Monday, June 14, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

This week’s a doozy serving of cross-cutting greasery and curve boobery. Your narrator’s hopped up on sugar snacks and quality Kelloggs sugar cereal. So get our votin’ on. Bring it:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Four Prong And the K Sisters (Kimmy and Kassandra)

Douchebags who look like Lesbians isn’t just a future blog I need to create. It’s also the spike-douche we call “Four Prong.”

Who has Five Prongs.

But, just like a propaganda controlled Winston Smith in Orwell’s 1984, you only see four. Because Big Bro’ is Fist Pumping.

And lets not forget the second culture crapping atrocity, Four Prong Plays Pool with Sophie.

When the K Sisters giggle, you just know their boobies shimmy like aortic jello. And for that, we golf clap their ability to avoid eating carbs, and gnaw on their toesies.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Unfinished Tatt Guy and Sandy

Unfinished Tatt Guy is clearly a.

Anyone who walks around with the smug half-tatt and Miller Lite argues for.

Because UTG can’t finish any.

UTG’s favorite expression in French is “comme ce comme ca.”

UTG drives a semi-trailer.

UTG’s favorite punctuation mark is a “;”

As to the Hott side of the dialectic, Sandy brings A-Game Abs (AGA). I would lickle. Then suckle. Then fondkle. Then wail in primal agony for an imperfect universe that suggests godless crisis.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Frong and Latisha

From Prong to Frong.

Frong almost didn’t make the cut. Aging rocker drift-choad tends not to rankle the way sneery young bucks do. Not to mention it’s hard to tell if Latisha really is bringing the A-List Hott, or just a fantastic set of mammsicles.

Come to think of it, a fantastic set of mammsicles goes a long way.

Frong is all that is over-hairsprayed about sad former bassists in local bar Floyd tribute bands, like “Comfortably Pink.”

Combined, they form a toxic stench that is well worthy of the Weekly. SO lets add these two to the competition and see what floats.

I eliminated Gary Glitter for potential gaybaggery, Veg Armstrong for Vegas Skankhottery, Marmadouche for not quite enough hott chickery, and Joey Makes the Puke Face for not enough douchery (but a tremendous swim team hott).

I’m also seriously considering boxing a penguin just to distract Amanda long enough to steal her anklet.

But these are your finalists, and only one may earn the next slot in the Monthly in two weeks. Which’ll it be?

Remember, voting for an HCwDB pic requires you to consider, contrast, innovation, spectacle, and sexy/crappy vortex of contradiction that gives voice to the projection of Freud’s Primal Scene onto the realm of the comedic erotic.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:15 am June, 14 Euripidouche said...

four prong, for bleaching the hair he intended to later spike, this is an evolved two step douche plan to look that phenomenally stupid.

this is a step beyond ass-backing into douchery with bad tats or hair supply mousse from the early 80s back when the mousse would harden like a protective douche shell.

four prong made a malinformed decision, and executed a douchey plan, its like watching orangutans work with tools to make tools.

7:16 am June, 14 bigphatnotadouche said...

my write in vote is for Amanda.

7:19 am June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UFG for the. His favorite Floyd song is “Big Gig In The”

7:22 am June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I mean UTG for the. He also likes “Another Brick In The..Part.”

7:26 am June, 14 Musicman said...

I’m voting for Prong…he looks like the annoying douche who would like to tell you he has more money than you…

Plus, I vote just to see more Kimmy and Kassandra…you gotta love Kassandra’s smile…I went from 6 o’clock to 12 o’clock so fast!

7:33 am June, 14 Turdacious said...

Its got to be UTG

Frong and his Hott look like they belong together.

Prong looks like he ran into these 2 strippers in an elevator and took a photo op.

UTG with his waterproof zirconian encrusted watch, his hat ” that i’m sure if you switch some letters around” will say Asshat.

He turns his hat around so nothing is covering his eyes and then wears no sunglasses WTF!

