Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Unfinished Tatt Guy

UTG’s favorite classical composition is Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony.

UTG’s favorite videogame is “Half Life.”

When UTG commits to something, he promises to “give 50%.”

When UTG swears he won’t give up, he promises to “work at it 12/3.5.”

UTG signs all his postcards to friends and family by writing “Having a great time, wish.”

When someone sneezes, UTG says “God.”

Oh, Sandy. Your perfect lithe and taut stomach beckons my tongue to flickedy lick upon your ab muscles like a spastic oyster with lupus.

Or, put in a way that UTG would understand, “I would like to.”

# posted by douchebag1
11:03 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

This guy’s tatt might be unfinished, but I just looked at Sandy and finished. Twice.

.

mmmmhhhhmmmmGGGAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

.

…make that 3 times.

11:05 am June, 9 colossus of choads said...

Possibly my favourite ever bio.

Mad Propz.

11:05 am June, 9 SloppyJoe said...

I wanna be UTG when I grow

11:07 am June, 9 Mr. White said...

UTG peed in a

11:10 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s favorite version of the Mona Lisa.

11:11 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s favorite furniture collection.

11:11 am June, 9 Bueller said...

Finishing would not be a problem with Sandy.

11:11 am June, 9 mr.reeve said...

I wonder what Sandy thinks of UTG’s half cock.

11:12 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s favorite Chuck Norris joke:

.

Chuck Norris is so strong.

11:13 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

Sandy gets UTG so horny that one of his balls turned blue.

11:14 am June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG eats trees and shits out

11:15 am June, 9 Mr. White said...

UTG has never found out what’s inside a Tootsie Pop.

11:15 am June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG thinks that Dark Sock Peed in

11:16 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG lives in a halfway house.

11:19 am June, 9 bigphatnotadouche said...

UTG only got to second base.

11:20 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG’s favorite sitcom character is the half man from Two and a Half Men.

11:20 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG prefers unfinished pine furniture in his roofless house.

11:21 am June, 9 anonymous said...

UTG always goes off half-cocked.

11:21 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s favorite rock band is AC.

11:22 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG thinks the glass is half empty and half full.

11:22 am June, 9 anonymous said...

UTG never misses a half-off sale, especially at tattoo studios.

11:22 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG only drinks half and half.

11:23 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG does everything half-assed (except his broheims).

11:23 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG’s life expectancy is 37 years.

11:24 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG tried to read Mr. Whites chapters on partial differentials.

11:24 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG buys his Miller Lite by the half-barrel.

11:24 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG has one testicle and his sperm can only swim sideways.

11:25 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

White’s*

.

Do I get partial credit?

11:26 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG’s eyesight is 20.

11:27 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG drives a Dodge Stratus.

11:28 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG never defrags his hard drive.

11:28 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG can’t decide if he sees the glass half-empty or half-full.

11:29 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

Why wear pants when shorts will do just fine?

11:30 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG lives in a halfway house.

11:31 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

When UTG dresses up, only the best Half-Windsor knot will do.

11:32 am June, 9 Baron Von Goolo said...

UTG usually only makes it halfway through an art museum, unless

Damien Hirst is showing.

11:33 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

Wheezer didn’t read Crucial’s 11:22 a.m. post…..UGH.

11:34 am June, 9 Crucial Head said...

UTG prefers radius over circumference.

11:34 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG likes ass solo.

.

…wait…

.

…think about it…

.

THERE it is!

11:36 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

When UTG first saw Sandy, he was like, “DAMN! I’d break that girl into quarters.”

11:41 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG pulls into the gas station and yells, “Don’t fill ‘er up!”

11:42 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG has sweet grandstand tickets for this year’s Indy 250.

11:43 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG designed Veg Armstrong’s arm-workout regimen.

11:44 am June, 9 tall guy said...

