Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lenny's Midlife Crisis

Because, for Lenny, that was just one P.T.A. meeting too many. It was time to throw it all away. Start from scratch. Reinvent himself.

As a naked gladiator.

Meanwhile, Paulina asks herself if leaving Dusseldorf really was worth it in the end.

# posted by douchebag1
7:07 am June, 2 I R A Darth Aggie said...

DEER LORD, THANK YOU FOR NOT TURNING ME INTO AN OLDBAG LIKE THIS POOR BASTARD.

7:11 am June, 2 Tony Ventresca said...

One must admit he’s in better shape than 99.9999% of men over the age of 50 (as aging baby boomers put a new complexion on the obesity epidemic). Paulina on the other hand is mid-ranked at best; that face won’t be getting better as the years go by, I’m afraid. Paulina’s butch girlfriend leaing against the bar is keeping a close eye on her, just in case Gladiator awakens some repressed “daddy” feelings she may have.

7:20 am June, 2 bigphatnotadouche said...

Being over 50, this picture makes me want to hit the gym, lose a lot of weight, buy a speedo and try to find a Hott with a daddy complex. I forgot to mention gettting Tatts near my groin area.

In reality, I will go back to my suck job and drink heavily tonight and think about what I have seen in this old bag picture.

Hell, I might as well start drinking now….

7:23 am June, 2 Bagnonymous said...

My reaction upon seeing this picture went something like:

.

My, that’s a pretty girl! Hot damn, she’s–wait–what the… oh Jesus, oh no… NOOO!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

.

Ctrl + W

7:32 am June, 2 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Does his tat say

“Viagra

B4

disboner”?

.

Or maybe the first word is Cialis? I can’t tell.

7:38 am June, 2 Bag Margera said...

If he were clothed in normal middle aged clothing, I would find nothing wrong with this. But he is not clothed, and for some reason he is not clothed while she is. There is definitely something wrong with this. I expect the hott ratio to be much higher for the rest of the day.

7:43 am June, 2 ehcuodouche said...

I’m going to petition again for an EXTREME GROIN SHAVE REVEAL! warning, particularly at the early am postings.

7:44 am June, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Lenny Rogers Jr. we never knew ye. Keep up on the whey powder, creatine, and orange pills. Mr. Grim will come for you soon. Repent. And change from the ladies undies.

7:55 am June, 2 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

What the fuck man?

.

Really.

.

What.

.

The.

.

Fuck?

8:04 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Since when did William H. Macy and Don Knotts have a bio-engineered child out of wedlock? I’d hate to see what the first 50 attempts or so looked like if this turned out to be the best one. See kids this is what happens when science isn’t used for good. Geesh!

8:04 am June, 2 mr.reeve said...

First off, why? Secondly, why? What the fuck is this guy thinking? I am not sure what’s more disturbing Lenny in a Speedo or Paulina hanging on this Old Chode McChoda.

Logan’s Run anyone?

8:07 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Smilin’ Bob decided that “take his daughter to work day” sounded like a fun idea at the time. Now, she would finally be able to get a sense of what an insecure male stripper of 50 does while at the retirement home all day.

8:09 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Dad, I wish you would tell me when you want to borrow my favorite leather thong. Now all I have to wear is this see-through body stocking.”

8:10 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Lenny, turning his back to his daughter asks of the “chick behind him, “Timmy, do you like gladiator movies?”

8:11 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Even Buffalo Beast is confused by this one.

8:13 am June, 2 End the Haberdouchery said...

Death B4 Dishonor is a far more probable scenario at his age.

8:16 am June, 2 E-blo's Last Thought said...

Chick in the back:

“Just don’t move. It can’t hurt you if you don’t move. Deanna is screwed – I told her not to go near it!! Okay – forget about her. Just hold your breath…you can do this…PLEASE GOD, just let me get out of here. I swear I’ll start going to church and being a better person if you just get me away from this.”

.

.

.

Chick in the front:

(crickets)

.

8:19 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Lester Burnham: [narrating] Both my wife and daughter think I’m this gigantic loser and they’re right, I have lost something. I’m not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn’t always feel this… sedated. But you know what? It’s never too late to get it back.

8:24 am June, 2 Justin said...

Maid of Dishonor?

8:24 am June, 2 Justin said...

Meth B4 Dishonor?

8:25 am June, 2 MoeDouche said...

Kudos to him! He’s snagged a barely-legal hottie while wearing a thong in a bar. Impressive feat.

8:29 am June, 2 RAPETIME said...

WHAT THE FUCK MY GOD MY EYES I CANT UNSEE IT

8:31 am June, 2 El Caganer said...

Good on him.

8:34 am June, 2 RAPETIME said...

REALLY NO WHAT THE FUCK

This guy’s older…somewhat…than me. Not much. There is some knowledge that comes with reaching a certain number of years on this planet. In my case, it would have been by age 13, but Lenny here may not have had the advantages of my upbringing (at least one sane parent, home not located next to solvent factory). Let me share:

There is no fucking way I would be seen in public with a getup like that, doubly no way I’d have all those tattoos, and if I did happen to be stupid enough to do the first two, I’d kill anyone taking a picture of me.

Christ almighty, WHERE IS YOUR DIGNITY, SIR?

8:39 am June, 2 E-blo's Last Thought said...

Chick in the front:

(crickets)

8:46 am June, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Chick is not Hott and old bag is, I can’t even begin to think what he is. Man Purse, GSR, zipper on his mankini speedo and a can of some kind of energy drink, tatt’s and relatively new ones. WTF?????,

DB1 how dare you spring this on the faithful. We need some smoking hott going forward to erase this vision from out collective minds.

9:06 am June, 2 Crucial Head said...

