Thursday, May 6, 2010

Pumpito

Vezi Cocalarus retardus pe

It’s about time we gave this legendary international ubersquat a moniker, since he’s appeared on the site before.

I dub thee… Pumpito.

WARNING: No ladies to counterbalance the eye-melting pain of pumpito. This is pure, uncut, 100% douche. View at your own risk. HCwDB takes no legal responsiblity for injuries, either self inflicted or caused, by viewing this clip.

After viewing, click here.

EDIT: dbBen suggests a dose of Librarian Hott to soothe the pain, and I’m in complete agreement.

# posted by douchebag1
5:02 pm May, 6 chad Kroo..gg said...

Is Think o that the end is nigh witht this she devil my friends

collect fresh water, herbs, firesticks, andd meat meat. Head to the hallowed grounds and don’t forgit yur camphor and wax.

5:06 pm May, 6 Marcy said...

He is absolutely disgusting. Does he really think his over-inflated arms and man-boobs are attractive? Gross!

5:07 pm May, 6 Gary said...

He has serious boobs

5:08 pm May, 6 Ponderonymous said...

I just want a needle. Just give him a poke and see him ooze goo like a torn Strech Armstrong.

-Ponderonymous

5:23 pm May, 6 chad Kroo..gg said...

i have to go take care of the youngn’s now. i don’t think my wife, mother, and old father could collect this guys boob size. he is not a douche, he is a clown.

5:24 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

The last time this guy was here, this Baron VG gem:

He looks like a snowman made of cantaloupes

Had me chuckling for days..

Dude. Pumpito. I only want to see Diacos on a hot chick. You suck opossum testes

5:24 pm May, 6 doucheblaster said...

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! this douche has neck and chest implants….with that said it has occured to me that Pumpito takes the win from HCwDB legend The Gator in the battle for the title of the “ultimate douche”

I hereby pee on thee Pumpito and dub thou “the ultimate douche”

5:28 pm May, 6 Anon said...

notice his complete lack of any shoulder muscle..

the injections aren’t foolin anyone there

5:33 pm May, 6 Anon2 said...

Can someone explain this?! I mean wtf is going on here, is he injecting steroids directly into his traps and pecks …this is beyond disturbing… I just …I mean ….someone shoot me please.

5:37 pm May, 6 Douchelips said...

Are those boobs?

5:42 pm May, 6 Ariscrotle said...

Is this what happens when you mix estrogen and steroids?

5:47 pm May, 6 RedNeckBag said...

Wow.

I mean, ow. My eyes.

At least Pumpito is a good dancer though…

5:50 pm May, 6 Ponderonymous said...

After some educational reading, and I think someone talked about this the last time he was on here, it’s called “synthol” or a derivative of it. It’s this oil based crap that you inject directly into the muscle, the muscle essentially soaks it up and becomes engorged. It is used exclusively by douchebags because it is purely cosmetic. I think that even the iron pumping, spray tanning douchnozzle orangutan- men normally featured here would have to say that this guy is a douchebag.

Doctors say that it if it accidentally gets into your bloodstream, it will kill you. Fun stuff.

-Ponderonymous

5:54 pm May, 6 DoucheBashery said...

Wow let me just say that disturbed me more than pictures of holocaust victims. He is like disfigured with muscules. Those thing look like they’ll pop upon the next ‘roid injection and I can only hope they do, soon, until then he should hide himself away so the public never again has to wonder why a muscle man would get implants. I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.

5:59 pm May, 6 Anonymous said...

this dude has fuckin tits…wtf!

6:35 pm May, 6 Justin said...

This guy needs serious help.

6:45 pm May, 6 SortaDamocles said...

This reminds me of a recurring nightmare I have. I’ve been thrown into a Mexican prison and Pumpito here is my new cellmate. He is suffering from dementia from too many injections of the steriods they are making in a toilet in the next cell block. His mood swings are random and violent. One minute he can be dancing with himself and honestly wanting your opinion if, “this shirt makes my tits look big enough?” and the next moment his eyes get wild and veins popping out of his neck while he screams, “Toss my salad you honkey bitch!”

.

Then I usually fart and wake up….

6:55 pm May, 6 mr.reeve said...

Where was Hans and Frans?? That was from SNL right?

6:56 pm May, 6 Nahtman said...

Seriously…. did someone forget to tell him that boob implants are only intended for girls?? Not to mention those shoulders and traps that not only look implanted also, but serve to give him a body shape that does not resemble anything human… ‘Roids to the max… He probably has the heart of a 70 year old.