I bet he forgets to hold his breath when he goes underwater.

UTG FTW!

7:35 am June, 14 WheezerHCwDB said...

I’d vote for UTG for the Weekly, but he’d only make it to Wednesday. No, we need someone who has endurance.

.

That would be Four Prong. It is my dream to see him passed out drunk on the Goose, and to then shave his head and remove his only reason for living.

7:41 am June, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Even after seeing the second pic, I’m still not 100% sure Four Prong is a dude. I see a trace of 5 o’clock shadow, but I’ll be damned if I don’t also see boobs and matronly facial structure.

.

I’d vote for unfinished tatt guy and sweet Sandy but UTG seems to be lacking douche aura. That’s important.

.

So my vote is for Frong. What he lacks on the hott side he makes up for with douche aura, oldbaggery, and thinking sniffing glue is a good idea.

.

Frong FTW.

7:42 am June, 14 dbBen said...

Four Prong

Although I think he’s mostly spinnin’ discs solo at home, I think we must enact exemplary punishment (punitive damages) for his shameful engagement in the spectacle.

Sandy, I’ll see you this Wednesday when you need someone to help you work on your Statistics mid-term. I understand how you totally want to get it done before the weekend because UTG and everyone is totally going to the Dam. Summer semester totally sucks. I totally should come.

7:42 am June, 14 Deltus said...

Frong and Latisha don’t quite make the cut. He’s aging rockerwank, but more comical than maddening. She does have them big, full mamms of spurtitude… well, I’ll leave it at that while I stare at them.

.

Four Prong and the K’s are much more like it. However, gorgeous as they are, they’re bleething a fair bit, and Prongy is no threat to any hott sexually, only in infecting them with his poo. Or impaling them with the prongs.

.

My vote goes to UTG and Sandy. Don’t be fooled by his not mugging for the camera. UTG’s got a dumb hat, a half-of-his-body tribal tatt underway, six pound watch, and oh sweet baby Jesus, he has nipple rings that I just noticed! UGH! Sandy brings the AGA (love that one, boss), and A-Game Ass (hmm, AGA squared?), and a face that makes the angels sing for it’s sweetness. She looks fresh and unblemished, and his poo is going to infect her, and that makes my inner child weep.

.

UTG and Sandy FTW.

8:06 am June, 14 melvil duchi said...

Unfinished Tatt Guy and Sandy

Sandy has a smile that says “Why yes, I am flexible”

8:07 am June, 14 Bueller said...

Sandy..strictly for the hopes we will get more pics of her.

8:13 am June, 14 SloppyJoe said...

I would mount Four Prong’s head on my make-shift spear to hunt for saltwater fish in hopes of one last meal to keep me alive long enough for the K Sisters to rescue me in a raft made entirely from their used brasseires.

Plus UTC only gets half of my vote.

8:19 am June, 14 End the Haberdouchery said...

Four Prong’s dark haired Kimmy is beautiful. I’ll give her a pass on that horrid spider web tattoo. I would throw her down on a bed made of bald eagle feathers and rub her with oils and liniments for all eternity.

That said, UTG gets my vote. Sandy is svelte hotness and UTG is ridiculous. If you’re on an installment plan for your tattoo you should have to wear sleeves until it’s done instead of telling girls “This is where the galloping unicorn will go.” I want to follow him around every second of everyday, blowing a vuvuzela until he blows his brains out with a shotgun.

8:24 am June, 14 Bagnonymous said...

I think I’mma havta go with Four Prong and the K Sisters this week. I mean, I really like UTG’s Sandy’s wholesome girl-next-door-ness (and that body), but 4Prong’s hotts are just waaay too hot to ignore.

.

Frong looks a bit inbred in my opinion, and Latisha kinda looks like his sister. Way to keep it in the family, Frong!

.

Special props to Unfinished Tatt Guy, though. If UTG were a sandwich he’d be

8:27 am June, 14 Bag Margera said...

