Thursday, June 17, 2010

Happy Belated Bloomsday

June 16th was Bloomsday. I missed it yesterday. But, hells, why not, we’re celebrating it today.

So to honor the great James Joyce and his brilliant novel Ulysses, HCwDB style, we shall mock these douchebags and lust these hotts in an Irish brogue:

That’s no bag o’ shwag, me ladies!

Ye sure look lovely upon this tender mornin’!

Spin us a tale of love, would ya?

Of slender legs and giggles and puddin’ in the aft,

For those two boggers ain’t go not clackers, if ye know what I mean.

No lads should to look like such douchebags.

You fine lasses should be spinnin’ the poof juice and havin’ a laugh like.

Not spinning the top o’ schnozzlewoppers with them two skallywag topper thicko shitemonkeys!

That was for you, Mr. Joyce.

# posted by douchebag1
11:36 am June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

Is this a Vegas baby-shower for black/yellow-dress blond holding the UBC? I’m just sayin’.

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I’d still dip my balls in her UBC, though.

11:39 am June, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Given the choice this guy chooses

To drink that glass o’ her menstrual juices

If it would help me finesse

My head up sparkle dress

Unless of course she adamantly refuses

11:40 am June, 17 WheezerHCwDB said...

I dinnae wot’s in their Guinness, but brunette luv wit’ th’ blue dress ‘as grown a t’ird arm, wot?

.

.

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(Yeah, I know I butchered the holy hell out of it.)

11:46 am June, 17 Crucial Head said...

@DB1,

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I am in a meeting trying to stifle my laughs. Nice post. Shitemonkeys!

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(Sent from my dingleberry)

11:52 am June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

Wot?!? ‘Tis be no love for th’ chauffer in th’ background? Why, I s’pose he’s a right bastard for jump’n up like an imbicile, now i’n’t he? Serves th’ ol’ pecker right! Get back ‘n your carriage, boy!

12:04 pm June, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Buffalo Beast steadies himself as he reaches under the bed for the Uzi placed “Corleone style” by Pink Blonde’s vindictive step-father hours earlier when the suitcase of unmarked drachmas was exchanged

12:14 pm June, 17 chaserofthehott said...

I don’ta know about ya laddies, but that we bruentte lass on the left is a givin me a stiffy!

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.

.

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I don’t know how to type Gaelic.

12:32 pm June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

Gælic. It’s pronounced “guy lick.”

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Yes, please.

12:43 pm June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

The guests at Mike & Chad’s hotel-room party put the Wii Gangbang on “pause” and snap a quick picture before things get too sloppy to recognize their semen-covered faces.

12:44 pm June, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

So, the chicks get dressed up and the douchebags dress like, well, douchebags. Nice.

12:50 pm June, 17 Claude Douchenburg said...

Ahh my mocking lads, the lass’s dresses are a might wee which is fine with thee. Makes it easy to get on thy knee to kiss the blarney Vee.

1:14 pm June, 17 massengill said...

There once was a douchebag named Gary,

Who rented a room to make merry.

When asked by a fine Persian

“Why the female aversion?

He said, “What’d you expect? I’m a fairy!”

1:22 pm June, 17 patentbrew said...

Holy crap sparkly blue dress brunette is perfect (face, muscle tone, cans, skin, etc., 10s across the board). Not front and center, but cant help but think she is Hall of Hot material nonetheless.

1:22 pm June, 17 Euripidouche said...

“I got laid on James Joyce’s grave

I was hoping his genius would rub off on me

But all I got was a kick in the head

From the caretaker who discovered me

The Swiss lady jumped up in alarm

Put her clothes on instantly

I got laid on James Joyce’s grave

I’ve never been the same, Lord have mercy on me…”

1:27 pm June, 17 Mr. White said...

If by “brilliant novel, Ulysses,” you mean “impenetrable exercise in literary wankery,” I agree with you 100%. And this is coming from a guy who likes Pynchon. A lot.

That said, I suspect several of these fine ladies are quite penetrable.

1:29 pm June, 17 Deltus said...

Hotts take th’ high road

And choads take th’ low road

And we’ll get t’ Dublin before ya!

And then blow the choadwanks to fair Kingdom Come, IRA style, eh lads?

1:35 pm June, 17 Wedgie said...

