Monday, June 21, 2010

Tony Bolero: King of Ft. Lauderdale

Tony B. knows how to rock all the granddaughters of the residents of the “Resting Palms” gated community in Margate, Florida, just outside of Ft. Lauderdale.

Yes, even Sunny. Who’s just down from Hibbing, Minnesota, for the weekend. Visiting her beloved Grammy Henderson. Who keeps calling security on Tony Bolero for crashing their jacuzzi/pool area near the mahjong table at the clubhouse.

Sunny doesn’t mind Tony B’s douchey attention. For Sunny knows her perfect marshmallow body of taut curviture and ubersucklethigh causes nearby pelicans to upchuck half-eaten whitefish in regurgatory appreciation for perfect swollen boobage.

# posted by douchebag1
4:32 pm June, 21 soy bomb said...

Too much ‘tude in this pic. Perfect amount of cleave, though.

4:33 pm June, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I smell the yeast infection and old people urine smell through my screen.

4:37 pm June, 21 G said...

She has a bad helmut…put his head on her body and he might have a chance at getting laid. Status quo won’t cut it, unless any of the Blue Hairs is hard up and can’t see without their specs.

5:00 pm June, 21 Mr. White said...

I fear that the pelicans are throwing up because of Sunny’s very “unfortunate” face. She might look better with Tony’s T-shirt over her head, and since it’s Ed Hardy, that’s saying something.

5:07 pm June, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Everything about her screams Truck Stop Hooker.

Far from judging, I mention it only because said look is among my favorite requests of Mrs. Howser on “Dress-Up Nights.”

10-4.

5:30 pm June, 21 End the Haberdouchery said...

Looking at the ground behind them, it appears that Darksock recently absconded from the scene after peeing in her butt.

5:40 pm June, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Oh, St. J., we stray, and pray we more faithfully mock those of the Y-chromosome-persuasion.

Deliver us from evil internet-access to ridiculously hot-hotts that tempts us to slander Suckle-Thigh who, in person would, yea, verily give us diurnal-emissions.

5:40 pm June, 21 Baleen said...

Tony’s been trolling the Greyhound station. She goes by the name “Staph”.

5:52 pm June, 21 Anonymous said...

Isn’t that Viggo mortensens ugly twin sister?

U on the left!, bite down hard chump fuck

5:52 pm June, 21 Turdacious said...

Isn’t that Viggo mortensens ugly twin sister?

U on the left!, bite down hard chump fuck

6:05 pm June, 21 opie sardonicus said...

Sorry, all. This is “Hatchet-faced biker skanks with douchebags” material. Her bod is a delectable confection topped with a turd. A paper bag is this year’s must-have accessory.

7:06 pm June, 21 Steve L. said...

i am ashamed to say that, as a bilingual Asian, i haven’t played Mahjong long enough to even remember the rules. because my mom doesn’t know the rules either. she was against every conceivableform of leisure, and she believed that if her kids weren’t in school, they should be in their rooms studying. my dad believed in the same things, basically.

as i contemplate on the scenery of a hot blonde playing mahjong next to a pool, i’m gonna hate my parents more than ever.

or… er… does she actually play mahjong at the mahjong table? am i making too many assumptions about the presence of a mahjong table next to a pool?

7:07 pm June, 21 Baron Von Goolo said...

Who knew that the Dad Vampire from the Twilight movies had such awesome tits.

7:35 pm June, 21 Dicy said...

That’s unfortunate.

7:36 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

“Ith nodda poobik hair ah’m gaggin’ on, Darlene; ith your tampon sthring….*grawwwwk!!!*

7:39 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

Since only 38 people actually saw the movie”Best Of Show”, I’m here to say:

.

“She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig…”

7:41 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

She looks like the stewardess on Air-Con

7:41 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

She looks like the concierge for Parchman State Penitentiary.

7:42 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

She looks like the fluffer on the set of “Bulldykes Vs. Bulldozers: Fuckmachines against FistMules: Volume 8”

7:43 pm June, 21 Bag Margera said...

Holy skankola-imbredola! Douche can have ‘er!

7:48 pm June, 21 boatbutter said...

Apparently Layne Staley is alive. And hot. And a chick.

7:48 pm June, 21 boatbutter said...

Yuk….

7:50 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

Steve L. –

.

I had no idea you were a bilingual Asian; and I’m proud of you for sharing that with us. It takes a brave man to be so open in such a snarky circle. I’m serious. Kudos, dude!

.

.

.

.

So what does a Thai boy’s asshole feel like?*

.

.

.

*Crucial wants to know but was too afraid to ask.**

.

.

**I KEED, I KEED…..***

.

.

.

***actually Crucial IS curious…I already know. Feels like a basset hound’s asshole, pretty much.

.

.

A GIRL basset hound, guys….I may be a perv but I’m not bilingual.

7:52 pm June, 21 DarkSock said...

Who orders a RealDoll with a James Wood head?

7:53 pm June, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

From DB1’s commentary all I can think of is Spalding from Caddyshack saying “Ahoy, polloi… where did you come from, a scotch ad?” and then Mrs. Smails saying, “…and you, you look like a couple of boogeys.”

Or whatever her exact quote is.

8:25 pm June, 21 Steve L. said...

@ DarkSock 7:50 PM,

for ME, it feels like molten lava. because Thai food is spicy, y’know. to each their own, i guess.

that would probably make residents of Szechuan and Texas perfect candidates for kinky anal sex, but i guess i’ll leave that for another day.

8:42 pm June, 21 xoffender said...

looks like a still from boys don’t cry

8:49 pm June, 21 soy bomb said...

Despite her “challenging” face, I was able to finish not once, but TWICE to Sunny (I’m GOOD at what I do).

