Tuesday, June 1, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

Just a triumphant few weeks of hottie/douchey pics, almost impossible to cull down to a final three. And by triumphant, I mean culture shredding grease poo. Here’s your first group of finalists to win a spot in the next HCwDB of the Month:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Sharkbag and Renee

What more can be said about cheesy mo’ club promoters coopting the signifiers of late 70s punk to get a better nightly booking fee to spin Rihanna songs for suburban greaseballs paying 30 bucks to buy overpriced Grey Goose and lose their hearing in the off-chance they might get boob grope on the dance floor?

Yup.

That last paragraph pretty much said it all.

Renee is slutty Gina Gershon in ’95 hott, and here, and while the Sharkbag moves on to a trampy “Cat in the Hott” here, it was Renee whose low hanging fruits asked me to pluck them like tangelo squeeze.

But is the Sharkbag’s mo’ and mail slot sneer toxic enough in service of polluting Renee to win HCwDB of the Week?

That brings us to candidates #2.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Starblazer and Astra

Like import Japanese anime, the ‘Blazer began pulling one of the most toxic double moves we’ve seen on the site in months.

Ab/tatt douche reveal while kissing a hott brings in every element of narcissism and need to be seen that defines the modern proto-bag.

He is the Haltrex 9000.

Greasing up Astra in a run of pics, here and here.

But what’s this?? Bringing 2009 HCwDB of the Year winner Smoot to the game? Yikes. That’s like hiring Van Halen to play your high school prom.

But wait!! Who’s this coming to the ring?… Could it be… a dark horse in the running?…

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Unisex Yaz Dangler and Mocha

Could it be?? Could a reader mail submission of a boozy bar hott with beautiful eyes and perfect suckle mamms getting mugged on by a punk-ass face-clown like Yaz, really challenge for the Weekly in a week with The Shark and the ‘Blazer?

That remains to be seen.

But Yaz is all sorts of aging hipsterbag douche, and Mocha, while tatted up, still has the innocence and servitude of a mid 18th Century industrial revolution Northern England bar wench with a cockney accent and a propensity to put out if you buy her a Bass.

But enough to take the Weekly?

Just missing the cut was the potent and perhaps overlooked due to being posted in a mention of my appearance on the Adam Carolla Podcast, Zombie Kevin. Hmm. Those are some tasty lasses. I may need to give Zombie Kevin an exemption to compete in the next weekly, since this’ll be a short week. Also, lets welcome Dr. Redderick Lobster and Europeans, Teenagers and Shoe Polish to the Closet of Poo, where they will be locked up forever.

So them’s your three couplings. Which provides the right elements to make the alchemy of perfect HC and DB cohabit?

Sharkbag and Renee? The ‘Blazer and Astra? Or the Yaz Dangler and Mocha?

Which deserves to be HCwDB of the Week?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread. And if you haven’t registered a profile name yet, join HCwDB here.

Vote now, so I can justify waking my hungover ass up.

# posted by douchebag1
7:14 am June, 1 C.G. said...

RENEE, RENEE, RENEE

and Sharkbag or whatever.

7:17 am June, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’m going to go with Sharkbag FTW. Mostly for his spikey hair, and overly-inked arms, but partially for the quality of HOTT in his lair.

Not to say that Starblazer and Yaz aren’t worthy competitors, they are. And I’d like to rescue Astra and Mocha from their douchey clutches. But they maybe too far bleeth to be saved.

7:23 am June, 1 Bag Margera said...

This seems like a pretty slow week. None of these dainty sociopaths are Douchie worthy, and they certainly don’t top Dr. Redderick Lobster.

I fucking hate Sharkbag. Not because he is the biggest douche. I don’t feel threatened by him, and he is easily ignorable. But because his fucking face has been shown so consistently on this site over the past week, I just fucking hate him. That’s way too much Sharkbag for no rhyme or reason. He doesn’t do anything new over the 5 pictures we’ve seen of him. It’s just him and his fin 5 times. He’s a total one trick pony. It’s like watching 5 spiderman movies with the same Sharkbag supervillain in every movie, doing the same shit. What’s the point in showing me that? Anyways, that’s my Sharkbag rant. Please, no more Sharkbag.

I vote for Starblazer. He clearly is all about the boobs, and is willing to sink as low as possible to get ’em.

7:27 am June, 1 Wedgie said...

