Monday, June 14, 2010

The Hebro Voted

Las Vegas Talmudic scholar in the Moses Mammsonides tradition, The Hebro, wanted to perform a mitzvah with his feral yet alluringly exotic hot chick, Emma Goldmounds, by voting in the HCwDB of the Week.

Have you voted yet?

EDIT: These may be porn stars, which raises a good question we have yet to discuss here at HCwDB. Do porn stars qualify for Performative Rockstar Leniency Rule (as in, their career requires douchey behavior), or do we evaluate their choady ways on merit?

# posted by douchebag1
11:07 am June, 14 doucheblaster said...

saw this on tmz.com

porn actor notadouche pass?

11:11 am June, 14 Antonio BlackCock said...

Evan Seinfeld from Biohazard/Porn and Lupe Fuentes also Porn

11:13 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

She and I can play “BP in the Gulf of Mexico.”

Operate words:

BP

Gulf

Mexico

in

11:14 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’d hit that like Bam Margera’s head.

11:15 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’d show her my tribute to Jimmy Dean.

11:16 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’d Joran her van der Sloot.

11:17 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

She can blow my vuvuzela.

11:17 am June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Don’t care who they are. Toxic. Like liquifying wasabi, horseradish and habanero pepper in a Magic Bullet and squirting it in your eyes with a fire hose

.

The cavernous canyon betwixt her plump matzo balls glutes smells like gefilte fish and I hope his circumcision had gone horribly wrong with the Moyle declaring, “Oy, Houston ! Ve haff a prrroblem!”

.

Yuck …

11:18 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’d have an easier time gettin’ in there than Will Smith’s kid getting an acting job.

11:19 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Or wife gettin’ a tv show.

11:19 am June, 14 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Oops. Operative. (Hiccup)

11:20 am June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

On a related note:

In honor of Yasminie Bleeth’s 42nd birthday today, I offer you Bleeth:

And a serious non-Bleeth who’s 42nd birthday is a few weeks away , Kristin Chenoweth:

The only thing separating these two is of course talent, Chenoweth is a trained classical singer and winner of multiple Tony awards, and crossing paths with Richard Grieco.

Yasmine, we hardly knew ye.

Kristin, I totally fwapped to you during your appearance on Letterman five years ago, and I’m still crushing. Why don’t you return my calls, e-mails, letters, IM’s, airplane signs, billboards and tweets?

11:22 am June, 14 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Holy fucking butt cheeks.

.

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAP.

11:24 am June, 14 bigphatnotadouche said...

Porn stars or not Monday Ass Pear is a special treat.

I’ll ask for the regulars to provide a link of the Hott proving if she is indead a porn star. I don’t care about the filthy Tat douche. He’s a douche. I guarentee he is no John Holmes.

11:26 am June, 14 Mock Turtle said...

Rock stars are performers in a medium that sounds brash, loud, deliberately offensive. Rock music and loud clothing go all the way back. I can find you pictures of Little Anthony and the Imperials dressed up pretty douchey.

Porn, on the other hand, involves having sex on camera wearing little or nothing. No tatts were involved before everybody had them for other reasons.

So, no forgiveness, save on one issue: It’s clearly a mark of the ‘Bag around here simply to be a body-builder showing visible abs and general bulgy-ness.

We can give porn stars a break on that alone, they have to “look great naked” or not get the job.

But tatts, piercings, and all manner of douche-wear…there Shall Be No Mercy. Ye Shall Be Judged, and then Mocked.

11:33 am June, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Porn star or not, I’d like to shatter stone tablets over his forehead in a fit of rage.

11:33 am June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Rule #1 Male Porn Star Performative Rockstar Leniency – Be circumcised

11:34 am June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Rule #2 Male Porn Star Performative Rockstar Leniency – Have an awesome tag line ( ex. Dropping looooaaaads….Dropping fucking loads…”

11:35 am June, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Porn star or not, I’d like to hump her lips.

11:40 am June, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

I would bake that pear with s tiny bit of lemon juice, cinniom and brown sugar and a large scoop of vanilla ice cream Eat it up yum

11:42 am June, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Porn stars do not get a pass- they are not required or encouraged to be a douche- they are required to have donkey dick and drop a load on command-Whether they decide to enter the douche world is something they do of their own free will.

11:53 am June, 14 Wedgie said...

Is it orale’ or oyaveh? First Israeli vato I have ever seen.

“Oye, chico. I just sat shiva for 10 days, mang.”

11:56 am June, 14 Doucheblaster said...

