Friday, May 14, 2010

Young Ted Gets a Nottadouche

Maybe I’m feeling generous this Friday, but I’m giving one of our rare nottadouches to Ted here.

Ted’s obviously watched a bit too much VH1. The hair’s a bit fwippy. The vest + shirt is hipsterbag douche. The arm tatt is somewhat suspect.

But there’s just not enough evidence to convict.

Here’s your nottadouche and goinpeace, Ted. Good work on snagging Supple Rachel for the prom.

Now clean up your room.

And Rach, when you get to Sarah Lawrence, call me. I’ll sneak you into a bar on the lower east side and ply you with Cosmos while I pretend to listen to your dreams of a career in urban planning.

# posted by douchebag1
9:20 am May, 14 Bag Margera said...

It isn’t april fools. What gives?

9:26 am May, 14 Mr. White said...

Sorry, a vest over a T-shirt is auto-douche. I don’t care if you’ve got Kirsten Dunst’s less-wrecked little sister on your arm.

Unless that crazy green stuff on his chest is a fungal infection, not a T-shirt. Then I agree to reinstate the notta.

9:28 am May, 14 jcdouchey said...

Douche! wtf?

I tell ya one thing: I’d superman his ho!

9:29 am May, 14 Bag Margera said...

That hairstyle alone is worse than a popped-collar.

9:48 am May, 14 massengill said...

No pass from me.

.

DOUCHE!

9:49 am May, 14 douchebag1 said...

He’s a douche. Just testing to see who’s paying attention.

9:59 am May, 14 The Know said...

Fooled again.

10:27 am May, 14 mr.reeve said...

Good. I thought maybe you “jumped the shark” while you were “nuken the fridge” last night.

Rach is nice arm candy for a Doof-bag like Ted.

10:32 am May, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I almost thought you drank the Kool Aid Boss.

10:36 am May, 14 boatbutter said...

I almost deleted my hcwdb.com bookmark.

10:46 am May, 14 mr.reeve said...

I am ready for pear!

10:47 am May, 14 Deltus said...

@Mr. White: good call on the Kirsten Dunst’s less-wrecked little sister observation. Rachel there is tas-tay!

And boss, you scamp. You had me worried. He’s clearly at least a Stage 1, on his way to Stage 2.

10:58 am May, 14 Fatness said...

Stankhouse: The early years.

10:59 am May, 14 douchebag1 said...

There will be double pear today, since this was a Pumpito week.

11:05 am May, 14 creature said...

he’s a dufus with bad taste & a disheveled dorm room… some one kick him in the face… oops, to late

11:08 am May, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr Reeve: “Doof-bag like Ted”

Good call.

What about Sorta-Douche is that a category?

Who cares, bring on the Pear My week was book ended by a shitty Monday and disappointing Friday.

11:19 am May, 14 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I think I once hired this kid to shovel the shit out of my chicken coop (heh, heh. chicken coup). He did a pretty half-assed job so I paid him only half of what I said I would. The little bitch got all indignant and started yammering on about “this won’t pay for my stupid vest addiction!” and threatened to have his dad kick my ass because he’s captain of the Spartek Portland adult soccer division, or some such nonsense. I said “fine, go ahead and get your old man out here, if he can ever drag himself away from the natural foods coop in Lake Oswego while your mom is at home getting her ass gang banged by the herp-ridden Mexican landscapers. I hear herpes provide better traction in the mud anyway!” Sure as shit the very next day some balding dickwad wearing Hugo Boss flared leg jeans with a white belt shows up at the ol’ homestead in his silver Acura RDX gettin’ all ornery. Well, so I get out the old scatter gun and pull the ol’ “we shoot trespassers ’round these parts, son! You got about 3 seconds to take yer Obama lovin’ city slicker ass back to hippie-ville before I shove this shotgun so far up yer corn hole that your German great-great-grandaddy shits blood and buckshot from his grave!” routine.

I love living in the country sometimes.

11:21 am May, 14 bigphatnotadouche said...

The cube denizens rejoice as DB1 promises double and maybe triple pear…..

11:24 am May, 14 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@db1

Double pear won’t fill the emptiness inside my soul. But I’m pretty sure I can fill some double pear with something that rhymes with “prism”.

11:42 am May, 14 ashfish said...

If we cut out the tattoo and give him a decent haircut we may be able to save this one.

11:57 am May, 14 tall guy said...

Definite douche! Even if your nottadouche pass was genuine, i suspect – rather – i believe, supple Rach was the reason you awarded this knobwrench a pass. Also, I am in total agreement with Mr White re. vest over a Tee-shirt being auto-douche. Plus that hair…

And how gloriously milk and honey is bare-shouldered Rach, eh?

2:11 pm May, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

Douche? Feh. This kid ain’t nuthin’. He’s wearing a vest over a T because there’s on one else in the AP Calculus club that can set him straight. He’s even got a black belt, fer fux teeth.

There’s too much chum in the water here and too many of you hatters will snap at anything. Save your A games for the Fish Slaps. And Darnell.

3:35 pm May, 14 G said...

@ Jacques

Fill her with commercialism?

I don’t get it….

4:28 pm May, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

So he’s a B-game douchebag. Not everyone has the supreme bad taste and money to be an A-Game douche. He’s almost naive.

At least she’s a hotchick, and for that we all thank DB1.

5:55 pm May, 14 Dex said...

Oh he’s a douchebag alright. He’s just a conservative douchebag. He feels laid-back and comfortable enough with his baggyness that he doesn’t feel the need to make punch-faces or flash gang signs.

He won’t be winning any weeklies, but he definitely doesn’t get a pass from me.

10:10 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

you know, Ted and Angelo in the Friday T&L pic both have a relatively benign smile and comparable levels of douche indicators. but i think it’s because of the way that Angelo’s eyebrows jump out at you so belligerently that nobody considered giving him a pass. which is why Ted and Angelo should swap eyebrows. that way maybe (just maybe) both of them would retain their douche status.

i think i’m growing more and more treacherous by the day.

10:18 pm May, 14 Steve L. said...

oh fuck i hit the “Submit Comment” button without any awareness of DB1’s gotcha moment.

that, however, will not stop me from drinking. i am that shameless.

11:17 pm May, 14 DarkSock said...

Hair by Dyson.

12:25 am May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ G 3:55

No, relative existentialism. Duh.

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