Wednesday, May 19, 2010

To Stack or Not to Stack?

HCwDB’s 2010 poet laureate and HCwDB of the Month winner, Stackhouse, has a new poem he’s ready to publish.

But many in the community are suffering Stacktigue. They’re thinking, “enough with this guy.” So your humble narrator has a question for you.

Is too much Stackhouse simply a case of my sorry ass going back to the well to come up with material because I’m too lazy and hung over to dig around and find new mockworthy ‘bags? Or is Stackhousian poetry pure, unadulterated, douche genius? Or both?

Should I run it?

Or have you had enough of Stacky until the Yearly?

# posted by douchebag1
1:42 pm May, 19 mr.reeve said...

Give me Stackhousian poetry!!!! Yes! I say yes!!

1:46 pm May, 19 Dave said...

I can only fist-pump in response, you can take that as positive or negative.

1:47 pm May, 19 Mock Turtle said...

I can only stand another Stackpoem if the community here can collectively create a “Stackhouse Poem Drinking Game” to lead me to the correct level of inebriation as I attempt (hopelessly) to parse it.

My entry: “Any use of the word ‘CRUSH’ : Take 3 drinks”

1:51 pm May, 19 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

RUN IT!!!!!

HATERZ spelled with a Z is an auto 5 drinks.

1:51 pm May, 19 soy bomb said...

No more Stackhouse ’till December, please.

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Unless its breaking news of Stackhouse suffering a debilitating cockk injury.

1:51 pm May, 19 boatbutter said...

“Gimme some!”

1:52 pm May, 19 Merle Baggard said...

More Stack. He makes me feel better about myself and worse about the world.

1:52 pm May, 19 tdships said...

In that case, I would not make it through the 1st quatrain, a phrase I believe should be reserved solely for Stackhousian verse. Or poo. Same difference.

1:54 pm May, 19 orangabang said...

Does his shirt have an ST in the back or is that an AXE bodygay emblem?

1:55 pm May, 19 Turdacious said...

As stackhouse removed his finger from what he thought was his nose he muttered ” What kind of trophy is this?, this looks more like eye sap!”

1:56 pm May, 19 Bob Mcadouche said...

Get Some! Poetry that is. Run it.

1:56 pm May, 19 ryan poocrest said...

DAILY STACK!!!! what brilliance!! and by brilliance i mean awesome poo!

1:57 pm May, 19 Scottsdale Chad said...

Generally, I say more Stack, as works of such literary esteem are not subject to the law of diminishing marginal return. If, however, running more Stackhouse verse means sacrificing the exposure of fertile, heretofore unmocked baggery, then my vote is to shelf Stack. In other words, will posting additional Stack increase the number of total HCwDB posts per day correspondingly, or will Stack posts substitute for other posts, leaving the total number of posts unchanged?

1:58 pm May, 19 the douche is alright said...

RUN IT!

2:01 pm May, 19 Turdacious said...

Damn, after reviewing my work it should have been

As stackhouse removed his finger from what he thought was his nose he muttered ” What kind of trophy is this?, this taste more like eye sap!”

2:02 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Like the Star Wars movies, each Stackhouse poem gets better and better.

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.

Wait.

2:07 pm May, 19 Army of DOuche-ness said...

yes Yes YES.

2:21 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Chug your water losers. The Stack is back. I did not know that his mother was Mariah Carey. And why does he want to give his matron the shocker. Hate has no bounds.

I will say blessings for his damned soul when I am drunk.

2:23 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

I like his work. It acts as a natural laxative. Since I had a steak last night, I say run it.

Come on, boss, help a guy out.

2:27 pm May, 19 Scroberto Baggio said...

Yes.

2:31 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Yes! Stackhouse is the Wigga Shakespeare.

Plus, I’m having a hard time rhyming my new Stackhouse tune with his current body of work and need some words to go with “impactor”

2:31 pm May, 19 Scroteophobic said...