Personally, I liked Doc Lobster. And the B-52’s.

So, sticking with my ocean theme, Sharkbag. He pulls some quality, and has the numbers to overcome the guest appearance by Smoot on behalf of the unoriginal Starblazer. That act has already been done by some circus freak guy a couple of months ago.

7:28 am June, 1 RAPETIME said...

Renee. Oh yeah, there’s some kind of douche in the picture as well.

The Sharkbag reminds me of the immortal quote from the philosopher Scroteres:

“The unexamined life is not worth being allowed to live, especially when it does shit like that to its fuccen hair. Where’s my gun?”

7:33 am June, 1 Tony Ventresca said...

I vote for Sharkbag, somewhat reluctantly, since he’s not as big a douche as Starblazer. But Shark’s hotts are possibly redeemable (as previously noted by other voters), while Starblazer’s hott is clearly bleethed beyond all hope. Yaz Dangler isn’t really a douche, just some fool dressed up for Friday night. I would like to note that Mocha is the hottest of all hotts that every lived (I think I say that each week, but when you stop being an optimist you might as well kill yourself). So, Sharkbag for the win, although you know he smooths that mohawk down for his office assistant job on Monday.

7:39 am June, 1 Ohio FJ said...

Starblazer FTW

7:42 am June, 1 bigphatnotadouche said...

The piecing eyes of Mocha do it for me. The tats are first rate and excellant boobies. The hipster douche was even out tatted by Mocha.

7:44 am June, 1 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

Sharkbag easy. Starblazer can button his shirt up and he looks presentable. And Yaz’s hot chick isnt really that hot. Boobs, but not a hottie.

Sharkbag for the weekly.

7:58 am June, 1 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Very tough week. But I’ll have to go with Starblazer, even though the only cleavage featured in the pic is his own.

.

Astra is lovely (even if uber-high maintenance). He’s a narcissistic assclown from hell.

.

And he convinced Smoot to come out of retirement. For that he must pay.

.

Starballzer FTW

8:13 am June, 1 Scroto Baggins said...

I vote Yaz, but only because Mocha is HoH material.

8:38 am June, 1 The Blessed Scrotini said...

Starblazer gets my vote. Resistance? Resistance to what? Appearing to not be a complete douchewank? Not wearing Axe whenever possible? Adding another star on teacher’s board? When you find out what lemme know…

8:43 am June, 1 Crucial Head said...

They won’t win, but I’m voting for Yaz and Mocha.

.

Mostly because Mocha is the hottest chick by a long shot. She pedals my wheelhouse. Those pouting puppy dog eyes; the unblemished complexion; supple, natural bosoms; and the raven’s hair untarnished by follicle-frying bleach… yup, she’s right up my alley.

.

And I would like to rock her billy and park my hot throbbing rod up her alley.

8:51 am June, 1 Cheesesock said...

I have to go with the Sharkbag and Renee on this one. The Sharkbag is all that is dried-semen-hair-styling evil Stage 4 douche. The Mo’ pushes him into uberchoad territory, while Renee (who looks as if she is dangerously close to Bleethood) reminds us all of the price one pays when exposed to such rampant and high-potency doucheosity.

9:06 am June, 1 End the Haberdouchery said...

Shark and Renee get my vote. Renee could carry a weekly herself, along with her massive sweater stretchers. Combine that with The Shark, who sports sleeve tatts and a mohawk like it’s employable anywhere but a skate shop, and you’ve got a winner. A good body of work as well. Good (bad) work this week, I wish you the best of luck (rot in hell).

9:22 am June, 1 smackdouche said...

Sharkbag based solely on the sheer time and effort that it must take to pull off such a douchy look.

9:26 am June, 1 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

The Sharkbag and Renee ftw. That guy is a huge putz. Like dad always said, “anything worth doing is worth doing horribly, horribly douchey”

9:38 am June, 1 mr.reeve said...

Starblazer the Peter Gazer FTW.

This pic reminds me of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” mixed with douche and hot. I bet it smells like stripper candy spray and Axe in that room.

9:40 am June, 1 Bangladouche said...

shark

9:41 am June, 1 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The Sharkbag will attract a lot of votes because he makes people want to beat him with a dead cat, but the Starblazer and Astra are extra special. Starblazer apparently had the foresight to have “Pestilence” tatted on his belly, and Astra sets my Norwegian blood to boiling. And Starblazer’s little swallows look like flying rats…he throws that in for free.

