Monday, June 21, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

It’s a Long-Island-Palooza of a weekly. Three very similar cuts of ‘Island hott/choad. The last Weekly before the Monthly, as the summer holidays fast approach.

Bring it, Vuvuzela style:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy

Dave works hard for the weekend.

Tammy likes to tan.

They don’t leave their small town that often.

Because Tammy’s gotta work the Tuesday shift at “The Clam Bake” by the shore, and Dave’s busy bussing tables at the nearby Applebees.

It’s a hard knock life. But they get by.

Except, every so often, when it’s time to party. And Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy get their hottin’ and douchin’ on.

But enough to win the Weekly? That leads us to:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Troy Khan’s Chest Reveal and Angie

Khannnn!!!

Yes, it’s true, Star Trek 2 references will never die. It is the Citizen Kane of the 80s. “Citizen Khan,” if you will. A masterpiece of an innovation of a genius wrapped in an earwig. May it live forever in cinema history.

Troy is just your average chest-shave revealing superpud.

He is to be mocked and derided by Spock and Derrida.

Yup. No idea what I’m saying anymore.

Angie is our second trashy Island humpty-hump, but underneath that curvy objectified exterior, there’s a sweet princess who just longs to be free.

And by princess, I mean large baby bagoombas.

Because I’m sensitive to the literature like that.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Lake Crotch Cactii

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Is Pink, Ruddy and Pumped Up enough to win an HCwDB of the Week? Jed and Barry, aka “Iceman” and “Goose,” sure think so.

This pic has spike, mandana, and, the markings of true HCwDB, Ubiquitous Red Cup. On the right, The Iceman certainly has a strange, creepy inflated ‘tude that is pure “douche aura.” And Michelle is quality lithe gnaw. She certainly brings the coquettish Kelly McGillis in an inverted dive with a MIG polaroid smile to the game.

But can The Crotch Cactii win simply on the basis of secondary information, like Iceman’s homerotic posing with his bros? Or The Iceman Finding Love on a boat?

Just missing the cut, Hurley Luncherson, who was just too happy to be a finalist (and Amzonian Reese Witherspoon just didn’t bring the hott), the tough guy prom hilarity of Omaha Goes Gangsta, the blazing hottness of Natalie’s Eyes, Dr. Jorge Mendoza for writing in with one of the douchiest emails of the year (see you at the 2010 Douches, Dr. Doza), and The Hebro, eliminated for being a pro-bag porn actor.

Them’s your three.

Only one coupling is wrong enough to earn the Monthly. Which is it?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:07 am June, 21 James Roden said...

Lake Crotch Catii for the win. They’ve got it all, nothing more needs to be said. It’s like they went down a douche checklist.

However, Ronkonkoma Dave needs an award for the douchiest hat EVER!!!

7:24 am June, 21 RAPETIME said...

Dave is just a tool posing with a stripper. Nothing to see, here.

While Troy’s incomplete chest tat is making me,

The decision this week was frighteningly easy. The Cactii are bringing swole muscles, lobster tans, six-pound watches, a definite hint of gaybaggery, and the ruin of modern human civilization in a package that would make Stephen King crawl under his bed and rewrite The Stand, replacing every reference to “Captain Trips” with “Grieco Virus”, and rewriting the ending so that aliens would carpet-bomb the planet with fusion bombs, killing even the cockroaches.

Just in case. You never know when a cockroach will start swilling cheap beer out of a red cup and giving the gift of herpes to all its little cockroach friends.

7:30 am June, 21 justadouchalo said...

That dying, low-tide smell that pervades Lake Crotch finds its source in the Cacti swamping the competition in a fetid tsunami of tribal tats, manhole cover timepieces, mandana, grease and a stubborn case of toenail fungus.

7:31 am June, 21 WheezerHCwDB said...

Dave looks like his heart just isn’t into the douching. The sideways peace sign looks like a burden for him to flash, and the hat tilt seems like an afterthought. And look: he is so pasty compared to Dreamsicle Tammy. Nah, that’s not quite enough to earn a Weekly.

.

Rising on the scrote ladder, we come to Troy Khan and Angie, but it’s hard to say which one is trying to carry the flag in this photo. Troy’s almost too happy to reveal his Nairy chest, but she’s got the eyeliner on heavy and the hair is freshly bleethed/bleached. And she’s got kissy lips sorta workin’ there, which means a nasally, gum-popping voice can’t be far behind.