You could always spoiler it in the main text – format the text to be white on a white background so that it can only be seen by those who want to. All they have to do is highlight the text and voila – Stack emerges from the blizzard.

I say run it – until HJBBaD gets his shit together and starts douchestyling again Stack is the Douchepoet Laureate.

2:34 pm May, 19 Scroteophobic said...

@Vin

Rhyming isn’t Stacky’s thing. Because that means following the rules. Rules like typing real words and using grammar and shit. Stack the Man doesn’t need to follow rules laid down by hatterz to suppress his expression. He once asked Samurai Scrote what rhymes with orange and SS said “guitar”. And you know what? It did.

2:36 pm May, 19 ever present anonymous said...

Run it!

2:36 pm May, 19 Dolph Douchegren said...

I personally like that you keep us all updated on Stackhouse from time to time. It’s a rare insight into the putrid inner soul of a scrotewank that we seldom get from the regular pictures with commentary. I find it both refreshing and enlightening.

2:38 pm May, 19 jonezy said...

only if he’s no longer sulking about that whore that sucked off half the lacrosse team

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and it also must have reference to his body mass

2:40 pm May, 19 chaserofthehott said...

When I think Stack, I think “Mole”… as in Austin Powers, and Love that shit. It makes me laugh all day just as I do at Stacky poo… I say run it,

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Guacamole

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Did I really just compare the genus works of Mike Myers to the douche that is Stack? I need thunder bird to clear my head!

2:45 pm May, 19 chaserofthehott said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mvxe04wGmTw

molee molee molee molee molee molee…

My mole stake…

2:48 pm May, 19 Claude Douchenburg said...

I prefer the early Stackhaus work. It was pure and untouched by crass commercialism. Since his popularity has picked up his work has lost the purity of essence. Our mocking has been draining him of that essence ot purity. FLouridation has poisened his well. But at times that old pure Stackhouse can emerge, I say publish every stream of consciousness and unconsciousness so that the words of Stackhouse may fill the virtual air like a miasma of putride decay.

2:52 pm May, 19 Claude Douchenburg said...

Oh yeah.. and GET SOME!!!

2:54 pm May, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Croosh ^2:02

I was thinking more along the lines of the Police Academy series.

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.Or maybe the Land Before Time. I just can’t get enough of that big orange lizard with the tiny brain and the almost human heart.

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I like the dinosaurs too.

2:54 pm May, 19 chaserofthehott said...

Ahhh… I just want to poke it with a stick…

Could it be HPV do you think?

Maybe he is the cancer that grows around the mole.

Thoughts? Comments?

MOLE!!!!!!!!!!

2:56 pm May, 19 Claude Douchenburg said...

I crushed Stackhouse’s first book like so much who-bitch. Can’t wait for his second book to come out. Get Some!

2:59 pm May, 19 rob j douche said...

Get some! more Stackhouse.

2:59 pm May, 19 the motley douche said...

To Stack, or not to Stack…that is the question…whether ’tis nobler to meander back to the well in perpetual furtherance of ‘bag mockery, or…

Ok, that’s all I got. We all go with what works in our jobs, DB1. You know…if it ain’t broke…or whatever…and boobies…

3:00 pm May, 19 the motley douche said...

and btw…claude douchenburg for president…

3:02 pm May, 19 Dunkterdouche said...

Run it! The purpose of this site is to moch choadwanks like him.

3:05 pm May, 19 rudedog said...

There’s always room for stackhouse.

3:15 pm May, 19 Hotspur said...

Stack has taken the time to pour his douchosity into the written verse the very least you can do is share it with the world so it gets the suitable mocking it deserves. YOu can always make up for it with some quality ass pear if necessary

3:23 pm May, 19 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Stack’s running with Cougars. Nice career choice.

Let’s see what he brings..

Get Some.

3:24 pm May, 19 Scooby Douche said...

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

STACKHOUSE!!

You can never crush too much pussy, eat too much dried-fried poultry or have too much Stacky.

3:38 pm May, 19 Justin said...

