Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Kettlehead Revealed
2009’s never-quite-douchey enough-to-become-legend assclown, Kettlehead, has finally revealed his eyes for all the world to see.
And he’s Will Ferrell.
Boy, that was a letdown, K-Head.
Put the glasses back on and celebrate the singular eyebrow once again. Margie agrees, the mystery was way better than the reveal.
Buffalo Beast pursed his lips in hushed disdain for all those around him because of their chodiness… and mostly because they all had hair.
Klingon.
She’s mighty fine. I certainly wouldn’t mind performing coitus with her. But her being so close to Kettlehead makes me sick. In fact, I think my penis just threw up. Now I literally have a conundrum on my hands.
And by “penis,” I certainly mean my plundering purple poon pontoon.
Fleshy Flagellator of Femine Folds
Sasquatch has been found in a club.
God Damn It!!!! Why did Creed have to make a fucking come back?
Her open-shirt bra reveal: Good.
His boobs so big they’re still dominating the photo: Bad.
Can I just go on record to state that Kettlehead smells? Never met him, don’t know him but I’m sure he has a foul aroma.
Rock Cockk for Knocking Socks
Quick Slick DIckk to Stick in Chicks
Sweet Meat Treat to Excrete in the Sheets
Is this ^ going nowhere?
Does the sleeve on that “shirt” say “Rod McCocckSucker at you service”?
Dangling dong didgeridoo… of death.
She’s congratulating on his first place win in the modern art category “best use of porch beef and concrete-statue”.
The blonde highlights are just so…vogue.
Buffalo Beast is neither a buffalo nor a beast. Discuss.
Lean Mean Protein Vaccine.
Is Buffalo Beast Travis Bickle’s little brother?
It’s Mugatu-ouche!
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Mugatu-zoolander-602176_338_238.jpg
i think you are right dr. bunsen honeydouche, i think it does say “Rod McCocckSucker at you service”, which really makes me want to see what sparkly picture is on his back. it is driving me nuts. is it a silver sparkly tiger clawing a rainbow dildo? what is it???
Am I the only one who sees that Kettlehead is a disturbing doppelgänger of Dane Cook? It’s like the Vicious (unfunny) Circle moved to Mexico City.
Buffalo Beast is the crowd’s muffled admiration during the golfer’s flawless swing swing.
The John Belushi eyebrow lift just makes him look more stupid. where does he shop? The Pretend Rock Star shoppe at the mall?
Buffalo Beast is the silent admonishment directed at an unruly child.
Buffalo Beast is your cell phone on vibrate.
Buffalo Beast is the unspoken rebuke your wife conveys when your pants are urine-stained in public.
Buffalo Beast is the sound of one hand fwapping.
gentlemen, we are witnessing the first footstep towards the reemergence of fringed sleeved shirts (yes, what sly stone wore while singing “gonna get you higher” at woodstock, with a waist length v-neck cut), not to mention the dreaded jumpsuit loungewear of 1973 as the unzipped zipper would provide the maximum groin shave reveal possible with a forceful v-line cut from the neck to the, well, yep, er, ugghh.
back then, the men wore their jumpsuits zipped up, ship shape, neat and tidy; but today’s generation is looking for visual penetration, something with verve, something revealing, something kettlehead. this is the second level coming out of kettlehead’s mini-sweatshop of fashion horrors. keep your eyes ready, and your feet ready to run. kettlehead fashions, we be dazzle!
just curious, but is this the inside of that salsa bar in silverlake on fletcher and riverside? is it??? ahhh, my “los angeles vortex of douche” theory doesn’t seem so crazy now after all. just stroll through runyon canyon any day between 11-6pm–you’ll see, you’ll see.
..
Is this a Chernobyl reunion?
no wonder he wears glasses most of the time. did he lose a bet prior to this pic being taken?
of course he did.
“Put the glasses back on”
As long as we’re asking for things DB1 why not go the distance and ask for this fuckhead to tie himself up in a burlap sack and jump in the Volga in January.
Ron Perlman, Mr Spock and the young Shirley Temple meet in Kettlehead’s pot one day and exchange greetings.
“I’ve just come from my underground world as the Beast to rescue his maid Margie,” said Perlman.
“I’ve come by just to raise my eyebrow in fascination of this turdwank,” said Spock.
“I’ve just disembarked from the Good Ship Lollipop to take back my curly locks and lick this man’s groin till he faints with pleasure,” said Shirley T.
To which Margie replied, “I’m the Purple People Eater and I’ve already flown his Beast, one-eyebrowed him and one-horned his tweeter. Now quit stirring the pot.”
Kettlehead never listened to his mother’s “If you don’t stop doing that, your face is gonna freeze like that!” warnings.
.
He wishes he had. Oh, how he wishes he had. And so do we.
.
So do we.
Holy crap – I just clicked on that gruesome pic and noticed the renegade locks of hair pulling up Kettlehead’s eyebrow! Damn them!
oh fuck, one more mention of how dane cook is about as funny as gallgher with tumorous ass and rectal cancers the size of watermelons, and we will conjure one of his defenders, who roam the intertubes like undead hookers who were never reported missing.
she looks like the type of girl from high school, that you didn’t realize until college, was the type who actually could throw a great fuck, even at that precocious age, but because you chased her prettier friend, thinks you are a complete dick.
Looks like his face is trying to eat his left eye..
Someone needs to loosen his hair a half-turn. It’s pulling his face upwards to very disturbing effect.
He has a Will Ferrell douche look going here.
hahahahaha… thats the goofiest look ever
He’s showing more cleavage than she is and it looks like he might be wearing a push-up bra!
“Margie” bears more than a slight resemblance to “Waxy McBrow’s Rachelle” from the Hall of Hott.
AAA!!! PUT THE SHADES BACK ON! PUT THE SHADES BACK ON!
This really confirms my theory of why the perpetual sunglasses are a favorite douchebag accessory. If the eyes are the window to the soul, and the douchebag is pure poo, then he must hide all evidence of this horrible inner truth beneath his impostor shell.
Right after the picture was taken, the guy behind Margie killed the photographer with The Acute Ninja Look of Fierce Dislike.
can Kettlehead finally get HCwDB of the month now that he has taken his glasses off in protest?!?!?! I think 2010 may finally be the year Kettlehead is finally given his due!!!
he calls this look white tanit… blue steel was already taken