9:42 am June, 1 Justin said...

Yup….it’s all about Renee. Sharkbag is begging to have his head cut off with that ridiculous ‘do, but Renee is really the fuel to kick this weekly win into gear. She is fantastic, pure sex on wheels. I would stumble drunkenly through Iquitos, Peru, just to find a toothpick she once used and dropped into the Amazon River hundreds of miles upstream in Brazil the summer before. I love you Renee…why won’t you pick up the phone?

9:43 am June, 1 colossus of choads said...

Sharkbag. For his sneer alone, if not his “whatthefuckami?” look.

9:44 am June, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Based on the Hunter Hate Scale © The Sharkbag and Astra are tipping the meter to the top and Renee is an entire Kleenex box of goo waiting to happen but ..

The Unisex Yaz Dangler and Mocha bring the best axis of really hott and groin-with-a-balls-kick target combo to the show. She’s the gal your mother warned you about: innocent eyes, understated beauty, tatts/piercings that can be overlooked and a heartbreak to place you on the sofa in your robe for a week eating nothing but Swanson salsbury steak dinners and drinking Kroger generic brand Vodka when she kicks you to the curb for the next guy, most likely this douchebag pictured. GAH!

The Unisex Yaz Dangler and Mocha FTW

9:44 am June, 1 SloppyJoe said...

I’m gonna vote for Yaz and Mocha.

Primarily because Yaz has a grunge-era, red-black plaid carelessly thrown over his shoulder. Nothing accents a skull tattoo better than flocks of butterflies.

Mocha has her blackberry tucked into her C-cups. I’d like to extend her service plan and give her more minutes..

10:08 am June, 1 Scottsdale Chad said...

Yaz. Normally, a fully erect, 48-inch ‘hawk is the equivalent of several ancillary douchessories, but like the Allies at Normandy, Yaz overwhelms his opponents with shear numbers. I count six carefully chosen and crafted identifiers from the neck up alone. And “Can You Hear Me Now” glasses will always be a tie-breaker in my book.

10:14 am June, 1 Deltus said...

Mocha is quite hott, but Yaz, though giving a strong taint odor, doesn’t quite bring his choad A-game.

Starblazer and Astra are more like it. His dedication to scrotewankery is clear (esp. the ridiculous body tatts), and she is blonde Scandinavian humpity hump.

In my heart, I gotta go with Sharkbag and Renee. His stupid tribal full-arm tatts, his full-on douche-hawk, and most importantly his undeserved and side-kick-directly-to-the-face-worthy sneer put him over the top, douchewise. Renee is everything that is lustworthy in my universe, and I would probably ejaculate in my pants if she so much as breathed on me, and she knows it. And I hate her and love her and want her for it.

Sharkbag and Renee FTW.

10:18 am June, 1 massengill said...

There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

10:26 am June, 1 Wheezer said...

Would you guys and gals like to see a boobie archive? I was thumbing through a few other pages and stumbled across that. It’s not always impressive, but hey, it’s boobies.

10:36 am June, 1 Anonymous said...

Was it really necessary to have a vote? Sharkbag, hands down

10:42 am June, 1 boatbutter said...

Stiff competition this week…. I say Sharkbag. And by stiff I mean flaccid.

10:45 am June, 1 Baron Von Goolo said...

The Unisex Yaz Dangler and Mocha look very much like the average hipster couple here in Portland, which means they’re either the type to sign up to be monsters at FrightTown or they’re soon-to-be paying customers for the most terrifying haunted attraction in 5 states (including Hawaii) when we re-open to the public on Saturday, October 2 at the glorious Portland Memorial Coliseum. Plus, their decidedly un-orange presence has afforded me this opportunity for this awkward and unabashed sluttery. For all these reasons and more, they are precious to me and I clutch them firmly to my clammy moobs despite their muffled pleas.