.

That leaves the Lake Crotch Cacti. When the bros are eager enough to dog each other and leave “Maverick” out of the pics with the hotts, that means they’ll step over anyone to get to where they want to go. These kinds of flyby’s are typical of selfish choadwanks – for Iceman, it’s true that he douches it up by the book.

.

Let’s lose that lovin’ feeling and give the Weekly Top Gun to Iceman and the Lake Crotch Cacti, though I see Iceman on a future solo flight as he needs no wingman. So get on it and vote for them! That’s right: Iceman is…..dangerous.

7:40 am June, 21 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Somewhat of a weak week.

.

Not much time to wax douchetastic today anyway. My vote is for Lake Crotch.

.

Because URC said so.

.

Lake Crotch FTW.

7:40 am June, 21 Bag Margera said...

I always knew that if anybody actually liked Top Gun as much as my best friend’s dad, then they must be Grieco-Era, Ground Zero Douche. This weekly only serves to prove that. While their hott’s boobies aren’t up to par with the other boobies, I would still rock them like a hurricane. Crotch Cacti for the win.

7:45 am June, 21 Wedgie said...

One vote for Troy, because Angie is so bubbleicious.

And here’s hoping she keeps some Khan-doms handy.

7:49 am June, 21 bigphatnotadouche said...

Crotch Cacti for the win. The hotts reak of axe and deparation plus fail. They are no Kelly McGillus. The dudes are swole examples of medicine go awry. I’m angry they invoked the names Maverick and Goose.

7:53 am June, 21 melvil duchi said...

The Lake Crotch Cactii

I saw a couple of stage 1 douches at the beach this past weekend that reminded me of Iceman and Goose. they had arm tattoos and were fist pumping in the ocean( no music is needed, apparently). and they were drinking Busch Light.

the girls that were with them were all kinds of fine suckle-thigh beach bunnies and they did not seem to be 100% persuaded by the db’s antics. I did feel there is some hope for the world but then we went to a local rest restaurant and saw more pink shirts on guys in one location I have ever seen. the fight much continue

7:54 am June, 21 melvil duchi said...

the fight must continue…

and I could not get any good pictures to post.

7:55 am June, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

For proving beyond all reasonable doubt that Crayola could in fact successfully market a 64-color box set simply titled “Flesh”, Lake Crotch Cactii for the win. Note to Goose, Strawberry tone is the new skin cancer.

7:55 am June, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Lake Crotch Cacti hands down FTW. The other two are pretty douchey, but they don’t look like they’ve committed in the same way.

8:07 am June, 21 Anonymous Douche Mocker said...

For once, no agonizing decision. LCC all the way.

8:13 am June, 21 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Cactii by default. They’ve got the fake military look going on, combined with a pretty weak group this week.

Normally I’d go with Dave, because he is obviously the club’s busboy, and clearly out of his league. Tammy, sadly, is clearly a paid-to-pose stripper, and is therefore DQ’ed.

Troy’s hott, sadly, set the makeup gun to whore, and is actually more douchy than Troy. Sad, really.

8:18 am June, 21 Douchie Arnaz said...

Nobody brought the A-Game this week. It’s more like a “pick the skankiest ho” contest. In that case, Lake whatever FTW.

8:25 am June, 21 Don't_Squeeze_The_Douche said...

Good god, is Lake Crotch Cacti in Louisiana? Has the oil spill made it this far inland? I see 4 examples that it has…and proof we can expect a generation of scrote and bleeth related side effects.

Here’s hoping that Viper drops a Napalm incendiary on this group from his F-15, or an 8ft catfish swallows the two tools in one gulp.

btw, Lake Crotch Cacti FTW

8:25 am June, 21 Bagnonymous said...

Certainly The Lake Crotch Cactii / Iceman gets my vote this week. He is very, very pink (and spiky!) and his hott has a smokin’ bod–as verified in the second pic. Let it be known that Tangerine Tammy is the most suited for an unrestrained night of wild fornication, but Rockaroundtheclock Dave doesn’t offend much.. so the pink Cactii it is.

8:40 am June, 21 End the Haberdouchery said...

