Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Pumpito Invalidates Ten Thousand Years of Human Accomplishment In Under Three Minutes

There is no hope. No future.

Last one out, shut off the lights.

# posted by douchebag1
3:20 pm May, 11 Crucial Head said...

I ain’t gonna lie.

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This naminipulate my mind! And that shit don’t fly with me!

.

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I’m now going to go do those drugs… and go do that alcohol… and hopefully end up dead.

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Good night sweet Regs, Anon’s, and Buffalo Beast.

.

Good… nighhjipdfpigydsfyg6789p34qehp2y9fp…

3:20 pm May, 11 Steve L. said...

humanity has not encountered a sexier light switch.

3:22 pm May, 11 Steve L. said...

i mean, this light switch is like Kate Beckinsale’s hand. i shall hold on to it dearly.

3:22 pm May, 11 Troy Tempest said...

I concur. Centuries of indoor living have led to THIS? Fuck. where’s a large asteroid when you need one?

3:32 pm May, 11 Markdouchery said...

I just couldn’t hit the play arrow. Anyone “male” with what looks to be like C implants just shouldn’t be seen. Besides, I have a firearm within reach….too dangerous.

3:34 pm May, 11 scrotum pole said...

His videos are all pretty much the same. (At least I think so, I can’t watch more than twenty or so seconds.) He’s a one trick pony. And by pony I mean jackass.

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So far, the only other individual we’ve seen this piece of shit with is someone in a jacked-up lion suit.

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I wonder why?

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DB1 said it best. He’s exempt from the “must be seen with a hot chick” rule because he’s got matronly breasts, which appear to be lactating.

3:35 pm May, 11 The Know said...

Sweet Jesus. What has humanity done to itself?

3:36 pm May, 11 Douches Wild said...

I am agog. Someone applied the tragic misadventure of silicone inflated lips to their whole body! He looks like he was attacked by wasps with poor taste. This immature tool may believe he is redefining desirability- Charles Darwin is wringing his hands in despair.

3:37 pm May, 11 Buffalo Beast said...

………………………………………………………………?

3:39 pm May, 11 DarkSock said...

Goodbye, Sober Day.

3:39 pm May, 11 Vin Douchal said...

That ain’t a chick. The adam’s apple is too big. Worst sex change operation, ever.

3:41 pm May, 11 mr.reeve said...

Holy shit! Now he really looks like

Hanz and Franz!

3:49 pm May, 11 Chad Kroeger said...

Waitress can I have an order of what Heath Ledger took.

3:51 pm May, 11 Brohail said...

His body looks absurd, it’s a parody of being muscular. What makes it so spectacle of baggery so beautiful, in the way Kristie Allie is beautiful, is that he probably has no clue of how stupid he looks.

Synthol clown.

4:03 pm May, 11 scrotum pole said...

The tiny shred of hope that I had for humanity has been destroyed.

The cruel irony is, after his obviously botched implant fiasco, he’s so delusional, he’s happily showing it off to the world.

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Excuse me, but I’m about to find out if my shower curtain rod will hold 195 pounds.

4:26 pm May, 11 The Luper said...

To anyone who has a problem with Arizona’s new immigration law…. you’ve been served.

4:29 pm May, 11 Anonymous said...

Dude’s almost as douchie as Chris Cornell.

4:35 pm May, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Please!!!!, no more Pumpito it’s too disturbing

4:49 pm May, 11 opie sardonicus said...

And from the waist down he looks like Don Knotts. Not the buff and hearty ‘Three’s Company’ Don Knotts either. The ‘Mr. Chicken’ Don Knotts. You remember. When we were all worried about his health.

Pumpito is perhaps new douche. Douche-chemical-spill-waiting-to-happen. Posited.

4:51 pm May, 11 DB of the city in the hills said...

dose that guy have sicone (Breast implants) in his chest and shoulders? Dose any one have that burning anwer?

5:01 pm May, 11 mr.reeve said...

Jesus wept.

5:09 pm May, 11 Chad Kroeger said...

@Db of the city…

And everywhere else. What a fag. It looks like he has been upgrading them. And by ugrading I mean holy fucking spawn of Lucifer are there no mirrors in Mexico. He must have had his cocck cutoff in a Tijuana drug fight.

5:14 pm May, 11 Soy Bomb said...

How great would it be if Stackhouse and Pumpito ever met at a poorly-lit bar?

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I can just see it now; the Stack smoothly creeping up behind Pumpito, whispering sweet salutations into his ear followed by a not-so-subtle boob grab…then the look of horror on Stack’s face that accompanies the realization that the fake tit he just molested belongs to some Spanish-speaking male horrorshow.

.

Bahahahaha!

