Her dad uses her udders to counterbalance the crane on his shrimpin’ boat and they been working the coast hard before them gosh darn oilies hit the fiching grounds. She smells like ……..He is making fun of his self image.

8:38 am May, 6 douche douchestofferson said...

That reminds me, I need to check the air in my tires…

8:42 am May, 6 Bagnonymous said...

HO-LY MOMMA!!! I am absolutely in love with the naturally full-figured brunette hott.

.

I’m tempted to give him a pass–his hair probably just sprang up like that in the presence of those fantastic gazongas.

8:46 am May, 6 jodiju said...

He’s not a douchebag and she’s not a hot chick. Can’t just label anyone with slightly ‘odd’ hair as a douchebag in lieu of any other signifiers, otherwise the term becomes so expansive it losesany type of meaning.

8:52 am May, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Sweet home Alabama,

where the boobs are so big

9:01 am May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to pound him with a duffel bag full of bicycle handlebars. And by the looks of things it seems someone is off camera about to do so

9:24 am May, 6 Crucial Head said...

I believe Choad Harolde’s Pilgrimmage nailed it.

.

Good eye, sir.

9:33 am May, 6 massengill said...

I came here to say what Choad Harolde’s Pilgrimmage said. Though I think that is a different girl.

10:01 am May, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

Jeepers, is that a dress or a washcloth?!? Mayhaps I’m getting old, but the stuff that these girls will wear to formal, or at least “nice” occasions, baffles me. Granted, I was 22 once and I did the same thing, out of a desperate need for affirmation. However, I was always a size 2, but that’s neither here nor there. Long story, but I was at a potluck supper in a church basement recently. A young man I’m acquainted with showed up with girlfriend in tow. She was wearing a two-sizes too small button-up white blouse, a black micro-mini and knee-high leather hooker boots. I was thinking, “WTF, it’s a Thursay night, we’re in the basement of a church, who the eff dresses that way for something like this?” Then I noticed the size of her thighs, her muffin top, and finally her rather average face. “Ahaaaaa,” I said to myself, “The ol’ bait-and-switch. Dress like a total whorebag and then people don’t really notice that you’re not terribly attractive. Oldest trick in the book.” And a perfect explanation for why I dressed the way I did at that age. If you’re not the prettiest, be the sluttiest, then you’ll get some attention. The bed news for this one is that she’s actually kinda cute, A little bit of a Jennifer Love Hewitt thing going on in the face there. But a plunging V-neck with side cutouts and a miniskirt are doing nothing to flatter her figure. Come to think of it, neither is that 200 pound tumor on her left hip, there.

10:22 am May, 6 doucheywallnuts said...

You gotta love an oversized girl in an undersized dress with huge Saggy Nortons man hands and a man-head. This is the closest a straight guy can get to having sex with a man without being gay…Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And if this is a prom, these two are faculty observers.

10:55 am May, 6 Reverend Bag said...

Look at the face! It’s obviously the same couple as the still life. Those boobs are just constricted much more in the blue dress.

11:25 am May, 6 Blair said...

The chick’s face is completely identical to Still Life with Coors Light. Has to be them. $10 she’s one of those people who make the same face in every photo.

12:06 pm May, 6 Ultra Bagnus said...

Oh, the force of gravity is gonna play hell with those things in a few years…

12:26 pm May, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Props to Choad Harolde’s Pilgrimmage for the match. You’re like Wheezer’s Robin – VAGBLAM!.

.

Time and KFC have not been kind to her. It’s not often you fear a woman’s hot water bottles are going to fall out of the bottom of her dress.

.

And by fear I mean AAAAIIIEEEEEGGGG!

12:29 pm May, 6 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I think I remember seeing those cream sacks of hers used in military testing.

12:31 pm May, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Bruce Campbell makes his comeback in “Armani of Dorkness”.

1:29 pm May, 6 asspear said...

Oh hell yes, I love those big swinging hanger tits

1:31 pm May, 6 asspear said...

Now that I’ve wiped down my keyboard and some overspray on my monitor, ye ‘bag hunters need to find some more of DDD– STAT!

1:58 pm May, 6 Troy Tempest said...

Yep this is the Coors lite couple. Just as nauseating as Coors Lite.

2:21 pm May, 6 Baron Von Goolo said...

That’s them all right, and he’s still with the same hott, years later. This testifies to an emotional stability and loyalty that true douchebags not only lack but get that confused, ‘His Master’s Voice’ head tilt from. I raise my glass, give them a pass and shake his hand for tappin’ that ass, boooYEEEEEE.

2:40 pm May, 6 Douchey the Great said...

I was going to write something profound based on one of the Buddha’s teachings but screw it. Just look at the cans on that bimbo! WOW!

3:47 pm May, 6 Deltus said...

Boobies. That’s all I have to say about that.

4:55 pm May, 6 Blair said...

@Ultra Bagnus: Those years being 2001 on.

5:44 pm May, 6 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Lady has funbags of large size. Even with the liberty spike/tuxedo combination, this lacks the Dali-esque surreal qualities of Still Life w/ Coors Light.

7:57 pm May, 6 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

I will not lie, I do attest

To being partial to hott’s giant breasts

As choad’s massive mohawk aptly suggests

Rednecks can douche it up with the best

8:32 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

Oh, I wish I wa-uz in the land of cotton,

Old times tits, be not forgotten,

Look away, look away, look away, Titty-Land.

She has natural hangers, not the plastic stock-in-

titty-trade: Balloons so rotten

They will pop, never drop, photo-op, Titty-land.

Now I wish I had those titties

In hand, in hand,

They bounce like swingin’ testicles,

On equal natch’ral terms,

With man, with man, away down south’s his ballzies.

With boobs in hand, he ‘nounces, “Dem’s no falsies!!”

8:34 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

Well, DB1 could call this one “Ode to a Grecian Urn” given her skimpy toga; or “Blowin’ In the Wind” after his tornadic twisted spike-do.

9:33 pm May, 6 ehcuodouche said...

I would say a resounding yes. They resemble that remark.

10:44 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

if HCwDB existed in ancient Greece, where women drank lots of fatty milk and had broad shoulders (and other broadened body parts too…), this chick would fit right in the Hall of Hott.

only in ancient Greece though.

10:45 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

but her biggest improvement in this pic is her hair. showing some thigh is also surprisingly more pleasing to the eyes than that stupid long blue skirt.

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