Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Joey Porsche And Crew Remind Us What Douche Is

Some of you are complaining that that last pic, The Prince of Poosia, isn’t douchey enough to mock, nor hottie enough to appreciate.

So have some vintage 2007 HCwDB of the Year winner, Joey Porsche Crew.

To remind us what we fight against.

And to remember what happens when young women with much physical gifts to offer, in their prime, cohabit with greased up Long Island driftchoad.

The whole thing devolves into a scrum of rancid armpit grease.

# posted by douchebag1
7:56 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!

7:59 pm June, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Jeebus, it’s like you knew I was on here and wanted to give me a colon punch. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I regret that sushi buffet from earlier 23% more.

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However, being covered in my own vomit would be a pleasure compared to how it feels to look at this pic.

8:38 pm June, 9 Douchie Arnaz said...

Completely disagree about the “young women with much physical gifts to offer.” They’re gnarly. Not even if they were free…. All in all, one of the greasiest pix you’ve ever had.

8:40 pm June, 9 ehcuodouche said...

Isn’t that guy dead?

8:50 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

It smells. A strange combination of Axe body spray, Valtrex, Chanel knock offs, and desperation.

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Or it could be just poo. Same thing, really.

8:58 pm June, 9 Crucial Head said...

And in the right corner, at five feet three inches and weighing in at a svelte buck-fifteen, we have Ricardo “The Pitcher” Mountabung. He’s a Lightloafer champion with a record of 37-0, including a startling 35 by Took Knuckle in Orifice (TKO), who hails from the AssBerry Park region of New Jerz.

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And in the left corner, hailing from the Man Squat region of New Jerz, and tipping the scales at a gut-bursting 130 lbs, we introduce our challengerrrrrr… Glutesee-Oh “The Catcher” Gluteseek . This ghostly doucher has been steadily climbing the Lightloafer ranks of the Choad Division for years after a successful run in the Scroteweight Division.

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Now, this five foot two inch douching machine seeks to unify the ‘Bagging Title in this epic throwdown of hand gestures and “Groooo” grunts, before the general cockk sparring commences. We are in for a good one folks.

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Once their entourages of disease migrate back to the pool during the commercial break, brought to you all by Brawndo, we should be treated to some “Pitcher vs. Catcher” that will be sure to give you eye herpes by the end of the first round.

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Don’t go anywhere folks, this Thrilla in Man Villa is about to get… Gaaarrrreeeeaaaasssyyyy!!!!111!

9:02 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

Is it just me, or do J.P. and his blonde always have the same outfits in every pic. Come on, dickweed, spend a few bucks on a backup rig. And one for your girlfriend, too. They raised minimum wage again, you know.

9:12 pm June, 9 Douche Bauer said...

They show this pic at the Al Shabab training facility near Mogadishu. That is all the motivation they need.

9:14 pm June, 9 Guid is Good said...

Looks like there has been a run out sale on denim shorts, oversize white sunglasses, polka dot bikinis, peroxide and boob jobs.

And you get a complimentary douche thrown in for free.

9:18 pm June, 9 Crucial Head said...

Wait… didn’t denim shorts die in the eighties?

9:20 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think I inadvertently deleted 200 comments on a previous thread. Anybody have half an idea if DB1 can fix it?

9:47 pm June, 9 Anthony LaBaglia said...

The JPE has to be my all-time fave. What a tool.

In the words of the aforeskinmentioned Mr. P:

“She’s addicted to what my dick did…”

Stack can only aspire to the douche poetry from Mr. Porsche (Carrera.)

9:56 pm June, 9 Anonymous said...

Ahhh…now THIS is what the doctor ordered. Classic, full-blown douches coupled with bleethed- to-the-max skanks. It doesn’t get any better than this.

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Actually, it gets way better than this.

9:58 pm June, 9 soy bomb said...

^

I agree anonymous.

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What is this, amateur hour?

10:02 pm June, 9 DarkSock said...

no one ever really dies

10:02 pm June, 9 Vin Douche said...

LMAO! Crucial, what the fuck do you ingest after work.? That was epic.

10:04 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

HEY! Who’s Vin Douche? Fargin’ Icehole

10:13 pm June, 9 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Sporting the same arrogance and accoutrements of lesser douches, minus their muscles, this crew serves us a hearty dose of Douche Plus(TM) — which always sharpens us up, and makes us ready for a bit of the old Ultra-Mocking.

10:48 pm June, 9 tall guy said...

I think reminding us of the shame of actually being Joey Porsche is a good idea. I’m not so naive to think he’ll mend his ways. Far from it. Joey has a vested interest in not just subscribing to his astonishing delusion, he needs to promote it.

And just for the record, I’d like to fondle those fake titties.

10:52 pm June, 9 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

“Hello, my name is Sergeant Scrote Stain, I’m here for the gang bang… yeah, lemme grab my HazMat condoms made by Trojan’s sister company, ‘Filthy Snatches’.”