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I would slam back my water with delight and ask the barkeep for another. DB1, if you could ever facilitate a meeting ‘tween these two “Instant Classics” your life’s work would be complete.

5:14 pm May, 11 noobicite said...

LMFAO…wait for it…wait for it…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6xLpCPyZsU&feature=related

5:33 pm May, 11 doucheywallnuts said...

Seriously, every guy in the world wants to be told this, “Hey, nice tits!”

5:35 pm May, 11 Victor Ferreira said...

Oh God, my country has produced this… Mockery of the human anatomy. From now on I shall hunt this creature down, and should I perish in this mission, I urge every member of the international community to BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF BRAZIL.

Yes, millions will die; Yes, it will fuck up the economy even more than it already is. But, if there is a minimal chance to destroy this foul being, I say we take it.

5:48 pm May, 11 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I think Ralph and Police Chief Wiggum say it best.

“Mommy has bosoms like that, right Daddy?”

“I wish!”

5:50 pm May, 11 Adam said...

This guy’s both a hot chick AND a douche bag at the same time!!!!

6:03 pm May, 11 Anonymous said...

Seriously, somebody shoot this asswipe.

6:42 pm May, 11 Adi said...

I would lay down a sack of gold that this guy is going to wind up like Bob from Fight Club, he’s already got the bitch tits. I wonder how you say “i was a juicer” in whatever language it is he’s grunting in.

7:18 pm May, 11 RAPETIME said...

I laughed when I first read the title of this post. “First genuinely funny HCwDB post title I’ve seen”, I thought.

I ain’t fuckin’ laughing now.

7:52 pm May, 11 Stephanie said...

He sure is proud of his titties. He’s so lonely and empty he has to make his own titties to fondle.

8:28 pm May, 11 Anonymous said...

My God! I am forced to seriously contemplate suicide to escape the wretch that is pumpito…..I can’t even believe what a pathetic and absolute piece of trash this douche is. He has bigger titties than half the girls in the archives. Is that even permissible? WTF HCWD!!!!!!

8:43 pm May, 11 G said...

Too much Pumpito…I need Jed the Creepy Wankscrote back to even out the universe.

8:54 pm May, 11 Wedgie said...

How do you say ass in Portuguese?

I think it’s jumento…and hat is chapeu.

8:56 pm May, 11 Wedgie said...

….oh yeah, I forgot implante.

9:05 pm May, 11 Anonymous said...

Jesus Wept, indeed.

9:11 pm May, 11 Morgan said...

Seriously. I have never seen nipples that point straight down on a dude before. Those are implants right? I have never been so confused looking thinking nice tits…. then realizing its a dude. ugh.

9:12 pm May, 11 Cleopatra said...

I used to laugh at this guy, but clearly there’s something wrong there. He’s a carved, symmetrical, surgically altered train wreck.

We live in an age when, as long as you have money, you can get bizarre things done to your body — even if you are clearly disturbed. And then you can film yourself behaving in such a way that apparently gives you the white-hot thigh sweats, and then post that video so everyone can see you.

At least, in the olden days, the mentally disturbed were embarrassing to their families on a local and not a global scale.

9:43 pm May, 11 Fredouche Corleone said...

To Luper and Chad Kroeger:

This guy is not Mexican, Pumpito is speaking Portuguese in his video and judging by his accent is probably from Rio de Janeiro.

9:45 pm May, 11 Lithi said...

Jesus wept and then shot up a Wal-Mart.

Make that a tanning salon filled with Jersey poo.

9:46 pm May, 11 GregG said...

Pumpito is disturbing. Unless, on the outside chance, he has a hot chick by his side, I say PLEASE no more Pumpito! I have a mind scar from the last clip, I couldn’t even watch this one.

I DUB THEE HIMPLANTS! Feel free to trademark that one.

You owe us a lot of ass-pear this week . . .

9:52 pm May, 11 DarkSock said...

¥’all…think about it.

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“Titty”.

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That’s just a funny wörd. If you really pause and think about it.

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*Titty*…..

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Say it with me….titty….TITTY..

īïĪÎÿ.

(• )( •)

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SAY IT.

9:56 pm May, 11 The Devil wears Hardy said...

Judge : How do you plea to the charge of assult with a deadly weapon, setting fire to, and defecating on the victim – ‘Pumpito’….

Not Guilty your honour…

Judge: On what grounds?…

I would like to bring into evidence this video of ‘Pumpito’ your honour…

Judge: NOT GUILTY!!..

Lets Dance

10:09 pm May, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

I can’t decide. Sleeping pills and a plastic bag on my head, or shotgun to the mouth? My mom is Catholic, and as long as she’s breathing, I WILL have an open casket wake, so I really ought to nix the shotgun idea. However, there is always the chance that I don’t take enough pills and don’t die, then I just become a vegetable from huffing my own CO2 for 15 hours. But then my pro-life mom would stop everyone from pulling the plug on me, even if it is in my will. Damnit. That’s how much I hate this guy, I’m going to have to kill my own mom so I can kill myself.

