Friday, May 7, 2010

They Are Seeking a Female to Have a Threesome With

Reader Anneke tags this librarian hottie/puddy douchey personal ad:

—-

About me: This is actually a profile for me and my girlfriend together. We are seeking a female to have a threesome with. We are amazing people and hope to find someone equally amazing :).

I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours

—-

Interestingly, after reading this profile, I’m now pessimistic about life.

# posted by douchebag1
9:27 am May, 7 Claude Douchenburg said...

Looks more like a trap set up by Catch A Preditor to me.

9:34 am May, 7 RAPETIME said...

Sweet Jesus. They can’t possibly be more than16 years old.

Answer that ad, and Chris Hansen’s gonna be greeting you at the door and asking you to “take a seat right over there”.

9:36 am May, 7 Bagnonymous said...

Oh yeah–they look “amazing.” *rolls eyes*

.

Turn-ons: Mountain Dew, PS2, and Justin Bieber

Turn-offs: Grammar.

About you: Amazing, optimistic about life, and it’d be cool if you, like, have a car.

9:37 am May, 7 smackdouche said...

Lawrence Taylor just responded.

9:38 am May, 7 mr.reeve said...

Isn’t that “Dave” from Summer School? He is aging quite well.

9:39 am May, 7 smackdouche said...

So lets say some super hott that is pessimistic about life responds, will she be rejected?

9:40 am May, 7 boatbutter said...

Bagnonymous – perfect.

9:41 am May, 7 Euripidouche said...

in her case, i don’t think the glasses equal librarian in the classic, sexually charged ideation. i think she is more like future piss collector, the chick you hand your pee cup too at your pre-employment drug screen…which may be no less of a fantasy i suppose.

9:43 am May, 7 Crucial Head said...

About me: This is actually not my picture but I put it here to seduce you. This is actually a profile for my pudgy, bald self and my behemoth girlfriend. We are seeking another human to share our scat fetish with. We are disgusting people and hope to find someone equally repulsive.

.

.

I’m looking for: Someone that won’t kill themselves immediately after meeting me like everyone else has and whose personality clicks with chloroform and shallow graves.

9:54 am May, 7 Mr. White said...

p.s. If you want to hook up in the afternoon, we will totally skip 8th period PE. Kickball sux!

9:57 am May, 7 Mr. White said...

p.p.s. My girlfriend totally doesn’t know I posted this. Only respond if you’re willing to watch her cry for a while and help me talk her into something that will scar her for the rest of her life. I mean, like, more scarred, because I totally made her chicken-head a couple of my buddies.

10:06 am May, 7 mr.reeve said...

Dave and Chainsaw tried to tag team Anna-Maria and failed so I am not surprised by his facebook threesome try with librarian kinda hot.

Nothing says I love you like hunting for snatch on facebook for you and your lady.

10:28 am May, 7 Bagnonymous said...

If Scrotey Opie’s Hott and Halo Angel had a wild lesbian night of scissoring and jelly dongs, this half-librarian-hott would be their love child.

.

That thought just made me squirt in my pants a little bit.

10:43 am May, 7 Mr. White said...

@bagnonymous

I envy your self-restraint. That image made me squirt in my pants a lot.

10:57 am May, 7 massengill said...

I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours. Also must be into ass play

10:57 am May, 7 massengill said...

A2M

11:01 am May, 7 El Caganer said...

Oh those crazy kids.

11:11 am May, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

So which one of them said, “Yeah, that’s the picture we want to post, it captures [your/my] sleepy eye in a real awesome Glamour Shots kinda way. If that doesn’t hook us a hot piece of lesbian ass, nothing will. No wait! Say that we’re amazing in the text ‘cuz like, we really aren’t, aren’t we? Sweet. You upload it, I gotta go empty my puss bag.”

11:13 am May, 7 tall guy said...

“I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours”

which means: he is looking, she is complying. The type of optimistic person (read, hott sluzza) required is someone whose every waking thought involves him. And their personality mean they will manipulate, bully and belittle relentlessly anyone foolish enough to reply.

11:23 am May, 7 tall guy said...

“We are amazing people and hope to find someone equally amazing”

which means: “my girlfriend has these, like, roilly cool glasses (that featured in several British rom-coms about a decade ago) and i was kinda, like, hoping to hook-up with another rectangular-framed glasses wearing apprentice bimbo because its the reoccurring fantasy i jerk off to most nights, like, ya know?”

