Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Shark Begrudgingly Nods his Mo' at Lint Diesel

“You’ve proven your pudwackery in service of hott chasing, Lint Diesel. But I will bring assorted quality hotts, and ridiculous douche-head to the next Weekly. So be warned. For I am human walking herp sore.”

The gel-head crown does not rest easy. There are challengers around every club corner.

# posted by douchebag1
9:27 am May, 26 Ned's Atomic Douchebin said...

Uhhhhh… boobies!?

9:29 am May, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

White cabana shirt and a cigarillo. Nice. What are you, a sugar plantation owner? And by sugar I mean fuck you.

9:30 am May, 26 bigphatnotadouche said...

I see Elvira – the mistress on the night in this picture.

If there is a douche, I can’t see him since I’m staring at those cans.

9:30 am May, 26 Wheezer said...

We’re crowing the next Weekly already? How did I miss the latest Ass Pear?

.

Damn, time flies.

.

.

.

Flesh cones.

9:31 am May, 26 Axe Douche said...

This douche can be found at Les Douche in LA

9:42 am May, 26 Teddy Tendergass said...

In Lord of the Rings XVI: Return of the Twink, Legolas begins his futile quest for heterosexuality in the court of Queen Heroine.

9:45 am May, 26 3D said...

Shark needs to learn how to use his fins to iron his brand new shirt. Nice creases at the bottom!

Of course, if you are going to return the shirt to the store the next day because you are “balling it up” on minimum wage and mom’s allowance, this grand plan makes perfect sense.

9:53 am May, 26 crazy-sexy-douche said...

Milky-half-asian-midnight-mistress-hott?

9:56 am May, 26 Vin Douchal said...

Hor-EEEblay. If this guy can’t play Tarkus on the Moog or Mood For A Day on the catgut then he is a total fuckface poseur.

The only winner here is Aquanet

9:56 am May, 26 chaserofthehott said...

Titays!

9:59 am May, 26 Claude Douchenburg said...

Those are the most gnawable flesh muffins I have ever seen.

10:07 am May, 26 Bagnonymous said...

What’s with the handful of crayons? Perhaps she is just the hostess at this rib-joint, showing him the way to his table where he can complete the color-by-numbers and connect-the-dots before his mac & cheese and chicken nuggets arrive.

…Speaking of “nuggets,” I like hers. A lot.

10:12 am May, 26 Crucial Head said...

I would spank Cthulhu on the lips with a knapsack filled with lutefisk just for the privilege of SCUBA diving in the sewage plant three counties away from her third grade speech therapist.

10:15 am May, 26 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

well, bigphatnotadouche beat me to the Elvira ref…but this pic still makes me need to gorge upon giant cheese balls and suck gravy skins through a tiny bar straw…

10:16 am May, 26 mr.reeve said...

I believe he’s smoking a Clove! Holy shit! I didn’t know people still smoked those. That alone is douche.

It’s good to see they found a replacement for Elvira: Mistress of the Dark the 2010 version.

10:17 am May, 26 mr.reeve said...

@bigphatnotadouche nice Elvira reference

10:26 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “Come to the dark side, we have cheezburgerz!”

10:28 am May, 26 Deltus said...

@Crucial: NICE! Third grade speech therapist… classic.

.

Allow me to add: *clears throat*

.

I would tap dance in wooden clogs with spikes in them across a cement floor covered in mewling newborn kittens for the honor of sitting in wait for a week to catch a glimpse of the dermatologist who prescribed her the cream she uses to keep her boobs supple and moisturized.

10:29 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So are douches now decorating their fauxhawks? I almost missed the subtle blonde-brown-blonde-brown thing going on. If this continues, we’ll have to catalog them like biologists who use whale flukes for identification.

.

The coffee, it does nothing. Fuck I’m tired…

10:31 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “See that guy with the horse? Just follow his lead.”

10:32 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “Kinky Kelly couldn’t make it tonight. You’re up! Try not to break a leg!”

10:33 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “No go in the back because the grill needs to be scraped.”

10:33 am May, 26 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. Reeve:

.

Actually this is her cousin Elverna, Mistress of The Dork.

10:34 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “Hold still while I open this last piece of mail.”

10:34 am May, 26 DarkSock said...

@ Crucial:

Nice lutefisk reference; we haven’t seen enough of that around here as of late. Jellydong references are sagging as well.

10:36 am May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s whispering in his ear, “You can come back to my place tonight if you scrape all the ice off my windshield tonight.”

10:38 am May, 26 Baleen said...

Watch out, he’s brandishing a new douche accouterment- toenail clippers.

.

10:38 am May, 26 DarkSock said...

