Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Fifth Circle of Hell: Miami Style

Where overpriced t-shirts go to die.

# posted by douchebag1
9:20 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

I have so many thoughts on this, and a few of them are not related to trying to keep my intestinal track from inverting and spraying down my own home like some kind of horrific chocolate fire hose.

So, the internet is no doubt clogged with videos that are of no interest to anyone, or at least very few. I mean, I can at least understand why someone would post a video of their own little kids playing in mud puddles. Their grandparents love it, but nobody else really cares.

But this? Who could possibly give a shit about any of these people or what they’re doing, besides the people that were already there themselves? And even those people are very likely such narcissistic douchebags and baguettes that they’re only interested in seeing themselves anyway. Do they really think anybody’s watching this and “enjoying” it in any meaningful way?

Also, I really enjoyed the DJ playing his MacBook about halfway through. Attention, DJs: This is why nobody thinks you’re musicians, and you’re just barely entertainers. People like to watch other people doing something other than “right-click-save-as-open-double-click.”

And finally, what is “WMC 2010.” World Monkey Competition? Whimpering Meat Cocck?

9:37 am June, 13 Bag Margera said...

2.07: One of the most elusive bag hand gestures of all: waving fingers quickly in front of ones face.

9:37 am June, 13 WheezerHCwDB said...

W e

M issed

C lass

9:40 am June, 13 boatbutter said...

Giving those shirts to the poor would be like Amherst giving smallpox-infected blankets to the Ottawas.

9:42 am June, 13 WheezerHCwDB said...

DB1, I think you should copy Mr. White’s commentary as front page material. Not only did he say damn near exactly what I was thinking throughout these irreclaimable 3 minutes, but I have to think the “creator” of this cut-and-paste crap could’ve dated it “WMC 1993” – except for the Ed ‘Tardy gear, no one would be the wiser. ALL of the moves people were making were exactly what we could’ve vomited through during one of MTV’s initial “Spring Break” shows.

9:47 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

We

Maintain

Chlamydia

9:47 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

We’re

Mentally

Comatose

9:48 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

World’s

Mightiest

Cretins

9:48 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

We

Mar

Civilization

9:49 am June, 13 Mr. White said...

We

Mishandle

Currency

9:50 am June, 13 curbyourendouchiasm said...

We’re

Mostly

Crap

I didn’t understand it until Mr. White explained it to me, but then it just made me more sad.

9:52 am June, 13 WheezerHCwDB said...

W asting

M ore

C arbon

9:55 am June, 13 Count Douche-a-La said...

Can anybody tell me why these parties tend to be 10 guys for every girl?

10:09 am June, 13 Anonymous said...

Just think…they could do a public service and use all those douchebag t shirts to absorb oil in the gulf…

10:10 am June, 13 WheezerHCwDB said...

@Anon, 10:09 a.m. –

.

Good thought, but then they’d pollute the Gulf with their residual Axe stench and body grease.

10:21 am June, 13 soy bomb said...

Whenever I go out drinking I inevitably end up in a gutter somewhere. It’s more dignifying than this absurd display.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Nice dance movements.

10:34 am June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cubans Italians and Jews Oh My.

10:36 am June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Weapons of

Mass

Crud

10:56 am June, 13 Baleen said...

To think, 10,000 years of civilization culminates in this video. No amount of Jergens can erase this fact.

11:36 am June, 13 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Wow, you mean…they weren’t playing shitty overproduced gangsta rap? ….or autotuned vocal crapola?? I. Am. Shocked.

…and by shocked I mean, bouncy boobies FTW.

.

…Affliction, Ed Hardy sporting douchewanks FTL.

12:02 pm June, 13 lucious lupus john knows you can't get an std from a swimming pool, but still would not swim in that pool just knowing that sores are nearby, and the drip and froth could be fluidly mingling said...

trends in fashion over the next 2 years based on this video:

1) oversized novelty clown glasses

2) belts for underwear

3)vaginitis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, pid, herpes, hepatitis, trichomonas, genital warts, ca-mrsa, and crabs

4) more lack of it

12:42 pm June, 13 doucheywallnuts said...

Watching video of douchebags in their natural habitat packs so much more wallop than just seeing them frozen in time via snapshots. I make the comparison to seeing pictures of a wild animal tearing apart another wild animal for food/survival (interesting but not shocking) to watching a video of the same animal dining on another animal (disgusting/nauseating/frightening). Just as the video of wild animals helps drive home the realization that animals in the wild are scary things not to be trifled with, the video of these douchebags doing their thing elicits the same emotions. Never having been in a setting where douchebags are feeding and acting as they do in their environment, I have been awakened to a stark reality. This video should – nay, must – serve as a warning to us all NOT to enter such an environment without first taking the proper precautions.