A plethora of boobular delights this week, huzzah! Dave is just posing with the “talent” while he’s on his way back to the bar from bussing tables. Khan certainly brings the A-game, but Angie looks like she has prescriptions for topical, oral, and suppository Valtrex just to keep things under control. By default then, the Lake Crotch Cacti get my vote. They look like regulars at their neighborhood Hooters.

8:54 am June, 21 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

Cactii FTW

9:01 am June, 21 Douche Springsteen said...

My existential malaise is running deep this week. Lou Reed once asked in song “who loves the sun”? I for one do not, if only because it gives the Lake Crotch Cactii a reason to be outdoors, take off their shirts and pose for photos. If that’s what my eyeballs must be subjected to during warm weather months then may the earth fall under the sway of the Norse frost giants for eternity. LCC with the URC for the weekly.

9:04 am June, 21 Crucial Head said...

”Don’t screw around with me Maverick! You’re a hell of an instinctive scrote. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust a cap in your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this group to The Weekly. I gotta do something here, I still can’t believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to The Weekly!”

9:08 am June, 21 Desert Douche said...

Troy Khan FTW!

Simply for the sheer audacity he has to try to outchest Angie.

9:09 am June, 21 One for the Choad said...

Is there something wrong with me that I’m getting bored with fake tits? Sorry, Tammy and Angie, but I’m picking the Lake Crotch crew. They may not be the hottest hotts the site’s ever seen, but they’re real. Plus, Iceman and Goose are choads.

9:17 am June, 21 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Alright…

The first kid is harmless. God bless’m- I just feel a little photoshop here- not sure, but asuming the pic is real…doesn’t make my skin crawl although I would pee on her off a step ladder which makes a bigger splash.

Moving to number three- yes although they are quite obviously douche, they are outside, so there is presumably some reason for lack of shirt. And face it, not everyone can tan like me; my father-in-law is Irish and ignites when he goes in the sun. Finally, neither is pumped to a very offensive level, just a couple of tools. Or fools.

Which brings us to numero dos. WTF!? Did he pull that shirt out of the hamper and then attempt to hide it with a sportcoat? And why is his fucking shirt open? And why is he smiling like that? And why does he have a big fucking CZ in his ear and an Italian Horn for God’s sake. What is this, 1982? He needs the glasses on a string with the leather blinders on the sides and a Panama Jack shirt. Or in his case, Panama Jackass. Finally, he looks like the annoying Mexican kid from Oz who ate his own shit, Miguel Alvarez. YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK, Miguelito!

Angie, I’d fuck. I’d wear a few rubbers, sure, but I’d fuck her. No one says rubbers anymore. I’m old.

TKCRw/A FTW.

9:29 am June, 21 Pablo Sinatra said...

Lake Crotch Cactii completely runs away with it this week. I consider myself to have a pretty good vocabulary, but looking at that picture, I am completely at a loss for words. I hope they all stayed out in the sun for a few more hours, though.

9:31 am June, 21 Merle Baggard said...

Pinky/Iceman

9:40 am June, 21 dbBen said...

KHAAAAN!

dbBen: Any suggestions, Admiral db1?

db1: Prayer, Mr. dbBen. The douchebags don’t take prisoners.

It is my belief that Tammy is paid to pose and that the lake crotch cactii might be an entirely appropriate commingling

9:40 am June, 21 WheezerHCwDB said...

Ummmmm, “Go Paraguay“?

9:48 am June, 21 ehcuodouche said...

Gonna go with Troy and Angie this week. Can’t really rip on our boys in uniform this week because the Cacti’s hotts are so-so and Ronkonkoma Dave was born without a neck.

Troy shows why you don’t need Ed Hardy, bling or a hat tilt to douche it up. He accomplishes a minimalist masterpiece by simply unbuttoning the ordinary yellow shirt under the jacket the restaurant gave to him to wear, revealing a chest that only Ricardo Mantelban was able to get away with – and only because it was as a movie villain. I bet all the dishes at this restaurant are served cold.

While Angie is 90% silicone based, I really like the blonde vixen eye-makeup, it almost totally overcomes the hair extensions. If I were trapped under the surface of a dead planet, she’d be the one I’d choose to breed a race of subterranian, bug-eyed mutant children. Buried alive…

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

10:08 am June, 21 Commenter said...

None of the three is really impressive.

Dave is notta, khan is too generic. Ok I’ll go for the cactii!