I’m not sure he’s sporting a mohawk, guys. If you observe her cleavage closely (and I know you are) you will see it is the negative image of his hair outline.

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His hairdo is a testament of why you NEVER motorboat after you blow a yogurt load into Milk Canyon.

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On a related topic, there is no way to maintain an air of dignity while titty-fucking. You just can’t do it. Not even Millard Fillmore or Lord Mountbatten could pull it off. You just look. fuccen. silly.

.

When you’re titty-fucking.

10:44 am May, 26 Crucial Head said...

@’Sock

.

What is this “dignity” of which you speak?

.

And can it be killed with a knife?

10:47 am May, 26 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…but can you still retain this ‘dignity’ whilst titty-fucking using a strap-on jellydong?…hypothetically speaking of course.

10:53 am May, 26 DarkSock said...

Not the see-thru purple jelly dongs; no. No sir. You cannot. Ebony? Yes.

10:54 am May, 26 Baleen said...

And how about the old “chili dog” where you pull it out of her pooper and then to the cleavage?

.

It’s rather dignified IMHO.

11:06 am May, 26 scrotum pole said...

Meanwhile, Buffalo Beast appears out of the inky blackness to silently mock, while casting a furtive glance at Booberella’s milky white ice cream dispensers.

11:07 am May, 26 creature said...

sorry ‘Sock

everytime I spy myself in the mirror whilst engaged in titty fucking… I look good! like a Mastadon of a Man! I raise my arms to the heavens in the glory of being me

11:08 am May, 26 creature said...

however, occurrence of this spectacle is less frequent than Halley’s Comet

11:10 am May, 26 creature said...

there was a kid with a footlong Mohawk

that caused many to scream & squawk

I was inspierd

to impres Elvira

to use a mallet & clean his clock

11:14 am May, 26 massengill said...

While titty-fucking, I typically wear a monocle, drink a mint julep and recite some poetry by Lord Byron. It’s very dignified.

11:17 am May, 26 Baleen said...

I don’t mean to kick a dead horse, but here is an example of RLR. These dudes have ridiculous hair and could pass for douche clowns but the difference is that they are ripping it up. Get some Melvins w/ the rhythm section from Big Business.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYrK4KpPcO4

11:19 am May, 26 End the Haberdouchery said...

Fake boobs + 5 does not equal 9.

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Unwashed brand new shirt + No Undershirt = Itchy night at the club

11:28 am May, 26 soy bomb said...

I knew I recognized this mega douche from somewhere.

11:33 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

Goth Globes

11:35 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Becoming the Archetit.

11:36 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Cannibal Cleavage.

11:36 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Impending Boob.

11:38 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, The Black Dhalia Mammary.

11:39 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Napalm Chest.

11:41 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Success Will Write Apocatits Across the Sky.

11:42 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Through the Nipples of the Dead.

11:43 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Eternal Chest Fjord.

11:44 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Fragments of Unbracoming.

11:45 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Salt the Boob.

11:46 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Autitsy Torment.

11:47 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Mr. White Doesn’t Want to Do Any Work.

11:48 am May, 26 Mr. White said...

It’s two of the members of the latest death metal band, Children of Boobdom.

11:48 am May, 26 Army of DOuche-ness said...

i saw a similarly dressed guy with mohawk that size recently and with a nice clean pair of nike’s walking down the street with a bleethed out bimbo who looked just like what youd imagine a bleeth who’s attracted to a typical mid-western quasi-prep aside from a 11 inch mohawk to look rebellious.

Is this why the “real” punk rockers either started wearing suits because anti-rebellion is the new rebellion and/or starting getting face tats to have an extreme to go to?

11:51 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Boobituary.

11:52 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Boob Thrower.

11:53 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Celtit Frost.

11:54 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Six Teat Under.

11:54 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Lamb of Boob.

.

(Okay that was just stupid)

11:55 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Morboob Angel.

11:56 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

D-Cup Borgir.

11:56 am May, 26 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Diabooblick.

12:01 pm May, 26 creature said...

Storm Boobs of Girth

12:02 pm May, 26 creature said...

Boobarhea

12:03 pm May, 26 creature said...

Globes of Distruction

12:05 pm May, 26 creature said...

Cleavage of Conformity

12:05 pm May, 26 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’m pretty sure she’s a vampire. She muttered something about draining my nuts. I thought they where into blood?

12:08 pm May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

.

Maybe we can merger your band (Mr. White Doesn’t Want to Do Any Work) with mine (Doc Bunsen’s Ennui Experience) and make some sort of super-group. What says you?

12:29 pm May, 26 Mr. White said...

@bunsen

Agreed. We can call it Bunsen’s White Work Experience. Unless that sounds too much like a science-based white supremacist group.

