Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Kettlehead Revealed

2009’s never-quite-douchey enough-to-become-legend assclown, Kettlehead, has finally revealed his eyes for all the world to see.

And he’s Will Ferrell.

Boy, that was a letdown, K-Head.

Put the glasses back on and celebrate the singular eyebrow once again. Margie agrees, the mystery was way better than the reveal.

# posted by douchebag1
1:30 pm June, 9 Crucial Head said...

Buffalo Beast pursed his lips in hushed disdain for all those around him because of their chodiness… and mostly because they all had hair.

1:34 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

Klingon.

1:38 pm June, 9 Crucial Head said...

She’s mighty fine. I certainly wouldn’t mind performing coitus with her. But her being so close to Kettlehead makes me sick. In fact, I think my penis just threw up. Now I literally have a conundrum on my hands.

1:41 pm June, 9 Crucial Head said...

And by “penis,” I certainly mean my plundering purple poon pontoon.

1:44 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Fleshy Flagellator of Femine Folds

1:46 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sasquatch has been found in a club.

1:55 pm June, 9 mr.reeve said...

God Damn It!!!! Why did Creed have to make a fucking come back?

1:58 pm June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

Her open-shirt bra reveal: Good.

His boobs so big they’re still dominating the photo: Bad.

2:06 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Can I just go on record to state that Kettlehead smells? Never met him, don’t know him but I’m sure he has a foul aroma.

2:07 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Rock Cockk for Knocking Socks

2:08 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Quick Slick DIckk to Stick in Chicks

2:13 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Sweet Meat Treat to Excrete in the Sheets

2:13 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Is this ^ going nowhere?

2:14 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Does the sleeve on that “shirt” say “Rod McCocckSucker at you service”?

2:17 pm June, 9 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Dangling dong didgeridoo… of death.

2:17 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s congratulating on his first place win in the modern art category “best use of porch beef and concrete-statue”.

2:18 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The blonde highlights are just so…vogue.

2:19 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Buffalo Beast is neither a buffalo nor a beast. Discuss.

2:19 pm June, 9 Walrus said...

Lean Mean Protein Vaccine.

2:19 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is Buffalo Beast Travis Bickle’s little brother?

2:26 pm June, 9 doucheywallnuts said...

It’s Mugatu-ouche!

http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Mugatu-zoolander-602176_338_238.jpg

3:52 pm June, 9 lucious lupus john thinks he had to have made that shirt with glue and sparkles, you just can't buy that, i hope you can't just buy that. said...

i think you are right dr. bunsen honeydouche, i think it does say “Rod McCocckSucker at you service”, which really makes me want to see what sparkly picture is on his back. it is driving me nuts. is it a silver sparkly tiger clawing a rainbow dildo? what is it???

4:03 pm June, 9 Scrote Douche-N-Harmony said...

Am I the only one who sees that Kettlehead is a disturbing doppelgänger of Dane Cook? It’s like the Vicious (unfunny) Circle moved to Mexico City.

4:27 pm June, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast is the crowd’s muffled admiration during the golfer’s flawless swing swing.

4:27 pm June, 9 Stephanie said...

The John Belushi eyebrow lift just makes him look more stupid. where does he shop? The Pretend Rock Star shoppe at the mall?

4:28 pm June, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast is the silent admonishment directed at an unruly child.

4:29 pm June, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast is your cell phone on vibrate.

4:30 pm June, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast is the unspoken rebuke your wife conveys when your pants are urine-stained in public.

4:30 pm June, 9 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast is the sound of one hand fwapping.

4:47 pm June, 9 lucious lupus john thinks he had to have made that shirt with glue and sparkles, you just can't buy that, i hope you can't just buy that. said...

gentlemen, we are witnessing the first footstep towards the reemergence of fringed sleeved shirts (yes, what sly stone wore while singing “gonna get you higher” at woodstock, with a waist length v-neck cut), not to mention the dreaded jumpsuit loungewear of 1973 as the unzipped zipper would provide the maximum groin shave reveal possible with a forceful v-line cut from the neck to the, well, yep, er, ugghh.

back then, the men wore their jumpsuits zipped up, ship shape, neat and tidy; but today’s generation is looking for visual penetration, something with verve, something revealing, something kettlehead. this is the second level coming out of kettlehead’s mini-sweatshop of fashion horrors. keep your eyes ready, and your feet ready to run. kettlehead fashions, we be dazzle!

