Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ask DB1: Is Christiano Ronaldo a Douche?

JohnDouchePassos writes in:

—-

DB1,

The World Cup is underway, which means it’s time to ask the question: is Christiano Ronaldo — one of the world’s flashiest football (soccer) players — a douchebag?

— JohnDouchePassos

—-

Talented soccer player or not, Ronaldo is pure 100% Eurocrust.

Computer says yes.

# posted by douchebag1
11:17 am June, 16 bigphatnotadouche said...

Third day of Ass Pear – Nice..

Ronaldo is a douche that pulls quality Euro Hott.

11:18 am June, 16 Snoop Douchey Douche said...

The fact that soccer has never really caught on in this country actually gives me hope for America in the fight against douchebags. If I cared to do the research, I can think of at least 5 times when the world’s best player sported all the trimmings of choad.

11:24 am June, 16 mr.reeve said...

3rd picture was a Hot Chick with a Eurobag. PEAR!!!!

11:41 am June, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Douchebag says what? This fucker makes 7or 8 figures for running around kicking the ball out of bounds 75% of the time, taking dives 20% of the time. and prancing like a douche the rest. Bend Over Like Beckham cockrash. DB1 could dedicate the next three weeks to these eurythmics, I hope he doesn’t.

11:44 am June, 16 I douche, therefore I am said...

I had already voiced my opinion on Ronaldouche in a previous ‘Friday thoughts and links’, but I am happy to repeat myself: this soccer choad is douchescrote served on a silver platter.

He is a complete sissy on the field, theatrically falling to the ground at the slightest touch and constantly trying to do fancy tricks that don’t get him anywhere.

Apart from all his douchecessoires, he is also said to have mirrors everywhere in his house, so he can look at himself all the time… I rest my case.

11:50 am June, 16 Ohio FJ said...

I’ve noticed a lot of douchy hair in the World Cup

11:51 am June, 16 Bag Margera said...

Once he fails or breaks a leg, his douche power will fade away quickly, like the earth’s human life sustainability.

^ I know that’s not funny, but I’m trying to quit smoking, and all I’ve been able to do in the last week is rant.

11:56 am June, 16 ehcuodouche said...

He’s a douche and he dives when he trips over the bathroom mat.

12:02 pm June, 16 Vin Douchal said...

All I know is he caught a $132 million contract to play a sport that Americans aren’t interested in after age 12 or so.

Still , the World Cup has way more intrigue than the shitty NBA and their scripted and obvious playoffs. Only a lemming with a pea brain could buy into the NBA which is akin to the WWE in storylines regarding people nobody cares about.

.

I hate L.A. this time of year…..

12:04 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

Is he a douche? In his own words: “Yasss”.

.

buncha grown men running ’round after a fuccen ball…GET. A. JOB. Drive a truck or something.

12:05 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

And why does she have a tatt of Medusa on her bicep?

12:11 pm June, 16 ehcuodouche said...

My image googling seems to indicate today’s goal scorer Diego Forlan may also be a douche, he seems to really like showing his abs. And his girlfriend is Zaira Nara, google if you dare.

12:13 pm June, 16 ehcuodouche said...

I should warn you that such images are NSFW – ass pear.

12:17 pm June, 16 tall guy said...

Ronaldo is a definite douche (who pulls highly rated hot). Also, Forian’s girlfriend is ripe pear.

12:17 pm June, 16 Troy Tempest said...

You people need to learn how to cuss better.

12:18 pm June, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Speaking of total babes of non-Caucasian ethnicity, Check out Melissa Marie Gonzalez

.

Full page of goodies courtesy of our pals at thePhins.com:

Semi-NSFW

12:18 pm June, 16 Troy Tempest said...

And Christiano is a faahking bitch.

12:33 pm June, 16 Mr. White said...

@darksock

The Medusa tatt was supplied as a “party favor” after Medusa and I [insert sports metahor]ed her in the Playpen. Unluckily for Sultry Eurohott, Medusa let me do the inking.

12:41 pm June, 16 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Soon all the world’s beaches will be covered in a slick, toxic, and gooey foul substance that will render them unsuitable for visitation. Oh wait, they already are.

12:53 pm June, 16 bigphatnotadouche said...

Vin – Nice Librarian Hott. The cube denizens approve.

12:59 pm June, 16 Deltus said...

Seems like he’s douche, the votes are in. You might get a *slight* pass as an athlete, meaning we can let a *little* doucheitude slide. But not that much.

BTW, Vin? *spurt* You gotta give a brutha some warning… oh shit, another one right… away… *spurt*

1:05 pm June, 16 Sir Boo said...

“He likes his body to be smooth all over and would even use a hair removal cream, He also uses tubs of moisturiser, coating every part of his body at least twice a day. His house is full of mirrors so he’s always walking around glancing at himself.”