I would have voted for Veg. Don’t really understand why his skanks bring him out of the running. He’s simply not human. And if Gay Gary Glitter is eliminated for gaybaggery, then I don’t understand why four prong is allowed. D-yikes! Still If these are the 3 I must choose between, than choose I must. However I don’t expect to see any of them at the douchies this year…

I vote for Frong. Besides the hair, he has what is known as the douche-aura. The look on his face leads you to believe he is very proud of himself and his life choices. He expects us all to be impressed with his hair and his and his half-way hott. They look related to each other, and no, I am not impressed. Not. One. Bit.

8:34 am June, 14 One for the Choad said...

Four Prong by a country mile. The most punchable piece of poo this site has seen in many a moon. And I’d give a year’s salary to unsnap Kassandra’s lacy red bra and gaze upon the beauty that is her perfect breasts.

8:45 am June, 14 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

Tough call.

UTG has the hottest hott. Frong reminds me of those weird trolls that old ladies bring with them to the bingo hall. But Four Prong has 2 hotts and has crowned himself prince of the douches with that stupid tiara-do.

4P FTW.

8:50 am June, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Four Prong Pat and the K sisters FTW! Why? Look at it. Just look at it! Pat thought “What could make me a bigger asshat and even more sexually ambiguous? A fauxhawk? No. A trollbag look? Been done before. Maybe a play on Wheatstalks? I’ll probably just look like a copycat. I know. I take all of those together, bleach part of it, and still have it jiggy in back. Put on the shades…voila’. Perfect! Now even the hotts won’t know if I’m a douche or a really tricked-out lesbian. Yeah, now I can catch it all.” That and Pat has two NOM NOM hotts to only one for the others.

8:56 am June, 14 massengill said...

UTG kinda reminds me of Steve Young. And as his Sandy is the least bleethy of the babes, I’m tempted to vote for them, but, at the end of the day

.

I gotta give it to the Pronger. I loved the Ninja Turtles, too, but you don’t see me coifing an ode to The Shredder on top of my head. No. You don’t.

9:14 am June, 14 Wedgie said...

I’m going with Frong because my kids like yugioh cards.

And the K sister on the left is pornstar Cytheria; I though pros were auto d.q.’s. Maybe not, but I still can’t vote for kd lang to win anything on this site. You have to at least be a guy to win d.b. of the week.

You do, right?

9:28 am June, 14 Mr. Biggs said...

Unfinished Tatt Guy. Just because I’m so freaking sick of tattoos. Honestly. Hitler could come back from the dead and wage a campaign to put all mega-tattoo wearers in concentration camps, and I’d have to think about voting for him. I mean I’m a Jew and all, but then again the tattoo plague would be gone.

On a deeper level though, the other two look like they’re just going along with the douchebag thing to get near the hott. Tatt guy looks like the genuine frat douchebag.

9:30 am June, 14 One for the Choad said...

@wedgie

Are you sure? I’m googling pics of Cytherea, and there’s definitely a similarity, but no spider tatt on any of the pics I’m finding.

9:33 am June, 14 Claude Douchenburg said...

I said it before and I will say it again, I didn’t go to enough underwear parties in my day.

9:33 am June, 14 Turdacious said...

@ Bag Magera

Dude, Hows your head?..how many stitches..should know better then to fuck with a seasoned cougar

9:37 am June, 14 Bangladouche said...

4 Prongs because his hotts are way hotter than the other gutter biscuits. And 4 Prongs is a douche. Big douche.

9:40 am June, 14 ehcuodouche said...

While four/five prong is a gigantic douche, his species is limited to exclusive clubs in LA, Vegas, Miami, New York, etc., and you don’t see him unless you really go out of your way to do so.

Half-finished tatt guy, however, is ubiquitous, he’s frying up burgers out by the pool of his apartment across the street…right…now…It’s 8am and only about 55 degrees outside, but it’s never too early or cold to show off your tatts and eat barbequed meat and meat-like products.

