Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Hurley Luncherson

Hurley’s just so happy to have Amazonian Reese Witherspoon second tier Pear in his presence, I almost don’t want to mock the guy.

Then I realize Hat Tilt + Tribal Garish Tatt = mocktime, “happy to be there” or not.

# posted by douchebag1
3:44 pm June, 16 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Uh, boss, at best that is THIRD tier pear. Actually, it kind of looks like a bag of wet cement.

3:57 pm June, 16 mr.reeve said...

We must not get picky. The pear is everywhere on the site lately and I am appreciative for them. Thank you sir.

3:59 pm June, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Garish, indeed. I have made that same pattern with a splashy eruption of diarreah on a Vegas hotel room bath mat.

.

Looks like they’re busting out the Douchebag Macarena in the back there. Nice dancing, Capt’ns

4:00 pm June, 16 Bag A said...

don’t know about second tier, it looks wonderful……I’d sniff it.

4:01 pm June, 16 Horace Dangleballs said...

It’s tough to judge side-ass pear, so I’ll withhold comment on that. But the fact that her face is as long as her thigh is creeping me right out…

He is a steroid popping troglodyte.

4:01 pm June, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s as jiggly and giggly as my old bat. And he has the first finished tat since. I will call him Stumpy McCellulitelover.

4:23 pm June, 16 Mock Turtle said...

The bad news? The young lady is no Amazon, alas, she stands just 5’2″ tall.

And Hurley has puffed up his actual 4’5″ height with platform shoes.

By Ed Hardy.

4:50 pm June, 16 Deltus said...

I bet her butt jiggles nicely when spanked.

5:10 pm June, 16 Bangladouche said...

Early fave for the weekly.

5:25 pm June, 16 Sir Boo said...

His teeth are fake. Can’t see her boobs so no comment there.

6:18 pm June, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Flat pear, nothin’ ripe or juicy or bouncy about it….

He spends as much whitening his teeth as he does working out in the club gym., and probably to bite into hard, unripened pears.

6:27 pm June, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Nottapear…Looks like Rebecca Romijn after a few too many trips to the all-you-can-eat buffet.

6:45 pm June, 16 Turdacious said...

ehhh i don’t know, first thought i had was this is probably the best she can look, not good.

He looks like he got kicked in the nads and both are now in his cheeks

6:46 pm June, 16 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

DoucheyWallnuts…

So, you’re saying that IS Rebecca Romjin…

7:06 pm June, 16 Turdacious said...

when a womans leg goes up and makes no definition of the start of an ass, thats a problem.

Looks like my ass, doesn’t look good on a dude either.

He on the other hand is a definite ass

7:17 pm June, 16 Crucial Head said...

I prefer to think she’s just pressing her pear against a pane of glass.

.

Ironically, I prefer to think the douche has been halved by an industrial sized power saw, before his lifeless, bisected anatomy slides apart like two microscope slides sandwiching John Mayer’s Pap smear.

7:19 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

Boy you guys are picky for a bunch of basement dwellers.

Picky, but correct.

8:06 pm June, 16 Monica S. said...

Hi, I’m very interested in Linux but Im a Super Newbie and I’m having trouble deciding on the right distribution for me (Havent you heard this a million times?) anyway here is my problem, I need a distribution that can switch between reading and writing in English and Japanese (Japanese Language Support) with out restarting the operating system.

8:08 pm June, 16 Turdacious said...

Thanks Wedgie

but i prefer the term dungeon

Now onto more important things, weird pet names that seem to fit some of these Colonholes .

Pickle Von Corndog

Lord Chubby Pruneface

Badonkadonk

Ninjastar Dangerrock

Sargent Sausage

Fluffernutter

Snag L. Tooth

DB1 feel free to pilfer these, I certainly did

8:09 pm June, 16 Turdacious said...

Hi Monica

Go to japan and stay there

8:38 pm June, 16 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

The tag “Amazonian Reese Witherspoon” shoiuld win some kind of prize.

–VS

8:56 pm June, 16 Stephanie said...

Just the fact that he thinks he’s cool -he’s a douche. He thinks he’s got it all figured out…large bright bleached teeth,large tattoos that he doesn’t even know why he got them,and the stupid hat and baseball pants….jeez.

The girl just doesn’t know what to wear…

9:25 pm June, 16 Wedgie said...

Looking at this picture, l like Randy Newman just a little bit more today.

9:37 pm June, 16 Steve L. said...

we should list teeth bleaching in the same ilk as the Groin Shave Reveal. no problem if the ladies bleach their teeth. but guys? autodouche.

yeah Stephanie stole my thunder.