1:12 pm June, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Looks like Sir Boo hacked into Jay’s on-line journal

1:12 pm June, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Ronaldo always has been and always will be a douche. Is he extraordinary in what he does when NOT whining like a little bitch and flopping all over the pitch? Hell yes (and I HATE this fuccen douche). I would kill to have 0.0001% of his skills with a football. I’d be stinkin’ rich and in demand by all the best football clubs in the world. But he is insanely douchey. Not all footballers are like him though. Lionel Messi (BEST player in the world), Samuel Etoo’, Fernando Torres, Thierry Henry, etc. etc. are not the slightest bit douchey. And before all the football hatters say it’s boring to watch and the players are all douches, I invite any and all of you to watch a match with me (or Scroteophobic wherever the hell he went to). I used to call football “track with a ball on a big yard” before I sat down with someone who had played in college. I can’t believe how much I had missed and now I can’t ever envision not being spellbound by it. There’s a reason why every 1 out of 2 people in the world will watch The World Cup. Joga bonita. And if anyone wants to make fun of me, I’m an Arsenal fan as well.

2:25 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

That girl he’s with is nice looking. Except for the stupid tattoo of Madonna (or is that Cher?) on her otherwise very delightful shoulder.

Oh, yeah. You asked if he is a douche. I vote yes.

PS: Thanks Vin D. Keep up the Lord’s work.

2:32 pm June, 16 mr.reeve said...

Zaira Nara……YYYEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!

2:35 pm June, 16 Just Sayin said...

Euro-turd.

2:46 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

Wedgie flunked anatomy class. Exactly where is the shoulder again, moron?

2:53 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

Ronaldo and his woman stared into the distance: The figure, dressed in a business suit with a necktie wrapped around his forehead, and wielding a scimitar made of the fender of a ’39 Dodge Shaft, strode directly towards them with a steady purposeful gait.

3:37 pm June, 16 mr.reeve said...

Melissa Marie Gonzalez……YYYEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!

5:36 pm June, 16 Sir David Douchenborough said...

It comes to no surprise that Ronaldouche is the poster boy for soccer (oh no, I used the other name!). He serves as a validation for the vacuous eurobaggery: The plastic aesthetic, the hallowed personality, the sheer narcissism. etc. Since he is a successful athlete (well of a sport that is seeing morr and more diving), eurobags, by association, feel justified in their own hallowed forms of behavioural and aesthetic display.

The depressing part is that it is rather effective simply because the eurobags have their champion, and if they can emulate (read copy) him to induce the bleeths in making a subconscious association them and Ronaldouche, it is a victory for them.

Ronaldouche will never go away. There is too much of a fan base, and soccer does admittedly attract a lot of fans. It may not be popular in America, but it looks like it is catching on, especially when you get a popular band to throw in a little song.

5:51 pm June, 16 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Unfortunately when he was with Man U I choose to overlook his more douchey qualities. Since he left for Madrid I overlook no more.

Although I raise this question…should their be a “Striker” leniency rule or SLR?

5:52 pm June, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ronaldo is mairsy-doats and hairsy-doats and little douchey-divey.

Vin Douchals’ Gonzalez can serve me Scottish oats any ol’ time.

9:49 pm June, 16 Steve L. said...

this pic is one in a million, even for celebudouches.

9:52 pm June, 16 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

This says it better than I could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg

9:52 pm June, 16 Steve L. said...

looking at this pic made me realize why i’ve never heard of the two poor fuckers placed above this pic.

12:30 am June, 17 P Showard Chunt said...

soccer players are auto-douche.

6:42 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Christiano brooded sullenly in his Grav-Lift chair…at his present BMI he would never be made a Baron.

.

It wasn’t easy being the Smallest Harkonnen.

6:46 am June, 17 End the Haberdouchery said...

This guy dives more than Greg Louganis. If you’re a standout douchebag among professional European soccer players, that’s saying something.

9:33 am June, 17 The Doutche Oven said...

In the world of soccer, Ronaldo’s douche powers can only be rivaled by Spain’s Sergio Ramos.

http://travelblog.portfoliocollection.com/images/sergio%20ramos.jpg

11:48 am June, 17 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@Indiana

Wow, the Onion makes a silly joke, and soccer die hard fans get offended. Jeebus, they are really sensitive. Get those guys to play some Aussie Football, geez.

1:50 pm June, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Sir David

.

Aussie Football is for pussies. Play rugby if you dare.

7:28 pm June, 17 Brohail said...

Will grant that Rinaldo is eurocrust

But he is a great footballer. He might dive a ton but he is very athletically gifted.

7:38 pm June, 17 B-B-B-Bag TO The Bone said...

You have to ask?

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