Saturday, June 5, 2010

Reader Mail: Hot Chicks, Really?

hellzbelles writes in on the HCwDB message board:

—-

I heard you on the Adam Carolla Podcast. I am a huge fan of his podcast and enjoyed the episode, leading me to check out your site.

A main point made on his show is that girls shouldn’t be falling for these douche bags and should be looking for smart, funny guys like you and Adam. As a female, I took a look at your “hot chicks” and they all appear to be skanky whores.

You are trying to save these “innocent” sluts from the d-bags they choose to be with? The fact that these are the type of chicks you want makes you a first class douche, am I right?

— Hellzbelles

—-

Interesting point, H.B. I need to come up with a site moniker that would be emblematic of this inherent contradiction between the intellectual and reptilian brain centers at work in the fundamental contradictions of the male psyche. A name that would acknowledge my own doucheyness and hypocrisy in criticizing the ‘bags while I desire their hot chicks.

Any suggestions? I’m thinking “Jimmy Kimmel.”

# posted by douchebag1
11:26 am June, 5 fatness said...

“Jimmy Kimmel”.

.

Perfect.

.

Evidently Ms. Belles didn’t dig too deep into this site if all she sees is “skanky whores”.

.

Unless, of course, she is just jealous herself.

11:36 am June, 5 Douchey the Great said...

DB1 is right in that there is a contradiction: We mock the skanky whores and at the same time we want them.

Or at least I did until I learned how many STDs are becoming resistant to antibiotics.

11:37 am June, 5 Bag Margera said...

This begs the question, which came first? The douchebag or the skanky whore? Seems to me they both kind of evolved together, and have influenced each others self absorbed filthy lifestyle.

How about “Adam Carolla”?

11:40 am June, 5 creature said...

doucheotomy…. ‘dick’otomy?

11:41 am June, 5 creature said...

whobagger

11:42 am June, 5 creature said...

poonblind

11:44 am June, 5 creature said...

if we wanted smart chicks we’d date Eleanor Roosevelt… aka, Mrs. Ed

11:56 am June, 5 Rick Derris said...

HOLD ON Hellzbelles – I live in Austin TX and have seen a TON of the “nice girl” or “girl next door” or “smart girl with an education and career” types with douchebags. Not all the chicks going for d-bags are the ones with implants & tramp stamps & low cut dresses & hair extensions. Personally I would rather a smart pretty girl than a dumb Megan Fox clone, but all of the smart pretty girls here in town are still all over the roided-out douchebags who think that Joraan van der Sloot and George Hugueley were pretty cool guys who just had to show those uppity bitches who was the boss.

12:08 pm June, 5 Avenge the Douche said...

This site is very aware of the female bag, or bleeth, and has commented on it on a regular basis. Unfortunately I believe us baghunters are too willing to give boobs a not-a-bleeth pass.

12:11 pm June, 5 Crucial Head said...

I am guessing the moniker Douchebag 1 is a little too deep for some to understand.

12:11 pm June, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

I think this cntradicion is more a problem with the submissions than a philosophical flaw in the website. We here at HCwDB are noble creatures with refined tastes, and we are constantly on the hunt for that perfect HCwDB moment – the innocent, intelligent, attactive woman falling for the total tool. Think Hamlet trying to catch his uncle in the act.

Unfortunately, once that zen HCwDB moment passes, it’s all downhill from there. Like meat rotting after a kill, the women all rot into skanky bleethdom from there.

Add to that the fact that all the most professional pics are from the club where the women have degenerated into skanks, and well you see he origin of your complaint.

But I’ve always been a proponent of the guerilla art of HCwDB photography. There are plenty of smiling, intelligent, interesing women on he streets who just happen to be attached to a toolbag slowly dragging them into the abyss.

12:15 pm June, 5 Just Sayin said...

It ain’t Nice Girls and Douchebags.

12:18 pm June, 5 Crucial Head said...

FUE^* FAGGOATHS LUV’N (((BLEETHUHS?? ! SKANK SLAPWHOAR $* FUCCEN SLAP DONG WTHI SALT Y TEARS*6 WHOBAG JMUPOFFS!!!

12:20 pm June, 5 Crucial Head said...

… sorry.

.

Just paging FLYTEETH to track down Mr. White.

.

Mr. White? Where are ye?

12:20 pm June, 5 Ponderonymous said...

Yes, it’s true that many of the daily posts on the sites feature skanky bleeths, but all you have to do is look at the Hall of Hott. The vast majority of the inductees therein represent the “there is no god, why is she near him” demographic that DB1 describes.

-Ponderonymous

12:20 pm June, 5 Mockiavelli said...

Was Kimmel better as Gomer Pyle or Potsie Weber?

1:27 pm June, 5 Casey said...

How about douchebag7?

Some douchebag already registered douchebag1.

1:47 pm June, 5 Deltus said...