11:01 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

Old denim shorts never die, they just fray away.

11:06 pm June, 9 Victor von Douche said...

“Wait… didn’t denim shorts die in the eighties?”

That’s what i thought about mullets…

11:07 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

this is what happens when you guys go easy on the douchebags. yeesh.

now i need a sushi buffet. because Medusa makes me horny.

i have no idea what exactly is the relationship between sushi buffets and horniness. i just know they’re related in some way.

11:13 pm June, 9 Victor von Douche said...

This cat isn’t Long Island, he’s pure Jersey, even if he eventually moved to Long Island. This is the breed of asshole that crosses over the Hudson like fucking plague rats into our clubs and bars, the sort of person that after meeting them you go home and look up directions for how to make a pipe bomb. JP just pisses me off, he’s not even funny the way Smoot is.

12:05 am June, 10 Euripidouche said...

ok. here is what i would do if i could impose a punishment on this douche/bleeth posse.

trivial pursuit know-it-all edition. played by tournament rules, no cheating, no hints, and they have to win a game in order to be free to leave the impromptu jail/high school.

last person left is shot.

12:06 am June, 10 Earl Sheib said...

i painted joey porshe just 89.99!

12:33 am June, 10 tall guy said...

Excuse my Australian ignorance regarding the social/geographical idiosyncrasies of your East Coast, but what is it about New Jersey that’s so wrong. I am planning to visit the US this year and I’d like to drive around New Jersey shoreline. At this point I should state that I am not expecting to shoot the breeze with The Boss, but I have what is, perhaps, a somewhat romantic vision of NJ. Am I deluded? Should I boycott my Jerz plans?

1:34 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

I disagree with Douchie Arnaz. These girls have a lot to offer. I count at least 15 antibiotic resistant diseases, two probably super-parasite infestations, peroxide burns and concussion from their windshields when they forget to take them off before dispassionately kissing you while mentally adding another notch to a bedpost that already looks like Bugs Bunny’s last carrot. Who could say no to such a cornucopia of novel experience?

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Wait, I could.

2:33 am June, 10 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Pretty sure that the silicone temptress (and by ‘temptress’, I mean, ‘whobag jumpoff’) in the poka dot bikini had the same plastic surgeon as Tara Reid.

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Hey, the dude is really flexible with his payment plans… BJ’s are easily substituted for monthly installments. Hell, it’s downright encouraged.

6:29 am June, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Better douching through chemistry:

hydrogen peroxide, polydimethylsiloxane, and the stanky goo they refine from dredging the Rahway River to make Axe.

Yes, civilisation is at its high point right now. This is about as good as it gets.

It’s miller time.

6:57 am June, 10 Deltus said...

Yes, boys and girls, note the heavy bleething happening here. Just one year ago, these girls were a lot nicer, even genteel. Now, they’re too far down the rabbit hole. Such a shame, such a waste.

7:15 am June, 10 Guns-N-Douches said...

Sometimes when an injury gets infected, one must amputate the infected limb. This is the case with Bleeths that are too far gone, they should be removed from the gene pool. My suggestion to Pres Obama is to place roving teams of doctors on the Jersey Shore who will then tranquilize said Bleeths and sterilize them, releasing them back into the wild after they come to. We must contain the virus and not allow it to be passed on to a new generation.

7:26 am June, 10 ufo destroyers said...

@ Tall Guy,

You’ll get less greasy by walking in the Louisiana marshes compared to the Jerz Shore. Jersey is where the medical waste and herpes infections wash ashore from the Greico containment vessel anchored 68 miles out in the Atlantic.

But seriously, drive the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina or Virginia, then visit someplace nice, like the Mississippi Gulf Coast and DarkSock will take you out on his boat.

8:27 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

DB1 layeth the smacketh downeth on us. See what you get for your bitching. But DB1 why involve the innocents?

9:04 am June, 10 doucheywallnuts said...

Wow we really need to airlift a shipment of ‘Roids to Porsche and his crew…These guys look more at home at a grammar school dance recital than out amongst “Big Boy” douches.

11:13 am June, 10 Douchey the Great said...

That picture belongs in medical textbooks on what long-term exposure to Greico and other simplex viruses looks like.

12:09 pm June, 10 Stephanie said...

Wow,I’m not even sure what their combined IQ would be,I’m thinking it’s in the negative column. Why are they gathering? to book a room for all of them? That’s about all they can afford,I suppose.

12:49 pm June, 10 MILLS said...

whoa whoa whoa whoa no way joey porsche! hha i have to admit he is the prince of all douches, a douche amongst men, if you will, and the finest example of one, i admit when i scroll through the archives, looking for a prizewinning douche & hott couple i always end up at ol J.P here. funnily enough it was only the other day i was taking such a trip down douche-memory lane. and no we will never tire of bringin the ol skool pics back cos they’re jus’ tht DAMN GOOD! and the best thing about this douche is that you can mock,laugh and admire all at once. Oh and for the record i rate his hott among the hottest oh yes i do why? because any trish stratus-esque looking hot,bleeth, or otherwise is worth it in my book!