9:37 pm June, 21 Whoop-di-douche said...

Only thing marshmallowy about her is the boobs, all the rest is rib-bones and thin, not to be mistaken for taut.

I am sick of seeing these douchebags so full of themselves. Mocking must pick up in intensity.

We must be “carefully taught.”

Before it’s too late.

Before we are six, or seven or eight if possible.

10:01 pm June, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Whoop-di-douche^

“…rib bones and thin,”

Heh heh heh.

10:05 pm June, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DarkSock ^7:39

.

Best in Show…absolute classic.

.

We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

10:06 pm June, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DarkSock^

.

And how can we forget: I’ll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I’m gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I’ll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

.

Hee hee. Max Berman knows how to get shit done.

10:53 pm June, 21 WheezerHCwDB said...

Her facial muscles are very defined. I’d say “butterface” but I didn’t think butter could wither before melting in heat.

.

Maybe she should stay out of the sun for…..oh, I don’t know…..the rest of her life. Premature wrinkling is bad enough in itself at 22, but when it seems Dr. Strange’s Eye of Agamotto is pushing its way through your forehead from the inside…..

.

Yeah, I busted up with the Dr. Strange reference, bitches.

1:04 am June, 22 Baron Von Goolo said...

“FistMules”

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Sorry “slapdick.” Baron has a new favorite word.

1:40 am June, 22 lucious lupus john knows this mask, just not the shirt said...

white lines

and

booze

and

more white lines

then the booze

and snow caps

snow caps and booze

and then for some reason you can’t breath except by keeping your mouth open at all times

then you taste the air and

it requires all of your faculties and wits just to even walk in public without sunglasses

oh my god

oh my god

oh christ

1:44 am June, 22 lucious lupus john knows this mask, just not the shirt said...

the grateful dead by ed hardy? is it really? what happened?

2:16 am June, 22 lucious lupus john knows this mask, just not the shirt said...

>For Sunny knows her perfect marshmallow body of taut curviture and ubersucklethigh causes nearby pelicans to upchuck half-eaten whitefish in regurgatory appreciation for perfect swollen boobage.<

there is a market for this delicacy. we must find it, probably someplace where they drink poop coffee, and saturate the market for maximum profit. uber hipsters will relish the sublime flavors articulated through half digested sea gurgle. and if it were sushi cut straight out of the pelican gut after percolating for several hours, the more we could charge. half digested death always tastes best.

2:43 am June, 22 P Showard Chunt said...

look honey, we get that you have incredible tits and a smoking body, and hair and make-up seem pointless, as if you are already offering the world more than it should expect….but would it hurt you to not look like sissy spacek in all those movies where she showed what a serious actress she was by looking like a washed out trailer-ho?

and douche with the autiger t-shirt, seriously? if your hero blew a load on that t-shirt would you ever wash it?

3:02 am June, 22 lucious lupus john knows this mask, just not the shirt said...

i curse thee p showard chunt for causing me to look at the christian audigier shirt line. i could not read that signature. i thought it said “ed hardy’s gay ass grateful dead tribute shirt”. now i see the signature and can’t get it out of my head.

i think you are on to something. at $119 a t-shirt, i think a load is blown on each shirt, and maybe an assistant or two helped, just like at warhol’s factory; not with the creation, but the mass production.

http://christianaudigier.com/categories/ca-mens.html

after reviewing the “fashion” line, what really kills me is that i thought this sh!t ended with the death of the 8ball leather jacket.

http://www.skooldays.com/images/fa1001.jpg

but it just keeps being regurgitated in new and more colorful ways.

3:07 am June, 22 lucious lupus john knows this mask, just not the shirt said...

and your name link, p showard chunt, pulls up a warning that it may be a phishing site? what is up with that?

5:46 am June, 22 P Showard Chunt said...

i’m a thoroughly dangerous blogger, even on word press.

6:05 am June, 22 Turdacious said...

@boatbutter 7:48

better then my Viggo reference…lol

just could not find a good enough pic to add

6:26 am June, 22 Tony Ventresca said...

Best In Show is the BEST. That makes three of us who saw the movie, so who are the other 35 people?

6:33 am June, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Great cleavage, but needs a bag over her head…or it’s just an unflattering picture of the poor dear.

6:42 am June, 22 massengill said...

She looks like a gloryhole attendant at The Knuckle Saloon in Sturgis, SD.

6:44 am June, 22 bigphatnotadouche said...

Meth + Trailerpark + jorts = Florida / Alabama skank

7:45 am June, 22 DouchYouWannaDance said...

First photo where I feel worse for the Douchebag than the chick.

8:06 am June, 22 7poundsofDouche said...

I love women that like the douche bag that’s the same size as they are. They’re like an ankle biting dog. I bet he travels with a friend that is 6-4 235 lbs.

8:30 am June, 22 Bueller said...

Damn, someone beat the HELL out of her with the ugly stick.

8:35 am June, 22 Deltus said...

They beat the hell out of her with an ugly stick, but the swelling it left on her body turned out nicely.

10:09 am June, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I too love “Best in Show” so that makes only 34 other people that we now have to find.

.

This poor unfortunate looking creature reminds me of Uma Thurman. After she got dragged behind a truck. Facedown. For 75 miles. Over broken glass. After a 2 month meth binge. Where the meth was cut with Drano. Yeesh!

.

I almost didn’t see the douche because of her. I think COL. Kurtz said it best, “The horror! The horror!”

4:40 pm June, 22 Welcome to Douchetralia said...

She is what we call in Doucetralia a “prawn” or what you seppos call a “shrimp”. Throw away the head, keep the body!

7:44 pm June, 22 G said...

^ lol..shrimp…have to remember that one…

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