Mmmmm, Sandy! She’s bouncy, perky and appears to be dosed-up for the day (i mean, look at her eyes & the Prozac smile). She also appears to be gymnastically flexible, by which I hope she’d invert her spine during her moments of ecstatic pleasure. I am imagining things. It is early morning here and I prepare myself for work in such ways. Forgive me, fellow douche mockers.

11:44 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

UTG ‘s favorite website ishalf.com/

11:45 am June, 9 massengill said...

Unfinished sandwich girl.

11:45 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG’s favorite HoS members: Johnny, Joey, The Stereo, and (Fuck) Fish.

11:48 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

UTG was a wrestler in high school, but only learned and used the half-Nelson.

11:48 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

In regards to cutie pie Sandy, though, I can say unequivocally that I have a full-on chubby.

11:49 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG leaves baseball games after the 7th-inning stretch.

11:49 am June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG offered to go “halfsies” on dinner with Sandy.

11:50 am June, 9 massengill said...

UTG accidentally the whole

11:52 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

UTG is employed as a janitor at Robert Half Technology

11:52 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG’s favorite NSFW comedy bit…..

11:54 am June, 9 massengill said...

UTG lives in a halfway house.

11:54 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

UTG only howls at half moons.

11:56 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

UTG’s favorite movie is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

11:57 am June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

His friends would say UTG is half baked.

12:00 pm June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s resting body temperature is 49.3 F.

12:01 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG only read the Old Testament.

12:02 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG’s favorite band is Daryl Hall

12:04 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG finished the Tour de France on a unicycle.

12:05 pm June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

How much you wanna bet Sandy is half-Asian?

12:09 pm June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

UTG’s favorite website is http://www.hotchicks. (Well, uh, I can’t fault him there…)

12:10 pm June, 9 Bagnonymous said...

^ stupid automatic linking

12:10 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

This thread is half-assed

12:26 pm June, 9 doucheywallnuts said...

UTG has a frighteningly androgynous upper body…It’s almost as if he is a full-sized, pre-pubescent 12-year old of an undetermined sex. The lovely Sandy has a lovely lower abdomen and hip bone area, but is need of implants. Note to Sandy, don’t get UTG arrange for the procedure or you might just get one instead of a full pair.

12:27 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG has the median IQ of 50.

12:28 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG thinks Superbowl half time show is after the first quarter.

12:29 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG wears contacts in one eye.

12:30 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG play Texas Hold em with 4 cards.

12:30 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He used to wear glasses, but they were a monocle.

12:33 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG’s gal has unfinished fake tit surgery.

12:36 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG has lots of half-baked ideas.

12:37 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG eats just the INside of In ‘N Out burgers.

12:38 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG has dangling participles.

12:39 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG never removes his laundry from the washer.

12:43 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG only dates half-sisters like Marie Osmond’s Sandy here..

12:44 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG’s preferred classical music is Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony.

12:45 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG played half-back back in the day.

12:45 pm June, 9 Turdacious said...

UTG only reads half of the post here and then post the same thing someone already posted and still only gets it half right

12:47 pm June, 9 Turdacious said...

@Whoop-di-douche 12:37

Good one

east coasters may not get that one

“in and out urge”

1:12 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG stays in shape by running half marathons.

1:12 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG found out it way too expensive to live in Half Moon Bay.

1:14 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG still thinks “The Godfather” ends when Sonny gets gunned down at the toll booth.

1:26 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG is feet tall.

1:27 pm June, 9 I douche, therefore I am said...

UTG’s head imploded after he finished reading The Neverending Story.

1:28 pm June, 9 Deltus said...

Odd how a half-tatt still makes a whole-douchebag.

1:33 pm June, 9 I douche, therefore I am said...

… and no, Sandy most definitely does not need a boob job. I’d choose small natural tits over overblown jelly-filled balloons any day! Especially, seeing that in this case everything else on this tasty hott looks absolutely delicious.

1:34 pm June, 9 douchebag1 said...

Anyone care to guess UTG’s favorite punctuation mark?

