Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Lobotomy ‘Bag

It’s a paradoxical conundrum.

Does the douche too stupid to know that the other douches have switched t-shirts from “Affliction” to “Ed Hardy” actually mark himself as even more douchey for not getting the memo?

Or less douchey for sticking with his brand and resisting the herd mentality?

And is Vienna a stage-2 Bleeth (aka still redeemable) or stage-3 (too far gone to save)? And, more importantly, can I lick, then gnaw, then lick, uponst her clavicle?

# posted by douchebag1
11:12 am June, 23 burris said...

Vienna is no bleeth, she is mocking lobotochoad.

11:34 am June, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Like Mama used to tell me, life is like a box of chocolates. Jinny made some bad mistakes and died on a sunny day of some new kind of flu.

11:35 am June, 23 Fatness said...

Bleeth. Stage 2 careening out of control to stage 3. Lick, gnaw and lick at will, but have a gallon of Clorox handy to gargle with immediately after.

11:36 am June, 23 Anonymous said...

Isn’t that E-Blo????

11:37 am June, 23 Fatness said...

Oh, sorry, forgot about the ‘bag…
.
He’s still a douche whether he is up to date or not. Hat tilt and single-digit IQ face needs no branding to seal the deal.

11:46 am June, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Vienna: stage 3. Lobobag? her manservant.

11:52 am June, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Gotta love the Butthole Surfers. No parody lyrics are required.

From “Pepper”
.
Another Mikey took a knife
While arguing in traffic
Flipper died a natural death
He caught a nasty virus
Then there was the ever-present
Football player rapist
They were all in love with dyin’
They were doing it in Texas
Pauly caught a bullet
But it only hit his leg
Well it should have been a better shot
And got him in the head
They were all in love with dyin’
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain

11:54 am June, 23 P Showard Chunt said...

she is stage 3, chair dances at work, in the car, gets to the club, and stands around trying to look cool.

he is a choad who doesn’t get the memo, like my honorary choad general stanley mccchrystal-mckenzie, who didn’t get the memo that bud light lime is bitch beer.

now that the head bro in charge iced the c.o., he can reflect on what he says and does, and he didn’t even make it on the cover of the rolling stone.

12:07 pm June, 23 dbBen said...

Stage 3. She’s moved on from guys like Crizz and Jake (pictured) to trying to land a big money dude, hence the scarf at the bar…but she’ll still do Crizz a couple times a year (“He just does things to me.”) disregarding the commitment of fidelity to Adam

12:12 pm June, 23 boatbutter said...

Someone give Chief Broom a pillow to put this Chronic out of our misery.

Mouthbreathing shitbucket.

12:30 pm June, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She is most definitely Stage-3 for letting that poodle squirt its canis spooge in her right ear. Or… wait a minute. Is that Buffalo Beast lurking behind her in a blonde wig?
.
He reminds me of the guy on the riverboat ferry in “The Outlaw Josey Wales” (God I love that fuccen movie!) responsible for pulling the rope: “Pull Emil, pull!” And all Emil can say is “UUUUUUNNNNNNGGGGGHHH” That about sums it up.

12:33 pm June, 23 saulgoode42 said...

I never knew that Jewel was a fan of Tool.

12:33 pm June, 23 Bag Margera said...

Clearly this douche has an affliction, so the shirt is acceptable.

12:37 pm June, 23 Mock Turtle said...

Anybody can have a stupid face in one picture; it’s the hat and shirt that condemn him.

And come ON, you draconian lynch mob, Stage-2 at MOST. The glowing hair dye is common on soccer moms these days, so all you’re going on is an expression and the hand gesture, the whim of a moment. The clothing and makeup suggest “totally redeemable”. And, as they say a Harvard Medical School, licking and gnawing (then licking) are the most reliable cure.

12:46 pm June, 23 WheezerHCwDB said...

I think dbBen brings up an interesting point about Vienna’s bleethdom: maybe this is where we get the 50% figure regarding marriages that fail. In other words, her future hookups will be those unions that don’t last simply for the reasons dbBen offered – the sugar daddy will ever look for younger airheads, and she will get tired of the wrinkly sacs she endures for the jewelry.
.
Joe 17° hat tilt will forever be a pool boy who gets the periodic rich MILF bleeth tail, thus cementing the legend in his own mind that he’s “still got it.”

12:49 pm June, 23 Four Prong said...