12:53 pm June, 13 Vin Douchal said...

It’s strange waking up on Sunday without a hangover.

Maybe this will cleanse that shitty video from the memory:

1:00 pm June, 13 08ArmyDoc said...

I didn’t think it legal to have that many bad dancers wearing douchegoggles and ugly tshirts in one place. And 30 seconds of the nch-nch-nch-nch “music” made me lose my lunch. wtf?

1:38 pm June, 13 WheezerHCwDB said...

Ann Angel gave me a stiffy.

.

Signed,

The Department of the Obvious

2:06 pm June, 13 One for the Choad said...

I’m pretty sure that clip gave me herpes. Ptui.

3:10 pm June, 13 JoeDO said...

the purposeful looks on their faces unnerves me…

3:10 pm June, 13 Anonymous said...

we’re so screwed

3:13 pm June, 13 JoeDO said...

so biblical.

3:50 pm June, 13 Deltus said...

@Vin Douchal: that certainly does take the mind off of that awful video, don’t it? *motorboats them asscheeks*

4:23 pm June, 13 lars fenderstatt said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

4:51 pm June, 13 retard said...

Why hasn’t science developed a “smart bomb” that would terminate all of the pud & leave the hott? I would donate heavily towards that research.

4:52 pm June, 13 Steve L. said...

we should make sure that there are no swimming pools anywhere in Hell.

yep yep. that’s all i got

5:35 pm June, 13 massengill said...

I’m really glad I watched that entire video.

.

.

.

.

.

.

NOT!

.

2:33 when DJ PushPlay adjusts his headphones and gives his monitor a hard look, that’s what’s up.

7:22 pm June, 13 lucious lupus john just got an eyeful of gsr at runyon canyon and lives to tell a tale or two said...

Is it me or are a lot more “men” using Nair on their entire body except for the face and head? Of course the chest, back and GSR region, but i am now seeing arms and legs. WTF?

http://www.hairtell.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/32787/site_id/1

7:31 pm June, 13 Douchble Helix said...

If you didn’t the first time, go back and watch at 720p.

8:05 pm June, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

Just think, for the price of one or two less of those overpriced t-shirts, they could have upgraded to a mini DV cam instead of shooting it on a cell phone.

8:45 pm June, 13 Jesus said...

Where

Mensch’s

Congregate

Now I know where Temple Beth Israel was on March 25th, 2010. Oy fuccen vay.

8:46 pm June, 13 Jesus said...

PS…Vin

Thanks. Like a nice scoop of mint ice cream after eating a rotten oy-ster.

Sorry. I can’t help myself sometimes.

8:47 pm June, 13 Wedgie said...

Hey, when did I change my name to Jesus?

Dumbass.

8:53 pm June, 13 Guid is Good said...

Hell is other people.

Particularly these people. … And douches.

8:57 pm June, 13 JePrendsMaDouche said...

The Reverend Chad Kroeger, you are bang on the money with your observation about the racial mix of this party. I immediately picked up on the fact that about 70% of the crowd seemed to be Jewish (takes one to know one). Your average Jew-douche + Jewess-hott is far less annoying (to my mind at least), since he is too self-aware of his douchey display to take it to extremes…and she is scorchingly hot.

9:17 pm June, 13 fatness said...

Saw off Florida at I-75 and cast everything south of it adrift toward Cuba.

9:24 pm June, 13 creature said...

God sharted & angels wept

9:38 pm June, 13 DarkSock said...

Well my iPhone won’t play the vid (NOT complaining mind you) but I just spent 4 days in Miami at the Fountainbleu (French for $28 room service hamburger) at the national American Institute of Architects convention and I can say this:

.

1) Miami is Vegas with MORE t & a on display, and

2) Best food this side of N’Awlins. If you go look up Garcia’s and Mango’s.

.

I had an excellent bag tag but the HC was the GF of a bud going thru an epic midlife crisis and I couldn’t subject her to the “trash anything posted” element on this site.

.

Fried sweet plantains = Love.

9:58 pm June, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Wicked

Menstrual

Cramps

.

An anguish inducing collection of rudderless skinbags. As they’re all returning home from their “epic blowout party woo woo” trip, they’ll tell everyone who didn’t go (and who, as an aside, doesn’t care) how great it was, but inside they’ll know that it wasn’t. Just a bunch of milling around, wasting money on overpriced beer, grinding against forgettable people listening to forgettable music, all while trying desperately to squeeze a drop, just one drop, of meaning from an already drained lemon that God’s given each of them.

.