10:36 pm June, 16 Baleen said...

You know why he’s smiling? Because after ten long years, Hurley here finally made the last payment on his Hyundai that he bought from Carmax. Yay!

12:08 am June, 17 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

She is Madonna-Whore Complex incarnate. She’ll pack my lunch; she’ll intussuscept my vasa deferentia.

Both would be welcome.

Derisive “jiggle” allusions betray unfamiliarity with coitus of duration greater than three minutes. Lengthier sessions require the leverage of a double-handed grab of pliable, ample ass.

12:52 am June, 17 P Showard Chunt said...

is amazonian reese witherspoon related to ny times columnist and born-again christian conservative trustafarian ross douchehat’s (douthat) “chunkier reese witherspoon” a phrase you won’t regret googling….

its like approaching uber-douche from the opposite angle. but the douchiosity is exactly the same.

1:43 am June, 17 I douche, therefore I am said...

The position of Hurley’s left hand is typical of a person suffering from extreme hyperventilation. Maybe this is the first time that his douchey lifestyle has actually paid off, and he is so excited that his body has gone from douchestain to medical condition.

6:12 am June, 17 massengill said...

I think this guy has been on the site before, but I would need Wheezer to verify.

.

Y’all are pretty harsh in your judgment. I’d hit it.

.

@ Steve L.

After my company changed insurance companies, I picked a new in-network dentist that offers free teeth-whitening for as long as I keep up my regular check-ups. I intend to take advantage of it, autodouche be damned.

.

@ P Showard Chunt

Good stuff. That Ross Douthat is following a proud tradition of conservative closet cases.

6:29 am June, 17 doucheywallnuts said...

Being willing to “hit it” does not make her automatically a Pear (Autopear). However, being classified as a Pear means one would “hit it.”

Using Aristotle’s logic, All Pear is hittable. Bleeth X is a Pear. Therefore, Bleeth X is hittable. However, all girls in thong bikinis are not Pears.

6:38 am June, 17 Claude Douchenburg said...

Hurley Wurley I like big girlies.

6:46 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her poops are bigger than him. Medical Fact.

.

.

Her ass is flatter than BP’s denials.

6:46 am June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

Hurley’s ecsatatic because he’s got two big fleshy-colored balls floating just above his head. This happens a lot, actually, but he loves it every time.

6:46 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is flatter than Nebraska paved over.

6:46 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is flatter than Ann Coulter sleeping face down on a pane of glass.

6:47 am June, 17 Bagnonymous said...

^ ecstatic. fuck!

6:48 am June, 17 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Her ass is flatter than Leonard Cohen covering “Welcome to the Jungle.”

6:50 am June, 17 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Her ass is flatter than Barney Franks adenoids.

6:50 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is so flat you need a funnel to pee in her butt.

6:51 am June, 17 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Her ass is flatter than Gary Coleman’s heart monitor.

6:51 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

“Her ass is flatter than Barney Franks adenoids.”

.

.

*tee-heeing like a school girl on a Sybian*

7:05 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is flatter than eel scat dropped from a freeway overpass onto the surface of…erm….HER ass.

7:12 am June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is so flat her poop looks like 35mm film.

7:57 am June, 17 Wedgie said...

Wow, a whole night went by and he is still short.

8:25 am June, 17 ufo destroyers said...

Hold on. Forty-four comments and not one of them are about the stool problems they have. I’m somewhat disappointed. But not as much as her father.

Also, you have to be this high to ride the bleeth pear.

8:31 am June, 17 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said...

her ass is so flat she can bang a door knob doggie style.

8:42 am June, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Her face is so long that she makes Chad Kroeger’s seem as small as Billy Barty’s.

.

Her ass is so flat I watched my dog run away on it for three days.

.

Her ass is optically flat.

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Her ass is flatter than the top of this douche’s head.

8:43 am June, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This douche looks like a ‘roided up version of the comedian Ant. He seems about as straight as Ant too.

10:50 am June, 17 anonymous said...

I give him an honorary Happy Pass. Just this once, though.

2:48 pm June, 17 DarkSock said...

Her ass is so flat you have to tilt your head sideways to hear her fart.

.

.

.

.

What?

8:00 pm June, 17 madgi said...

She has no cellulite at all. I think its hilarious how so many guys put down gorgeous, firm-bodied, youthful women when there is nothing wrong with them. Its stunning.

besides, SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU

FUCK everyone here.

8:32 pm June, 17 Guid is Good said...

Only a true moron could be this happy in his condition. Is there some kind of douche Maslow Hierarchy of Needs? Red cup, goose, bleeth…

@Magdi – me first?

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