Methuselah stoically embraced his great great great great granddaughter one last time before crossing the threshold of death, centuries after he was begat by Father Time.

9:14 am June, 2 DarkSock said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like a pack of deli ham…”

9:15 am June, 2 DarkSock said...

Some accountants you just don’t fuck with.

9:40 am June, 2 Mr. Biggs said...

Death before dishonor? Buddy you shoulda offed yourself a long time ago. ZING!

9:49 am June, 2 The Blessed Scrotini said...

Holy fuck! Who let the cast of Old School out of the insane asylum!?!?

9:57 am June, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like two sacks of marbles…”

9:58 am June, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like a relief map of the Adirondacks…”

9:59 am June, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like hairy nippleless udders …”

10:00 am June, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like it’s been pounded by tough queers enough for one day .…”

10:14 am June, 2 Army of DOuche-ness said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think this guy’s awesome. I cant get mad at old bags…they’re always funny plus they’re old and see whats behind them and whats coming. The know stuff i could never possibly know at 28. Maybe dropping everything at 50 and starting over new IS the answer.

remember the grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine? “Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don’t make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women kid, not just one woman, a lotta women.”

p.s. Colonel Frank Slade: Douche????

10:36 am June, 2 Wedgie said...

I saw a sign with his picture on it in Newport yesterday. He is missing from the retirement home and tends to wander about in his undies. Please contact Shady Oaks at (310) 555-6969. His name is Willy Scroggins.

10:44 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chick in the back is thinking:

.

“Man, I’m glad I’m not hung like that.”

10:47 am June, 2 saulgoode42 said...

He must be a Futurama fan. http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=34q37yc&s=5

10:52 am June, 2 Baron Von Goolo said...

………..

.

…………………ummm…………………

.

………fuck. I…I just…………….fuck.

11:20 am June, 2 Mr. Biggs said...

I think this man just inspired the Oldbag category for the 2010 Douchies.

11:22 am June, 2 DarkSock said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks two Glad bags full of raw chicken skin …”

11:22 am June, 2 DarkSock said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like Richard Nixon choking on a gerbil…”

11:23 am June, 2 DarkSock said...

Chick in the back:

“But his ass looks like an English Bulldog vomitting out a chewed up tennis ball …”

11:25 am June, 2 Business-Casual Douche said...

CAN’T. UNSEE. OLDBAG. MUST. CLAW. OUT. EYES.

11:28 am June, 2 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Death B4 Dishonor? Then it’s time to go commit seppuku (sp?) isn’t it, motherfucker? In the same hand, seppuku would remove the tattoos, also.

Wow. Oh, to the person who made fun of the man purse: where else is he going to keep the dildo she’s going to shove up his ass to get him ready for her fist?

Death B4 Dishonor indeed.

11:53 am June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chick in the back

“That reminds me. I have to run the loose change to the bank tomorrow.”

12:11 pm June, 2 Every Which Way but Douche said...

Jesus!

When did Barry Williams from “The Brady Bunch” get all tatted up??

1:01 pm June, 2 boatbutter said...

Among the most incredible pics ever posted here. Unreal.

1:42 pm June, 2 Deltus said...

I threw up a little in my mouth.

1:54 pm June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chick in the back:

“I’ll NEVER eat cottage cheese again!”

2:02 pm June, 2 massengill said...

But his ass looks like two bologna loaves.

4:04 pm June, 2 Victor von Douche said...

This is more of an example of the disturbing than douchebaggery. There’s no affliction shirt or flexing going on here. The dude is probably an aging russian hitman. Still, this is just fucking creepy.

4:41 pm June, 2 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

I think that’s sweet of Paulina to spend Memorial Day weekend with her gay dad on Fire Island.

4:48 pm June, 2 Anonymous said...

Timmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

4:50 pm June, 2 Horace Dangleballs said...

I cannot type

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

in enough boldface or big enough font to express my dismay with this horror.

Suffice to say I’ll bet he wore HER underwear later that night.

4:51 pm June, 2 Horace Dangleballs said...

Chick in the back…

“His ass looks like a peeled head of garlic.”

6:41 pm June, 2 Mahatma Gandouche said...

IIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! “My Goggles zey do nothing!”

6:47 pm June, 2 lucious lupus john wonders where have all the flowers gone said...

no nipple rings???

maybe he has some sense of judgement after all,

which i think he keeps stored in his man purse with the rest of his clothes for safe keeping–in case he needs to use it sometime–that would be his judgement–along with his self respect–and jelly dildo.

8:47 pm June, 2 Anonymous said...

wtf…when did the site change its name to hot chicks with old douchebags?

Seriously, I know he looks older than Bernie, but is he the oldest douchebag?

9:15 pm June, 2 Whoop-di-douche said...

LOL, funniest thread in ages as fellow males crawl over themselves in astonished reaction to an almost nekkid oldbag in a leather thong. In a bar.

I say we dub him “crotchety old bag” for that vee-shaped thang covering his crotch.

11:30 pm June, 2 Stephanie said...

I also threw up in my mouth a little. Does the old dude have a purse?

4:46 am June, 3 Düsseldouche said...

düsseldorf is worth leaving

7:40 am June, 3 evilclint said...

Oh the ultra-rare Cesarean scar cover-up tattoo on a man! I wonder how many kids this prick has pumped out! He should start keeping a diaphragm in that purse, if he’s going to live so promiscuously.

2:57 pm June, 3 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Dad?????

5:36 pm June, 3 Jacques Douchida said...

C’mon, he’s gay, and it’s straight after the Mardi Gras Parade. She’s just the barmaid being nice.

9:36 pm June, 8 Robert said...

those are fresh tats. dude tatted up hard core at 40 something..

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