The Sharkbag and Renee ftw. For the record, I have no animosity towards Sharkbag. There is something about this remarkably angular lad that makes me think he’s the genuine article. He’s not pumping or preening or inking to be a part of a movement. It’s all him. Hence the actual commitment to an attention-getting coiffure as opposed to a fauxhawk or some other crispy relic of half-baked armchair douchery. Hence the Burgess Meredith’s Penguin meets George Peppard’s Hannibal toothy chomp on a cigarillo. In a holder. Hence my desire to see this spectacular man-cockatiel enshrined in the Hall of Scrote not because I hate him, but because I want a link to him handy at all times so that a good giggle is only a click away. Douchey? Oh sure, I suppose. But his spectacle wins. Plus, Renee is so smoking I want to hang hams over her bed.

Definitely – SB&R ftw.

10:49 am June, 1 Sorta Damocles said...

Deltus soar it better than I ever could. Sharkfag & Renee!

10:52 am June, 1 Sorta Damocles said...

Er…”said” not “soar”….fuggin “smart” phones

10:52 am June, 1 Merle Baggard said...

Shark.

10:54 am June, 1 Mockiavelli said...

Mocha’s eyes haunt me more deeply than my career choices. She must return the nose piercing to the tackle box, and keep bartending at the Marriott until she saves enough money to laser off that ugly tatt. Only then can she meet Brad, the Regional Finance Manager from the Houston office, leaving her baggin’ days behind for PTA meetings and bake sales.

Yaz is just a passing case of Costello-chlamydia, easily eradicated with a round of antibiotics.

Yaz Dangler and Mocha FTW.

10:59 am June, 1 Wheezer said...

I still think blending the first two into “Shartblazer” would form an unbeatable combination, but I guess they’re just two pinheads from the same pod. So, we’ll vote on them that way.

.

Mocha Hott is indeed suckle-worthy, and her ink actually looks like it had an intent. I hope that’s a nosering and not a snot bubble, though. Yaz, on the other hand, has these random things stamped all over him and is also apparently trying out the hipsterbag look with that fedora and the librarian specs. You’re trying too hard, Yaz, and you’re just roadkill.

.

Starblazer had to bring in Smoot to try for his Weekly immortality, but the blurred photos are a metaphor for his own lack of focus. Asstra’s ass pear would be divine, I think, but her “Sheenie in a Bottle” look turns me off. And if she’s not getting a hint from the communal poo smell between Starblazer and Smoot, then she’s irredeemable bleeth and deserves the ‘bags.

.

So that brings us to The Shark. He’s got three hotts here, but thinks so much of himself that he’s hiding most of two of them in the main pic. That alone is monkey wrench to the temple-worthy. And don’t think he’s philanthropic by posting a warning label on that left arm tribal tatt – it’s clearly his own design, and something along the lines of “Warning: This douchebag becomes too hot to touch in the presence of ladies.”

.

No, what clinches the Weekly for The Shark is that dorkal fin. Washing out the poo gel would leave him only the Shemp look, so he is dedicated to looking like chum. So smile, you son of a bitch…..and you’re gonna need a bigger boat to Renee’s lovely lace boobies.

11:01 am June, 1 Wheezer said...

?…..to *hold* Renee’s lovely lace boobies.”

.

Damn it. On the bright side, I got to type “Renee’s lovely lace boobies” one more time.

11:01 am June, 1 Wheezer said...

“, not ?

.

I think the boobies have me distracted.

11:29 am June, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sharkbag FTW! Why? Just when you thought it was safe to vote in the weekly… duh duh duh duh duh duh BADDA BA BADDA BA! (Supposed to be the theme music to “Jaws”, yeah I know it sucks but oh well…) “By taking the subject of shark molestation “out of the closet” and providing public access to the Incident Log, GSAF has become a powerful tool for shark evisceration.”*

.

* source = http://www.sharks.org/sharkattacks.htm

11:33 am June, 1 dbBen said...

Sharkbag

Because he tells people he can play guitar.

And while it’s kind of true, he can really only play part of “Working Man”…but he skips the bridges and completely side-steps the solos….and his timing is totally messed up. Ok, really it’s just the slow part. But he can totally kill “More Human than Human”

11:38 am June, 1 Ed Hardouche said...

I gotta go with Sharkbag n Renee this week. Biggest ration of douche to hott, but upon closer inspection, the gauge ear expansion that sharktard is working, reminds me of guys i used to plug while I was in prison.

11:41 am June, 1 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Shark. I hate them all, but Shark typifies what we mock here:

Overpreening…check.

Hair that makes us wonder howthefuck?…check

(how the fuck does it stay in place? How the fuck did he get it that way in the first place? How the fuck long did it take to grow that thing?)