1:35 pm June, 9 I douche, therefore I am said...

… except for that mound of choad right next to here

1:35 pm June, 9 I douche, therefore I am said...

*her, that is

1:36 pm June, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ DB1

.

Is it a semi-colon?

1:41 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG lives in a halfway house,

1:44 pm June, 9 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

UTG partially agrees with every comment in this thread.

1:45 pm June, 9 Ludacris Axehandle McCockwielder said...

UTG lives in a halfway house.

1:47 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG graduated as a sophmore on high school.

1:47 pm June, 9 Thorax Hammersmith said...

UTG also thinks the glass is half empty AND half full!!!!!11!

1:49 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG has a cracked winshield where the garage door keeps hitting it.

1:51 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG only recycles paper.

1:59 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG eats Kosher beef.

2:00 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG’s favorite candy is m’s

2:00 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s corpse will be carbon dated using quarter-lives.

2:00 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

When UTG gets a fill in the blank test he just turns it back in.

2:01 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG is a half Jew. His people wandered the desert for 20 years.

2:02 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

Also, UTG lives in a halfway house.

2:02 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG thinks a Gaussian Bell Curve ends at the median.

2:03 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG wishes you Merry Christmas and a Happy.

2:04 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s genital warts don’t spread to his left side.

2:05 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

Fuck FWHM, UTG just uses half maximum.

2:11 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dicy 2:00

Very clever.

UTG has half-blown AIDS.

2:27 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

@Rev Chad

Thanks! I thought about it for half a day.

2:31 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

UTG has half a mind to get half dressed and leave his half way house to half assed look for a job.

2:32 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

Oooh ooh a part time job that is*

2:39 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG’s printer only does half tones.

2:40 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG loves to vacation at Half Dome.

2:44 pm June, 9 G said...

douche is a quarter-wit

2:45 pm June, 9 G said...

douche prefers the half monty

2:45 pm June, 9 G said...

douche waits for the change shot in pornos

2:51 pm June, 9 G said...

douche is still looking for a 3 pound watch to wear

2:53 pm June, 9 bagwood said...

Sadly, Sandy’s cups are only half-full.

2:56 pm June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister 1:44 pm June, 9 said…

.

UTG partially agrees with every comment in this thread.

.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — – – – — –

.

Well I was thinkin’ he may have half a mind to sue us!

2:58 pm June, 9 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Hey!

I don’t think we can get much closer to the record 246 posts on this UTG thread!

3:10 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s favorite war movie is Half-Metal Jacket.

3:26 pm June, 9 lucious lupus john fears for sandy's sweetitude said...

his nipples aren’t half finished.

they be bedazzled.

run, sandy, run!!!

3:48 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG’s favorite weekly news program is 30 minutes.

3:49 pm June, 9 Bonez said...

UTG’s favorite wrestling move is the Half Nelson.

3:49 pm June, 9 Scroteophobic said...

UTG half rode a half pipe before he fell. Being UTG he only fell half way to the ground before even gravity gave up in disgust.

3:53 pm June, 9 Scroteophobic said...

UTG has half a grudge against half the science world because they keep making him change his favourite element. Once upon a time it was Antimony but they slowly dragged him further into the table. Only this spring they revealed hints that he was going to have to like Praseodymium over Cerium. And he can’t fukken spell Praseodymium.

3:54 pm June, 9 Scroteophobic said...

Who am I kidding he cannot even spell element…

3:54 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

I think we all can agree that UTG’s mom should have had a partial birth abortion.

3:56 pm June, 9 Bonez said...

he also enjoys eating oysters on the half shell.

3:57 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

The only reggae UTG listens to is Half Pint.

3:57 pm June, 9 Scroteophobic said...

UTG was sub-contracted by god to make the universe. He painted about 20% of the star and just kind of gave up. Which is why we cannot see the fuckers and have had to come up with the term Dark matter.

.