And Sandy represents all that it good and unattainable in this world. While she is cool and laughs at your jokes and kids tatt guy mercilessly about his nipple piercing, she’s still willing to stand out by her guy even though her nipples are protruding out a half-inch.

Which just makes things worse.

And people ask me why I start drinking so early.

9:45 am June, 14 Horace Dangleballs said...

The K SIsters for their luscious chest cannons. Prong for being whatever the Hell he/she is, AND it gets bonus points for that bit part, pre-“hairdo,” in “The Hangover.” That was some funny stuff.

9:49 am June, 14 Baleen said...

Four Prong ftw because I’d like to skewer some prawns onto his forehead and then shove his face onto a scorching barbeque grill, then I would skewer the hotts with my flesh bayonet.

10:09 am June, 14 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

UTG is a new and different kind of douche, but alas his hott has the boobies of a hungry 9 year old in Eritrea. So I depart my normal DB-heavy side of the winner equation with a tip of the hat to the hott…in this case double hott. Four Prong for the win!

10:10 am June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Unfinished Tatt Guy looks like Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers. But this would be an old photo because Josh is pretty inked up now.

Frong looks like he’s got blonde hair and that’s either a wig or they had some dye left over from cleaning up Latisha’s roots so he went for it. She’s also convinced him to shave his pubes, eat with chopsticks, walk her toy poodle and pick up her dry cleaning

Prong looks like he’s up for the Meatloaf part in Fight Club 2. He’s pathetic and has bitch tits, so why not?

However, for pierced nips, mall douchestore watch and dollface w/AGA’s Unfinished Tatt Guy and Sandy FTW

10:10 am June, 14 Bag Margera said...

@ Turdacious

Not sure what you are referring to. I steer clear of cougars. If there is a flaw in my logic, please enlighten me.

10:13 am June, 14 Ke Ke Cutler said...

hold up wait a minute!!!! Wheres KETTLEHEAD??? For Pete’s sake the douchebag finally took a pic without his shades on!!! This is a KETTLEHEAD CONSPIRACY!!!

10:25 am June, 14 creature said...

his hair is so ‘Wucking Frong”

10:29 am June, 14 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Frong is technically douchiest, but he and Latisha are also clearly related, which brings more nausea than mock. UTG just seems too clueless to be a true douche. You have to think about douching before you actually douche, and it seems that UTG and Thinking are strangers in the night.

Prong, OTOH, is clearly peacocking which is the act of a true douche, combine that with the double hott, and we are left with Prong FTW.

10:32 am June, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Four/Five Prong snags the win! Well, actually, that’s the K sister’s and their brassieres doing…and I’m thinking that Sandy is related to them, perhaps a younger sister?

10:35 am June, 14 Douchey the Great said...

Unfinished Tatt Guy FTW. Although Kassandra belongs in the Hall of Hott Four Prong just looks ridiculous and Frong is a wanker. But UTG has the ink, the hat, the physique and the ability to turn Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist.

10:40 am June, 14 mr.reeve said...

I can’t vote for Four Prong because he still looks like a lesbian to me.

Frong and his lovely milk woman Latisha FTW.

10:41 am June, 14 Douchelips said...

Four Prong And the K Sisters FTW! Four Prong brings his A game with super hotts and not four but FIVE spikes.

.

Unfinished ink is well…unfinished.

.

Frong is just lame and his lady isn’t that hot.

.

So for pure spectacle and boobie suckle thigh hottie…Four Prong and the K sisters get the win! (loss)

10:44 am June, 14 Mr. White said...

I’m going with Unfinished Tatt Guy. He has a non-running 1967 Camaro in his front yard, but unlike in “Better Off Dead,” no Eurohott will help him restore it.

Sandy, however, helps me finish every time.