10:51 pm May, 11 Long-time listener 1st-time caller said...

You know, terms like “scarred” and “disturbing” get thrown about a lot these days, and I feel they’ve lost their meaning.

However, I must say I have…absolutely…no…idea…what just happened.

…really? Did I just really see what I think I did?

Respect to Victor @ 5:35. Collateral damage is just one of those things

10:57 pm May, 11 Baleen said...

In this corner we have the challenger who likes to gargle jizz protein shakes in the morning and astroglides at night- PUUUUUUUMPEETO!

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And in this corner, it’s the gnarly uber-turd, the forecast is feces, folks! It’s the defending champion of all that is shit- POOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Let’s get ready to rumble!

10:58 pm May, 11 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

How many of these videos does this guy(?) need to make. Shit on a biscuit what the hell happened to it as a child…

11:02 pm May, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

I suspect even RuPaul is lathering at the mouth. What say we ask him/her?

Whaddaya’ expect? Pumpito lives in RIO, which is to plastic surgery like Indycars are to the INDY500. FAST and when out-of-control, CRASHIN’ BAD.

I’m tryin’ to imagine what Mark Twain would say about Pumpito, or Oscar Wilde. Hmmm, and Lenny Bruce.

Maybe, in the end, we could just send Pumpito down the Colorado River on an inflatable raft and let the rapids deflate this Grand Canyon of an ego.

11:32 pm May, 11 douchebag69 said...

That douche has breast implants.

11:50 pm May, 11 Anonymous said...

Love the small-minded assholes who jump to the Mexican conclusions so easily. Your ignorance is akin to an automatic white-belt, tribal tatt, and fake tan to those non-Aryan’s who read this page. Fuccen amateurs.

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Wow.

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Just, wow.

12:38 am May, 12 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I just watched a turd, wrapped in a poo shell, living in an inflated shit shell, dance a jig while fondling it’s own fecal titts.

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Now that’s just something you don’t see every day… probably because if you did you would go blind with the quickness. I would be nauseous if I wasn’t so damn turned on by those huge boobies. Might this year’s douchies include the first ever “Best Male Golden Globes” catagory?

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No. No. Let’s just drink. A lot.

12:40 am May, 12 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

And I see that the anons still get butt-hurt with the quickness as well (see anon 11:50).

Some things never change.

Like ass cancer n’ junk.

12:43 am May, 12 Wheezer said...

O holy hunters and huntresses, tear thine eyes from the atrocity of Pumpito for this triune of treats!

12:45 am May, 12 Euripidouche said...

jesus jerked off, then wept, no one was there to hold him…and offer mittie malevage moobs to sob into.

12:47 am May, 12 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

God bless thee Wheezer.

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And god bless yoga pants.

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And thongs.

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And butts.

12:49 am May, 12 Wheezer said...

@S^3 -

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I am only too happy to provide for my fellow hunters/huntresses. Hell, even if the chicks are bleeths, they’re a lot easier on the eyes than Pumpito.

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And on the stomach.

1:02 am May, 12 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Good lord, I leave for a bit and this is what happens…and by happens I mean his malevage is magnificently prominent…I think Aunt Bea just came.

1:51 am May, 12 PaddyBatman said...

I swear, I swear, bet the internet anything you like…this man deserves respect, more than we’re giving him.

He moves so gracefully for a man that we can all safely assume is wearing a mini skirt & high heels as part of the rest of his ensemble.

5:05 am May, 12 Dex said...

That was the most erotic unzipping of a shirt I’ve ever seen

5:50 am May, 12 Wheezer said...

Another quite worthy diversion from Pumpito…..

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You’re quite welcome. Who said beauty pageants aren’t worthwhile (other than declining viewers)?

6:00 am May, 12 Disconnected said...

Does being Brazilian decrease the douche-factor? I would argue for a slight reduction of douchitude actually…

6:41 am May, 12 Army of DOuche-ness said...

hahahahahaha oh muy fucking god he carassed his “pecs” as if he were a pregnant woman…is he talking “in rthym” with what would be the lyrics except all monotone and shit?

and whats the point of these videos? like what’s the goal here? so i’m an “actor” and i have some self-made 4th-wall breaking videos on here and fbook and the point of all of them is for someone, ideally someone making a film with $, see them and note that i can 1. hit a range of emotion under fictional circumstances as if it were real life and 2. I have good comedic timing. these are of course, in addition to real produced by others films out there and also kinda just for a laugh too.

but these videos…where do they get him????

finally, as a quasi-native spanish speaker of both the Puerto Rican and Castillian dialects, I have to say that Brazilian Portuguese is the ugliest dialect of a romance language ever. no offense to any Brazilieros out there…

6:58 am May, 12 DarkSock said...

