Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Breaking: Two People You’ve Never Heard of Broke Up


Because we here at HCwDB like to stay current with the always insightful pop culture blogs, some people you’ve never heard of broke up.

You know these two.

They once acted in something or other.

Or maybe they’re singers.

Or they were on that show about the thing with the thing.

And then they did that thing. With the thing. And it was entertaining. Or maybe it was ironic. But either way, it happened.

And then it was written about in In-Style Magazine in 2005. Or 2006.

I’m not really sure.

But then they dated that other person from that thing who was also famous for being in that event. And that’s why they’re famous.

And that’s why you should care that they broke up.

# posted by douchebag1
1:41 pm June, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m so sad. She seems to be well put together though. He is in the closet. The closet of gay poo.

1:41 pm June, 16 Dr. Laura's Throbbing Clitoris said...

Sorry to hear it. As always you people find joy in the suffering of others. Human relationships are complex and deeply emotional and can cause long lasting pain.


-I hope you’re all happy-


Wow, just wow.

1:41 pm June, 16 dewshey oxburger said...

Sweet tats, bro.

1:45 pm June, 16 Dr. Phil's Burning Urinary Tract said...

These two need to keep the chickens in the barn and start scrambling eggs.

1:47 pm June, 16 Maury Povich's Abdominal Walls said...

Stacy discretely fill a cup with urine, prepatory to dousing this scrote in the face.

1:47 pm June, 16 Anonymous said...

woops

1:49 pm June, 16 Bagnonymous said...

DB1, we all go way back. I owe you from that thing with the guy in the place, and I’ll never forget it.

1:58 pm June, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw them break up at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it was kind of major.

2:12 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

My preference is that if these people must break up in a public way, it be in a defective space shuttle during re-entry.
.
.
.
.
What? Too soon?
.
.
.
Too late?

2:13 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

If these people must break up I prefer it be like my poo after eating too much cheese: With a wooden stick.

2:14 pm June, 16 DarkSock said...

If these people must break up I prefer it be on a rocky shoal in rough seas, like The Ella Fitzgerald.
.
.
.
Wait…or was it The Edmund Fitzgerald? Damn you Gordon Lightfoot and your delicious fish sticks.

2:18 pm June, 16 Bagnonymous said...

Breaking up is hard to poo.

2:18 pm June, 16 Vin Douchal said...

They were probably in some shitty vampire movie/TV show that nobody watches. One of those ones were there’s vampires and shit.

2:22 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

They were in Humpees From Hell VII. Not critically well recieved, to my immense surprise.

But then again, I still rate “Ass Attack” as the best movie ever made, so WTF do I know.

2:26 pm June, 16 Bagnonymous said...

I saw them on some “entertainment news” show once. There were, like, lots of flashy on-screen graphics ‘n shit, and some lady with nice legs reporting some sort of updates to me. It must’ve been a big deal, or something.

2:30 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

Jorge Mendoza is their family doctor.

2:35 pm June, 16 mr.reeve said...

I have no opinion on these two. Never knew who she was and he was married to an idiot.

2:51 pm June, 16 The Know said...

Slow day at HCWDB? A single band tat and a not so suckle thigh? I’m going to the gym. It’s like going to the zoo to see the animals up close.

2:53 pm June, 16 Claude Douchenburg said...

I think she got tired of him making her perform fellacio in public.

2:57 pm June, 16 I R A Darth Aggie said...

A shame that she’s been hitting the bleeth pipe pretty hard.

3:13 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

I am sure one of the regs broke up with a horse once.

“Whinnies.”

3:42 pm June, 16 BK said...

Get some Saran Wrap, this douche needs a Cincinnati Steamer!

bk

-will refrain from asian-bride comments at this point

4:48 pm June, 16 Deltus said...

Is it too late to mock them for being a Never-Was couple? Seems much funnier than mocking them for being Never-Was individuals.

5:17 pm June, 16 Choad Harolde's Pilgrimmage said...

lachey bag

6:10 pm June, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Wait, shouldn’t they break up in front of Jessica Simpson? I mean, like, jeesh.

6:31 pm June, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Derek Jeter used her as a pine tar/jism rag years ago…She’s a Z-lister with more miles on her than a 1978 Aries K-car. And he has tits.

6:33 pm June, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For those of you too young to remember Dodge and Chrysler’s turdbox specials.

http://www.kitfoster.com/images/2005-2-9_1985AiresWeb-Large.jpg

7:50 pm June, 16 notadouche said...

i’d still pee in her butt

8:58 pm June, 16 Stephanie said...

they broke up because she didn’t want her head always in that position.

9:45 pm June, 16 Steve L. said...

will news become so meta and so aggregated one day that journalism will no longer require attractive reporter chicks? i would not be surprised if that happens at the hands of the douchebags.

10:18 pm June, 16 Baleen said...

Having recalled that there was a full box of Eggo waffles in his freezer, Buffalo Beast hurridly fed the seals the remaining fish bits and left the water park.

12:46 am June, 17 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Dr. L’s TC (retch!…ack!…URP!), 1:41
 
Schadenscrotefreude is beloved of ‘bag hunters.
 
Simpson’s Daisy Duke haunts Lachey’s dreams.  She makes mine emissive.

1:06 am June, 17 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said...

the air mattress upon which she is sitting has a leak, the only thing keeping it inflated is that her vuvuzela has created a seal that bp engineers could learn a lot from.

when she stands up, and pulls the deflated portion of the air mattress from her baby chamber, it’s going to sound like a cathedral pipe organ playing the brown note all night long .

5:44 am June, 17 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

By the standards of people I’ve never heard of, I actually have some dim awareness of these dim people. So it could be worse

6:19 am June, 17 Troy Tempest said...

DB1-

I getcha, dude. It’s amazing how there’s this recycling. I borrowed a term from an old Genesis track from the early mid 70s – I call it

The Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging.

Because it is.

11:23 am June, 17 Douchey the Great said...

My SO was addicted to the reality show when Nick Lashey was married to Daisy Duke, as the good doctor mentioned. The really funny thing was that he was the intelligent one.

6:34 am June, 19 Mariah said...

the air mattress upon which she is sitting has a leak, the only thing keeping it inflated is that her vuvuzela has created a seal that bp engineers could learn a lot from.

when she stands up, and pulls the deflated portion of the air mattress from her baby chamber, it’s going to sound like a cathedral pipe organ playing the brown note all night long .

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