5:01 pm June, 9 lucious lupus john thinks he had to have made that shirt with glue and sparkles, you just can't buy that, i hope you can't just buy that. said...

just curious, but is this the inside of that salsa bar in silverlake on fletcher and riverside? is it??? ahhh, my “los angeles vortex of douche” theory doesn’t seem so crazy now after all. just stroll through runyon canyon any day between 11-6pm–you’ll see, you’ll see.

6:41 pm June, 9 Buffalo Beast said...

..

9:08 pm June, 9 Douche Bauer said...

Is this a Chernobyl reunion?

11:02 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

no wonder he wears glasses most of the time. did he lose a bet prior to this pic being taken?

of course he did.

11:04 pm June, 9 Victor von Douche said...

“Put the glasses back on”

As long as we’re asking for things DB1 why not go the distance and ask for this fuckhead to tie himself up in a burlap sack and jump in the Volga in January.

11:16 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ron Perlman, Mr Spock and the young Shirley Temple meet in Kettlehead’s pot one day and exchange greetings.

“I’ve just come from my underground world as the Beast to rescue his maid Margie,” said Perlman.

“I’ve come by just to raise my eyebrow in fascination of this turdwank,” said Spock.

“I’ve just disembarked from the Good Ship Lollipop to take back my curly locks and lick this man’s groin till he faints with pleasure,” said Shirley T.

To which Margie replied, “I’m the Purple People Eater and I’ve already flown his Beast, one-eyebrowed him and one-horned his tweeter. Now quit stirring the pot.”

12:11 am June, 10 Wheezer said...

Kettlehead never listened to his mother’s “If you don’t stop doing that, your face is gonna freeze like that!” warnings.

.

He wishes he had. Oh, how he wishes he had. And so do we.

.

So do we.

12:13 am June, 10 Wheezer said...

Holy crap – I just clicked on that gruesome pic and noticed the renegade locks of hair pulling up Kettlehead’s eyebrow! Damn them!

12:21 am June, 10 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said...

oh fuck, one more mention of how dane cook is about as funny as gallgher with tumorous ass and rectal cancers the size of watermelons, and we will conjure one of his defenders, who roam the intertubes like undead hookers who were never reported missing.

she looks like the type of girl from high school, that you didn’t realize until college, was the type who actually could throw a great fuck, even at that precocious age, but because you chased her prettier friend, thinks you are a complete dick.

1:37 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

Looks like his face is trying to eat his left eye..

6:53 am June, 10 Deltus said...

Someone needs to loosen his hair a half-turn. It’s pulling his face upwards to very disturbing effect.

7:15 am June, 10 chaserofthehott said...

He has a Will Ferrell douche look going here.

9:09 am June, 10 Phil said...

hahahahaha… thats the goofiest look ever

9:22 am June, 10 Tony Ventresca said...

He’s showing more cleavage than she is and it looks like he might be wearing a push-up bra!

9:59 am June, 10 DouchYouWannaDance said...

“Margie” bears more than a slight resemblance to “Waxy McBrow’s Rachelle” from the Hall of Hott.

11:09 am June, 10 Mr. Biggs said...

AAA!!! PUT THE SHADES BACK ON! PUT THE SHADES BACK ON!

This really confirms my theory of why the perpetual sunglasses are a favorite douchebag accessory. If the eyes are the window to the soul, and the douchebag is pure poo, then he must hide all evidence of this horrible inner truth beneath his impostor shell.

10:45 pm June, 10 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Right after the picture was taken, the guy behind Margie killed the photographer with The Acute Ninja Look of Fierce Dislike.

2:30 am June, 11 Ke Ke Cutler said...

can Kettlehead finally get HCwDB of the month now that he has taken his glasses off in protest?!?!?! I think 2010 may finally be the year Kettlehead is finally given his due!!!

4:48 am June, 11 my friends call me @$$hole said...

he calls this look white tanit… blue steel was already taken

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