Women who myseriously hang on him…check.

New to our list sharkbag brings:

A chick who has defiled cat in the hat–she has Sam of green eggs and ham fame tattooed below her navel, right above her, well you know.

11:45 am June, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Renee marries Cartesian dualism and post-socratic monism into one beautiful, lacy white theory of existence.

.

The dualist’s precept is of two globes absolutely distinct from one another. They then try to find in one of these bouncing Betties, the principles for the explanation of the other. The monistic thinker, on the other hand, knows that everything he needs for the explanation of any given phenomenon in these dangling mammaries must lie within the lactation stations themselves.

.

In reality, we can say that although Renee’s milk muffins are given to us as a duality, our knowledge of her nipple cushions transform them into a unity. An amply cleavaged, lubed up unity.

.

Oh, and Sharkbag FTW… I guess.

11:48 am June, 1 Bagnonymous said...

(Reporting for duty a bit late today.) Put me down for the Sharkbag. That scrote’s pullin’ all sorts of premium-hott ass, for real.

.

BTW, you might wanna check into the possibility that he’s either a vampire or a warewolf. Check the pics–he’s only been spotted in the dark, plus he’s got “that look” in his eyes. I’m just sayin’.

12:15 pm June, 1 Architeuthis Dux said...

Sharkbag. We’re gonna need a bigger scrote.

12:26 pm June, 1 doucheywallnuts said...

Starblazer and Astra FTW. If he can be considered a Smoot protege he must get the nod, plus he’s rockin’ all the de rigeur douchebag accessories, including a hott bleeth who is worthy of the highest level of suckle, fondle-edge.

Shark is trying too hard and is more of an annoying asshole loser than a strict douchebag. Call me a stickler but….

12:28 pm June, 1 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Sharkbag FTW. Seriously, that hair defies logic. Not only that, but the Hot Topic belt (on sale for 24.99) and Renee’s quality hott in opposition to his rampaging doucheosity make this a truly fwap/barf-worthy entry (respectively).

12:36 pm June, 1 Dicy said...

Shark FTW. His hair is the epitome of loser and he always has lovely ladies with him. And by lovely I mean vomit.

12:40 pm June, 1 Douche Springsteen said...

Mocha & The Yaz Dangler are from Portland, OR I would wager. A few years back I spent a summer out there chasing around doe-eyed, tattooed temptresses like her and drinking with dudes like him at the bar. While I won’t argue that they are not displaying signs of flagrant douchebaggery, most of them are decent enough chaps who at least have something interesting to talk about, be it literature, music or film, over a can or three of Milwaukee’s finest brew.

Would that I could say the same for the Sharkbag. He is the epitome of a “wild dude” to menopausal bank tellers in Iowa, the nadir of the Hot Topic re-appropriation of subculture for profit. This buffoon has read nothing more engaging than the instructions on his Funky Punx Totally Bitchin’ Hold® hair glue. And shame on Renee, that raven-tressed, almond-eyed, curvaceous vixen for falling for it hook, line & stinker. I’ve seen soup spoons with more of an edge. Sharkbag for the weekly.

12:48 pm June, 1 The Dude said...

omg – can I vote NOOOOOOO!??

Put a gun to my head and I cast my vote for the Shark.

12:51 pm June, 1 ever present anonymous said...

Sharkbag for the loss and Renee and her quality boobage for the win.

12:51 pm June, 1 Big said...

While Sharkbag’s hair is nothing less than amazing, I hafta go with Starblazer.

I think it’s the stars. I’m not sure if it’s because they remind me of some internet porn girls (e.g. Naughty Allie) or the effeminate nature of their distribution which can only be a result of such a level of narcissism that suggests he would cut off his own skin only to wear it has a skin suit.

This presents a quandary, because such an act would result in a hilarious obituary AND one less douchey douche in the world, and I can’t decide which part I’d appreciate more.

12:53 pm June, 1 Big said...

Correction: Not Naughty Allie… I meant Allie Sin (for those that would call me on the blunder… In my defense, I think she’s changed her name…)

1:05 pm June, 1 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

For offensively egregious acts of doucheness and bowel shakingly massive bleethosity, these two deserve each other, and a swift taint kicking and boob licking.

Sharkbag and Renee FTW.

1:07 pm June, 1 Douchè said...