6:57 pm May, 6 Soy Bomb said...

I now have an answer to the question: “What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen?”

6:59 pm May, 6 scrotum pole said...

This moron makes yesterdays assortment of groin-shavers look quite reasonable.

7:32 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

Darn it, he needs a Pumpy-style chick to pull the “grab and hold her boob” maneuver.

Wait, isn’t he grabbing his own moobs?

He’s as alien as the E.T. he’s pictured with in the previous photo, only I reckon his own family would disown him if he phoned home.

7:34 pm May, 6 08ArmyDoc said...

Seriously? At first, I was going to request he have his testicles removed as punishment, then I remembered that the steroids would have melted those little boys to vestigial raisins by now.

Dude has a bigger rack than I do, and I cause black eyes if I run without a heavy-duty sports bra. Moobs are repulsive in general, but he takes it to a new level.

I know it’s down the list of questions, but why does he have a f&cking WHALE tattooed on his arm? “Watch me do bouncy aerobics as I pump my tits and flex my hideously engorged biceps.”

It’s appalling that this is what he masturbates to at night.

7:42 pm May, 6 Douche Unto Others said...

He has a built-in manssiere for those disgusting titty implants. I know it’s asking a lot to suggest watching any part of this again, but skip to the 1:46 mark as he’s taking off his “shirt” and forcing his moobs on us. You can see the silhouette of a bra straps built in to that garment. Seriously.

7:45 pm May, 6 Douchey the Great said...

Well, that was a sight. Our venerable host did give warning and recommended cataract surgery, so I will not hold him responsible if I decide instead to put a Mossberg 12 gauge shotgun to my eyes and pull the trigger.

7:47 pm May, 6 Stupid Monkey said...

I’ve never really wanted to kill anyone until now. I really wish he was dead

7:58 pm May, 6 Army of Douche-ness said...

seriously, those pecs dont even make sense. like how can what appear to be breast implants impress women?

“ito” means “lil” but that still puts his name in contact with the memory of Pumpy.

total fucking misnomer

AoD

8:04 pm May, 6 Bag A said...

WTF? Is he wearing a bra stuffed with tissue.

Donkster would kick his ass.

Get some.

8:21 pm May, 6 opie sardonicus said...

This makes me want to eat asparagus and then piss into my own eye sockets. Serve up the cataracts, boss. I’ll have ’em.

8:43 pm May, 6 dbBen said...

That was painful. I move for a librarian hott chaser (ala boingboing’s unicorn chasers) to these types of posts.

Suggested Librarian Hott

8:48 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

Now yer cookin’. DB1 is a softie when it comes to Librarian Hott. They’re the female versions of Clark Kent/Superman.

8:52 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

If that’s a sperm whale tatt on his upper arm, that’s the only sperm on/in his body these days, given the fact that steroids minimize the balls from shot-put to peanuts and output to putt-putt..

8:58 pm May, 6 G said...

With boobs like that, all I see is a video of a nottahott…no douche there

9:06 pm May, 6 Anonymous said...

steroids make ur dick small man.

9:09 pm May, 6 primate said...

Guys and gals,

It’s not Synthol or any Synthol-like substance. Synthol and the like (termed site enhancing oils, commonly abbreviated SEOs) disperse after a few days. Muscle tissue and fascia cannot expand to that extent as a result of injecting a liquid. A small amount of viscous liquid can get trapped between muscle fibres (this is termed a ‘depot ‘and occurs when you receive an oil-based intramuscular injection, but the limit of a depot is about 5-10mls). Similarly, the fascia can only be stretched a small amount before it ruptures. In any event an SEO disperses after a few days so you can’t achieve a cumulative effect.

This douche has implants: solid, flexible, inert silicone elastomer implants (Dow Corning Silastic). These muscle implants were originally used for reconstructive surgery eg. to replace muscle removed as a result of trauma or disease. Sometime in the 90s (I believe in Latin America) doctors began using them for “body sculpting”. It has become much more popular today: http://www.bodyimplants.com/.

The implants are under his pectoral, trapezius, bicep and tricep muscle. The point of entry is the armpit (where the scar can be easily hidden).

I am willing to go out on a limb (no pun intended) and say that muscle implants are next stage in douche adornment.

-Primate

9:16 pm May, 6 Douchus O'Callahan said...

why do I feel as though this guy is ACTUALLY 4foot 3 inches tall and he just wears balloons in the torso and shirt sleeves and stands on stilts when he makes these videos?