We likes the boobies and the taunt asses. Hey, guilty as charged.

1:49 pm June, 5 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Ponderonymous, 12:20, 6/5

 

I concur.

 

In these hallowed halls we are often treated to the Unicorn-of-Pairings:

 

The Un-Bleethed Beauty and The Detestable Douche.

 

Sightings of such being rare, however, in the interims we consign ourselves to ogling hot skanks with the taints they justly deserve.

 

All whilst furiously beating our Douche Shores.

1:52 pm June, 5 Dicy said...

I guess Jay was too polite to point out to the girl that his moniker is douchebag1. Hasn’t he discussed this before? That he mocks what he is on the inside and what he strives to not be. I guess the reader didn’t read the comment sections to see that you fine men are of the same opinion. Most of the girls are sknaky, we know, but every now and then we get sweethearts like Sue from a few weeks ago… I’m still waiting on her to accept my friend request *sigh*

1:52 pm June, 5 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

^ I neglected to document the consultation of Mr. Biggs, 12:11.

2:01 pm June, 5 Dicy said...

Okay upon second reading maybe he is pointing it out… Gah I never understand the db1 when he uses big words! Doesn’t he know I only speak math?

2:08 pm June, 5 Troy Tempest said...

I think the woman who wrote in exaggerated a bit, but I generally agree with her. Most of the women here are utterly fucking gross.

That said, time to pass it around:

GOATSE BP:

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/06/04/bp-goatse.html

2:10 pm June, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That girl above in the caption picture looks very nice from the doggy view. And fock off Jimmy Kimmel.

2:25 pm June, 5 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Dicy, 2:01

42:65:74:74:65:72:3f

2:35 pm June, 5 Douchebag 2 said...

@Dicy:

Want 2 69 U 4 3 Days +/-

3:16 pm June, 5 Bagnonymous said...

Looks like we’re caught in a double entendouche..?

3:16 pm June, 5 Bagnonymous said...

Stuck between a rock and a hard-on?

3:16 pm June, 5 Bagnonymous said...

(F*ck off, WordPress–I’m not posting too quickly!)

3:17 pm June, 5 Bagnonymous said...

…Or maybe it’s just a double-STD.

.

.

.

(Wait for it…)

.

.

.

(There it is!)

4:43 pm June, 5 Dicy said...

Oooh Douchie Howser and db2 have got my desires at a saddle point! Can’t get any more or less excited now!

5:03 pm June, 5 tall guy said...

I like hot chicks. I am not a douche. i know the difference between hot & not hot & douche & not douche. For me, this isn’t a big issue. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I accept the existence of the douche & those women who covet them. It appears they make it possible for each other to believe their own bullshit – which it by far the most pathetic and therefore mock worthy thing about the whole thing.

5:24 pm June, 5 Vin Douchal said...

@ hellzbelles

All I can say is click on Sue Ellen and April in the Hall of Hott to see the most popular women ever here.

Also, click on the archives for the stuff circa mid-2008 for when Db1 was on a roll.

Only problem is you can’t see the posts by past greats like Plinky, Mitch Meats, Captain Bringdown, BCS and Pfah.

Why is that?

5:40 pm June, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Seems like lots of folks are missing DB1’s point that a hot chick BECOMES a skanky Bleeth because she spends time with a douchebag. Did none of them ever read his Jasmine Bleeth story about her and Richard Grieco’s virus?

Of course we have seen plenty of skanks who did that on their own and hang with douchebags and anyone else who is convenient.

And we see plenty of hotchicks who don’t appear to be skanks, just yet that is.

This site is all about signifiers and contaminations and other similar damnations. And we who go about mocking them.

Mock on, my friends, mock on.

8:30 pm June, 5 tall guy said...

I’m inclined to believe that what lay in the innermost self of many a hot is a strong desire to hang with the douche. Put simply, it’s the bad boy image – or so the hot imagines – that attracts. Along with several, indeed, many things in life that are the wrong way about, I firmly believe quite the opposite is true regarding indicators of look, attitude, etc. For example, a douche with a bunch of ugly tatts, an abundance of body iron (piercings), low-slung jeans, jauntily mounted trucker caps – the list is long… is often the weakest, most pathetically unconscionable idiot around. Why wouldn’t they be? (semi-rhetorical question, btw). When seemingly to the douche the degree of discipline, intellectual rigor and persistence to navigate the world they live in without their particular accessories must appear insurmountable. Perhaps they’re more to be pitied than censured, but a douche shall remain forever mock worthy.

9:52 pm June, 5 fatness said...

‘Tall guy’ makes great points, but let’s face it…most women in their twenties are raging twits.

12:21 am June, 6 Baleen said...

As usual, I’m late to the party. All I can say is that my dick doesn’t know a bleeth from a librarian. This is just the reptilian instinct to perpetuate the species that is innate in all men. Hott is hott. Most sane and non-douchey men learn pretty fast that crazy bitches are just that and to steer clear except for some wacky sex. I’ll take a librarian hott with her translations of Proust, thick black frames, and yes, wacky sex. Now if only all librarians looked like the one in Friday’s Thoughts and links.