I’m going to have to vote for the Shark ‘Bag.

He is pure taint.

1:08 pm June, 1 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Persistence: What every scank needs if she’s hoping to find anything remotely interesting or challenging in Starblazer’s Men’s Warehouse white jeans. And thanks to your mirror shot we know now that, forwards or backwards, that scribble on your sandwich board wimpers the same message: Powered by Extenze. Two billion satisfied users can’t be wrong, but you can. Hell, even the camera focus is soft.

.

The only thing hard about you is Astra’s exquisite turd cutter. And Smoot? He is one engorged f*cker, and he with have your woman; (fill in the blank)-istence is futile.

.

Starblazer for the Win. Big Dipper on his chest, Little Dipper in his pants.

1:08 pm June, 1 DarkSock said...

Normally I base my decision on the most onerous ‘bag, with the Hott as one of several deciding variables.

.

Most ‘bags don’t have Mocha on their arm.

.

Mocha and Pfah for the win.

1:11 pm June, 1 Ted said...

Sharkbag. Why are we even having a contest? The Grey Goose BJ acts as sprinkles on this giant douche sundae. Plus, Brunie Hott’s… assets.

1:16 pm June, 1 Et Tu Douche said...

The Sharkbag and Renee FTW, His narcissism knows no bounds and for me that is a major signifier of douchiness. Renee slutty/hott is the type of girl when you first see her, an by her I mean those luscious naturals, the first thing your inner monologue udders (freudian slip) I meant utters is “I bet she shags like a minx” and I bet you she does. They represent the HCwDB ideology well.

The Unisex Yaz Dangler and Mocha just annoy me.I don’t get, nor do I care to, the whole hipster/hipsterbag scene, While The Starblazer and Astra are nothing special just run of the mill

2:10 pm June, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

After Smoot smote her, Mocha was stuck with a tat sleeve, herpes, and altered perception of reality. When The Unisex Yaz Dangler sat in her hair salon booth, Mocha asked, “Would you like muttonchops to go with your dirty Sanchez and snake Fung. I think they will complement the mandana and fedora.” They are now on their way to Toronto for the G-20 meeting to play protest songs., get tear-gassed and associate with smelly hippybags.

2:36 pm June, 1 Et Tu Douche said...

I figure while everyone is weighing in on the weekly I was hoping someone can assist me in telling me how to add a picture for my avatar? I haven’t been able to figure it out.

TIA

3:14 pm June, 1 Desert Douche said...

Sharkbag and Renee FTW.

I would gladly decapitate this choad and surgically slice off his scrotum with his hair for a chance to play a Bobby McFerrin song on Renee’s bongos.

3:15 pm June, 1 Douche Equis said...

Yaz and Mocha. Sharkbag, too easy . . . one look at that stupid hair and you know he’s a douche. But Yaz has a more subtle and annoying douchiness that says not so much ‘Look at me’ as ‘I am truly a douche-to-the-bone’.

Starblazer is generic and boring. He’s more of an a-hole than a douche.

Now Yaz . . . Yaz has too many douche signifiers to count, is a hipster into the bargain, making it even worse, and Mocha, well, while I don’t find her as scrumpdiddliumptious as some here, she’s fine with me. Just fine.

Yaz and Mocha FTW!

3:26 pm June, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

Sharkbag and Renee for the weekly win, for who can pose such a visual grip of douchebag and hotchick?

He’s sheer arsenic to the eyes, and her mammaries would look great in any old lace and a lot less.

3:34 pm June, 1 Anonymous said...

@Et Tu Douche,

Go to the Forum tab and there are instructions in one of the threads there…

3:42 pm June, 1 Douce Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni said...

Sharkbag and his buffet of hotts. His ladies are delectably pleasing for the fwopping and by the time the results are in, I will need him to clean out my toilet after my digestive track works through the various charred meats, massive amounts of alcoholic beverages and dignity of a few hotts I managed to consume over the three day weekend.

It was all legal and consensual, don’t judge me….

Judge them, because that is what you are here for!

3:43 pm June, 1 Et Tu Douche said...

@ Anonymous

Thanks!!!, hopefully it works this time

4:06 pm June, 1 soy bomb said...