9:50 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

if nobody offered to post a librarian hott’s pic, i would’ve.

yay for librarian hotts!

10:02 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

also, apparently i can see the video in IE but not in Firefox.

stupid Romanian websites and muscle implants.

but i am most definitely not complaining about the limited availability of this video. oh fuck no i’m not.

10:05 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

some time in the future, i’m gonna regret forgetting all this valuable information about Synthol and muscle implants. just saying.

10:29 pm May, 6 Mariah said...

Those are steroid inflicted boobies!

That is one of the most disgusting looking men I’m ever seen in my life. There is nothing attractive about pointy muscles. Yuck.

10:34 pm May, 6 Charles Erasmus Douchewin said...

it saddens me to think that this guy is currently sitting at home, watching this video and eye-fucking himself. with any luck, the steroids will have permanently disabled any and all spermatogenesis, thus erasing the possibility of the propagation of his genetic material.

and in closing: ugh.

11:01 pm May, 6 Cybele said...

OMGawd! That is frightening! He is seriously deformed! And doesn’t seem to realize it! And it’s all just so angular, and misplaced, and WRONG! No man should look like that! I was actually glad he was taking his shirt off, in a scientific way, because I thought he might reveal the cause of preposterous man-boobs, but it just got worse (of course, how could it not)…. I think my back is more well-developed than his (my Dcups are feeling a little inferior, however). He must just be insane with self-absorption, to only manipulate the parts of himself he can see. And a sad, sad human, to be so caught up with himself he has no conception of what is attractive to women/(others?), until he turns himself into a cartoon cautionary tale. Like a five-alarm fire, this really is a seven exclamation point situation!

11:23 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

whoa i can see the video in Firefox now!

WTF is wrong with this website?! and why do i keep coming back?!

11:29 pm May, 6 Pierre Matsuo said...

Someone put this guy up for the weekly.

He deserves a battle royale with Stack for the yearly.

12:04 am May, 7 Baleen said...

@ Chas Erasmus 10:34

.

That reminds of this crazy guy I knew of who was interrupted while jerking off to a video of himself jerking off. I like to think that this homo does the same. Very postmodern.

.

Seriously, Pumpito is undeniably HoS and with that said, I’ll be over at PornHub recouperating.

12:07 am May, 7 Crucial Head said...

A few have made valiant and valid arguments for the inherent douchery of this specimen. And I tend to support their claims, but would proffer this brief rebuttal:

.

Cystic Fibrosis de Gigantasaurous and Elephatiasis Behemothicalmonstrositicism. Fortunately, both are common ailments in the affluent communities of South Rio Di Janeiro and Long Di Island that can be easily treated with an acupuncturist’s bed of nails.

.

.

Otherwise, he’d make for great chewing fodder in Baron Von Goolo’s: Rabid Pit Bulls of the Living Dead exhibit.

12:18 am May, 7 Crucial Head said...

Don’t know why, but the Librarian Hott’s cleavage reminds me of that time I made love to the knuckle of a drumstick in the parking lot of a KFC on Vermont back in the day.

.

*blushes*

.

Fuccen Lettecia wouldn’t gift me third base that night and I wasn’t about to let my swollen blue balls dick-tate the rest of the evening. What?

.

Shit.

.

… time to ‘bate.

1:46 am May, 7 chad Kroo..gg said...

Why Dora why? Did you let Pumpito go to find the witches volcano? All he found was boobs. What the fuck am I awake at 4:43 looking at this terror for. I think I will have to drink myself back to sleep.

3:56 am May, 7 Anonymous said...

this guy left the airplane neck-rest pillow still wedged under his “under-armor”

<—- inflated with turds might i add

4:11 am May, 7 Chac Kroeger said...

The Habs will win the cup. And for all that is or was ever Holy please delete Boob Man. I was going to go to the gym with my monsster in law today, but I am now fearing that I may develop this condition. I do not want mmooooooobbbbbbs.

4:39 am May, 7 scrotum pole said...

This is what happens when you have the unholy coupling of the Michelin Man and Ru Paul.

4:46 am May, 7 scrotum pole said...

@ Crucial 12:18 am

“…knuckle of a drumstick…”?

I think I blew a Cheerio and a small amount of milk out of my nose on that one.

5:22 am May, 7 Dex said...

Beautiful tits!

5:39 am May, 7 doucheblaster said...

Hey DB1….what ever happened to selecting Maureen into the hall of hot or at least a pic without the glasses???? dont tell me you gave into those wannabe nik richie’s hating on all three hotts! tell me it isnt so!