On a related note: Dark energy doesn’t exist. The reason for the universe’s expansion speeding up is that it wants to get away from UTG faster.

3:58 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

My fuccen spelling is inexcusable. Fogive me.

3:59 pm June, 9 massengill said...

At the raw bar, UTG orders oysters on the quarter shell.

4:00 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG longs for the days of Mario Lopez on “The Other Half”.

4:01 pm June, 9 massengill said...

When UTG was a arrested he had the right to remain.

4:04 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG posts pictures of his mirror on facebook

4:04 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

His also likes The Longest Afternoon.

4:06 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG likes Planet of the Ape.

4:07 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG ruins auto transmissions.

4:09 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG shops for organics at Half Foods.

4:11 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG bowls 150.

4:11 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG doesn’t wipe his ass.

4:16 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG’s favorite Jerry Lee Lewis song is “A Bit of Shakin’ Goin’ On.”

4:21 pm June, 9 Bonez said...

UTG is working on a screenplay entitled The Half Monty.

4:25 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG can’t do the hokey-pokey cuz he justs puts one foot in.

4:25 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG always leaves the girls wanting more.

.

.

.

.

.

.

lame

4:26 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG scored a perfect 800 on his SATs.

4:31 pm June, 9 Stephanie said...

He’s saving up for the rest of his tattoo,which is a giant cock.

4:31 pm June, 9 Miss Anonymous said...

Is anyone in here still talking about the hott?

4:32 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG wears damp cloths to work.

4:33 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG goes dutch.

4:34 pm June, 9 Ned's Atomic Douchebin said...

UTG is the living half of a siamese twin.

4:35 pm June, 9 Ms. Anon said...

@ Miss Anonymous

Fuck off and die, bitch.

4:35 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG likes track lighting with dimmers only.

4:36 pm June, 9 Ned's Atomic Douchebin said...

Wait, who is UTG?

4:37 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG’s Segway has no battery.

4:37 pm June, 9 Ned's Atomic Douchebin said...

UTG will be there in about a half an hour.

4:39 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG bats.500.

4:40 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG skates with one truck and two wheels.

4:41 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG was carried to term in the ballsack of a cyclops.

4:44 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG plays flute on his one testicled malamute’s coock . But only hears half-notes.

4:47 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG turns it up to five.

4:48 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG started to read Dante’s Inferno but only got the the second circle of hell.

4:49 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UTG has a one way ticket to nowhere.

4:50 pm June, 9 Baleen said...

UGT finds women mildly arousing.

4:57 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s car is a motorcycle.

4:58 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG has one ticket to paradise.

4:59 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s double hung window are open.

5:02 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s Mother had one ovary.

5:06 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG got a degree in penile studies at a two year college.

5:22 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

UTG only uses half n half in his half caf coffee.

5:29 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

UTG has a summer house in Halfway, Oregon.

5:36 pm June, 9 Ariscrotle said...

Midway was UTG’s favorite WWII battle.

5:38 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG knows that I work 12 hour days but am only busy half the time.

5:40 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG knows half of The Czech national anthem.

5:53 pm June, 9 Anonymous said...

For UTG hindsight is 50.

5:54 pm June, 9 Turdacious said...

UTG uses 1/2 in his coffee

5:58 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG travelled to the West Indies and discovered a paleolithic tribe on an island off the coast of Pakistan. He ass raped half of the boys.

6:00 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

UTG can only tell time at half past.

6:00 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG thinks Chris Pronger wears the number 10.

6:02 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG knows I am having bad thoughts about the top half of Dicy.

6:14 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

Heheh and I’m even legal in that pic so it’s okay.

However, UTG only sleeps with girls half his age and finishes halfway through.

6:44 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG orders his coock steak medium.

6:48 pm June, 9 Turdacious said...

UTG 1/4 cocks his girlfriends so they don’t fall in love.

this equates to about 1/2 an inch

6:53 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG travelled to ancient Greece to bang a minotaur. All he gave was a blowjob.