If you’re giving rockstars a pass because they perform, logically you must provide pornstars with same leniency or deem all thee who act in douche absolutely not fucking kosher man!

12:12 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

I remember reading that Lupe Fuentes was dating the guy who played the head of the bikers in Oz. Thats probably who this guy is.

As for RLR, I say no way!!!! Male porn stars are absolutely useless in life. Their rise to fame in of it self, is to be a douche. I have friends who work in porn production, and I know for a fact that the only way for a guy to get into the industry, is to know a couple hotties, or at least one incredible hottie who wants to do porn, and then use ’em as a bargaining chip. New girls will sign contracts strictly on the condition that their douche boyfriends get to be porn stars too. They are not Rock Stars. They are simply lucky toolbags, and are only in porn as an excuse for their girlfriends to delight us.

12:26 pm June, 14 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

Seinfeld is a stand up guy. Met him a couple times when he was still playing music in NYC and not trying to be a porn star. Guy is seriously down to earth.

Although I am very disappointed in his undue influence on his former wife, Tera Patrick. Girl used to be smokin hot with curves in all the right places, porn or not. But now she has some lame as shit sleeve tattoo. For that I say FUCK YOU SEINFELD! NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Seinfeld is a musician first, porn star second? Not anymore? I thought he quit after breaking up with Tera Patrick. I know he is involved in the business, but I dont think he is still “working” so to speak.

Either way, I call RLR because Biohazard was/is fucking hard as shit and they never sold out as a band. I ask for LENIENCY in this decision. Not a dismissal of charges.

BTW, Monday morning ass pear is a good thing.

12:31 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

EDIT:

Few of those dudes are actually able to fuck professionally. And fewer still manage to do so without filling up too much camera space with their tattoos, and over infatuated sense of self-worth. But the vast majority are an unfortunate byproduct of the greatest entertainment industry out there. To become a male porn star, one must be prepared to be the ultimate douchebag… With an ultimate hot chick.

12:32 pm June, 14 creature said...

someone please lock the roadie up in the panel van

12:50 pm June, 14 Mr. White said...

You might not be a very good citizen of Judaism if 98% of your body is covered in tatts. Just saying.

1:00 pm June, 14 Bagnonymous said...

I am not necessarily one to lust after multicultural ass, but–HOLY F*CK–I don’t care what color it is.. that is some FINE ASS PEAR!

1:03 pm June, 14 Bagnonymous said...

^ I do not discrimiate on douches either. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you read the Bible or the Torah–if you look like The Hebro, yer a douche

1:07 pm June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Pharoah like tiny girls. Pharoah does not like tattoo.

So it is written so it shall be done.

1:09 pm June, 14 F. said...

Porn stars? I’d say: give them a little more leniency. The above people already mentioned, that a male poon-star has to have two of the three following qualities:

1. Look so good, that at least 80% of “trekkies” (in avenue Q meaning) have the “I would die to look and live like this character” thought upon seeing them.

2. Look so bad, that at least 80% of “trekkies” have the “if he can tap that ass, so could I” thought upon seeing them.

3. Can keep a hard on in a crowd of 20 bored to death people for 4-6 hours straight, while one of them tells him the desired direction of the next hip thrust.

So I say: if they don’t indicate their douchyness in other areas, besides looks alone, then cut them some slack. But this should concern only porn-STARS – not the people, who Bam Margera mentions as the majority of porn “actors”, but the real deal, top of the notch, long time, PRO FUCKERS.

1:09 pm June, 14 lucious lupus john m.d., p.h.d. reminds viewers that the epicenter of the porn industry is chatsworth, ca said...

they got into porn because they are douche bags!

i know this for a fact.

it would do everyone good to read my submission to the new england journal of medicine concerning my theory–that los angeles is the douchebag vortex of the planet! von dutch, ed hardy, paris hilton oversized novelty sunglasses–all socal. odd coincidence, or coincidentally odd, chatsworth, my friends, is a district of los angeles, and chatsworth is the smut capital of these here united states–you decide.

1:12 pm June, 14 mr.reeve said...

What porn star with a shit load of tattoos are we talking about? I can’t see him. I just see a spectacular round ass. Thank you.

1:13 pm June, 14 Doucheblaster said...

Ron Jeremy is the man!

1:17 pm June, 14 Chatsworth Pornstar said...

@Lucious, you are a turdburger with man mayo on it. Leave L.A. and return to Kentucky you butt plug. L.A. is douche because of turd eating bung holes like you. F off and eat a cream pie. Splat!!!!! Facial time dick face.