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.

.

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*t i t t y*

(* )( *)

8:02 am May, 12 Wedgie said...

^Sock, why do your nipples always point up?

8:03 am May, 12 Wedgie said...

(@) (@)

Mine have nice tribal swirls.

8:04 am May, 12 Wedgie said...

(+) (+)

Post-surgical pumpito titties.

8:10 am May, 12 Bag Margera said...

Those toxic roid-titties make him more of a Pumpita than a Pumpito

8:32 am May, 12 Plowboy said...

The future of Brazilian soccer is sad if their boys start carrying balls on their chest…

8:34 am May, 12 Sorta Damocles said...

Due to his penchant for being tittyfucked, Pumpito’s greatest contribution to mankind:

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He knows the absolute best way to remove cum stains from wool / Lycra blend sweaters.

8:43 am May, 12 Glenn said...

Does this stupid FUCK really think chicks will digg his arrogant, egotistical ass. What a piece of shit.

9:01 am May, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Damn…I gotta get me some yoga pants.

9:02 am May, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ AOD–I don’t mean to sound creepy, but I would love to see your videos.

9:34 am May, 12 Everyone said...

Stop posting this guy !!! I just stopped vomiting from his last video.

9:38 am May, 12 Chevy Doucherado said...

I got to the point where he shows his tits and then couldn’t take it. I spent the next 2.5 minutes retching and sobbing. Since then I have felt a profound bottomless misery the likes of which I have never experienced.

I am hoping that time will heal.

Please, please no more.

10:24 am May, 12 Army of DOuche-ness said...

@ Medusa-

are you on fbook? my series called “road rage” and my lynch-esque trilogy “3 times marojnia” are on there only….i thought i uploaded everryhting to youtube as well but i guess that was just a hallcuination

i didn’t realize so little was on youtube.

there’s a few on here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mxLW_F2BKM

11:03 am May, 12 Deltus said...

I’m surprised people in the future haven’t sent a cyborg through a time travel system to Terminator this choad’s ass. If he can breed, he would irreversibly pollute the genome.

11:39 am May, 12 ashfish said...

This is like America’s Funniest Home Videos on steroids and axe. It’s almost as if he’s trying to parody of the submission where the guy dressed as a man and a woman turning back and forth to lip-sync to a duet. I didn’t feel dirty watching AFHV though. It’s like he’s smuggling soccer balls of coke in his chest.

4:18 pm May, 12 boosh dag said...

Jesus fuck. Does he try to suck his owndick at the 4-minute mark?

4:21 pm May, 12 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

LOL!!!! I’ve got the biggest fucking boner right now! great tits, asshole!

Now I can’t stop crying! wtf?!

remember “Popples”? nice sweater.

5:35 pm May, 12 Dicy said...

My bestie just translated this “song” for me. It’s much much worse than what you thought he was saying. Apparently he thinks that straight women find this attractive. And oh yes, no men need apply.

11:08 pm May, 12 Business-Casual Douche said...

Does this man really exist?

11:10 pm May, 12 Business-Casual Douche said...

Also, it should really be “Pumpinho”, as “inho” is the portuguese diminuitive suffix.

I minored in Portuguese in college because I thought it was a beautiful sounding language. Now I deeply regret having done that.

11:31 pm May, 12 StudSupreme said...

Oh My God,

HEEZ GOT MOOOOOOOOOBZ!

1:08 pm May, 13 Sir Winston Douchill said...

Wow, that’s retina-scarring! The boobies! And yes, I’m convinced they are actually breast implants, look at the way they move! (On a chick, they’d actually be hot, but too big.) Pectoral implants just don’t move like that! I’ve read horror stories about guys getting pec implants from shady surgeons that turned to be fake boobies, but never seen a guy who’s actually PROUD of them!

2:08 pm May, 13 gabe said...

those are real boobs not pecs!

6:36 pm May, 13 The Luper said...

I didn’t say he’s Mexican. Arizona’s law covers all illegal immigrants: Mexicans, Canadians, Swiss, and (thankfully) those from Rio Doucheanero

7:46 pm May, 13 Vinegar&H2O said...

So I’ve been wondering how much this guy can TRULY bench. The bar maybe?

3:11 pm May, 14 Jasun Mark said...

I mean… she’s got GREAT tits but that’s still the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my life.

10:56 pm May, 14 getamanzier said...

In that blue shirt he looks like The Tick:

http://meaninglessguy.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/tick-graphic.jpg

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