Okay, let me start off by saying that all three finalists this week are worthy, and any given Monday (Tuesday) all of them could’ve taken the Weekly. Congrats to all three douches and their babes for making it this far. You deserve it (The Herp). I’m going with Sharkbag and Renee for the win though. Renee is in heavy rotation in the (rather extensive) roster of Hotties I Will Never Obtain Yet Can Still Find Some Kind of Twisted Solace in the Fact That I Can Beat Off to Thoughts of Them Anytime I Want (HIWNOYCSFSKoTSitFtICBOtToTAIW). Renee is NSFW. Each picture of her with Sharkbag is more devastating than the last.

4:19 pm June, 1 Bob Mcadouche said...

Was going to go for Starblazer, but after seeing the Shark’s Grey Goose fellatio pic, I have lost all will to live.

Sharkbag FTW.

4:41 pm June, 1 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

All three choads are equally disgusting, so I must gaze upon the Hott. Mocha’s “many bleeth characteristics yet somehow not bleeth” look does it for me. Yaz and Mocha FTW.

4:45 pm June, 1 Stephanie said...

Again,I have to look at this guy’s face while he looks like he’s taking a shit?

4:50 pm June, 1 Douche Dastardly said...

I have never been so undecided in my vote before. The douche are all worthy and the hotts are all hot. (But Mocha is divine)

I decided to ponder this for the rest of the day. SInce that regrettable Nader 2000 fiasco when I tried to please that librarian hot in my political science class. (Than again she probably could have got me to vote for Stalin if the polls were open late enough.) I do not rush into voting so quickly.

Starblazer is irreversible douche and Astra has those coin tossing honey buns.

I think anyone short of my Uncle Lenny pictured next to Mocha would be considered instant douche to me and Yaz tries his best to hold up against these 2 heavyweights, but just doesn’t have the chops…Oh he does have chops? Big douchey mutton chops. Nope sorry.

.

I have to go with Shark on this one because of the late arrival of the Goose pic. WTF!

Grey Goose fellatio is punishable by death in Singapore and rightfully so. Because sometimes a caning just isn’t enough sometimes.

I think Shark is a mega douche on the rise the likes of which we may never see again. Keep an eye out I think this young man.

His douche career is just beginning. As for Renee she is slutty boobalicious motorboating lacy goodness.Yum

Sharkbag FTW

You’re gonna need a bigger Hall of Scrote

Remember this you go near the hott, hott goes into the club, Shark in the club. Our shark…farewell and a due to you fair Spanish Ladies ♪♫♪

4:51 pm June, 1 notadouche said...

sharkbag and RENEE!

6:01 pm June, 1 Ultra Bagnus said...

Worthy contenders all of them, but the Sharkbag is just too much to contend with and foul beings like him must be destroyed with a stake through the heart. This does not suffice however, for they may be brought back to life by means of a secret rite that can be performed once a century when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius. The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan… and we were left with Sharkbag.

6:20 pm June, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

SHARKBAG! HOO HA-HA!

.

See what I did there?

7:13 pm June, 1 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

If he weren’t wearing the mandana, I’d give a pass to the Yaz & Mocha for being just another boring emo couple hanging out.

Sharkbag is just another Spoiled Rich Kid living off daddy’s credit cards. Once he actually gets his ass booted out of the house, the party’s over and the bleeths move on to the next sucker who’ll let them drink all night on his tab.

Starblazer is the real deal, a Four(teen)-Star Zagat rated douche.

Starblazer FTW

8:05 pm June, 1 Douchble Helix said...

Renee for the weekly, and enshrinement in one of DB1’s Halls of Boobs.

Whoever the engineers are that put together Renee’s mammary support garment need to get their asses down to the Gulf, pronto! They’re our only hope!

8:27 pm June, 1 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Sharkbag ripped off my arm, chewed it up, and made Roy Scheider cry for the Weekly.

8:42 pm June, 1 One for the Choad said...

First off, a big “Aw, Hell Naw” to Mocha. Sorry, but big-ass arm tat is an instant ‘baguette tag in my book.

The douche is indeed strong in Starblazer. The pelvis tat is something he will surely regret when he’s 50 (if not sooner), and Astra is indeed a lovely hott, but far too tolerant of the poo-ness. Fail.

This leaves Sharkbag and Renee. Done and Done. He’s an over-tatted uber-douche using a vodka bottle as a dildo, and she would definitely have me asking myself, “Is it worth the itch?” Not even close: Sharkbag FTW.