10:53 am June, 14 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

My humble vote goes to Four Prong. Not only for the ridiculous hairstyle that has surely never been and never will be “rad”, but because the K sisters are a unbelievable potent double barrel hotgun of fwap-ability. Even with that stupid Spider-man tatoo. I’d let her shoot my web. I’m not sure what that’s even supposed to mean.

Seriously… that hair is douche-tastic. And the sunglasses? Please, someone put him out of my misery.

11:06 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Four-Prong has more estrogen than UTG’s hott, as quantified through mammary comparison. This fact cancels out both, leaving Crimson Ted’s little brother Frong FTW. Weak field.

11:09 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I hereby christen Crimson Ted’s little brother Frong:

Black Barf.

11:10 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

And I’m really thinkin’ 4Pro is a chick guys.

11:11 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

You can imagine how bad I wanted my twenty dollars back.

11:28 am June, 14 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Anyone daring enough to sculpt their hair into a striking likeness of 13th century Gothic architecture is A-OK in my book. So 4 Prong is out. Frong is a troll doll and of no threat to anyone or anything.

Unfinished Tatt Guy is certainly nothing outstanding, but the nuzzle wholesomeness of Sandy is, and the impudence he has to lay claim to her is enraging beyond words. That and he has his nipples pierced, which made me draw attention to and mention his nipples. Fuck you for making me mention your nipples!

11:33 am June, 14 Turdacious said...

@Bam

He got beat over the head this weekend by a 59 year old woman armed with a baseball bat and is in the hospital.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1641447/20100614/story.jhtml

11:43 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

She was just pulling one of those oh-so-funny pranks from the show about Jackasses.

11:45 am June, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

four prong- he has the same black tie and solid shirt signature look- if you work that hard to plan out your doucherobe then he is the weakly

12:04 pm June, 14 the motley douche said...

As much as I’d like to administer a swift and much deserved groin strike to Frong, I have to go with FPatKS for the win. Twice the hott and WAY too much douche. ‘Nuff said. Seriously, who does that to his hair on any day that’s not 10/31?

Oh yeah, true-believers…I went Stan Lee on that…what?!?

12:13 pm June, 14 Ohio FJ said...

Four-prong FTW

12:16 pm June, 14 scrotum pole said...

Unfinished tat guy will regret his tats five years from now when he’s a sales rep for the metal coatings industry. He seems to be having fun with his hott, and for that he deserves some credit.

But my vote is for Sandy. She looks like the type who would laugh at your jokes, even though she’s too dumb to understand them. I’d like to roll her lithe, supple body in a Venitian blind and add some grilled chicken and salsa and eat her like a tamale.

Sorry, I’m hungry.

12:20 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

@ Turdacious

Ah, now I see. My bad, for not following up on my MTV News. I hope that goes into the next movie.

12:50 pm June, 14 Southern Scrotic said...

Amanda is the clear winner in the hott chick category, but we’re stuck picking through these chodes.

Therefore, I’ll have to go with Unfinished Tatt Guy paired with Unfinished Boobjob Girl.

Their matching knotted strings make them the couple of the week.

1:19 pm June, 14 F. said...

I see people saying that UTG lacks the douche aura. True, however upon closer inspection… Well let’s just name the options. Why, why is the tatt unfinished? For me it’s one of the below:

1. UFG: “It hurts! Mommy ;((((”

2. UFG: “Sorry bro, but I don’ have mo’ dough”

I mean look at it! It’s not a new job – has to be at the very least 2-4 weeks old. Why didn’t he finish it later?

.

Thus I consider UTG for wannabe douchieness. Plus the fact that he’s cluelessly walking around with this Statement Of Utter Failure stamped forever onto his skin is in itself a prime example of what is wrong with your country and why this site exists.

1:23 pm June, 14 G said...

Gotta go with 4 Prong…his face is just asking to be teabagged.

1:48 pm June, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

I vote #3, and by vote I mean genocide.

