Monday, June 28, 2010

HCwDB After Dark: Captain Hardy Says "Ahoy!"

Come on in!!

Grab some Hot Pockets in the fridge. Or a tasty Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry.

Pull up a chair! Settle on in.

The mock is a 24/7 operation here at HCwDB, where dozens of skilled web technicians are hard at work generating the images and text to continue our cultural deconstruction. We’ve expanded our operation from my living room over to the couch tonight. And while there’s less traffic this time a’ night, that just means more for you.

Because the moment we relent, the moment Axe Bodyspray releases a new hair gel product.

So we will… not… stop.

Until ‘bags are mocked.

And hotties repent for their sins. By letting me gnaw on their toesies like a morphine addled gila monster on dexedrine.

# posted by douchebag1
10:22 pm June, 28 Wheezer said...

I just got in from work and saw…..this?????

.

As Bill the Cat might say: “ACK! PTTHBBBLLBPTPT!”

10:25 pm June, 28 DarkSock said...

They’re not just the top fundraisers for “Rhinoplasty for The Woody Wood Pecker Speed Fellatio Team”; they’re the first customers.

.

Why the schnozz shortening surgery? Because their motto is “LESS NOSE, MORE HOSE!!!

.

Team USA for snake gargling gold in 2014! Al “Momma Bird” Lippenberger here has come out of retirement to show the girls his famous “worm swallowing” technique personally.

10:26 pm June, 28 Vin Douchal said...

After an episode of The Bachelorette, the only way to get a gander at Douchebags and Bleeths is to watch the train wreck known as “True Beauty”.

That is unless Db1 drops in with this stuff: three fwap worthy hotts and Jaime Jarrin calling the end of the Dodger game in Español .

.

My dog’s kicked ass thanks you

10:27 pm June, 28 MsMon said...

It could be Woody Allen or maybe it’s just one of their dad’s? At least I hope so…

10:28 pm June, 28 dbBen said...

Bleeth disillusionment just caused me to free 124 hamsters from local pet stores, tie firebrands to their stubby tales, and loose them on my unwitting village. I see the bleethieness and want. I do this in full cognizance the Grieco virus.

My Grandfather, a decorated veteran of WWII, saw Captain Hardy and formally rescinded the label “The Greatest Generation” then punched a Pug in the nuts.

Oh brunettey p2p bleeth. How I would love to hear how frustrated you are with Jason and his always leaving you behind while he goes kayaking.

10:29 pm June, 28 DarkSock said...

Q: What do you call a woman that can fellate a mailbox?

.

A: POSTMASTER

10:45 pm June, 28 DoucheBigue said...

How will i ever look away from brunette stare and stare… drooling on my keyboard.

That oldbag cannot be serious!?: totally unmatching clothing effort with the horrendous purpletee, the pop collar, the bling and that hat… That hat! why would anyone even think about manufacturing this?

oh but the brunette… ghaaaa.. and I like to suspect her to be natural

11:05 pm June, 28 Gorgowrath said...

*smacks head*

So THAT’S what David Letterman’s secret sex room looked like.

11:07 pm June, 28 lucious lupus john ponders douchebag or doufus said...

db1 sir, whenever i read your blog, i actually spray a squirt of axe body spray purchased specifically to add to the viewing pleasure, kind of like john waters’ smell-o-vision. well, i hope you got this picture on your vegas expedition, those outfits sure look like casino drink girl uniforms, and the guy looks like he hit a number on roulette with a green chip, then got drunk and spent a couple hundred in the gift shop to celebrate. if so, i think your expedition successfully tagged a tiger!

11:10 pm June, 28 Stephanie said...

What’s in that woman’s bra on the left? Her grocery list? No,a note to herself, “must not touch old men”. Is that Larry King?! urgh!

11:33 pm June, 28 bcs said...

dad? daddy?

omg. he owes so much in back child support

11:38 pm June, 28 ErikTheRed said...

Holy shit! Muammar Khadaffi is a douchebag!

12:04 am June, 29 Wheezer said...

So Erik, that’s what I assume we’ll call a “Tripoli” he’s pullin’?

1:16 am June, 29 tall guy said...

This Hefwannabee is a hideous joke. p2 brunette is luscious & blonde on right leaves my imagination active.