1:20 pm June, 14 Lucious' Butt Plug said...

Yeah, your a tool. You always talk shit about L.A. yet you still live here. I think you have trouble getting laid and your full of cum and envy.

1:22 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

@ Doucheblaster

Ron Jeremy comes from the golden age of porn, which predates Greico by over a decade. He can not be used as an example, or an exception to any rule, as he does not reflect anything about porn being made today. Just putting that out there.

1:23 pm June, 14 Van Nuys said...

I thought we were the porn epicenter. Who cares about male pornstars anyways? We all watch it and we all need it. Give them some slack and Lupus can tickle my taint with his tongue.

1:33 pm June, 14 ehcuodouche said...

I write in Hebro for the weekly. Porn star or no, that’s a weekly douche winner that.

1:35 pm June, 14 ehcuodouche said...

Actually, to comment on the leniency rule, porn stars should actually be under harsher standards. Because people get off to that y’know- and having a huge douche ruining my porn is a major buzzkill.

1:38 pm June, 14 ehcuodouche said...

Male porn stars should be invisible except for their huge penis, which exists solely to be a proxy for my penis.

1:45 pm June, 14 lucious lupus john m.d., p.h.d. reminds viewers that the epicenter of the porn industry is chatsworth, ca said...

do the facts hurt your preconceived notions of los angeles? look around you. you are living in the real version of john carpenter’s “they live”. it is a cheap and tawdry town. maybe it would help if you knew that the real bad news bears, the one the movie was based on, were actually out of westwood, not chatsworth. there is a park in westwood named in their honor. i think that is a douchebag free zone, one of the few in the city, i go there and meditate frequently. oh, by the way, did you see the news about the porn guy who killed his co-worker with a samurai sword–that was chatsworth.

1:47 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

@ ehcuodouche

This is true. A true professional would do his best to be as invisible as possible. Most “actors” fail at this miserably. Some don’t seem to get the concept that it’s all about the girl. This behavior is similar to club douches. When a club promoter goes around and takes pictures of all the hot girls that turn up, there is always some knob bag, that follows him around and implants himself in each pic, until security comes and pushes him out of the way. Again what douches fail to understand: it’s all about the girls, not their sickly tatted-up body.

1:49 pm June, 14 Van Nuys said...

It was Van Nuys right next to the airport. Talk about research huh.

1:58 pm June, 14 lucious lupus john m.d., p.h.d. reminds viewers that the epicenter of the porn industry is chatsworth, ca said...

van nuys is the home of cruising.

from the late 50’s up until 1981, it was one long car crawl.

and just last year, they decided to allow a cruising night.

oops, the samurai porn attack was van nuys, wtf.

1:59 pm June, 14 lucious lupus john m.d., p.h.d. reminds viewers that the epicenter of the porn industry is chatsworth, ca said...

shut up van nuys, a guy died.

2:01 pm June, 14 lucious lupus john m.d., p.h.d. reminds viewers that the epicenter of the porn industry is chatsworth, ca said...

if you want van nuys to be the porn capital, by all means, fight for that honor. chatsworth and van nuys can duke it out.

but then, burbank has its own little seedy pocket, then there are the little shops around melrose and hollywood.

wow.

2:12 pm June, 14 Bob the Bag Hunter said...

That is asstastic. Porn is good and should be celebrated properly. FWAP FWAP

Lucious, I am new to this site but relax on the hatred for L.A. I have traveled all over the country and douche is everywhere. I’ll take L.A. over Atlanta (where I grew up) any day of the week.

2:15 pm June, 14 Toad734 said...

Thats definitely Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard so I am not sure he qualifies as your typical douchebag…That chick he is with however is probably the hottest chick I have ever seen

2:19 pm June, 14 Ultra Bagnus said...

Evan Seinfeld is far too douche to qualify for the pass. Sorry Jazz Hoyt, you are indeed a douche.

2:35 pm June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Rule #3 Male Porn Star Performative Rockstar Leniency – Study Peter North.com and do what he does, which is bascially cream a gallon on every porn chick ever for the low low price of $19.95 / month.

2:36 pm June, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Rule #4 Male Porn Star Performative Rockstar Leniency – Be circumcized

2:39 pm June, 14 doucheywallnuts said...

Boner Fide, I mean Bona Fide male porn stars get the exemption. Any time the words, “may be” precede the words, “porn star” this exemption cannot be granted. And Wanna-Be Porn Stars are de facto douchebags.

2:54 pm June, 14 mr.reeve said...

That ass is Hall of Pear material in my opinion. No pass for Hebro. Douche!