6:56 pm June, 9 Anonymous said...

UTG doesnt swallow

7:04 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG only listened to the first five songs on Ten, Fuck you Temple of the Dog.

7:54 pm June, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

UTG parties 12-3.5, 182.5

7:55 pm June, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ You have no idea how long it took me to do that without a calculator. It’s embarrassing.

8:04 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG is partly sure that he is not going to find out if hott shaves her poonanna.

8:54 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG has only come half circle.

8:57 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG only cleans, never jerks.

.

.

.

It’s a weightlifting term. Look it up.

8:58 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

When UTG goes ballin’, he only uses a half court press.

8:59 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG will give you %55.

9:00 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG cheers for the Flyers. Heh.

9:02 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG likes chips, but not dales.

9:02 pm June, 9 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

UTG knows how to use a hammer, but not a sickle.

9:09 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG sucked one of Chef’s chocalate salty ball.

9:16 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What the fuck just happened?

9:46 pm June, 9 douchebag1 said...

Yeah, the comments section was set to break at 200, but for some reason there’s no ability to read the older comments when it flips, so I just upped it to 300 per page.

.

– management

9:58 pm June, 9 Dicy said...

UTG only gets half as many comments as Samuri Scröte because he is only half the man, and by man I mean douche.

10:14 pm June, 9 DarkSock said...

UTG peed in a pony once.

10:37 pm June, 9 soy bomb said...

UTG enjoys drinking either an ‘Arnold’ or a ‘Palmer’.

10:38 pm June, 9 massengill said...

UTG works part-time buttoning Kettlehead’s shirts.

10:39 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

UTG does not have half a cock.

okay he does. i’m just lying because i don’t want to see Medusa’s academic fetish pics again. because i need to restock my supply of 151 proof rum.

10:42 pm June, 9 soy bomb said...

Instead of a Black & Tan, UTG simply drinks a Guinness.

10:44 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

UTG has only half a brain. therefore, half of his body is paralyzed.

on the bright side, UTG won’t have to worry about his epileptic spasms spreading to his entire body.

lucky bastard.

10:51 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

UTG is incapable of typing on a keyboard with more than 13 alphabetical letters.

if you need to write a takedown request, just take your time configuring your keyboard, UTG.

10:58 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

UTG can only use halved or splintered disks for zip disk cutting.

and if he zip cuts with any frequency. he should be dead now.

10:59 pm June, 9 Steve L. said...

damn construction jokes.

11:19 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG only orders a quarter pint at the local Pub.

11:23 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG has ADHD and drives a HEMI.

11:25 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG defraggles

11:26 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG takes half an aspirin and forgets to call the doctor in the morning.

11:26 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

UTG loses half his socks in the spin cycle.

11:27 pm June, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

E.T. landed, saw UTG and forgot what he stopped by for.

11:34 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG’s favorite song: “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” – Meat Loaf

11:35 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG applied for the Halfbright Scholarship.

11:37 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG skateboards on the median.

11:37 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG thinks we’re all mean.

11:39 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG’s favorite store: Half-Price Books

.

.

.

.

And now that I mention it, I need to go there myself. I visited over Memorial Day weekend and saw a number of librarian-type hotts, including one of the cashiers.

.

Maybe I need to get a part-time job…..

11:40 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG’s motto: “All things in moderation.”

11:41 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

UTG visits only those bars with a 2-drink maximum.

1:44 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG’s first and last girlfriend is still waiting for the accidentally conceived baby to be born. Apparently indecisiveness and an inability to finish the job are genetic. Comes of only having 12 autosomal chromosomes.

1:44 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG’s was asked if he was a glass half full kind of guy and just looked confused.

1:45 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG thinks that a half-hearted attempt to break the boss’ new 300 post limit has to be worth a shot

1:48 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG fela dolp coc whi rid enor jel don

1:49 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG tes hin cks le ing mous ly gs

1:50 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG knowns why all fermion spins are odd multiples of 1/2

1:52 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

The universe is supersymmetric, but UTG couldn’t be arsed to finish the job and so the superpartners remain lost to us.