10:10 am June, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In the early 1800’s a young botanist went on a journey to the Galapagos Islands. He identified 15 species of the Prickly Pear (Opuntia Cactaceae). Fourteen of which evolved from the original exhibiting sharp spines on the limbs and joints and adapting to their environment, their main predators being the iguana and tortoise. The fifteenth was abandoned due to lack of the technogies needed to explain its de-evolution.

A major beakthrough followed many years later when a young entrepreneur and evolutionary biologist identified it as The Lake Crotch Cactii. It grew to over five feet tall with a lumpy and irregular shape, waxy spiked hairs to protect against its main predator HCwDB. Turning pink upon over exposure to the sun it is the most foul smelling of all the Prickly Pair sub species. It is thought that the spores of the original travelled to the British Islands where it was unfit to prosper and thrived once landing in the America’s.

Darwin weeps.

10:26 am June, 21 Douchey the Great said...

The Lake Crotch Catii. Right now they should be a finalist for the Douchebag of the Month.

10:28 am June, 21 Vin Douchal said...

The Cacti suck sweaty balls and deserve the win.
And that color of flesh on Iceman has never been seen before on this planet. Ever.

.

You know they said “Cougar you got MIG one. I’m goin’ after MIG two” right before hitting on these two freshies

10:38 am June, 21 Claude Douchenburg said...

I vote for number 2. I am baseing my vote on the amount of time the couples spend in front of the mirror. I am betting that couple #2 wins that race.

10:49 am June, 21 I R A Darth Aggie said...

The Lake Crotch Cactii FTW. And by win, I mean Fire Crotch Cactii, broheim, it burns when I take a piss. Those poor bleeths.

In #2, I gotta go with Dave & Tammy: fake hat, fake tits, and female GSR.

Coming last (or is it first?), is Troy. Dude, if yo’d have kept the shirt closed, the bling out of sight, and dated someone not your daughter, I’d have said nottadouche, go in peace.

10:51 am June, 21 mr.reeve said...

Only because Iceman from The Lake Crotch Cactii makes me want to sing Rock Lobster everytime I see him, I say The Lake Crotch Cactii FTW

10:53 am June, 21 Mr. White said...

I have to DQ the first two contestants because they’re posing with Real Dolls, not real human women. I mean, they’re high-quality Real Dolls–the Excelsior or even Supremo models, to be sure–but still made of rubber.

That leaves us with Lake Crotch Cactii. The douches in LA trashed that cab because of this picture, not because of anything to do with the Lakers. True story.

11:07 am June, 21 massengill said...

Iceman’s ginger-tan FTW. Dude, it’s called “suntan lotion” and it comes in various SPF measurements. Get the highest SPF you can, apply to skin and repeat. Continue the process until winter. You are not meant to be “tan.” Your skin does not react well to ultraviolet radiation. It isn’t your fault.

11:12 am June, 21 Deltus said...

Lake Crotch (so renamed after choad and bleeth infested it’s once pristine waters thusly) has it’s King and Queen, and they are Iceman and Michelle. He’s got everything you could possibly NOT want to infect your favorite body of water: GSR, camo pants or shorts, swole abs, roided out arms, SPW, ridic hair, even more ridic mandana, URC, and aviators on a man who’s never mastered so much as a flight simulator on a Commodore-64. She is everything you tell polite company you have no interest in, but Mr. Happy belies your false belief with his rampant turgidity, despite her obvious bleething from being near him. All hail King and Queen Iceman and Michelle!

11:31 am June, 21 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Hotties can mess with my vote-elevating a douche too high- Dave and Troy Kahn had the Hotties, but Lake Crotch Catii is the weekly winner.

I’ll take the $100.00 exatca Lake Crotch Catii and Troy Kahn

11:44 am June, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Lake Crotch Cacti is classic sleazeball, ‘roided up, mandana/stupid-spiky-hair wearing, URC holding, bleeth assaulting, six pound watch sporting, pink from cocaine snorting, hangin’ with his boys and circle jerking, itty bitty peen gerking, fully shaven, misbehaving, brand name slaving, take a grain thresher to his face-aving, full blown douchebag. Vegas is betting on LCC, and so shall I.

11:49 am June, 21 Doucheblaster said...

I vote for doucehbag#2 because he looks like the UFC fighter George St. pierre and anything french is auto-douche. A contest of Douchiosity is a naploeanic conquest hands down(unlike ww I and WWII) everytime

12:03 pm June, 21 Deltus said...

