Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Rural Wigga Boatcrust

America’s many lake shorefronts are also widely known as gathering grounds for aging hip-hop wannabe wigga douchecrusts like Albert here.

Shelley and Irene just want to fondle. Instead, Albert’s gunt intervenes.

On an unrelated note, Shelley’s back arch angle’s ratio to her perfectly formed ass pear is exactly 4.32643, also known as “Fermat’s Ass Theorem.”

# posted by douchebag1
4:14 pm June, 23 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

Yo Albert, my lawn is not going to mow itself.

4:18 pm June, 23 massengill said...

I’d watch Sleepless in Seattle with her butt.

4:22 pm June, 23 BCS's Ghost said...

Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great ass. I’d fuck all three of ’em.

4:31 pm June, 23 massengill said...

BCS’s Ghost sounds a lot like Crucial…

4:36 pm June, 23 Crucial Head said...

Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great ass. I’d fuck all…

.

…hey wait just a damn minute… is someone reading my thoughts???/?

4:38 pm June, 23 Oleg Tverdouchesky said...

I usually wear cut-off chinos and a basketball jersey when I go out on the boat. Swimsuits are for pussies.

4:46 pm June, 23 Scroteophobic said...

Is that Sarah Jessica Parker’s daughter in the middle?

6:13 pm June, 23 Deltus said...

Alright guys, somebody has to say it… he’s got a great… okay, now this is just getting freaky up in here!

Fermat is rumored to have written in the margins of his notebook beside the equation for his Ass Theorem “Remarkable pear!!”. And no mathematician has yet been able to come up with the proof, because they end up studying a perfect ass pear like Shelley’s there, and fapping themselves to release.

7:25 pm June, 23 Four Prong said...

I keep forgetting to log in. Stump, Stick. amd Pear/

The RCK.

7:33 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

The Fermi Lab in Aurora just called and wants to make some accelerator runs on the Fermat Ass Theorem model.

Something about cyclotronning his ass pear.

7:38 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

I wonder if his mother had a rough delivery with an ass as big as his squeezing outta there.

7:40 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Alright, alright, he needs a good spanking and several recurring characters here are just the ones to do it. While others watch.

7:41 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Albert is the

a) quiche

b) apple pie

c) cherry tart

d) pizza

of douchecrusts.

7:43 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Albert has the bad habit of disturbing the wildlife and upsetting the ecosystem of each lake he appears on.

7:43 pm June, 23 Mookie Sanders said...

I hope that the Rural Wigger will come sit on my lap so that I can kiss his sweet mouth until he nuzzles into my belly button, purring like a kitten.

7:46 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Albert disturbs the swans, out-rudders the ruddy ducks, and ganders the geese.

7:47 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

When Albert takes off, the sound of the Canadian honker flies outta his ass.

7:47 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

…for Albert is that strange waterfowl known as the Crested Dweeb.

7:50 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Rural wigga Albert’s booty out-wiggles Shakira’s.

7:54 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Rural wigga Albert is destined to spawn a myriad of buttinskis.

7:58 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Rural wigga Albert hails from pork country, and those aren’t his hams, they’re his nutz.

7:59 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Rural wigga Albert comes from a line of sodbusters but found his calling as a sowbuster.

8:01 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Albert and Irene get ready to engage in a log-rolling contest on Irene by taking their butt-out positions.

8:03 pm June, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Um, er, uh, that log-rolling contest is on Shelley, not Irene, and she’ll probably sink when these two bum-heavy floaters climb aboard.

9:10 pm June, 23 DarkSock said...

I WOULD SO PEE IN HER BUTT

9:15 pm June, 23 Stephanie said...

She could almost hold up a shelf of books

9:28 pm June, 23 soy bomb said...

Ahhh…I could so get lost in those buttocks…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

HERS!!! HERS!!! HERS!!! NOHOMO NOHOMO NOHOMO!!!

10:06 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

Albert is a supermodel trapped in an aging trucker’s body, he / she is.

that’s why he’s such a huge star in the local prison.

10:07 pm June, 23 Rigel said...

While impressive, Albert’s pear does happen to be less tappable. I only say that because he may have sat in something wet. Shelley, on the other hand… I would very much like to cuddle up with her with a book and some hot chocolate in mid-winter, wrapped in a blanket and debating the genius of George Orwell versus Stephanie Meyer. I just hope I can convince her to give 1984 a try.

10:10 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

did Shelley learn the perfect back arch ratio from Albert?

i wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry. but i will fap regardless.

10:12 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

oh crap did i pull a prison sex joke?

it’s what Albert deserves.

10:25 pm June, 23 Baleen said...

Looks like Four Prong brought his yacht to the Regatta de Douche.

10:55 pm June, 23 creature said...

Alberts ass is 80 lbs of walnuts in a 5lb sack… I’d hit it, with a cricket bat

10:57 pm June, 23 Vin Douchal said...

