Thursday, June 10, 2010

Gary Glitter

That reminds me, did I remember to feed the alpacas this morning?

Yup. No idea what I’m saying.

Your humble narrator is just back from Trader Joes, with a hearty supply of low priced cookies, various chocolates, microwavable burritos, and Blood Orange Soda in the fridge, so the sugar high is toxic and impending.

I lie on my stained rug floor, scratch myself in inappropriate places, and consider a world where people spackle glitter on each other.

But a tasty Trader Joe’s oatmeal raisin reassures.

# posted by douchebag1
1:29 pm June, 10 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

Adolf and Eva — the early years

1:36 pm June, 10 Bag Margera said...

Gay.

1:36 pm June, 10 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

Did Sparkleboy just orally pleasure a pent-up unicorn?

If so, how does the rocker hott fit into the equation?

1:38 pm June, 10 mr.reeve said...

Glitter and a Lindsay Lohan sleeveless shirt? I see nice thick legs and booty to off set Gary’s glitter.

Nothing says dick more than a receding hair line with spiked hair.

1:39 pm June, 10 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

….. That’s either a very small yard glass or these two are abnormally, yet proportionately gigantic.

1:45 pm June, 10 DarkSock said...

Gary learned a hard lesson about the highly adhesive effects of donkey jizz and the ill effects of getting into a gay pillow-full-o-sparkles pillowfight after jacking off a train of burros.

1:48 pm June, 10 Bag Margera said...

Gay Gary Glitter is Tracy’s Ken doll. Having no idea how to be popular among the gay circles, Gay Gary relies on Tracy for all the tips and tricks and fashion. Of course Tracy is a cruel and self-centered bitch. She doesn’t really care about Gay Gary’s gay sex life. She just wants him to come over and drink ice wine, while she drops a tub of glitter on his head, and smushes it in with fruity smelling creams. Now Gay Gary is convinced that he will pick up men, who are big fans of Twilight. He thinks that Tracy has done him a huge favor. But In fact she has only done this for her own amusement. Neither of them have very many friends.

1:49 pm June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She looks like a youngStephanie Seymour he looks like he is able to repel thermobaric munitions. If so, RUN!

1:49 pm June, 10 Mister PoonTangles said...

Marine Gunnery Sergeant Gary Bracken was the first American casualty of the 2015 invasion of Homoslavia; he felt into a glitter pit of donkey jizz and jelly dongs.

.

Tragically even after therapy he suffered from PTCD (Post Traumatic Cockk Disorder) and was never quite the same stateside.

1:52 pm June, 10 Victor von Douche said...

I would be jealous, but there’s no way this cat isn’t as queer as a plaid rabbit. I grew up in the village, i knows ’em when i sees ’em.

1:52 pm June, 10 Vin Douchal said...

The only way all that glitter on him would be acceptable is if it was slathered on by dozens of stripper boobs

1:52 pm June, 10 tall guy said...

He’s bloodywell wearing make-up! She’s firm of thigh, yes?

1:53 pm June, 10 darksock said...

Hmmm. Looks like Mr. White’s been hitting the gay clubs and binging hard on the Goldschläger again.

1:54 pm June, 10 darksock said...

I’ll bet if you shone a flashlight at his asshole it would light up like the Orion Constellation.

1:55 pm June, 10 darksock said...

I’ll bet if you shone a flashlight at his asshole it would look like a well full of black cats staring back at you.

1:55 pm June, 10 darksock said...

I’ll bet if you shone a flashlight at his asshole it would look like the Millennium Falcon hitting hyperspace.

1:56 pm June, 10 darksock said...

I’ll bet if you shone a flashlight at his asshole you’d hear three guys yelling “OI! DOUSE THAT TORCH MATE!”

1:59 pm June, 10 Victor von Douche said...

“The only way all that glitter on him would be acceptable is if it was slathered on by dozens of stripper boobs”

And even then, cool it.

1:59 pm June, 10 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

During a fairly quick leg-wrestling match, Stephanie got Gary into a head lock. As he struggled unsuccessfully to free himself, his flailing and twitching caused her to have the most violent orgasm of her life, leaving Gary covered head to toe in her sparkling lady-juice.

Being a good sport, even though he was naturally disgusted by this, Gary posed with Stephanie for her victory photograph.

2:03 pm June, 10 Dicy said...

Hmm something tells me there might be a costume party involved in this. Glitter Gary looks ridiculous either way, so I’m forced to feel no sympathy. Also, nice legs on the hott.

2:05 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He is a flamer.

2:23 pm June, 10 Bagnonymous said...

Spiky receding hair plus a Lady Gaga shirt? Uh, yeah… ghey. But still, he should really wash up after taking that bukkake session from a gang of masturbating snow-globes.