Oh, Doucheblaster, don’t fall into that “French = autodouche” stuff. It ain’t so. They are frequently brilliant: Behold a French game show. It’s enough to bring salty fuccen tears to my eyes, it’s so awesome.

12:24 pm June, 21 Four Prong said...

George Roche St. Pierre is a gap-toothed feltcher. But I wouldn’t want to fight him in case he mounted me from the Ayieeeeeeeeeeeeey! Ouuuuuche! George you are a french canadian (notice how I don’t use caps or a hyphen) turdburglaring douche and so is Troy Khan.

Iceman FTW.

12:30 pm June, 21 ever present anonymous said...

All choads being equal, I’ll have to vote by which set of boobies I’d most like to motor boat. The rack on Angie for the win. That makes Troy Khan the winner (loser) by default.

12:40 pm June, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy do not bring the whole HCwDB spectrum, while she is a Hott Dave is does not seem to be douche . He has that confused I’m just happy to be here look. On to The Lake Crotch Cactii. The Hott’s are naughty looking especially Pink I bet that belly of her’s has seen many a romance explosion all over it which is Hott. The dudes are just that steroidal dudes lacking in overall Doucheness although the top gun t-shirts gave them a glimmer of hope but not enough. Which brings me to my pick for the win Troy Khan’s Chest Reveal and Angie. Angie in her own right is douchebaguette with her fake boobs that just scream insecurity, low self esteem etc yet she evokes deep in my loins the feeling that anything goes in bed which is Hott. I’ll go back to an old standby for Troy. If one were to walk in a bar, party, room etc and he was standing there with his chest reveal an immediate “what a douchebag would be one of the first thoughts that would run through ones mind. It looks like he has more cleavage then she does. That being said they get my vote for the win.

12:45 pm June, 21 Euripidouche said...

ronkonkoma dave and tangerine, tangerine with the curvy hips and the bolt-ons that rival michael bolton’s studio albums for being overdone, and dave for being the classic douche who only has arrogant belief that his taste is the only taste in anything discussed worth discussing. who generates inexplicable sympathy for crying when his illusions of superior curation are shattered. RDT FTW and by rdt i mean ride dem titties.

1:01 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

Khan, because I pine for the annoying buzz of Angie’s Vuvuzela.

1:18 pm June, 21 Jimmy said...

Not a stand out week. Cacti gets the nod from me. O dig the girl with the pink shirt the more I look at the photo.

1:19 pm June, 21 Red Headed Woman said...

Cactii. At least the other guys have @#$% shirts on.

1:38 pm June, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

LCC FTW! Why? He looks like a Stretch Amrstrong doll that was painted pink. And everybody knows what you did to that doll 15 minutes after trying to stretch its arms off. Yeah, that’s right, you wrapped it around yours and a friend’s bike fenders and pedaled in opposite directions as far as you could. Stoopid thing still didn’t break so you set it on fire and showed that piece of plastic who the boss was. Never mind the toxic fumes, it was fun doin’ that shit. Now we have a real live grown up version here to try out those same torture tests.

1:45 pm June, 21 A Douchemare on Elm Street said...

It’s rare to face a choice as difficult as this one, but I must cast my vote in favor of the Lake Choad Cactuses.

Khan and his Hott are secretly thrilled at being nominated, since it gives them a new reason to talk about themselves to others. Dave is just happy that people see him next to a yummy girl.

Which leaves the Cactuses, whose entire lives are on Spring Break. There is hope for them still to wake up, realize its not Cancun anymore, and go get that promotion to Assistant Sales Manager.

Also, I would like to plonk Ms. Pink.

1:52 pm June, 21 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

TK is almost certainly the type of guy who would have won Angie over by ‘regaling’ her with stories about how much money he’s got. Total scrote-wank… but he’s more friendly than possessive in his pose with our spank-worthy visual treat which cuts him some slack in my books.

Despite having a slight Tilt of the Hat and issuing a backwards peace-sign, Ronkonkoma Dave just doesn’t seem like an ultra-douche. He’s not too high on himself to go out without first ironing his shirt or shaving his chest. In my opinion, he may go straighten his hat in peace.

Lake Crotch Cactii FTW because Iceman’s got the tightest ‘dana (presumably pre-soaked in medicated Afterburn Gel).