In an act of utmost blasphemy

Took the Red Sox gear right off of me

Want to gouge out my eyes

‘Cause we lost tonight

On a homer by Douchebag Giambi

10:58 pm June, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Anyone but that bloated asshole. Gimme a break, huh, Baseball Gods?

11:11 pm June, 23 P Showard Chunt said...

her ass makes me want to invade kurdistan and root out kim, khloe. and kourtney, while blasting borat in the nuts with a battering ram

11:12 pm June, 23 P Showard Chunt said...

ok, kurdistan, khazakistan, kardashian, tell me you can tell them apart?

11:19 pm June, 23 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I would butt her butt with a silky butt wrapped in a succulent butt with detachable butt flogs just for the chance to sniff her discarded butts that she butt at her grandbutt’s house last Buttmas…

.

… Or was it Buttsgiving?

.

.

.

.

.

Butt.

12:08 am June, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

Pardon my cuntiness, but if your thigh is bigger around than your torso, it doesn’t bode well for your later years….

12:53 am June, 24 protectorofthehill said...

Oh my god who let the anchor on deck?

2:06 am June, 24 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said...

i thought medusa had carte blanche on cuntyness, or cunt blanche as it were.

3:02 am June, 24 DarkSock said...

Shelley is known here as “Ass Pear”.

.

Albert is known in County as “Ass Peril”.

.

.

.

Somebody email me an Ambien. Please.

5:38 am June, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Middle girl does look like Sarah Jessica Parker. The mysterious FOOT FACE.

6:16 am June, 24 mr.reeve said...

The curve makes me want to be a perve! The chicken leg long nose does not and motocrossboatbag makes me want put my meat thermometor in his dark flesh hole cell block style.

6:31 am June, 24 Bagnonymous said...

THICK, that’s what I’m sayin’. Them’s some thick-ass thighs ‘n’ ass right there. Countess (Cuntess?) Medusa might be right, but I’d hit that shit hard while the gettin’s still good. …And then dump ‘er for for some skinny-ass chick who’ll stay that way after poppin’ out 4-5 kids.

6:37 am June, 24 Bagnonymous said...

PS. I’ll bet there’s plenty of sweaty, overweight dudes in the state penitentiary who feel that “the gettin’s still good” on Rural Wigga’s ass. I’d pay to see that.

.

Wait.. that totally sounded gay.

.

Still.. it’d be worth it.

6:43 am June, 24 Bag Margera said...

Here’s one douche that I don’t have a problem with breeding. Not that I’d want to think about it… but you know his daughters will be asstacular when they come of age!

6:48 am June, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hey, Albert, leave the lesbians alone, ok?

6:51 am June, 24 lucious lupus john says fu ck albert said...

fu ck albert. god dam-it. i mean seriously. jesus.

6:51 am June, 24 Deltus said...

@Bagnonymous: no, that didn’t sound totally gay. “Sir! In the interest of cleanliness, might I offer my services, and lick that cum dollop from your mustache?” Now THAT sounded totally gay. If you’re going to gay it up, you have to be completely invested in the enterprise.

7:00 am June, 24 Doucheasorus Maximus said...

WTF!! The lusting for Albert’s ass is making me sick. The girls are helping to offset the illness.

8:18 am June, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

Look at the ass on that one. He must work out.

9:08 am June, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Oddly, this is the picture they show to guys in prison as a test to see if they are ready for parole. If they say that “They’d bang those bitches like a screen door hanging on by one hinge during a hurricane” they know that the prisoner can be sent to the parole board. If they say the same thing about Albert, well, they get thrown in “the hole” for another 6 months. True story. My neighbor works as a prison guard.

9:14 am June, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Uh Boss, not to criticize or nuthin’ but Fermat’s Ass Pear Theorem is: ass^n + boobs^n = cuteness^n

.

There is no known positive value of n greater two that this equation works. For example, chick in the middle would be:

.

ass^0 (no ass pear) + boobs^0 (flat chested) does not = cuteness (at all).

It’s just that simple. Give a try and see if you can make it work. Now if you would think of her as a 4-dimensional Klein bottle that…aw, never mind.

10:16 am June, 24 Pablo Sinatra said...

What an awesome, smoking hot picture this would be, if there wasn’t some ridiculous dipshit in it, hat on backwards, giant sunglasses, death grip on that bottle of Miller High Life that he usually reserves for his tiny cock. But I guess if he weren’t there, I’d have never seen this picture at all. So, I guess, thanks, douchebag. Now could you take two giant steps to your right?

11:24 am June, 24 lucious lupus john says fu ck albert and his diaper shorts said...

@ deltus, might i add that also sounds totally disgusting, even if performed by double agent 73, chesty morgan, and the cum turns out to be mustard.

12:30 pm June, 24 anonymous said...

http://www.fivedoves.com/letters/apr2010/bb.jpg

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