Kelli Ripa has sunk lower than she did when she married her man-servant Mark.

1:00 pm June, 23 Bagnonymous said...

Porn stars, both of ’em: The one on the left already took a money-shot in her mouth, and can’t wait to spit it out. The one on the right is desparately waiting for his mouthful of baby paste.

1:07 pm June, 23 Hot Buttered Poopcorn said...

I came here today to mock and laugh… but this is depressing.

1:11 pm June, 23 Deltus said...

Still redeemable, because I’d still like to hump her like a ferret on a double espresso.
.
He might have mild retardation.

1:28 pm June, 23 One for the Choad said...

I’m with Burris – she’s mocking him. That pose is too perfect. And her eyes suggest that she’s in on the joke.

2:08 pm June, 23 DarkSock said...

@ Scrotato:
.
Since we’re butthole surfin’ I’d suggest we “get that boy to Florida, and teach him what to do” before he turns her muddy waters into vaseline stains :
.
I-I’m gonna move down to Florida.
And I’m gonna bowl me a-a perfect game.
I’m gon’ cut off my leg down in Florida.
And I’m gonna dance one-legged off in the rain.

Well they say that Sidney Poitier was a blind man.
And they say that LBJ was a Soviet Jew.
I said that when I go down to Florida ways,
They’re ain’t no kind of sexual healing that I would not, should not,
or could not do, except this rat’cher
.
Well I’m movin’ down to Florida.
And you know that I’m gonna hafta potty train the chairman Mao.
And I’m gonna make the governor write my doodoo a letter, child.
And then I’m gonna grind me a White Castle slider out of India’s sacred cow.

Well, I’m goin down to Florida, child.
And I’m gonna build me the atomic bomb.
I’m gonna hold time hostage down in Florida, child.
Ain’t nobody – ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do. Stepchild.
.
By this time I guess you’ve figured out about Florida.
Turn the muddy water into Vaseline stains.
They be makin’ tadpoles the size of Mercuries in Florida.
That be tellin’ Julio Iglesias what to sing, now.
Well, whoever said that Sidney Poitier was a blind man,
Knew the same of Elvis Presley, too.
’cause all the sausages that dance like Ray Bolger on the hood of a car in a traffic jam
Know just exactly.. what to do. Right here:
.
.
Well I be goin’ to Florida.
Pole cats sit back in the Seminole sand.
You know when I’m in Florida,
Just like Vince, I want it all.
Well I went down to Florida.
I got hurt.
So I took all the children down to Florida.
We start to get down in the dirt.
Well I’m never going back to Florida
That’s why I’m movin today
When I settle down in Florida,
I’m gonna explode the whole damn Tampa Bay.
Get that boy to Florida,
And teach him what to do.

2:41 pm June, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DarkSock^
.
Nice. Love the riffs.
.
And you’ve got to give Jello B. credit for getting them into a studio.

2:54 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

I agree with him.

My eyes are sorely afflicted.

9:22 pm June, 23 Stephanie said...

mouth breathers have to mouth breath because they are part fish…what stinks here?

10:13 pm June, 23 Rigel said...

Stage 3. And her clavicle would taste like Day-Glo Orange chemical spray, or Cheetos. Only if the latter were true would I be mildly enticed to sup upon that. But I’d do a lot for Cheetos.

10:26 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

i thought lobotomies are supposed to remove douchey behaviors? what part of the brain do you need to remove, exactly, to terminate douchey behavior? i mean, an entire frontal lobe is not enough?!
just go in there with an axe, for fuck’s sake.

10:43 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

i’m really torn about whether Vienna is stage 2 or stage 3. if the difference between stage 2 and stage 3 is the redeemable-ness factor, i would have to go with stage 3. but don’t let that discourage you from assigning a stage 2 designation on Vienna. you just have to prove the validity of your decision. heh heh…

12:58 am June, 24 protectorofthehill said...

Vienna’s age would require so much moisture from one’s own mouth to make that illusory heaven moist that it would make a man lost in the sahara for seven fortnights give up a bottle of water.

10:00 am June, 24 Douchelips said...

She’s definitely mocking him and obviously it was the Affliction shirt that caused his dysfunction.

10:20 am June, 24 Pablo Sinatra said...

“If he wants to go to a club, you can take him, but make sure he’s back at the group home by nine.”

12:19 am June, 25 Baleen said...

test

4:56 am June, 25 MsMon said...

Another fucking duckface bitch!

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