Also, I think an Etch-a-Sketch puked on Goose’s dis proportionately huge arm.

Bonus points for double Hott.

1:54 pm June, 21 Pablo Sinatra said...

I absolutely guarantee that Ronkonkoma Dave has no relationship with that girl beyond the fact that his buddies bought him a lap dance from her for his 21st birthday.

1:57 pm June, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

I seem to have missed an entire week. However, I cast my vote. Lake Crotch Cacti or whatever they are. In the spirit of the hoarding I’m doing in the shadow of the looming apocalypse, I’m voting for Douche that comes in bulk. It’s like going to Sam’s Club and buying a ten-gallon jar of pus and Santorum. Very efficient.

2:01 pm June, 21 the motley douche said...

Without a doubt, Lake Crotch FTW. I don’t have anything witty to say. I would even consider a pass for Troy. He just forgot to button his shirt. Stupidity does not a douche identify. Dave is less deserving of the notadouche sporting the hat tilt and ridiculous horizontal peace sign.

The LC Cactii are douche. They don’t appreciate their hotts and they don’t respect the URC. I loathe them and would not lose a nanoseconds’ sleep if they were ironically mauled by an Axe body spray delivery truck.

2:08 pm June, 21 Blair said...

Dave and Tammy get my vote.

While he’s not terribly douchey, he looks like he’s been photoshopped into that picture of Tammy. Must have to do with the extreme difference in their tans. He looks like he was under fluorescents when he was photographed. Tammy looks like the sun exudes directly from her fine, overly tanned skin.

3:22 pm June, 21 Scottsdale Chad said...

Iceman and Yul Brynner, et al, FTW! Khan was simply attacked by a Madagascarian Fossa just prior to posing for his photo, and Dave is merely a humble busboy taking 5.

3:33 pm June, 21 Ultra Bagnus said...

Is this even a contest? The LCC are struttin’ away with it this week. Full-arm tribal tats and a Soda Popinski complexion form a summit too lofty for Dave and Troy to conquer.

4:01 pm June, 21 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

My vote must go to Khan.

Perhaps not as outright douchey as the Cactii, but I think that why he gets my vote. The douche looks like some guy who works a SafeAuto (amateur DJ by night) and, who otherwise, none of us who mark as a douche on the street. This douche-type is to be feared. He lives among us, but he is not one of us.

Also, Angie’s eyes make my nether regions sing “I Wanna Know What Love Is,” but in a non-ironic way.

5:06 pm June, 21 Mr. White said...

@doc bunsen

You’re making me cry salty fuccen tears of laughter, here.

Don’t forget the other favorite Stretch Armstrong move: Tying his legs around a cinderblock and his arms around the chimney and pushing the block off the roof.

6:14 pm June, 21 Steve L. said...

if this is a weekly about the summer, how can i not vote for shirtless douchebags? Lake Crotch Cactii FTW.

6:21 pm June, 21 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

It may just be the Steel Reserve talking, but I don’t see any terrible offenders this week. So by weight of numbers alone I have to cast my vote with The Lake Crotch Cactii FTW.

Plus they get a bonus point for the UBC.

6:22 pm June, 21 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I get subtracted a point for my poor writing skills…URC, not UBC! STUPID!

6:38 pm June, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Me at 10:10 am

Grammatical and spelling errors. Combination of early drinking and the way they tossed out Master’s degrees back in the early post-boomer days of the late 80’s – early 90’s. Fucck. I can’t remember when I graduated. I don’t even remember where my diploma is. Mock on.

7:44 pm June, 21 Dicy said...

Paid to pose and bleethy hot lead me to choose Lake Crotch. The girls are cute and the guys are stupid. The perfect representation of HCwDB.

7:47 pm June, 21 Cheesesock said...

My vote is for Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy. Sideways peace signs are always clinchers–that and Tammy’s goo-on-able bellybutton chain!

8:42 pm June, 21 Doucheblaster said...

@deltus

One short youtube clip does not make up for hundreds of years of douche innovation reeking off the streets of Paris, polluting the Swiss alps with the nasty sounds of Francais echoing off the ski slopes where hot euro bunnies hop along the trail.

Is “Douche” a French word? I rest my case.

The French suck like a 10cent crackwhore earning that dimepiece.

8:55 pm June, 21 The Dude said...

Crotch!

8:59 pm June, 21 The Dude said...