11:48 am May, 7 bigphatnotadouche said...

To all:

Thanks for the great posts – I now know what a chicken head means. I blew snot all over the monitor multiple times and still haven’t read all the posts.

While I clean up, I will wait for DB1 to post the weekly ASS pear.

11:55 am May, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

About me: This is actually a profile for me and my girlfriend together. We are seeking a female to have a threesome with. We are amazing people and hope to find someone equally amazing 🙂 .

I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours

.

Please have ur own ferret, scissoring bungy harness. Must be ok with nipple hair. We like to sing “Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight” by The Rezillos when we climax so knowing the words is a plus.

.

Our dream girl is comfortable in darkness and relative isolation for extended playtimes. You are 5’2″ or under, have no teeth and a proboscis for eating a paste mixture of ground hot dogs and milk. Allergies to fiberglass or tar are usually a dealbreaker but we can be flexible.

.

No fatties.

12:07 pm May, 7 Deltus said...

Surprise, there Jed. Your hott girlfriend agreed to that, because she’s figuring out she’s really into chicks, and as soon as she knows for sure with this little experiment, she’s dumping your dumb ass.

12:41 pm May, 7 YodaDouche said...

Jed, just wait until your girlfriend finds out.

Then she’ll find out she enjoys other chicks and you’ll be standing there pounding your tiny pud.

They may take a break from that deep strapon action just long enough to say, “Hey, how about going down to the store and getting us some Hot Pockets and Diet Coke.”

When you get back the door will be locked and the curtains pulled.

Loser.

2:21 pm May, 7 Friedouche Nietszche said...

This is quite possibly rhe most fucked up thing i have ever seen on this site. Why doesn’t he just stick to what he knows, i.e. his madame palm and her 5 sisters, or failing that his step-dad?

2:52 pm May, 7 Douches Wild said...

Re. the threesome: my rabid pit bull Lars is available for just such a seedy rendezvous-

4:00 pm May, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

Just a Hott Slut and Dung-bag here, calm down. Ain’tcha ever seen such specimens before?

Send them a female Great Dane and let ’em experiment..

No. Maybe one of Crucial’s goats would do…

5:53 pm May, 7 Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck off emos.

5:54 pm May, 7 Chad Kroeger said...

Why is my name not in red anymore? I have gigs.

6:28 pm May, 7 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

He lives in denial, you don’t have to be shrewd

To spot that this douchebag prefers other dudes

He’ll never go straight, now matter how hard he tries

He would rather a threesome with two other guys

8:03 pm May, 7 Troy Tempest said...

Baron von Goolo FTW.

12:15 am May, 8 Baron Von Goolo said...

Thank you for the vote of confidence, Troy, but I think you’ve got your acronym backwards.

2:24 am May, 8 Steve L. said...

i laughed my sphincter off a few minutes ago reading the May 3 Dilbert strip, and then i came across this thread.

that’s when i totally went… “holy shit maybe pessimism IS a crime!”

which is why we must trick this couple into hurting themselves.

do they like to have sex near stairs?

7:02 pm May, 9 Stephanie said...

Actually I’d have these kids over, and pretend to be the third person sexual partner and then sell their stupid ass into cheap sex slavery,just because of that photo. That’s how much their personality clicks with me. They’d have that “amazing time”…

7:03 pm May, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dear Kayla and Trey:

I am very interested in your scenario. I prefer to top but I’ll be happy to at least let me choose the music. Kayla shall be my urinal, and I shall piss into her gaping mouth as she chokes and weeps uncontrollably, gargling epithets at you, Trey, as you forced her into this. You will be unable to respond, as you will be blindfolded, dressed like a ballerina and vigorously tossing my salad. But don’t worry, I’ll let you up for air long enough for me to peg you in the ass with a glass-studded strap-on as Kayla pulls around the basement on a dog sled. And the last thing you’ll hear before I knock you both unconscious with a billy club is me singing, “It’s Wednesday evenin’ and there’s SUUUURE gonna be a fight–Allright!” (wink, BVG) Please reply as soon as possible as I assure you, if amazing is what you’re looking for, “amazing” is the only thing you’ll have to say to the police the next day when I have absconded with your wallets, XBox and prescription drugs.

10:24 am May, 12 Anneke said...

As the person submitting this photo, I found it funny and ironic that you chose to name the douche in the photo “Trey”, that just happens to be my ex boyfriend’s name… what are the odds???

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