A week later they’ll have difficulty remembering anything substantive about the entire trip. Only the credit card bill and pedestrian pictures of complete strangers will provide any evidence that anything at all happened in their lives during those four wasted days.

.

That and the blood test will confirm Hep C.

.

.

.

On a personal note, heading out again on another week-long business trip. This time to link up with my fellow company HR propeller heads. My first trip to Montreal, Boucherville to be precise.

.

Any recommendations from our Northern ‘Taggers on where to find a quality drink?

.

Sorry. My French Canadian is awful. Let me try that again. Any recommendations from our Northern ‘Taggers on where to find a quality drink, eh?

10:03 pm June, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin Douchal^

Two scoops of Vanilla Bean ice cream floating in a lime sorbet.

.

You sir, have emptied my sack once again.

.

Wait, that sounded real gay.

.

If your postings were hands, they’d have a firm grip on my thong tucker.

.

Damn. That’s not much better.

.

If your posting was a mouth– SHIT!

.

I’m going to bed.

1:45 am June, 14 wankyboy said...

W ankers

M orons

C unts

3:58 am June, 14 Guid is Good said...

Satre.

Get some.

4:06 am June, 14 Euripidouche said...

whoreson’s

molest

culture

4:29 am June, 14 Snorkleding said...

Mr. White clearified some of my feelings on this… but… I can’t for the life of me understand any of this!

Is this how aliens feel if they would visit us?

Is this how lost travelers who meet ancient tribes in amazons must feel at the sight of such a alien culture?

Or am I going mad? Maybe non of this is real and I’m just strapped down to a bed, pumped full of drugs – damned to observe douché until I die by the hand of some merciful soul with a overdose of insulin at hand?!

5:04 am June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head

If you go to Crescent Street in Montreal there is a place called Thursdays. It has a rustic French Canadian restaurant, a singles bar full of slutty Quebec hot chicks and french douchebags, and a disco full of full out laughing sluts and douchebags.

For a goos smoked meat try Schwart’s Deli or in Boucherville there is a place called Chenoy’s.

5:17 am June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head

There is not a Chenoy’s in Boucherville. If you order a sandwich, order it full fat. If you bang a french chicks wear two Trojans. If you want a cheap wings and pitchers of beer joint full of drunks and university kids go to Peel Street Pub on Peel Steet. Close to Thursdays.

5:56 am June, 14 Jarrett Bellini said...

I’m not even sure THEY are having fun. It looks like hard work to be that douche-tastic.

6:42 am June, 14 Bagnonymous said...

What’s with the not-skinny bitch all alone in the 3′ side of the pool @ 1:10? Did she piss in the water, or does she just smell of B.O.?

7:45 am June, 14 MoeDouche said...

When did “running around like a chimpanzee in heat” become a dance move? DAMN you f*g DBs!

8:40 am June, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I just watched this whole thing and…my eyes are still working! I’m not deaf! I didn’t get an STD from it! Am I immune or have I developed some kind of super-tolerance??? Whatever the case, I’m just glad I made it through.

.

.

I think I would prefer to be trapped in a room with Ann Coulter, Ricky Martin, and Al Sharpton with the “I love you, You love me” Barney song on at about 140 db, 24/7 with only hard cheese, chocolate, and cabbage to eat for 10 years than to be subject to that video (or anything like it in real life) ever again.

11:00 am June, 14 Mr_Iron_Hands55 said...

i dont know, if douchebags are losers, are losers douchebags? lol let me know…

http://www.formspring.me/iron55

1:42 pm June, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

W here’s

M y

C outh?

1:44 pm June, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

W hat

M tv

C reated

1:47 pm June, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

W here

Medusa

C raps

2:09 pm June, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

W here

M ongoloids

C ongregate

3:57 pm June, 14 jabbathebagger said...

I’m going to disagree with basically all of you – I saw one – 1 – Ed Hardy T shirt and maybe one douche beard, but very little else that I consider tainted. Just an average little pool party with a happy little groove spinning along.

5:55 pm June, 14 Mr. Biggs said...

You know what really grinds my gears? Lindsey Lohan. Running around with your cute little outfits, while I have my beer…

12:13 pm June, 15 Whoop-di-douche said...

Vin Douchal, the Pepto-Bismol of HCwDB!!!

Time for another composition, VIN. I cry for the days of your Donkey DOuche masterpiece.

2:20 pm June, 20 nono said...

jabbathebagger: well you’re either blind or a fool. Basically all and each one of there werer stupid, period. Maybe you’re stupid too, without knowing it…maybe.

2:21 pm June, 20 nono said...

rephrase: Basically all and each one of THE PEOPLE there were stupid, period.

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