Yeah, let’s see it. Stacky’s poems are like a horrible car accident you can’t help but slow down to look at.

3:39 pm May, 19 Justin said...

…a shocker, Stackhouse. Really? How original.

3:47 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

There once was a classic conundrum

To say yeah or say nay to Stack’s flotsam

His rants tend to bore

And for poultry he’ll whore

So for this train wreck, we say “Get Some!”

3:47 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Damn, Justin beat me to the “Train Wrek / Car Wreck” line.

3:50 pm May, 19 Bag Margera said...

Give us the stack attack!!!!!

3:50 pm May, 19 scrotum pole said...

If I’m not mistaken, the young man on the right is Stackhouse’s sidekick and longtime companion, Hurley.

I wonder if Hurley does any freelance work on his own, and would find his perspective interesting and perhaps enlightening.

What, for instance are his views on deep frying versus oven roasting of poultry?

4:00 pm May, 19 Baron Von Goolo said...

Wait – let me get my Snuggie™ on.

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…okay, ready.

4:26 pm May, 19 crazy-sexy-douche said...

MORE STACKHOUSE! as per your podcast, if anyone has the douche-eyes, it’s him.

4:27 pm May, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Get Some! We can always change our mind.

4:28 pm May, 19 John Galt said...

More Stack More Stack!!!

4:35 pm May, 19 bizarrodouche said...

Run it. His idiocy is pure.

5:03 pm May, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

stackhousian poetry is always welcome

5:04 pm May, 19 G said...

That must have been a rhetorical question about the Stackscrote poetry…sort of like “Would I like Kimchi Pear to whack me in the pills with nunchucks in the off chance a bead of her sweat would bounce delicately off her upper lip and into my eye?”

No answer from me is needed…

5:08 pm May, 19 Douche Springsteen said...

Run it. Stackhouse poetry is filled with lots of wonderful Brechtian distancing techniques. Sure, some more cynical minded readers may call them “typos” but I like to think Stackhouse is calling attention to…ahh fuck it, guy’s a douche who can’t spell. He is the new BRAH! only not nearly as loveable.

5:12 pm May, 19 orangeutang said...

Stackhouse must be heard. We are speaking here about a group of people bereft of poets, sparing with the spokesperson. Who else have they got? Kade, well, he speaks only for himself. Stackhouse though, perhaps even not meaning too, is emblematic, he is symptomatic and he is automatic. He has the gift/curse of verbiage and this makes him bridge over to us, the observing intellectual, who observes the extrovert Stack “get some”. So please, lets have the Stackhouse poetry, his prose, whether it be daily or thrice daily. It’s his gift to us, along with the pictures of the hotz.

5:28 pm May, 19 BMC said...

Run it!

5:42 pm May, 19 Dicy said...

I’m happy either way. Stack is tragic yet hilarious; I like stuff about him no matter how depressing it is. It’s hard to find new material especially when the DB1 posts several times a day, so I say if Stack is writing then let’s read it.

5:52 pm May, 19 Justin said...

The guy is a maniac. In NYC we have lots of nutcases everywhere you turn who mumble all sorts of crazy, incoherent, doomsday, voices-in-the-head psychobabble. Like the car/train wreck, I always want to inch a little closer to them to listen, because it’s just so totally fascinating what comes out of their mouths! You can’t make up crazier shit, and you just can’t fake crazy. It’s just that once you get too close, you smell them, and the fun is over.

I guess what I’m saying is that in a way, Stackhouse is the stank-assed, psycho-talk, voices-in-the-head, NYC bum of douchebags… from Tallahassee.

6:06 pm May, 19 B said...

Stackhouse is our generation’s Emily Dickinson… he will surely die sad and alone in his mother’s attic only to have his poetry complained about by college kids years after his death… get some.

6:09 pm May, 19 uscrascal said...

fuck yes… more Stack. Get Some!

6:14 pm May, 19 Michael Douchekakis said...

I need more Stack in my life. Please DB1, give us some (more)!