12:52 pm May, 26 Walrus Whisker said...

Orbs of Bitchuary

1:20 pm May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

.

I’m down with the name. So you’ll play guitar and I can play bass. Now we just need a singer and a drummer. Any volunteers? Or maybe we can just be a free-flowing classical punk ensemble. You know kind of like Mozart meets Black Flag? I have a few other ideas so let me know what you think.

1:32 pm May, 26 mr.reeve said...

@DarkSock

Elverna: Mistress of the Chode

I spent many nights in my youth dreaming of this boobage http://www.blairmag.com/blair4/elvira/elvira.jpg.

1:41 pm May, 26 Mr. White said...

@bunsen

I’m down. We need to get Vin in on this. And Medusa and Dicy. As Flea once wisely said, “Being ‘alternative’ means you have a chick in the band.”

1:45 pm May, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

.

Cool. When is the first practice? I can switch to drums if necessary. Now should Dicy play the xylophone and Medusa play the didgeridoo and sing or will Vin handle those chores (singing)?

1:51 pm May, 26 mr.reeve said...

Some how my picture didn’t work out above. Let me try again here.

Also, I play a fairly bad drum so I am here if you need me.

1:57 pm May, 26 massengill said...

Necroboobic

1:58 pm May, 26 massengill said...

Fleshglobe Boobpocalypse

1:58 pm May, 26 massengill said...

Niptune

3:50 pm May, 26 DarkSock said...

3 Inches of Boob

3:50 pm May, 26 DarkSock said...

Boob For A Cowboy

3:50 pm May, 26 DarkSock said...

Satyricones

3:51 pm May, 26 DarkSock said...

Steel Boob Bathtub

3:51 pm May, 26 DarkSock said...

KillTit Engage

4:11 pm May, 26 End the Haberdouchery said...

The RaMounds

5:02 pm May, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d fuck her boobs. Any other whole would lead to a condition my mother refers to a mycocclfallingoffitis.

5:04 pm May, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My Scarota.

5:36 pm May, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

This pudwank is channeling SInead O’Connor and the Pope. Smack his Catholic little ass.

And as for suckle thigh and gnaw shoulder, there is such a thing as suckle-tit with your own thighs on her shoulder.

5:41 pm May, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

I believe I saw this dude at a steeplechase event for miniature horses: She was the jug-jiggling jockey. He, of course, was the hedge.

5:53 pm May, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

Her Delaware Water Gap would be ravished by his Mohawk Valley.

6:01 pm May, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

When DominaTrixie removes the collar and leash and lets down her wavy hair into the contours of her cleavage, Shark bristles at full attention, while his bulbous member enters his head at full engorgement.

6:13 pm May, 26 lucious lupus john says say no to drugs said...

i would snort a line of drano if it were laid out in the center of that man-made silicon valley landing strip. hell, maybe even two lines.

6:16 pm May, 26 lucious lupus john wonders what kind of music this guy listens to said...

i wonder what kind of music this guy listens to?

i am thinking bon jovi.

8:22 pm May, 26 Douchè said...

I think this picture could have won Sharky the monthly.

8:44 pm May, 26 creature said...

MastaBoob

8:45 pm May, 26 creature said...

Mamadon

8:49 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Aboobdon Incarnate.

8:51 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Tit’s Hammer.

8:52 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Torsofuck.

.

(no need to change that one).

8:52 pm May, 26 YES, THAT MUTHUFUCKA!! said...

100!!!

8:53 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

With Boobs Comes Cleansing.

8:54 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Mortitsian.

8:55 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Titsincarnate.

8:55 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Teats of Flesh.

8:57 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Legion of the D-Cups.

8:57 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Dead Mamm In Reno.

8:58 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

D-Cupicide.

8:59 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Cradle of Milf.

8:59 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

C-Cups of Dead Children.

9:00 pm May, 26 Crucial Head said...

Shit. That last one went too far. I’m going to go hang a goat in my back yard…

.

… after some mild to heavy petting of course.

9:38 pm May, 26 creature said...

Death Mam on Cutie

9:39 pm May, 26 creature said...

Fwapper

9:40 pm May, 26 creature said...

Boobarama

9:40 pm May, 26 creature said...

Souther Death Cunt

1:27 am May, 27 lucious lupus john wonders what kind of music this guy listens to said...

although i am sure he was a member of fwapper, i still think he listens to bon jovi, maybe journey.

7:13 am May, 27 DarkSock said...

Goat Whore.

.

No need to change that one either. Good New Orleans band. Nice lads.

7:13 am May, 27 DarkSock said...

System of a D-Cup

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