2:26 pm June, 10 Bagnonymous said...

Her legs & ass look solid as a rock–but something tells me I don’t want her to be in control of my genitalia, lest she break something or whatnot.

3:01 pm June, 10 Scooby Douche said...

I’m with Dicey on this one. (I want to be with Dicey on every one. Dicey, oh, Dicey, when will I fondle you?) This is simply a case of a “Dress Like a Douche” party. They win the prize.

3:01 pm June, 10 Doucheasorus Maximus said...

Spells it right out boys– FAGGIT!!!!!

She would screw YOU & then pick up the peices afterward.

3:02 pm June, 10 Bag Margera said...

If anyone is still in denial about Gary Glitter’s gayness, just look at his hand wrapped around Tracy. No groping. Only fingers. He is clearly vaginaphobic.

3:04 pm June, 10 doucheywallnuts said...

Weclome to 2010 where the Hotts are Hotter and the Douchebags are Douchebaggier…Do you realize how difficult it is to look good in those shorts? Trust me I’ve tried….

3:06 pm June, 10 doucheywallnuts said...

Also, notice the white-on-white color scheme favored by douchebags and bleeths all over the world.

3:19 pm June, 10 Dicy said...

@Scoobey Douchee

If it’s not a costume party, then surely these are the end of days.

3:42 pm June, 10 Euripidouche said...

jesus, never go to a strip club through the suit a black amex and tell the girls, divorce 1 just became final, so its also bachelor party night for marriage two…

he’s gonna get chlamydia infections in his razor bumps, and gonorhea in his pussing infected bacne.

i have to admit, she tucks away the strap-on real nice.

4:07 pm June, 10 Frodo Baggins said...

Nice, TJ’s rules!

4:14 pm June, 10 Teddy Tendergass said...

Here we have…

.

.

… a S C A T M U N C H E R!!!!!!!

5:47 pm June, 10 One for the Choad said...

She has about sixteen different douche/bleeth signifiers on display, but after a couple of drinks, I would totally hit that.

I need a ruling. Is the phrase ‘hit that’ now a douche signifier?

6:12 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@OFTC

“hit that” may make you sound like a wigger but not a douchebag. excused.

7:44 pm June, 10 curbyourendouchiasm said...

that’s not Gary, that’s George Hamilton, and the glitter is really some youth serum that made George 30 years younger.

8:44 pm June, 10 Steve L. said...

some vibrator he’d holding there. is that imitation jizz inside?

9:42 pm June, 10 creature said...

if you poke him in the bum, you get glitter on your wand…. uh, so I’m told

9:44 pm June, 10 creature said...

she collects foreskins…. she removes them with her pc muscles

9:59 pm June, 10 creature said...

sausage & beans everyday for this rodgobbler

10:09 pm June, 10 Douche Bauer said...

Wait until he realizes what rubbing Cesium 137 on your body actually means…

10:25 pm June, 10 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

For the love of god, make him stop existing!

Outside the window we miraculously see an arc described, which is the arc of the theoretical flashlight hurled by darksock.

10:25 pm June, 10 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

…hurler of radiant stuff.

10:51 pm June, 10 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

The real Gary Glitter is into girls who needn’t shave to be pubeless.

This G.G.’s into girls with male genitalia.

11:05 pm June, 10 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Dr. HoneyDouche

.

I concur regarding Ms. Seymour. She, too, was unfortunately exposed to the virus.

11:19 pm June, 10 Bung Hole said...

You are all wrong. Gary was eating my ass out with glitter icing and I accidently farted. POOF!!!!! Glitter chuncks of love!!!!!

3:22 am June, 11 lucious lupus john thinks it is time for an intervention said...

when people dress like this it is time to rifle through their medicine cabinets and toss out the multiple bottles of vicoden, percosets, oxycontin, darvon, nembutal, adderall, fenetryl, dilaudid, xanax, dexedrine, ritalin, qualudes, bennies, reds, yellows, demerol, dxm, and lomotil because it is the sign of a problem.

4:39 am June, 11 my friends call me @$$hole said...

gay bag does not count… that is all

4:58 am June, 11 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

I’m told birds are attracted to shiny things… I hope the same can’t be said for women, cause I shudder to think I’ll ever have to go out lookig like I was attacked by a class of preschoolers on a glitter and clag bender.

6:55 am June, 11 melvil duchi said...

that’s not a yard glass, that’s a flower vase…

8:39 am June, 11 Deltus said...

Are we sure he isn’t an Atlantean? Who knew, Atlantis has the Virus as well.

8:52 am June, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Rock And Roll, Part Douche. Heyyyy!

9:23 am June, 11 darksock said...

He peed in a sparkle horse once.

2:49 pm June, 11 Mr. Biggs said...

I shall dub this “herpes in still life.”

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