@ DarkSock — I heard a vuvuzela in person today at the Laker parade (I didn’t intend to experience either of those events) — this is a horn that makes those new year’s buzzy things sound wimpy! the vuvu has real body to its sound.

One or two of those things is impressive; a stadium full of them must be frightening!

9:18 pm June, 21 Lord McBaggin said...

Lake Crotch without a doubt.

10:02 pm June, 21 Whoop-di-douche said...

Lake Crotch Cacti must win.

I’m sending them a bottle of sunblock and a container of anti-fungal powder, and two fake-cactus dildos, with instructions to bare it and share it in private. As for The Iceman, lobster man-meat is only appropriate on the Johnson: somebody has to tell him, may as well be ME.

10:30 pm June, 21 Mock Turtle said...

I can’t get past Tony Khan. I’ve gotta go with the gut-feel. And by “gut feel”, I mean “as it upchucks”.

10:42 pm June, 21 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

It’s Troy Khan by a Scottsdale mile. His primitive display of shorn chest muscles reflects his juvenile need for attention and his corresponding pay scale. Troy couldn’t beat a deaf mute in a spelling bee, and for some reason, I like that. And by ‘like’, I mean, ‘Angie has ample sweater meat’.

1:00 am June, 22 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

KHHHAAAAANNNN! To be honest, if he does up a button or two I’m willing to give him a notadouche pass. But its that skeezy reveal that gets him my vote.

And Angie sweet misguided Angie, may I moar my boat between you bouys for the night?

3:48 am June, 22 Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamscote said...

Nothing like tubing on lake Winnipisocki with a full on outbreak of genital herpes. Lake Crotch FTW.

4:47 am June, 22 Ohio FJ said...

Lake Crotch FTW – he over-shadows the others in much the same way a sequoia over-shadows a tomato plant

5:19 am June, 22 BMC said...

Lake Crotch Cactii ftw.

5:44 am June, 22 I douche, therefore I am said...

I’m with the Cactii on this one.

I don’t think I could hate anyone who was standing next to Tangerine Tammy, and Dave may sport some douche signifiers, but it seems to me that his heart isn’t in it.

Troy Kahn’s chest reveal is horribly, horribly douchey, but he just simply isn’t as disgusting as the Cactii.

Goose would not have the “talent” to win the weekly on his own, but the overpowering red and spiky douchelobster that is Iceman sends them over the finish line without the slightest doubt as to their deserving their “victory”.

7:22 am June, 22 Condouchious say... said...

Tammy is just delectable but Dave’s efforts seem half-hearted…like he just doesn’t know any better.

Khannnnnnnnnn!!! comes with Angie and he gives us an excuse to make Khannnnnnnnnn!!! references, but if it weren’t for his reveal he’d probably get a pass.

The Lake Crotch Cacti get the vote because they probably pulled a BP on that lake the moment they touched the water. Natural douchebaggery + crimes against nature = HCWDB of the week

9:17 am June, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The Iceman cometh…and bloweth! And doucheth. Michelle’s curiously convex tummy action looks like she may have been recently impregnated by a lemur, but I am going with this bizarre crowd of douchey/hottie dialectic. Lake Crotch Cactii!

10:17 am June, 22 Snoop Douchey Douche said...

Cactii — They’re not that clever or unique in terms of douchebags, but I look at them and recall Kenny Loggins pleasing himself on silk sheets in that video, singing about taking those chickees “right in-to the danger zone/Gonnatakya right …” AND THAT’S WHAT PISSES ME OFF!

Cue up that video!! Prove me wrong!!!

11:02 am June, 22 ToddJerad said...

Dave may not be a total douche in this pictures, but Tammy clearly helps the hottie/douche combo. I would eat poisonous blowfish sushi off those abs and then put her in my will if I could just see whats under those polka dots. Tammy/Dave for the win and Tammy for definite hall of hot.

12:37 pm June, 22 Business-Casual Douche said...

I’m gonna vote for a write in candidate this week:

http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/55103

5:29 am June, 23 armydouche said...

This week was a difficult choice as no one candidate has overwhelmingly more pride in thier doucheosity. That being said I am voting for Cactii. They literally posess two times the douchery (and hott for that matter) of the other candidates, whose hotts seem to be of the adult entertainment variety and as such were likely “paid to posers” So enjoy your moment in the sun Cactii because you have no chance in the monthly.

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