2:34 pm June, 14 doucheywallnuts said...

Prong FTW. Sir Francis Bacon said – and I paraphrase slightly – “There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness and doucheness in the proportion.” I submit that Prong has strangeness and doucheness in spades, and the two Very Hotts don’t hurt his cause. His Hotts have the tattoo AND bra reveal, and Prong has hit on a hair-style that says he is both a douchebag AND an asshole. An all-around home run. Pronger’s secondary photo with the wrist-wrap mandanna seals the deal. And really, how can a Frong compete with the Five Prongs of Four Prong? UTG is just sad and the very hott and suckle-isious Sandy just doesn’t bring enough to the table. On the arm of another more worthy douchebag Sandy could be a game changer.

3:04 pm June, 14 Jimmy said...

Unfinished tatt guy looks mildly douchey at first but the more you stare the more douchey he becomes. Nipple bars? Hat pushed way too far down? Half tattoos? Combine that with the lucious body of Sandy and you have a winner. I am a sucker for flat stomaches.

3:06 pm June, 14 armydouche said...

gotta be four prong. his commitment to the hair is easily 4 times that of anything UFT guy does and in my humble oppinion out douches the hair of frong. i my be splitting hairs on that one… more time goes in to that hair than the average human spends eating and deficating in a week. Prong can also pull some tastey hott and therefore gets my vote.

3:36 pm June, 14 Bob the Bag Hunter said...

Frong is the winner. Anyone guy that puts that much work into their hair is douche. Plus, those fun bags next to him look damn good. Frong is the WINNER.

4:03 pm June, 14 clam fist said...

Frong.

4:45 pm June, 14 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Four Prong isn’t a lesbian, he just plays one on LOGO.

Frong looks like a mutant gene-splice of Pat Boone, Wink Martindale, and one of Cher’s old wigs from Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves-era. Comical, but not bile-inspiring.

UTG appears to have a tattoo-by-numbers kit applied to his skin. 1 is black, 2 is black, and 3 is black.

1+2+3 = Douche.

UTG FTW

5:30 pm June, 14 Steve L. said...

i know i have to vote for Four Prongs, but somehow my already barren well of creativity is being stymied by a sinister unknown force. those prongs must be antennas that channel negative energy or something.

my only countermeasure is to vote for Four Prongs and the K Sisters. again and again.

6:03 pm June, 14 Joseph and the Technicolor DoucheScrote said...

Frong FTW. Even though his hot isn’t that hot, he looks like one of those aliens from the Rowdy Roddy Piper movie “They Live”… and frankly speaking that just can’t be denied.

6:29 pm June, 14 Cheesesock said...

I gotta go with Four Prong on this one. Two quality, bra-revealing hotts and an uberscrotewank with (yet again!) E-blo’s jizm hair styling gel is the absolute embodiment of the dialectic of hottie/douche co-mingling.

7:02 pm June, 14 A-Douche-Ron-Ron said...

It’s poo.

It’s wrong.

It’s Prong.

9:29 pm June, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Every now and again, it is necessary to return ‘home’

Things get crazy, up is down, down is up, things burn our eyeballs out, this world is f-ing crazy, man!

And then something comes along, and grounds us, once again with it’s abject simplicity.

“Hot Chicks With Douchebags”

Latisha and Frong

It’s so self-explanatory sometimes.

10:31 pm June, 14 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

Frong, immediately Frong, because and I quote Charles Dickens, ‘he’s a raging fuckbag’.

While Kimmy and Kassandra make me want to gnaw my arms off to prevent me ever scrolling away from their heavenly visage. Frong is to powerful a choad to escape.

1:13 am June, 15 tall guy said...

Four prong for the win. I mean, fair’s fair: four prongs + blonde tips + those ridiculous fake jewel encrusted sunglasses. Add the untied tie and I think I need counseling. Besides, he’s as close as he realistically should ever be to top shelf rack and all he does is pull a daft face. What a cockneck!