5:49 am May, 7 Wedgie said...

First time I’ve ever seen a guy with four biceps. Interesting mutation.

6:00 am May, 7 Deltus said...

MY EYES!!!!! ARRRGGGHH!!!

*quickly views Librarian Hott*

Oh! Oh… that’s better… ahhh…

6:20 am May, 7 DarkSock said...

Re: Chad Kroeger’s post at the very top:

Is Think o that the end is nigh witht this she devil my friends

collect fresh water, herbs, firesticks, andd meat meat.

Finally. It’s about damn time someone else started posting drug-addled rants around here. Me and Llaemmaeh can’t do it all.

“meat meat” is the new “porch beef”.

6:21 am May, 7 DarkSock said...

Pumpito is so gross he makes Haitian trannies cringe.

6:43 am May, 7 Dicy said...

My love for Brasil isn’t changed after this, I just hate douches even more. I can’t really understand him because I haven’t heard Portuguese since July but I’m pretty sure he starts that sentence with the words “my chest” but then again it’s pretty obvious he would be talking about those boobs! Gross.

6:56 am May, 7 Bagnonymous said...

I’d get unruly between the stacks, just so Librarian Hott would angrily track me down and spank me.

.

…and yes, I feel a bit ashamed posting such horn-balled immature musings right next to sweet, innocent Dicy. My apologies to the young lady.

7:00 am May, 7 curbyourendouchiasm said...

This is what Pumpito is going for:

He is deformed, disgusting, and proud of it. whattadick.

Just remember kids, this is what happens when you inject steriods directly into your muscles.

7:57 am May, 7 Mr Fitzwilliam Douchey said...

Is it cheating that I jumped straight to the Librarian Hott?

8:07 am May, 7 DarkSock said...

WONDER-PEC POWERS…ACTIVATE!!!

8:07 am May, 7 DarkSock said...

He looks like an action figure made with a melon baller and a vat of stiff potted meat.

8:54 am May, 7 Dicy said...

No worries @Bagnonymous!! 😛

10:24 am May, 7 Essentially speechless said...

Brazil or Romania? Either way, the seeds of the Next Holocaust are in this guy.

11:18 am May, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

That’s just not human. And not in a good way either. As in a case study of how too much man musk and steroids can warp a man.

11:31 am May, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

BOOBIEEEoh wait eew eew eeyewwwwww!!!!!

11:34 am May, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

Yes, Pumpito, by all means go for the full arm hammerhead shark tattoo. Lord knows there’s nothing else about your body that might draw attention.

(**cricket**cricket**cricket**)

12:09 pm May, 7 Glenn said...

This is the perfect ASSHOLE… what a waste of flesh

12:26 pm May, 7 doucheywallnuts said...

The funniest/most frightening thing is that this freak really doesn’t even lift weights. The tell-tale giveaways are his feminine forearms and the lack of any mass and definition in his upper, mid-back. The site injections/implants are a joke and you can even see the marks on his right trap from either injections or ridges in the sub-par implants.

You have to be a total fucking douchebag, loser to engage in this type of behavior. I’m invoking the dreaded “Stomach Cancer Curse” on Pumpito.

12:45 pm May, 7 Dr. Richard Goesinya said...

Nice tits you f-ing bag!

1:18 pm May, 7 LBCFan23z said...

As much as I love this site, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m an avid bodybuilder. After years of working out and getting to know a lot about the subject. All I can say is that this guy is the worst Synthol user I’ve ever seen next to that asshole Gregg Valentino. Synthol is pretty much an inject-able inflammatory that increases your muscle size. Except it makes it look like implants instead of muscles. That’s why this fuck can be as lean as he is and look like he has Pamela Anderson’s tits. I’ve seen a few people use this shit and it never ceases to amaze me that they can’t figure out that they’re nothing short of laughing stocks. The only thing worse than a bodybuilder who believes he impresses people by only working on arms and his chest are the assholes do the exact same thing, except without putting in any work and using a short cut like Synthol. The goofy fuck deserves to be ripped on relentlessly.

2:03 pm May, 7 Dog the Douchy Hunter said...

I honestly think this guy went to a surgeon and asked for chest implants. Too bad he didn’t specify that he wanted the male variety. I guess that’ll show him.

2:16 pm May, 7 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

Hey, I’m a fan of this site. always good for a laugh–or sometimes a cry…

OK, so let me be the 50th person to ask: what the hell is up with this guy’s muscles??? his traps and pecs are DEFORMED. I guess he decided to go for broke in the gym to match his probable “go for broke” lifestyle. well he looks broke alright.