Bloomsday…..aren’t they supposed to show us their bloomers?

1:36 pm June, 17 Crucial Head said...

Five hotts didst gather inside a small room

For ‘ponst pussy they fancied to consume

But douchebags didst enter

Like nuclear winter

And cockkblockked the saphic flower’s bloom.

1:36 pm June, 17 Crucial Head said...

Low lie hott’s field’s of ass n’ thigh.

1:47 pm June, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

Is there anywhere Mark Mothersbaugh won’t show up to promote the new album?

1:57 pm June, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

.

Totally agree with you. I used to use “Ulysses” to help me get to sleep at night. I would repeatedly club myself over the head with it when I would have insomnia. It usually took less than 10 whacks for me to get to sleep. I knew we shared something else in common besides hard core science and Pynchon. Yeah, Pynchon is a wordy bastard but he’s go nothin’ on Joyce.

1:59 pm June, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why do I expect to hear “Thiss room is justh FABULOUSSSS! La Quinta really outdid themselvz thiss time!” from the douche in front?

2:26 pm June, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t see Irish people. I do see Boobies galore and a homo in baby blue douche shirt. IRA Douche Aggie should bomb him. He is from the north if anywhere the dirty Orangeman.

2:35 pm June, 17 DarkSock said...

Are We Not Men?

We Are Douch-O!

2:43 pm June, 17 DarkSock said...

The Boss just invoked Joyce? Oh No he dih’nt!

I must disagree with Mr. White and Doc Bun; Ulysses is very much dialed in on our struggles here. To wit:

.

The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea.“….of Axe.

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If others have their will Ann hath a way“….I think we all agree we’d like to nail Anne Hathaway. In her butthole.

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The mocker is never taken seriously when he is most serious“….I’ll let Troy handle that one. I’ve also learned to mock the Douche, not his father. Because then you’re just a FatherMocker.

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.

.

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OK Joyce has nothing to do with us. And his prose is harder than Chinese arithmetic.

2:46 pm June, 17 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Irish lassies tend to have thick ankles, a penchant for beer, ruddy complexions and actually look like Lassie. I don’t see any Irish bleeths here.

2:48 pm June, 17 dbBen said...

“They’re gone”

4:21 pm June, 17 MILLS said...

as they say in ireland i believe “them gals r feckin mint like!”

7:40 pm June, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I was going to say something about the hot Asian in black, but the sound of my intestines herniating into my scrotum distracted me a might bit.

.

You’ll have to excuse me for a moment.

7:42 pm June, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And here’s a picture of it.

8:56 pm June, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Somehow, each one of those girls is exactly my ‘type’.

9:07 pm June, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Jimmy was visiting his elderly neighbor Seamus one afternoon.

“Jimmy, me boy, would ya roon upstairs, and get me a pair o’ me slippers, would ya?

“Of course, Seamus, it’s an honor.”

Jimmy goes upstairs, and as he’s walking towards Seamus’ bedroom, he peeks into the guest bedroom, which happens to have Seamus’ two bonnie blond lassie grand daughters laying in bed together. Naked. Kindly touching each other, very lightly.

Jimmy says, “Girls, your granddaddy sent me up here with instructions to fuck the both of yoons!” Jimmy lied.

“Jimmy! Who do ya think your kiddin here? We know better than that!” they cried in unison.

“Oh yeah? I’ll prove it” says Jimmy. “Hey, Seamus, did you say both of them, or what?”

“Jimmy, ya big baboon. Of course, both of them! What’s the point of fuckin only one of ’em?!?!”

9:25 pm June, 17 Steve L. said...

i promise to drink twice as much on St. Paddy’s Day to make up for my lack of knowledge in James Joyce references.

actually, i will drink twice as much as i usually do simply because of this pic.

11:06 pm June, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ah, well, more like a “Boom-chicka, Boom-chicka. BOOM” day when ya’ come right down to it.

Or “Chickie-chickie-Bang-Bang.”

Boom.

As described in the Domesday Book.

12:27 am June, 18 Baleen said...

Amyl Nitrante is a helluva drug.

12:55 am June, 18 Baleen said...

Nitrate you idiot^ good night…

8:01 pm June, 18 Stephanie said...

Guess which one jerks off by himself a lot.

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