6:35 pm May, 19 Chixdiggit said...

I come here for Stackhouse and pears.

I actually friended him on Facebook a while back until he did a mass cleansing. Now I look to you as my only source.

give some.

6:53 pm May, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

You must run Stackhouse so that we can run all over Stackhouse.

Besides, he’s full of “Da poo-run-runs.”

7:23 pm May, 19 notadouche said...

My curiosity has been piqued.

7:44 pm May, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’ll refer to the great existentialist thinker, Jean-Paul Sartre for this one.

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Every age has its own poetry; in every age the circumstances of history choose a nation, a race, a class to take up the torch by creating situations that can be expressed or transcended only through poetry.

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There is no other phrase greater than “Get Some”, that exemplifies this reality. Bring the Stack, so that we may mock his AIDS cream pie heartily and with much fervor.

8:11 pm May, 19 doucheywallnuts said...

Sure give us some Stack. This way we’ll be sick of him by the end of the year.

8:32 pm May, 19 Johnny Applesack said...

Give us the Stack!!!! This guy NEVER gets old!!!!!

8:48 pm May, 19 Stephanie said...

The more to make fun of, why ask us? It’s your blog,dog.

9:19 pm May, 19 Bob said...

This hatter would like a stack attack.

9:20 pm May, 19 Anonymous said...

the suspense is killing us. run it you who bag jump off!

10:07 pm May, 19 Fatness said...

The more you run, the less I read.

11:09 pm May, 19 Pierre Matsuo said...

STACK IT UP

11:19 pm May, 19 Steve L. said...

Hurley is a sad, sad creature. he’s not getting any laid because Stackhouse is taking up all the chicks, but he doesn’t understand the way of HCwDB either. i’d save up the bartending money, if i were him.

11:20 pm May, 19 Wheezer said...

DB1,

I know you’d have mention Shithouse on the podcast had you the time to get in a few words. Wouldn’t that have been something? If possible, maybe you should dig up the files for all of your other radio/podcast appearances (one being a couple of years ago with Arsenio Hall chuckling “You called this guy ‘Donkey Douche’?”) and make a separate page for them.

.

Anywhobag, “yes” to more Shithouse! We fuccen dead gay hatters want to sharpen our rapiers a bit more. Perhaps the poetry challenge draw HJBB&D out of the hole in which he has hidden. Or the cardboard box in the 10th Avenue alley…..

.

The words of Jysyn Bynlyk Styckhys make me cry “FREEVERSE!”

11:21 pm May, 19 Wheezer said...

mentioned*

11:25 pm May, 19 Steve L. said...

a Stackhouse poem in HCwDB is like hypothermia in Navy SEAL training. hur hur hur.

hmm. i might be thinking too highly of Stackhouse.

11:58 pm May, 19 creature said...

Stack is played out, but, hard to resist like watching midget strippers… if you run it boss, you gotta roll out some HJBBAD too

12:38 am May, 20 alex said...

nikki is the bestest!

12:39 am May, 20 William Young said...

I’m not sure there’s ever too much Stackhouse poetry.

Post on!

2:13 am May, 20 Milky Nipples said...

Stackhouse poetry is pure gold. Can anyone truly be as ignorant and stupid as he? I think not.

2:51 am May, 20 Doucho Marx said...

Post on is right! You can never get enough Stackhouse. He’s the Joyce of douchebaggery.

3:16 am May, 20 Power of Positive Douche said...

Stackhouse needs us, and we need douchebags.

5:12 am May, 20 Istandouche said...

Each time Stack ups his douchebaggery game with new bigotry, unfounded arrogance and bizarre spelling and phrases. Definitely run it.

5:18 am May, 20 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Keep Stackhouse coming. In spite of the desire to kick the heads in of many–even most–of the human refuse depicted on your site, DB1, Stankhouse is special. He motivates me.

I have a ready example: I go to the same gym that the Poopaloompa goes to. As an aside, I’m not ready to grace your pages yet, because Pumpito hasn’t gotten back to me on my question about whether he is using steriods or silicon to acheive such amazing results–I will settle for nothing less than Pumpito’s physique.