1:53 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

UTG invented the half wave plate

1:54 am June, 10 Scroteophobic said...

If UTG were a bird he’d migrate then settle.

5:50 am June, 10 soy bomb said...

UTG takes two steps forward and one step back.

5:51 am June, 10 soy bomb said...

Oh, and he lives in a halfway house.

5:58 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I was half way sure I fuccked everything up.

5:59 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG drives on the shoulder.

6:03 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UYG is old school, he loves the Doobie Brother.

6:37 am June, 10 damonm55 said...

It’s kinda like oilin the hinges on the llama enclosure with WD-20 , or slatherin up the bbq squirrel with Heinz 28 1/2.

7:46 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG thinks he can go to first base on 2 balls.

7:47 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG thinks he gets another first down after going 5 yards.

7:48 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG never leaves the dugout after his half of an inning.

7:49 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG only wears one sock.

7:50 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG keeps his gas tank half full.

7:51 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday UTG showers the left side. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday he showers the right side. On Sunday he only wipes down the top half.

7:52 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Yes, this MUTHAFUCCA has reached 247 posts and UTG only cracked half a smile.

7:55 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG’s favorite American football position is half-back.

7:55 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG probably doesn’t get this thread because he’s a half-wit.

7:56 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG should stop macking on his half-sister.

7:57 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG does the backstroke with one arm.

7:57 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

UTG would be better served trying to find out why Dan Cortez is his half-brother (I think that’s the name of that douche that was on MTV sports or some shit like that).

8:02 am June, 10 soy bomb said...

UTG measures once and never cuts.

8:04 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG is 50% sure that he is not the father.

8:05 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG you took the lie detector test and the results were inconclusive.

8:06 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In the case of 3 year old Shanyikwa the DNA test results have shown that you are perhaps the father.

8:15 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG likes Koreans, but only the commie bastards.

8:20 am June, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It was really UTG to make Zeno come up with his paradox. (Look it up muthafuccas!)

8:35 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG’s version of Pythogorean Theorem is h=y+x.

8:39 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG preferred Tattoo to Mr. Rourke. KHAAAAAAN!

8:41 am June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG likes Arnold more than Willis. What you talking bout’, he’s dead.

9:24 am June, 10 Tony Ventresca said...

She kinda has a large-ish head. Anyway, those rock-hard abs will be doughy-soft and bulging outwards after her first kid. Enjoy them while they last.

12:04 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG only cuts his mother’s front lawn.

1:13 pm June, 10 douchebag1 said...

Fair warning, if this thread goes over 300, we won’t see the first 299 posts anymore. No idea why. I blame technology.

.

– management

1:35 pm June, 10 DarkSock said...

UTG’s web page craps out after 150 comments

2:27 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

UTG says I’m done. He doesn’t want to be partially liable for crashing it again.

8:15 pm June, 10 Dicy said...

Only douches like UTG give up part way! Real men like us keep commenting.

Though, I’d like my fill in the blank comment to stay up for antiquity, soo maybe we should quit before the job is done, much like UTG 🙂

10:39 pm June, 10 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Somebody should copy & paste the comments someplace so’s we can blow dis mutha up if’n we so desire. To think: we might not have had the epochal Sam Scrote Thread…

But UTG would only copy it.

While peeing halfway to a butt of some sort.

8:52 am June, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

UTG’s Shocker is The Hypothetical Gun

.

Late the party, I know. F*kken work will do that to you.

8:53 am June, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

UTG’s Hypothetical Gun is Crimson Ted’s Pointer.

8:53 am June, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

UTG’s Point is a fist.

8:54 am June, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

UTG goes all the way by playing “Just hide the tip”.

8:56 am June, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Dicy

Nice new pic. UTG is semi-hard.

.

I however…

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