1:16 am June, 15 Bob Mcadouche said...

UTG would never last past the monthly. Just isn’t committed enough. Can he get half a vote?

Frong’s hot just doesn’t cut it either. He’s out.

Four Prong by default. And for looking like K.D. Lang’s older sister.

5:41 am June, 15 Istandouche said...

Prong ftw.

7:54 am June, 15 Douche-Bo Baggins said...

I’ll go with Frong, he looks like a Troll doll.

8:53 am June, 15 Merle Baggard said...

Frong = Dong

9:15 am June, 15 Douches Wild said...

Not much of a contest here- Frong’s finger in the socket hairdo and his facial expression of canine groveling awaiting approval both disqualify him from the halls of douchedom, I feel he is here only because of Latisha’s jaw-dropping bazongas. Four Prong and the Sisters are a false start in the arduous decathelon of Douche, leaving UTG and Sandy for the win. He is simian, dimly aware of others, redolent of assumed entitlement with a high slappability quotient. Sandy’s modest boobage insures that she will go that extra mile to make sure his prostate does multiple back flips, like a precocious chihuahua.

9:21 am June, 15 jonezy said...

though I generally avoid voting for a douche that is actually smiling, Sandy is the angel of mercy that lifts my soul from this cubicle to an alternate world where I forage the garbage bin behind the Petco to collect the trimmings from the grooming of her grandmother’s miniature poodle, Max– because I know how Sandy loves to pet Max.

Sandy and UTG ftw

10:40 am June, 15 I douche, therefore I am said...

I think I’ll have to go with Frong this week.

Four Prong could at least be put to use as a garden rake, while UTG might serve as a colouring book for douchebag kids.

Frong, however, appears to be completely and utterly useless, and also he reminds me of some of the worst possible emo-baggery to ever come out of Germany.

11:28 am June, 15 Douche Dastardly said...

I am underwhelmed by the field this week and I think I’m too late to start a write in campaign for Loft Pud and delicious Amanda.

I’ll go with Frong for his troll doll meets Nordic Val Kilmer “It wears the black and makes the Sexy face.” douche aura.

But I like Baglia’s rechristening of Black Barf, because I still shudder when I think of Crimson Ted and any relative of his should be snuffed out.

Frong aka Black Barf FTW

12:06 pm June, 15 Whoop-di-douche said...

I see THREE reasonably strong choices here, but I must go with FOURProng for the highFIVE this week. for “he” is neither he nor she, but some SNL “Pat” androgynous opposite of the skinny flat-chested girl-boy child. He is a primo example of the “gooshy guy,” (think Newt Gingrich) wherein his estrogen load outweighs his testosterone choad. May such hottness as the S’MORES “Kim-and-Kass” spear his prongs with marshmallows, roast his loaded greensticks over an open campfire, and watch an equally gooshy show of fluffy flow drip onto a graham cracker loaded with Hershey poo to create a N’MORE of him.

2:03 pm June, 15 Troy Tempest said...

It’s gotta be Four Prong. Anyone who models their hair after a gardening implement is a third class dolt with compost for brains. Also, because he has five, but is four, he has some of the Samurai Scrote magic going, and by that I mean first order funny yet painful and disgustingness not seen since Bob the Anal Fissure…

4:42 pm June, 15 Anon 1:50 said...

Still don’t think that fourprong is male.

Nope.

Not without someone else checking.

Not goin’ there myself.

7:13 pm June, 15 notadouche said...

Prong stuck a fork in my eye.

Fucker.

12:46 am June, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Five boobs. Five prongs. Sometimes you just can’t ignore mathmatical equivalency… or boobs. This photo displays in textbook fashion the versatility of the word “boob”. In one trembling palm we have prime boobie-hottness and in the other clinched fist we have a boob, so boobish, that he would shape his hair into a quintet of boobbery. Boobies for the win. Ps. Boob.

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