9:18 pm June, 1 One for the Choad said...

@medusa

Andrew Stanton would be proud. Now are you brave enough to cross Mt. Wannahockaloogie?

9:49 pm June, 1 ehcuodouche said...

There’s some real quality uberdouche this week! And uberhott! Shark makes a great play, and renee is uberhott, but she’s a bit too Bleeth and model and he’s a bit too…well…clean for me.

Starblazer, too, climbs the douche scale with a plethora of uncoordinated scribblings which will embarrass the hell out of his grandkids, and they’ll probably be 22 of the stupidest kids ever from his 8 wives. Once again, though, too clean. Apart from the stupid tats and the attitude, not really enough for the weekly.

Which brings us to the dangler. He’s 100% high contrast douche. Hip fedora and mandanna. Chin dribble, earring and nerd glasses. 19th century sideburns. Wifebeater, skull tatt and wtf? butterflies?!?

This guy has found the fine line between hip irony and megadouche…and pooped on it. Then rolled around in the poop.

Meanwhile, Mocha, who really looks like she’d rather be elsewhere, is a great mix of bartender who could slice somebody open with a broken beer bottle, and then cuddle by the fire while we watched Evil Dead too. She’s cute and yet scares me. Because she could hurt me. I want her to hurt me.

Yaz and Mocha FTW.

12:10 am June, 2 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Tally one vote for the Sharkbag on two counts: 1) He has taken visual symbols once reserved for only the true rebels of society (extreme mohawk, copious ink, etc, etc) and transformed them into an occular smattering of poser barf. 2) Renee has huge boobs. I mean, freaking huge. I’m pretty sure that some sort of monument has been erected to recognize their breasticular greatness… in my pants. Zing! And did I mention that I want to punch Sharkbag square in the teeth so that I can play in his blood like a rabid bat? If not, then that’s reason three.

12:21 am June, 2 Anonymous said...

@one for the choad,

.

i respectfully disagree. a big arm tatt equals “baguette” tag??

.

when compared to renee? jeezus. look at the pics of renee again ‘baghunters. The excessive bling, the duckface, and the ultra-skanky attire?? you think she’s less bleethy than mocha??? oye vey.

.

you would need a turkich flotilla to float all the bleeth of renee and uber-beth ostrosky to the nearest sewer.

.

yuck!!

12:28 am June, 2 Mr. Biggs said...

Only sharkbag has the aggressive toxicity to become a HCwDB archetype. Not only is he douchey unto madness, he aggresively infects the women around him – and even a couple men. This puts him above the competition, which at least focus their bleeth rays on only one woman.

6:32 am June, 2 Douchelips said...

Epic! The Sharkbag and Reene FTW. The douchiest hair, some tasty boobs…what more could you want? Plus his run of other pics and poses edges out the Starblazer’s standard ‘bag gestures and poses.

.

Love the librarian hott with the Unisex Yaz Dangler, but The Sharkbag wins in this tough week filled with worthy candidates.

8:03 am June, 2 Mr. White said...

I love an underdog, so I’m throwing in with Yaz and Mocha. Unlike Renee, you could have a conversation with Mocha about something other than upcoming cosmetic surgery procedures she’d like to have (i.e., would like you to pay for). And Yaz would hover nearby, yammering nonstop about Modest Mouse.

9:24 am June, 2 Ol Dirty Douchebag said...

Sharkbag is just a plain run of the mill assclown. The Starblazer has the vanity that puts him over the top and by ‘over the top’ I mean into the chrome plating bath at your local electroplating shop. Astra is that unobtainable hott exchange student from Iceland who always gave you mixed signals. If mixed signals meant that one smile passing in the hallway equaled two thousand ‘ignoring your very existence’ stare-throughs.

10:48 am June, 2 Sir Harry Flashdouche said...

Yaz FTW!!!!

6:48 pm June, 2 Bag A said...

Sharkbag. FTW.

9:43 pm June, 2 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

Renee is very bleethy, and I don’t give a damn, because she is lucious and her decolletage is solely responsible for my increased Kleenex budget this week. Toss in a legitimately douchey Sharkbag, and my vote for HCwDBotW is clear and easy.

5:46 am June, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Sharkbag FTW.

Why? Because he makes the cilia in my intestines go into epileptic fits, and because Renee is a sofa in the making.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 8 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)