@Vin Douchal, yes Kristin Chenoweth is holding up well. She’s smoking hot. I have to google some pictures of her now.

3:04 pm June, 14 doucheblaster said...

@ Bag Margera

Ron Jeremy is the man! – this was meant as simply as it sounds…. Ron Jeremy is the man!

Let me tell you why (as if you didnt know)…hot chicks fucking a hairy fat jew hedgehog for money is entertainment at its finest

3:48 pm June, 14 Bag Margera said...

@ doucheblaster

No argument from me there. No male porn star will ever reach Ron Jeremy Status ever again, which is why I made my previous point.

@ bigphatnotadouche

http://www.cliphunter.com/streams/search/?q=lupe&x=0&y=0

4:38 pm June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@F

Get off the drugs. You make no sensei.

4:55 pm June, 14 Mr. Biggs said...

HOW DARE YOU ASSOCIATE THIS CHOAD WITH THE HEB— oh. wait. the star on the navel.

Now excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

And find something sharp to ram up his nostrils.

7:22 pm June, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Vin Douchal…

I know you listen to Stern from a previous thread AND that you know DROPPING LOOOOOOOOOADS (Nick Manning’s tag line) so you HAVE to know Lupe Fuentes – aka Little Lupe from her spectacular appearance on the show. It is unfortunate that she is with douchebag Evan Seinfeld who gets a reluctant PRLR despite the fact that he is most likely a HUGE douchebag.

As a reminder to you, Vin Douchal, and for all you cheap bastards without Sirius here is a great Phony Phone Call using Lupe’s chopped up interview:

9:04 pm June, 14 Steve L. said...

extra mock is in order for *most* porn stars, which includes these two.

.

so why is it that we never talk about those ultraorthodox Jews who openly fraternize with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in our Jewish references? the Hebro must be from that ilk.

.

meh. such elaborate insults are wasted on him. he’s just a piece of shit.

9:15 pm June, 14 Lord McBaggin said...

Gonna have to give the Hebro a pass, not because porn stars deserve the PRLR (they do not!) Rather on the fact that while he does have a few bag qualities he is?was? in a band,

Also:

no bag hand gesture,

he is holding this hot tightly too him,

his tats aren’t in the scrotal look at me category, but in the my body is a canvas for expression category,

10:26 pm June, 14 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

I’d say leniency, he’s a pornstar so he’s playing a character and he’s a rocker as well. Not to mention he played spider in oz, and that show was epic. So he gets a pass from me.

6:36 am June, 15 Deltus said...

Porn actors need a leniency rule. Meanwhile, lookit them buttcheeks!

8:03 am June, 15 08ArmyDoc said...

Porn stars are douches by definition. They therefore do NOT get a nottadouche or any leniency in the mock category

11:25 am June, 15 Whoop-di-douche said...

Male porn stars are, by their very career choice, douchebags. Female pornstars are therefore hotchicks with douchebags. As they age they acquire saddlebags and under-the-eye bags.

Entropy rules and never forget it.

5:21 pm June, 15 Whoop-di-douche said...

HEBRO appears to be about to void, let alone vote.

Find him a bush.

No! Not HERS!

9:40 am June, 16 Buh said...

I’m not sure why people think you don’t need to be a douche to be a pornstar.

These days, male pornstars are actual STARS in their own right- they’re gettin’ entire series based around them and much more attention than the average female pornstar gets these days.

Case in point, look up Brian Pumper! He now runs Freaky Empire, and puts out some of the most retarded, douchey rap videos I have EVER seen (‘Rollin’ around in the hood, lookin’ for some chocolate pussy, ’cause it’s goooood’).

His doucheyness defines everything he does in the industry and, it can be argued, contributes to his success.

Also, tattooed folks are very much niche talent in porn now. Look at Joanna Angel stuff, Vivid Alt, everything- these folks make it into porn specifically on their ability to look ‘alternative’. Dunno if that earns anyone a nottadouche pass, but yeah.

Finally, I would like to mention that NO, you don’t have to be circumcised to be a porn star! A large amount (I might even claim the MAJORITY) of male pornstars are NOT circumcised. Know why you can’t tell? Because you never see them in a flaccid state. Most erect uncircumcised men don’t show any foreskin. Go ahead, stare at some pornstar penis next time you watch a durty mooovie.

9:26 pm June, 17 VonDouche said...

No way, no PRLR, because their careers do not require douchey behavior. One could make the argument that Seinfeld uses the persona for musical performances, but pornstars don’t need tatts and hat tilts to get wood. No leniency

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