Anyhoo, I see the Poopaloompa at least once a week, and other times the lingering odor of his Axe/Cologne combination nauseates me, even if he has already physically left. The Poopaloompa is farce–he is funny–he is everything this site is warning us against: a harmless, self absorbed dickhead who has devoted his life to getting girls by dipping himself in fake tan and Axe. While I laugh at him, the Poopaloompa is funny.

Stankhouse, on the other hand, makes me want to saw off each of his limbs with a piece of rusty sheet metal, and then go to work on his teeth with a pair of pliers–I could go on, but I won’t. Stankhouse is a lesson to us all, just like Hiroshima, of what not to do and what not to be.

We must keep Stankhouse at the front of our consciousness, so we always remember exactly how evil superficiality can be.

More!

5:31 am May, 20 Da Da Dooooschey said...

Yes, please, run some more of his poems and post more of his pics – I need a new surface for my dart board.

5:39 am May, 20 my friends call me @$$hole said...

bring on teh Stackhouse!!! GET SOME!!!! on the REG!!! and then get back to the SWELLERY!!!!!!!!!!! and after that, let’s ROAST SOME MUTHAFUCKIN’ CHICKENS, BITCHES!!!

5:45 am May, 20 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

need more Shithouse, esp. if he is hatting on the website…

6:26 am May, 20 Bagnonymous said...

I was gonna say, “No” because I cannot friggin’ stand Stackhouse anymore. But I suppose that, in the interest of holding our unified stand against the affrontery of douche, it needs to be done anyway.

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We mock, therefore we are. Wherefore we no longer mock, we shall no longer be. Or some literary-sounding sh*t like that…

6:54 am May, 20 Deltus said...

Stackhouse poetry is like hot sauce. Too much and you’re sick of it. Just a little bit now and again, though, is quite nice.

Run it.

Every time he references himself in the 3rd person: 2 drinks.

7:10 am May, 20 The Big LeBagski said...

Like, you know, run it, man.

7:27 am May, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Ah, whatever. I live in one of Stack’s ol’ stomping grounds, and you can’t help but hit a douche or wannabe douche if you swing a dead cat.

Maybe I should be using a live cat?

7:49 am May, 20 Bagnonymous said...

@ I R A Darth Aggie:

.

Apparently, like Stackhouse, you crush a lot of “pussy.” Please tell us your secret–do you fist-pump them to death?

7:58 am May, 20 Alex said...

more stackhouse.

8:12 am May, 20 Chevy Doucherado said...

The stackhouse poetry dilemma reminds me of the time someone lent me some bestiality themed porn. Was it repulsive? Yes. Did I want it to go away and for me to never see it again? Yes. Did I watch it? Yes. A couple of times? Yes. Did I get aroused? ….well you get the picture.

Bring it. And of course, GET SOME

8:13 am May, 20 Anonymous said...

Stackhouse is GOD

9:00 am May, 20 dewshey oxburger said...

9 out of 10 Hunters agree: Run them shits!!

10:18 am May, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Apparently, like Stackhouse, you crush a lot of “pussy.” Please tell us your secret–do you fist-pump them to death?

2000 Saturn SL-2. Works every time.

12:49 pm May, 20 DarkSock said...

GET SOME

12:50 pm May, 20 DarkSock said...

DOOKIE STACKHOUSE

2:43 pm May, 20 "Big" Tony Ventresca said...

If anyone has the number of the rentboy on the right in the photo (wearing the gray shirt), please forward it to me. Thanks!

3:43 pm May, 20 Horace Dangleballs said...

Against my better judgment, I’ll vote yes.

Just remember fellow hunters, be careful what you wish for. I hope we don’t regret giving this egomaniac an even greater swelled head.

5:11 pm May, 20 Anonymous said...

i could easy take stackhouse daily

RUN IT

EERRR DAY!!!

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