5:21 pm June, 10 Aviello Tha Informer said...

@ DB1

Joey Porsche isn’t from Long Island he’s from Queens and now he resides in Miami, get your fuckin facts right you fuckin stupid cuntfaced prick eatin numb nut.

5:35 pm June, 10 Aviello Tha Informer said...

P.S you all fuckin fail for happily being nobodys, infact it wouldn’t matter if your heads had no body and that can be arranged, i got a guy in the Puglia Mafias La Sacra Corona Unita, i got a guy in the Colombo crime family, i got a guy in the NYPD, put your head with no body to sea like the navy goodnight you fuckin idiots.

5:51 pm June, 10 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Ooh, I wasn’t going to write anything until Aviello the Faggot Punk piped in, and I just have a question now:

When you say you ‘got a guy’ are you the pitcher or the catcher? Were you their little punk when you first got pinched and you spent time in the can together? You just liked it so much you stayed in touch after you got out? Now you pay them in sexual favors to put folks out to sea?

It makes sense JP moved to Miami–Queens isn’t nearly douchey enough.

6:32 pm June, 10 Aviello Tha Informer said...

haha made you write something you just got trolled you fuckin mook can i get a lol hell yeah! LOL

6:43 pm June, 10 Aviello Tha Informer said...

by the way that trolling was from me personally and on behalf of the joey porsche crew and lee hotti crew, you guys are stuck on level 1 in life forever me and the others were high flyin on the top level champions, its so funny that you guys are happy being stuck on level 1 in life but dont worry your on the top level when it comes to bein losers lol shit was SO cash nice to have trolled u all, im outta here because the game is over i won and thers no rematch lol. ah hate gives me more power then cocaine thanks for that @curbyourendouchiasm lol.

7:03 pm June, 10 Chris Weston Chandler said...

dont worry guys ill strrrrraaaangle that Mr Aviello !because he has no money, im gonna get a mugshot of him i bet he’s a ugly freak i scoff at him the ugly freak.

7:06 pm June, 10 Robbie Rivera said...

doo doo doo boom boom uns uns uns your so bizarre your my superstar doo doo doo boom boom uns uns uns

7:14 pm June, 10 Clyde Cash said...

@ Chris Weston Chandler

what the fuck? shut up you fucktard what are you a fag? ha

7:20 pm June, 10 Chris Weston Chandler said...

@ Clyde Cash

I’am sick and tired of people like Joey Porsche, Mr Aviello and Clyde Cash stealing other guys women eh! this is for justice you basterd *pretends to fight them and slit their throats* erwuh!

8:28 pm June, 10 --- said...

T.O.R =GOAL

T.O.R Troll Of The Reaper…

http://www.twitter.com/trollofthereape

9:14 pm June, 10 ey said...

you cant admit to trolling

-1 internet to u *

to redeem go to

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Offended

10:05 pm June, 10 Douche Bauer said...

My universal translator broke trying to convert Douche to English.

10:21 pm June, 10 7.8.R said...

Paulie Carbone wants me 2 say something to you i own his soul and control the presence of it and his ghost he wanted me to say on behalf of him: “listen up u fuckin herbs u think i didnt know about when u mocked my death? u fuckin bitches i know and T.O.R is avenging my death you mock douchebags and you will get bad luck for it, dont think you can get away with it, i have religious power now, i gave protection to T.O.R me him and God made a deal, he will serve justice on earth because of my death, let him serve the revenge or my spirit will haunt you so you get bad luck and death, learn your faults your are no lifes and you dont do anything to change that, you wouldnt even choose a cool death you fuckin loser faggots, learn when your wrong even if your too ignorant to see it, oh yeah and my life was short but shit was SO cash, shame your lifes are so shit. A il nome di padre, filgio e spirito santo amen motherfuckers.”

i got ppls souls using Soulcatcher its like a Dreamcatcher but it captures ppls souls instead it can be yours too for only $1000! (i cannot be held responsible for bad luck)

3:28 am June, 11 lucious lupus john recognizes art when he sees it said...

wow! even the women look douchie! this is a classic!

4:44 am June, 11 my friends call me @$$hole said...

as well he should after all the unwarranted abuse you’ve levied against veg armstrong… these guys have what it takes to make it to the big time, veg, he just has what it takes to make time stop for all of them…

11:14 am June, 11 anon said...

OMG is that John shit was SO cash ???

1:50 am June, 14 hello said...

what we should take not of in this pic is the fact that the GIRLS look like bigger douches than the guys! REALLY terrible orange tans and HORRIBLY bleached hair, gag!

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