1:15 am June, 6 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

We want whats bad for us maybe? Drinking to much, cigarettes, smoking crack from the deflated jellyless innards of a donut. Sure its bad for you, but you look great doing it. I lost my point… did I have one?

Boobies.

2:24 am June, 6 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said...

@creature.

I knew Eleanor Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt was a jump-off of mine, you’re no Eleanor Roosev—er wait what was the point i was making….

oh, yeah, Eleanor could fuck like a beast. of this i can attest, she also could suck a body building supplement through a hypodermic needle….

6:00 am June, 6 Steve L. said...

is hellzbelles just pissed off that more than half of HCwDB was giving Adam Carolla shit for not being funny or talking too much?

just wondering. he he…

10:38 am June, 6 curbyourendouchiasm said...

@Crucial Head–You said it best.

However, DB1, what help is there for hellz, if she didn’t ‘get it’? Hellz, if you’re such a smart and sophisticated girl, how come you needed everyone here to point out the irony of ‘Douchebag1’?

Hellz, just so you know, irony is a higher form of humor (as contrasted to puns for example) characterized by an apparent surface contradiction, that, once the humor is understood, disappears–at least that’s what my mom told me. An example might be someone who mocks douches, but identifies himself as one. Deep down we’re all douches. hmmmm…

12:23 pm June, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

I do have to concur that most of the chicks on this site are farking vomit-inducing. There are many exceptions, of course, the wise Dr. Howser pointed out my beloved Halo Angel. Beat me to that punch, Doc! But, there is also chance for redemption, a good portion of women wise up as they age a tad, and are exposed to more sensible things. People tend to become products of their environment. As constant immersion in a foreign culture will teach one a new language, social customs and eating habits, so does constant immersion in Douche culture will teach girls to “wooooooo”, Bleeth out and develop bad drinking habits. They can be saved at a certain point. However, like a gangrened limb, once the rot is too extensive, it must be cut off and discarded.

So, Jezebelle, if you, uh, wanna like, discuss this further, you can e-mail me and stuff, uh, we could, like, go shopping at the not-skank stores and stuff….

1:18 pm June, 6 DarkSock said...

I like eggs

4:30 pm June, 6 Victor von Douche said...

No. Wanting a skeezer isn’t what makes a douchebag a douchebag. It takes a huge dose of narcissism combined with an utterly appalling disregard for good taste. An otherwise normal guy grabbing the ass of a stripper does not a douchebag make. However if he’s cocking his head at a stupid angle, is flashing his abs, wearing an affliction/ed hardy t-shirt that’s too small, and making a stupid hand gesture then you just might have yourself a douche.

6:09 am June, 7 boatbutter said...

If we can save just one, we’ve succeeded.

And, I refer Hellzbelles to “Pippy’s Pipette” in the Hall of Hott.

2:57 pm June, 7 YabbaDabbaDouche said...

Lol.. HB finally exposed you tards.. I’ve been saying this shit all along. You guys drooling over bimbo chicks with silicone pumped into there chests is a little ironic isn’ t it?

You guys should just give it up and become bags. I mean seriously. The only way any of you are ever going to land any of those fake skanked out hoes is to bag it up. Go for it!

But anyway, I’m sure DB1 knew what he was doing here. The site wouldn’t generate enough interest if he decided to mock both the bag and the skank so instead he decided to worship the skanks and just bag on the guys that are with them. Pure genius!

3:13 pm June, 7 Bro M. Chomsky said...

Hellzbelles falsely assumes that being hot is mutually exclusive from being a skanky whore. Her value judgments of the quality of the visual appearance of the girls on this site also appear to be marred by subjectivity and/or the douchebags with whom the young ladies are pictured.

6:53 am June, 8 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Inside every skanky whore is the girl we want to bring home to mom. We want to come to the aid of the skanky whore and lift them from the Douchebag life. The skanky whore’s limited vision prevents her from seeing the life she will have after the 20 seconds of fun ends. As the prince will take Cinderella away from scrubbing floors and washing the her steps sisters’ feminine hygiene pads, so to will those that mock take the skanky whore away from the Douchebag life. And that is why we are not douchebags. We are the Saviors of the skanky whore

5:12 pm June, 14 hogan scarpe said...

If you ever always choose the right shoes in town, you might like to look for Hogan and also give it a try. If you are be sure to hope for the proper shoes in town, you should opt for Hogan scarpe donna and give it a try. I’m not simply indicating all skyscraping, stacked, stripy heels here but Hogan scarpe uomo which I’m into infatuation this summer time season. I want them all. We’re totally in love with the fabulous sporty shoes like Hogan uomo .

Leave a Reply

What is 4 + 8 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)