6:30 am June, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

It sometimes occurs to me that hotchicks consorting with douchebags are a Hardy Boys mystery waiting to be solved.

But with geriatric douchebags in Day of the Dead-Ed tee shirts?

Get thee to the catacombs!

6:57 am June, 29 creature said...

looks like the old beer swillin German dude from the Fox Inn in WLA… dude could slam a mug of beer in less than 2 seconds while standing on his head, “Ziggy, ziggy, ziggy, Oi, Oi, Oi!”

7:01 am June, 29 Tbird said...

I’m freaking out! Totally just saw this guy in Vegas Saturday only he was wearing sparklie yellow shorts and a sparklie red Ferarri shirt and hat! I swear on my life! Unfortunately the image will be forever burned into my brain…. Hey douche bag, people can tell what kind of car you drive when you pull up in it. You get an F for Failed.

7:02 am June, 29 Guns-N-Douches said...

Fuckily for us, Bags are catching on that Ed Hardy is passe. Though I’m sure that Christian Audigier has something planned for the next douche-trend.

7:12 am June, 29 Baleen said...

Captain Hardy, popped collar and all, macks the cocktail waitresses at the Stardust. He’s in the zone after cashing his social security check and three trips to the prime rib buffet for 3.99. Yuss! A couple more Cuttys, a viagra, and it’s on. Hope these chicks dig colostomy bags. Rock on oldbag.

7:22 am June, 29 Douchelexic said...

After converting to Islam and blowing up some infidels in his first and only suicide bombing, Cappy O’toole was proud to show off 3 of his 72 “virgins”.

7:28 am June, 29 Deltus said...

They’re young enough to be his GRANDDAUGHTERS. That’s not just regular douche, that’s even more gross.

7:46 am June, 29 mr.reeve said...

Somebody get grandpa back to the old folks home before they find out he be clubben!!! SSSHHHHIIIITTTTTT!!!!!

8:04 am June, 29 ChiefScout said...

I am positive that is Hef. Does he not get an automatic by from DB status? We all wanna be Hef, Who wants to be Four Prong or Swifferhead? Noooooobody. Oops, just gave a way that I am from Toronto.

8:19 am June, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Well my grandson Chaz came to visit me the other day and he gave me some of these swell shirts. They have skulls and tigers and other stuff on them with a lot of slogans. Even though some of them are a bit sparkly, I think I’ll keep ’em. They sure make the young girlscome a runnin’. I haven’t had my hands near this much pussy since I worked at the kennel. Boy those were great days. It was the first job I could get after comin’ back from the Big One. WW II. I remember gettin’ fired from that job BECAUSE of all that pussy but that’s another story. See, I don’t feel right unless I have one of these here sailor caps on when I go out. Ya know back when I was in the Navy we used to wear bull penises around our necks. Now people buy them and feed ’em to their dogs but back then we were issued them when rations got low or when we knew an attack was coming. I remember the time when ol’ Bob Wingensdorfer bet everybody he could eat 24 of them in an hour. Well, we got him back and got him good. We soaked all of them in the latrine for an hour before he got started. Boy, those were the days. Did I ever tell you the story about…”

8:25 am June, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Brunette: “I’ll get you bitches back. You think it’s REAL funny that I’ve been holdin’ his fuccen colostomy back for the last hour. And never mind this gas bag must’ve had 12 cups of coffee and 4 helpings of cole slaw with his tacos. Jokes on you bitches because you’ll never suspect a colostomy bag whoopie cushion in your pillows tonight!”

8:55 am June, 29 Ted said...

Make fun of Wrinkles all you want, that Brunette may be the hottest hot of the year thus far.

9:14 am June, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

Yeah, she’s so hot she needs C-Pap when she sleeps to keep those jugglemelons from strangling her neck.

That’s REAL hot.

10:31 am June, 29 Troy Tempest said...

If he was able to pull any one of those that evening, hats off to douchey geezer bag.

Old men can dream, too.

12:53 pm June, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

Save for the shirt, I’d give him a notta. There’s a guy who’s impotent, incontinent, and all kinds of other ‘ents. I say buy him a beer but advise him to stick to sensible cardigans.

6:41 pm June, 29 Steve L. said...

whoa i missed this rare HCwDB After Dark!

well uh, thankfully i missed this lethally douchey Flying Dutchman.

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