Thursday, July 1, 2010

Ask DB1: Temptation of the Douche Side

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Hey DB1,

I greatly admire all your work in mocking douchebags. But I have to wonder if the constant exposure to toxic scrote ever starts to wear down your soul.

Have you ever had a moment when you thought to yourself, “Screw it! I’d get a lot more pussy if I spiked my hair, got a tribal tat, soaked myself in Axe bodyspray and behaved like a misogynistic prick towards all the ladies. I’m gonna get my douche on, Stackhouse style!”

Wes

—-

An important question, Wes, and one worth keeping in mind as we move forward. We all struggle with what I describe as The ‘Bag Within. This struggle is endless and ongoing.

The temptation to act the ‘Bag to score the Hott is what society dictates so that we spend significant cultural and economic capital on the brand-name cartels that infultrate our constructions of identity.

The struggle is ongoing. But the purging of the mind of the shackles of name-brand overwhelm is what leads to enlightenment. And the conquest of boobies through purity of the soul, and not sins of the pocketbook.

# posted by douchebag1
2:07 pm July, 1 Fatness said...

To turquoise sausage dress hottie on the left: Hold that pose while I whip this out…

2:20 pm July, 1 Troy Tempest said...

The problem is the women who are attracted to douchenozzles are (for the most part) not worthwhile companions. So, getting all douchified doesn’t really improve your lot as a human being. Unless you think balling some skanky illiterate dope will somehow make your world better. It usually doesn’t. It usually leads to an empty bank account and painful pee.

2:23 pm July, 1 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Regarding the two skanks: I’d wrap my stump before I hump.

2:26 pm July, 1 cmak said...

Is this glamorshots for drunk people?

2:43 pm July, 1 Merle Baggard said...

Agreed Troy. There are lots of smart hotts out there who don’t go for douches. Yes, they might not smoke hog after being picked up in a bar, but smoke hog they will and it’s worth the wait.

3:17 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

Agreed Troy. There are lots of smart hotts out there who don’t go for douches. Yes, they might not smoke hog after being picked up in a bar, but smoke hog they will and it’s worth the wait.

3:17 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

Is this glamorshots for drunk people?

3:18 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

The problem is the women who are attracted to douchenozzles are (for the most part) not worthwhile companions. So, getting all douchified doesn’t really improve your lot as a human being. Unless you think balling some skanky illiterate dope will somehow make your world better. It usually doesn’t. It usually leads to an empty bank account and painful pee.

3:18 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

To turquoise sausage dress hottie on the left: Hold that pose while I whip this out…

3:18 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

I greatly admire all your work in mocking douchebags. But I have to wonder if the constant exposure to toxic scrote ever starts to wear down your soul.

3:20 pm July, 1 Anonymous said...

Okay, I’m done for now. Sorry, I’m just really bored and I can’t think of anything fun to do.

I guess I’ll drink!

3:32 pm July, 1 doucheywallnuts said...

I think if one gives it a real shot to find the right girl, does, and then things go horribly wrong it might be worthwhile to go to the douche-side just to tap ass. Companionship can be overrated…

3:33 pm July, 1 The Dude said...

I wonder if there’s a Stage 2, or 3 to the bag hunters. I fondly recall laughing for hours when I first scrolled thru HCwDB.

Now, I’m more inclined to weep. Because I have no mo ho ho’s.

5:55 pm July, 1 soy bomb said...

I’ve learned over the years the best way to stifle my inner ‘bag is to drink alcohol heavily. Drink alcohol heavily.

7:15 pm July, 1 Steve L. said...

hey we need HCwDB regulars who are marred to hot wives to submit a few more pics of their hot wives.

to give the world hope, that is. ogling comes second, although ogling is still pretty important.

7:41 pm July, 1 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Uh, boss, infiltrate is spelled with an “I” not a “U”

Not to be a hatter or anything.

8:20 pm July, 1 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

The questioner’s point is poignant.

One’s worldview is generally said to lie on a line between “left” and “right.”

Instead it’s in a space of (at least) 3 dimensions.

Collectivism v. Individualism

– If we mockers were concerned with only individual gain then, yes, we too would give in to the DoucheSide. Quick and easy is that path to pulling poon. Instead, we fear for the future of all.

Authorianism v. Anarchism

– We resist the rule of the Hardy, Audagier, Tap Out, et al. We rufuse the orders of these so-called “authorities” on poon-pulling that we consume their crap.

We resist the selfish, indivualistic, and consumerist, and devote ourselves to hunting down, and eradicating, the ‘Bag.

8:45 pm July, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Hey, anyone!!

.

Can anyone direct me to that awesome Darksock Haiku from the other day. The theme was anal drippage and it’s cousin, Olestra. I can’t seem to find it

Thank you in advance

Your pal,

VIn

9:28 pm July, 1 massengill said...

Hey do any of you guys need any Trojan Magnum condoms? I have a whole bunch that I don’t need.

.

Thought I’d grow into them…

10:16 pm July, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

Sometimes the conquest of the boobies is as simple as strapping them down with a corset, or a bra, or a boa constrictor, or a seatbelt, or a…….

2:10 am July, 2 Commenter said...

that’s the sort of post that keeps me coming here. I could not agree more.

people with low self esteem think they can fill that hole in their ego with branded wear.

happy and satisfied people dont buy. it is in the interest of corporations to keep you wanting and frustrated. and thousands of people wait in line for days to buy a phone hoping it will somehow make them cool. guess what? it doesnt work! I know because I tried!

7:55 am July, 2 Rhea said...

Olestra is great on a Sunday morning after heavy drinking and coccaine usage! Get sum Vin!!!!!!!!

8:28 am July, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin

.

Look at “Douchebag on the Beach” on 6/27/10. I know some of it is there. Epic haikus!

10:02 am July, 2 The Dude said...

I don’t need to dress like a douchenozzle. I just bang bitches and drink. Whatever happened to that guy?

5:42 pm July, 5 Anonymous said...

this

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