At first, I figured he had a muscle suit on or something…but his arms looked real enough…I thought this was some kind of joke when I saw it.

…and I was right.

but not for the reasons I initially thought.

keep up the mockery. I guess with these guys, it’s not too difficult…!

2:21 pm May, 7 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

@Dog the Douche Hunter

LOL…too funny.

Implants…now that crossed my mind–but i didn’t want to believe that he actually PAID someone to make him look like that. …c’est la douche!

2:52 pm May, 7 wattadouche said...

these indeed are implants becasue if they were actual pectoral muscles, they would “jump” a whol lot more when he flexed. As for the traps, it looks like it could be implants and a combination of juicing. now the whole thing is with these club rat juice head douch bags they juice, and have no idea how to properly workout so they get built like a build a bear that was built by a 5 year old with downs syndrome. there is nothing funny about that becasue its sadly true. most of you on this site may think i am a douch bag if i were in a picture without my shirt on at the beach but by no means do i stoop to the level of most of these idiots. and by no means do i do steroids or anything like that for that matter but i do understand a lot about them since i do compete in ALL NATURAL competitions, NANBF… I love this site and rarely write anything but my god oh how douchey some of these people are is beyond me but this idiot tops them all…

5:49 pm May, 7 Joey said...

He looks deformed………… are those aliens trying to get out??

6:23 pm May, 7 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

His muscles are bulbous, his forehead is shiny

He’s juiced up on roids so his penis is tiny

He rocks a mandana, cheap bling he has gots

But he has bigger tits than most of our hotts

2:52 am May, 8 Jessica said...

Holy shit wtf is that? Why did he go out and get a boob job?

Love life has been crap thought why not try chicks well I’m sure going to be a lesbian now. Thanks prison bitch with your big giant rack.

3:33 am May, 8 JloFan said...

Possibly the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen. He’s like a a muse for douchebaggery, someone for fellow d-bags to look up to. Truly phenomenal, I might make it into my screensaver.

10:59 am May, 8 Fredouche Corleone said...

Is that Ren Hoek post “pec implants” surgery?

1:01 pm May, 8 Stinkpole said...

On the upside, there’s no chance this self-hating meatbag will be producing any spawn…unless of course he mates up with a she-douche with ovaries that welcome plastic spermatozoa.

On the other hand, I doubt that Pumpito is able to pump much of anything other than syringes and iron. His testes have long ago surrendered their purpose. Now they’re just a couple of dead raisins in a leather coin purse.

4:02 pm May, 8 yougottabefuckingkiddingme said...

Pumpito for Douchebag of the Decade.

I mean, how could anyone top this!

8:46 pm May, 8 puggapugga said...

what is wrong with this mans body? I’m actually curious. Are these implants? they don’t resemble actual musculature, it’s more like massive tumors just under his skin. This video gives me the willies…

11:45 pm May, 8 Basia said...

I actually clapped my hands over my mouth in horror, and ending up hitting myself rather hard. This was… horrifying. I was about to go to bed. Now… I… I don’t think I can sleep!

11:15 am May, 9 Douche Bigalow said...

This dude obviously uses Synthol, also called ‘Pump-n-Pose’. It is an oil that you inject into your muscles. And yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds.

5:33 pm May, 9 Rich said...

Zee googles! They do nothing!

7:16 pm May, 9 Stephanie said...

He reminds me of a plumped up pimple on my ass that I need to pop. I hope no one mates with this,because your children will look like deformed aliens.

And acting so tough leaves me to believe you really want to be fisted right?

7:21 pm May, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Implants. I’m not going to review this awful video again to pinpoint the exact spot. But you can see when he’s flexing his pecs and turning slightly to the side; There is a tell-tale diagonal band of muscle that is his actual pec, it squeezes the implant up when he flexes and you can see the ridge of the implant at the top and then the bend of the muscle underneath. All I’m hoping for is that he ends up in a horrid Rio De Janeiro prison, held down and tit-fucked for days by a train of angry inmates.

3:34 am May, 10 Ari said...

Woah. Those boobs are bigger than mine.

9:43 am May, 10 Schman75 said...

What a first class Cunt!

11:47 am May, 11 Adi said...

I like big tits, but not on dudes, especially when they giggle them about to music that i swear i’ve heard at a gay pride parade.

10:51 pm May, 11 chris said...

motherfucker has freaky ass titties…

eew

3:17 pm May, 13 cJ said...

thats a chick, maybe a lesbian or transgendered

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